Saying "dont marry" is easy, but how to pull it off if already in an LTR?

redpilldude · 2014-02-04T19:22:34+00:00

Watch out for common law marriage. It exists in some states.

RedBigMan · 2014-02-04T21:57:10+00:00

You can always convince her she don't need the wedding...

"Why would we let a piece of paper and some jewelry define our relationship?"

Other ways to approach it...

The marriage industry is a scam. A waste of tens of thousands of dollars for a one day party.
Money spent on a marriage would better be spent securing your future together with her and any offspring.
If it aint broke dont fix it angle... (IE. What we got is working fine as it is).

Or you could you know just never bring up the M word at all. Women will not usually be the ones to propose after all ;) they're far more rejection-phobic than blue pill men.

LostProsody · 2014-02-04T19:24:41+00:00

My friend has been in a relationship for 7 years. He has always maintained the stance that he will not get married. This has been recently underscored by a horrific divorce that his brother has gone through. Despite my friend being very up front and her knowing full well that he does not wish to marry, the GF has recently started strong arming him to propose.

Everything was ok until she hit 30ish, and as her friends started getting married and then having kids she became completely unable to cope with the fact that she wasn't.

They have a great relationship and are a great match except for this one thing. He asks her what the point of signing a piece of paper would be and she says it's a gesture of his true love and commitment to her. He said. Fuck that. He knows better after watching what all of his male friends have gone through and that there is no reason to get married just to make it legally official.

She "kicked him out" of their apartment a few weeks ago, and "ended the relationship" unless he was willing to change his mind. He's looking for a new apartment this week and we are going out this weekend.

The bottom line is that in 5 years if you are still with your GF, no matter what arrangement you think you make now, it's not going to hold up after she gets the baby/marriage bug.

My advice. If you want to find a woman that's cool with not getting married ever? Find a post divorce 45 yo with grown kids. She might be ok with that.

648262 · 2014-02-04T18:05:26+00:00

I told her I never want kids, don't want to move back to our hometown and I don't believe in marriage.

It went okay. She went back to her parents place for a weekend and hamstered things down to "do you want to be with me?". I said yes and that was that. I don't think she's actually come to terms with no kids yet.

shankems2000 · 2014-02-04T18:12:34+00:00

facepalm Tell her you're not getting married. That's it. If she no longer wants to remain with you in what has been an otherwise happy, long, fulfilling relationship, then she's not the woman you would want to marry anyway if you did want to eventually get married. Get it?

AveofSpades · 2014-02-04T18:48:32+00:00

Marriage is one big shit test and the wedding is her victory celebration.

Tell her you're not interested in marriage, if she balks because of that, fuck her. She was no good anyway.

MagicGainbow · 2014-02-04T18:03:17+00:00

The way I see it, isf she truly cares then a marriage certificate shouldn't matter, if she's in it for the big expensive wedding she's not worth the effort.

2014-02-04T18:06:31+00:00

This is dumb. Every day you just don't marry her. Have some balls, be a boss, stick to your decision and if she splits it's no big deal as you've suffered minimal financial losses and as such the world is still your oyster. The only thing a marriage is good for is adultery and financial destitution through divorce. I've lost count of the times I've found out she was married. Cut your losses early on by sticking to your guns. Don't be a sucker.

General_Fear · 2014-02-04T21:20:21+00:00

Your first mistake is that you are living with a woman.

1.) Don't marry.

2.) DON'T LIVE WITH A WOMAN!

Divorce courts are anti male. The laws are designed to destroy men. And if you live with a woman long enough, divorce laws go in effect. In Canada, if you live 3 years with a woman and you are considered married by law.

Check the laws in your area. You might be married already. And if you try to leave her and you will owe her alimony. If not, dump her before you end up owning her money.

Invalidity · 2014-02-04T17:51:17+00:00

It's a risk you've gotta be willing to take. Like telling your prospective wife to sign a prenup. Let them get offended, you don't need to explain yourself to them. When they realize that you're serious, they will either go along with it or leave.

