Strong, silent type vs energetic, out-going type

Nespos · 2015-02-26T08:50:26+00:00

The club environment isn't conducive to low energy approaches/interactions. It's full of stimuli that you'll have to compete against if you want to get the girl's attention. It's the type of environment where the Gangnam Style guy (high-energy, unstifled, "outward attractiveness") will have more success than James Bond (energy conservative, mysterious, reserved). Daniel Craig would be in the corner on his phone while Gangnam is actually being approached on the dance floor. Bond is workplace, store, Starbucks, and some bars attractive. Gangnam is club and large party attractive. Bond is attractive to every girl he already knows. Gangnam is intriguing to girls in his proximity he's never met.

With this in mind, faking that club personality if you're Bond is very hard (alcohol helps to a limited extent) and it will come off as unnatural. The guys who have the most success here can self-amuse on a whim and are always enjoying themselves. They don't seek to be entertained, they provide entertainment. The best way to gain that mindset is honestly to experience rejection and destroy ego. If you can't be bothered with that, as I'm sure Bond could not, stick to day game--that's where a witty, stoic, "one-on-one charming" personality will excel.

Adelaideagain · 2015-02-26T08:19:16+00:00

Strong silent type and every so often show a girl you can be outgoing. In private. She'll feel special that you're able to open up around her

LongtimeRPLurker · 2015-02-26T08:43:56+00:00

I think you can't really fake a type. You probably had more success as a strong silent type, because that's how you are as a person. It's also true, that different types will do better in different groups. But I don't think one should try to be at the top in every group, as it comes of as desperate. Know yourself and keep fishing in areas where you are naturally thriving.

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2015-02-26T15:25:24+00:00

Strong silence definitely won't get you laid as often. You may go months or years without sex. It's basically a soft monk mode. You'll have few sexual partners and less sex overall. So there's that.

On the other hand, there are upsides. the average partner you have will be of far higher quality. Whereas you might work hard to lay 6s and 7s with the fratboy persona, strong silence will cause 8s and 9s to eventually approach you. On average, the sex will be much better than it would with routine club lays. And since strong silent types simply refuse to play relationship games and put up with shit tests, they generally hold the most power over their partners.

Strong silence is a viable strategy only if you are truly OK with extended periods without sex. You must truly be happy and indifferent going your own way, as this easy going indifference is what will intrigue and attract high quality women. Trying to mix and match both strategies can be a disaster. If a high quality woman is intrigued by your indifference, but then she sees you awkwardly approach a HB8, her illusions of your indifference will be shattered, and she'll perceive you as the incel you really are.

Make no mistake: SS requires you to completely opt out of actively gaming women. When that voice in your head says "TRP says I should approach and game that woman", you have to ignore it. You approach women on your terms, and only your terms. You say things only when you mean them. It's impossible for you to fail a shit test because you never enrolled in the shit class to begin with.

Bowing out of the gaming game and going pure SS can be a freeing thing. It can even end up being a backdoor strategy to getting laid. Since you truly don't give a shit about some HB9's opinion of you, because you've already resigned yourself to extended celibacy, the happiness and indifference you'll feel can actually result in wildly successful interactions with women. Not often, but when you least expect it. SS, when you're committed to it, is an effective form of abundance mentality, just without the abundance or the mentality.

Tl;Dr: strong silence, when fully embraced, acts as a natural filter, causing you to miss out on sex with the types of women you don't want (the 99%), while eventually having sex with the women you do want.

tymet · 2015-02-26T15:45:44+00:00

The strong silent type is great if you're a good looking actor in a movie. In real life the application is more limited, especially if you're not very good looking (you'll just end up making yourself invisible to girls). Being on the quieter side can be good for gaming within your social circle in situations where you need to play on the safe side (e.g. not making a fool of yourself in front of people you work with).

But a big part of TRP is having abundance, and that means meeting a lot of girls. And the easiest way to do that is to go to bars and clubs with high energy and having a good time

MoneyStatusLooks · 2015-02-26T11:20:37+00:00

I think what you have described is a typical archetype of an introverted alpha and an extroverted alpha.

I do fine with the ladies, and I am not the party type, never have been. But I definitely cultivate an aire of confidence and dominance. My ex gf called me 'bit of a lone wolf, but in a good way, you do what you want no matter what anyone else thinks'.

Alpha is a mindset, its expression to the outside world will appear fairly different depending on who you are as a person. Some people will be wired in a way that they can not pull of stoic no matter how alpha they get, others will never be able to pull of crazy extroverted party type. And you shouldn't try, it would be incongruent with your nature.

That said, at the same time, you can vary it up by your environment. If I am in a club I am not just going to be 'strong and silent' sitting in a corner LOL. You do have to vary it up to match your surroundings.