I've seen more relationships that thrive when the couple is not married and simply cohabiting. Within the past month alone, I've seen 8 couples divorce, 6 of them initiated by women.

30303030303030 · 2014-02-04T19:55:25+00:00

I don't know. When I hinted over a year ago to my back then gf that I don't see a reason to get married her love went away very quickly.

Funny. She got very bitchy until I told her we should stop doing it. I fucked her good 20 times when she was with another guy already.

You are 1.5 years in. You still got ~5 years of ltr to go before you even start to think about marriage. You need to learn how you cohabitate in one place for a longer time, you are waiting for your carrier to take off, etc. When she will get bitchy shame her with "what, you don't love me outside of marriage? How do you think this makes me feel? If I don't want to get married you will simply stop loving me?". She will drop their regular "don't you love me? don't you want to be with me?". You will answer that sure you do but you don't see how marriage does anything good for you. She is a woman though. She wants her retirement plan.

kasp-throwaway · 2014-02-04T20:22:53+00:00

My girlfriend of 5 years said to me she "wants to get married and doesn't like the fact she feels like marriage is held over her head to get things I want" (Only time marriage comes up is when she brings it up and I always said not when we have some issues in the relationship)

I just said "I don't want things to be held over your head so to remove that we are never going to get married"

Done and done.

mbr902000 · 2014-02-04T22:57:33+00:00

You are only a year and a half into this, way too soon to even start talking about this shit. And for fucks sake, DO NOT GET MARRIED (unless you hate pussy and hate having money).

heist_of_saint_graft · 2014-02-04T19:16:31+00:00

Always be ready to take the L. Commitment to this will give your Frame invincibility.

RPstudent · 2014-02-04T21:57:07+00:00

Marriage is inherently dangerous in modern Western society because the punitive measures taken against men depriving them of property, resources and children. This is logic - acting in one's self-interest is inherently logical - which she as a woman will not understand. She may pay lip service to the idea, but never for a minute think she actually gets it.

Now the reason marriage is tricky is because the typical man will think, hey we got married, I gave commitment, thus things should be hunky dory from this point forward, and the dude will violate an essential premise of managing the long term relationship/marriage - always be gaming.

As you may have discovered in your reading of the red pill, commitment is what men have as our best negotiation point. Like women with sex, when we give it up, we've surrendered our power. To maintain your power despite giving up commitment, a man needs to keep open his options.

Game your girlfriend, approach other girls, look for indicators of interest and employ push pull to build both rapport and attraction. Then bounce to the next. Don't cheat. Just make sure that you know and more on point your wife knows you have options and that if she doesn't toe the line, you will exercise your options.

That's why relationship game is the red pill on hard mode. When you're single, if you want to take a day to be lazy, no one gives a fuck, but you can bet your ass, if a husband takes a day to be lazy, he might have just finished digging the goddam panama canal - doesn't matter, the shit tests will be coming. You flunk a shit test from a random, that's fine you're onto the next plate, but you flunk your wife's shit test and now you're wondering why she has a headache tonight and not relieving your ache with some head.

JP_Whoregan · 2014-02-04T23:59:52+00:00

I think marriage, including the wedding, to the institution itself, is the ultimate proof that, dude...WOMEN WILL NEVER LOVE YOU. One of the key RP tenets is that women want to BE loved, and they love the idea of being in love, and nothing more. What they are "in love" with is the fake social construct that they have created to fulfill their unrealistic fantasies (the "Matrix", if you will). Think about it: if a woman loved you DIRECTLY in the same primal way you may love her, then there's no reason for a silly contract stating so. And she would never think to leave you based on a lack of that social contract.

Women, even long term girlfriends, see you as nothing more than a means to an end. That's it. That's the end of the book. She wants a big "look at me" wedding, a big diamond to show her soon-to-be soccer mom friends, she wants babies, and lest you spend the rest of your life holding frame, she wants the ability to parachute out with the kids and half your shit when you no longer give her the gina tingles.

The American court system has been feminized to the point of absurdity. Marriage is a "risk reward" situation; the man takes all the risk, the woman gets ALL the reward. It's why they pine for it so badly.