C_D_O · 2015-02-27T01:55:07+00:00

You're not going to get away with being the strong silent type at a club. Clubs are filled with losers who line the walls and the bar pretending to be disinterested and trying to look cool. They all go home with dry dicks and blue balls.

Generally you're not going to get away with it unless you're really good looking or have considerable social status in a given environment.

I often have to wonder how many people dropping advice here have any actual experience with what they are claiming. Because a lot of it reads as people regurgitating what they've been told "should" work, as opposed to what they know or have seen will work.

The only time I ever got laid off being the so called SST is when I was the top fighter at my gym, and my disinterest towards the girls there was less a conscious effort and more just an effect of being focused on what I was doing and not treating the gym as a social club. So thats already an environment where I'm preselected by everyone there, I have pleny of natural fluid opportunities to display value, etc. The rest was just circumstance, happened to run into these chicks at parties.

Secondly consider the false appeal of being "SST" has to socially awkward people. A lot of socially awkward and introverted guys like to think they are being the strong silent type, but dollars to donuts they are coming across as boring/introverted/shy or just plain awkward to be around. Even the "archetypes" of what people consider to be SST icons in film, are still socially charming. Lets look at James Bond. Yes hes not dancing like a jester and having verbal diarrhea, but hes still engaging people and being witty.

So the trap becomes is guys who REALLY NEED to practice their social skills end up going for the comfortable path of continuing their socially awkward behavior and deluding themselves into thinking they will be attracting a higher quality mate by making themselves invisible to lower quality mates. The logic is retarded, drop the RP terms and what you've got is something that sounds suspiciously similar to your average frustrated chump who says those girls are sluts and hes holding out for something better. And since when did anyone actually believe that if you can't attract a 6 or a 7 that you're going to magically be attractive to a 9?! Come on give it a rest ffs.

triceratraps · 2015-02-26T19:14:09+00:00

I think most people who think they are the "strong silent type" are using that as an excuse for not approaching girls.

Davidkpa · 2015-02-26T17:32:20+00:00

Once upon a time bookstores were a favorite hunting ground. Last girl I got that worked at a bookstore, I told myself no more as it is my last nearby bookstore to relax at (I don't drink and I don't like to sit in my house, and I'm a workaholic that can work so long as he has a laptop). After that ended, the new store manager knows me from another one (before it closed) where I picked up nine or so women in the course of two years, she's also aware of that I picked up women there before those two years as well.

Bar girls, club girls, are all surface and can't fuck to my satisfaction. Cute girls that near hotness that frequent bookstores can at least resign themselves to allowing me to have my fun and take my time. Granted one will surprise on ocassion and I still fuck them, because why not, just wear a rubber.

Every approach was a mix of quiet aloofness with intermittent bits of joyous acknowledgement ("oh you're a regular here too" after seeing her for the fourth time, and letting her know about a book I saw her reading the first or second time i saw her but making it sound like the last time I saw her). Then she got put on the pot stove. If the next time we saw each other and she said hi first, I knew I had her on the line. If a few times after that I saw her nodded, and walked in a different direction and she followed me to find where I was, I knew I had her on the hook.

Mind you this is a process and more of a game than anything. Last Dubstep party I went to I saw three girls sitting on a couch looking bored. I sat down (with a freshly shaved head), and yelled over the music "which one of you is the pretty one?"

All three laughed and were caught off guard, eventually they settled on the blonde. Already too much work to bother with her. So picked the brunette cutie with the glasses and D Cup tits. Obviously the shy one in the group without much confidence. I said to her that she was the pretty one. The blonde got upset and I joked back it was nothing personal by I really like girls with glasses and that blondes do nothing for me.

The brunette started blushing and she leaned forward to talk to me (gotcha) and I leaned forward and I asked more or less "what will it take to get you to talk with me alone?" She was smiling but had an obvious mortified look on her face and looked at her friends and looked at me smiling with an arched eyebrow. I then added "I won't lie to you, I want to know your name so I can kiss you."

Yeah I've done this before, same shit, different dance. She cocked back that she wasn't going to have sex with me and I laughed back "yeah but I try to make you wish you had." Her friend next to her saw what was going on and pushed on her friend. She got up unsure and I took her hand.

Led her off somewhere less noisy, less light, put my right hand on her cheek to hold her face. She was all tightened up and scared. I asked her her name. She told me and I started kissing her. Still holding her hand, my right hand making its way to the back of her to gently force more kissing, but not so much she would feel forced.

I closed the distance between us and let the contact linger, while subtely moving her against the wall. She was all submissive and scared, but I smell her and hear her breathing getting fast. Mix of fear and enjoyment makes it fun. I tensed my muscles against her to let her know they were there.

I end the kissing after a little bit, let her hand go, and started to walk away. Then she thought to ask my name. I smiled back told her it wouldn't matter and back to sitting across from the three girls.

Her friend, the that pushed her made an issue of me not telling her my name. I played it off as being a fan of tragic romances and mysterious romance stories. And I admitted I was into BDSM (thank you 50 Shades of Grey), and was in the middle of trying to take a break from it (played being an addict), and getting with her friend on a legit bases would make that impossible.

For a few hours the friend and I discussed BDSM, my predilictions and fetishes, and the little brunette sat there smiling and blushing and put her hands over face more than few times when I admitted what I wanted to do to her to her friends.

As things wound down I made up an excuse to leave. The friend said I should get her friends number. And I played sweetly that I was off to enjoy a past female companion again the next night and her friend was someone I liked too much to do that to. That she was worth more than being another fuckmate.

As I slowly made my way out. The brunette followed me, asked me my name and I again I played that it wasn't worth it. The kissing was fun, I enjoyed it, and that I was too much of a bad man for her to be with. We started kissing again, and I told her the only way she would get to know my name was if she took me home and let me tease and fuck her till I was done.

There was a bunch of whinning that she never did that sort of thing. Lots of deep breaths and what but by the end we were at her apartment and i had her in handcuffs and teased the hell out of her before I put her on the orgasm train.

At the end of the day, what works works, and what doesn't doesn't. Flexibility is key. I'm a predator and love being a predator. Whether I hunt pig, deer, or gator, I'm hunting. All prey is different and all prey requires different methods.

Don't make a mold for yourself, become the predator.

disposable_pants · 2015-02-26T10:29:56+00:00

Look at fictional how alpha males in film combine the two archetypes. I recommend:

Tom Cruise, specifically in Days of Thunder and Top Gun
Brad Pitt, specifically in Ocean's Eleven and Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Vince Vaughn, specifically in Wedding Crashers and Old School

Watch when they're around the female characters in those movies. What do these guys have in common?

While they aren't always bouncing off the walls, they are always smiling. Big, broad, full-face smiles, like how you smile when you're laughing.
Even when they're relatively quiet they stay high-energy with physicality. Think shoulder pats, exaggerated handshakes, fist bumps, high fives, friendly punches, etc.
Even in serious situations they use cocky-funny/amused mastery to hold frame. When they're around women they understand that a game is being played and outplay them. They're either smooth or they laugh it off.

What don't they do?

They don't brood. Either they're smiling again as soon as someone approaches or they're legitimately angry because they're passionate.
They don't polarize. There's no "shit or get off the pot, honey" moment; they either handle a shit test smoothly or laugh it off.
They don't next quickly, but they don't go out of their way, either. Both of these are partly due to the fact that they're in a movie; there are only a finite number of women available in their universe and they will inevitably meet them again. But the broad idea -- that they don't say "fuck it, I'm out" at the drop of a hat, but don't chase, either -- has merit.

These are the best examples I can think of that remain internally consistent and don't seem all over the place.

sealteamaus · 2015-02-26T12:07:49+00:00

people give women shit for the "just be yourself" line but it rings true if you look at it deeply. if youre a man of few words trying to be the life of the party youre going to rub people the wrong way even if your intentions are pure.

myrealitie · 2015-02-26T21:34:10+00:00

Ahhh I wish you could combine the two types too! I married a strong-silent-type. He took my breathe away when I caught him staring at me in the library at college.

I had the 2nd type as a boyfriend in college also. It was a high to be with him at a party, but he was a terrible boyfriend. And my husband is everything the deep smoldering stares would suggest in bed, while this ex boyfriend I speak of was a 1 minute man. I digress.

Go with your strength would be my advice, and try to meet girls in places that make your strengths shine. Another good place to do the strong silent thing is at a game night, like poker or settlers of catan. If you live in a city where they host interesting speaking events, you can appear mysterious and interesting in a place like that. Give a girl the eye and then approach her at the end of the event. You'll know in advance if she will be amenable to it.

Good luck!

EstefanoMoravera · 2015-02-26T11:22:26+00:00

check this out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dq9Ezlw-9g

folhowk · 2015-02-26T20:32:29+00:00

In the words of Tony Soprano Whatever happened to Gary Cooper?

Red_August · 2015-02-26T14:07:58+00:00

The environment will dictate which is the best Alpha archetype. One can bend or modify the environment to advantageously suit one's frame only to some extent. The "Bond" Alpha becomes an Alpha(-) at a pool keg frat party, and will need to relegate Alpha status to the more boisterous Alpha. There is a lesson there in terms of choosing one's best environments in order to shine. We can all change gears and adapt somewhat but we also have sweet spots that we should maximise. It follows nature and evolution that some models will always work best in any chosen environment. Keep in mind that "environment" means more than the physical space, it's the class of people, the culture, the groupthink, and even ultimately the type of girls you target.