EDIT: and another thought....ever wonder why we never heard the term "cougar" in our society until very recently, say, the last 15 years? It's because the majority of "cougar" aged women, late 30's to early 50's, used to not be available on the dating market because they were FUCKING MARRIED. But now, these women have become 'empowered' by the court system to ditch the marriage they committed to in their late 20s to early 30s, because they "aren't in love anymore" (that is the reason given for most divorces, statistically, and 7 out of 10 times, it's the woman who starts the divorce).

So now these disgusting old women think they can dig out and squeeze into that old little black dress tucked in the back of the closet, dust off their pussies, and yank 2o and 30-something guys out of bars (usually betas who can't score women their age or younger). Ask these women how they feel about 50 year old men bedding down 20-something women, and they'll give you a dirty look and scream "pervert". But when they do it, it's perfectly socially acceptable now, because feminism.

xdrunkagainx · 2014-02-05T02:02:58+00:00

I know 2 guys in long term relationships that both have children and living with the mother that have no plans to marry. Both of them are alpha as fuck. To top it off one of them she is full time stay at home, she cooks cleans, and goes to the gym 5+ times a week and keeps herself in good shape for a woman in her 30's with 2 toddlers. And what does he do to reward her for her hard work, no joint finances and an allowance that she uses to buy groceries and gas to get around. The guy is a red pill hero to me.

HeadingRed · 2014-02-04T21:34:23+00:00

Stick to your guns. Keep in mind if you want to build a life- including kids, home etc. it's pretty damn close. You still have many of the issues if it does not work out- child support, custody, joint property etc.

If you do go down this path you will need to have serious and uncomfortable conversations as to finance. Who will buy the house, how bills get paid, what do you mean I'm not on your 401k. Also keep in mind the law treats couples who are not married pretty bad- health insurance, taxes etc. This god-fearing country likes marriage and you two living in sin (having sex\kids without a license) will have some financial punishments handed out.

That being said- still better than marriage (in my opinion).

vandramir · 2014-02-04T23:12:38+00:00

How can we spread the idea that women should propose a prenupt to the guys they date. I hope some feminist makes this into a thing.

kick6 · 2014-02-04T23:19:06+00:00

In my opinion, giving kids the correct environment is the ONLY reason to marry in this legal climate. So if that's your goal, then marry. Honestly, you're on the hook for child support whether you do or don't.

The advice to not marry is given to the men who, like the feminists we lambast, view marriage as some checkbox they have to fill out to "make it." Also, to men who are using marriage to lock down a girl they can't otherwise keep from straying.

SeekingAlpha · 2014-02-05T16:13:31+00:00

So you want to raise bastards, eh? I hear it's a growing trend.

richardnorth · 2014-02-04T20:29:58+00:00

any girl worth staying with will understand that it's unfair and cruel to make you sign a contract that would allow her to legally and financially rape you if things turned sour

especially in an age where women are initiating 70% + of divorces

2014-02-04T19:18:36+00:00

You can just say that you don't want to put a bunch of regulations and bueraucrats in charge of your relationship and that you do intent to build a life with her. But if you want to keep her and think marriage is the only way, make sure you have an iron clad prenupt and a backup plan for if/when things go bad.

AbsoluteAltitude · 2014-02-04T19:21:09+00:00

I don't see it as being that hard, if you two want to be together, you will. You don't need a piece of paper keeping you together. If you don't want to get married, don't fucking ask the question, if she leaves because you won't marry her, go make more money.

rednukleus · 2014-02-05T01:31:49+00:00

No chance in my life. That's way too eclectic of a choice to realistically expect it to work. If I want kids with her I'm definitely making her my wife first.

Title	Saying "dont marry" is easy, but how to pull it off if already in an LTR?
Author	heyoheyoh
Upvotes	23
Comments	74
Date	February 4, 2014 5:42 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1x01xq/saying_dont_marry_is_easy_but_how_to_pull_it_off/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/saying-dont-marry-is-easy-but-how-to-pull-it-off.10892 https://theredarchive.com/post/10892

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