OP mentions two polar archetypes as a convenient means to foster discussion but there are arguably more out there. However, instead of reverse engineering any archetype you want to become, before choosing, I would first look at what you've got to work with to begin with in the most realistic manner possible. A skinny 17 year old would seem like he's putting on an affectation if he tried the "Sean Connery" no matter how well he pulls it off - there would be full blown dissonance between the physical and the behavioural. His Alpha reality distortion field would not be strong enough to pull it off convincingly.

Be realistic. One of the hardest things to learn is having a clear, realistic appraisal of oneself.

You should see it like a sculptor looks at a solid block of marble. The material will "tell him" what it needs to become. Take a solid look at what you have inherited that you cannot change, start chiselling around that, start shaping that (improving). Pick an archetype that would fit you more naturally, and an archetype that would flourish in your environment (or simply change environment if that's impossible). Aim for the known archetypes at first as people respond best to those. Women do stereotype, and the hamster will gladly fill-in the parts you haven't completed if they like your type. Using a known archetype also gives you a model to work against, but you will of course eventually gain enough experience to add your own touches to them. Ideally, pick a non-fictional character, or mentor, to help you work out what you want to aim for as these will be real, tried, and truly tested in the field. Fiction is distorted by the author.

Quick tip: to polish the whole, I've found that hidden video helps especially when you;re young - I've done it at parties, dinner parties, etc. Quite shocking what i learned about myself when my guard was down, and forgot about the camera.

kingofpoplives · 2015-02-26T14:26:44+00:00

But strong, silent type just doesn't work in the clubs. You end up looking like lonely loser.

This is wrong. It can work. You can go to a club, sit at the bar by yourself and talk to no one. If your charisma is truly on point, women will hoover into your vicinity and invite approaches, and sometimes approach directly. I've had plenty of one night stands like this. It also helps to be very attractive.

But yea...it doesn't work every time. Some nights, you will not get any interest and will just end up sitting there like a loser.

Clubs do favor the social guy persona more, but you can still look like a loser with that, if you go around trying to talk to everyone and get blown out.

Guys should play to their strength and develop the persona that fits their personality. Normally this means stoic for introverts and outgoing for extroverts, but all of this is flexible and will vary from person to person and from day to day.

Henry_Beastman · 2015-02-26T15:37:17+00:00

In my opinion, this is widely misunderstood.

I usually do what I feel like, although I mostly feel like doing the strong/silent. The thing is, both are you. Whatever you do in a certain situation, is your response to that particular event. So sometimes you are aloof and could not care, other times you draw back and keep to yourself. The same as with emotions, there is no constant. Too, in introversion/extroversion, or Myers-Briggs, there is nothing static.

Some PUAs say that you should match the energy levels of the girl, but I believe that works for one night stands, not for LTRs, where faking a mood you actually are not in just puts strain on you.

beginner_ · 2015-02-26T16:04:29+00:00

In my experience if you actually do feel comfortable the club the stoic type also works. But it must be "real". if it is an act or you feel uncomfortable (lonely loser) just a little bit it will show in your body language and women notice these things (IMHO mostly subconsciously).

I'm for sure the "stoic" type you defined and not really a party-animal. Not really my scene. But the few times I go and actually having a good time, you will notice women starting to dance next to you (even If you just stand in the middle of the dance floor just enjoying the music and not actually dancing). They will move away after couple minutes if you don't make a move.

keep-it-dense · 2015-02-26T18:18:45+00:00

I found starting as the SS type then growing into a more social type through the night works well, especially if there is another social alpha. Well it works for me anyway.

The social alpha garners all the attention, most girls with get used to this and focus all their attention on him. Luckily i have very quick wit, and out out seemingly know where i will drop a line that kills, suddenly the girls start thinking 'fuck where did that come from, im intrigued.' They will start to give you more attention, the other alpha notices this and tries to up his social game more, but then he risks looking like he is trying too hard which is a turn off.

Using this tactic has worked very well for me

agse10 · 2015-02-26T18:49:48+00:00

Just about every girl I get with has told me one of the things that attracted them to me was "few words with a dreamy look who has an aura of mystery around him."

Stradivorius · 2015-02-26T23:21:58+00:00

Question: SST at a bar playing pool by himself while drinking a beer with a no fucks given look to him. Would that work? For a better reference point think about the character Dean Winchester.

williesmokes · 2015-02-26T13:46:16+00:00

I think people forget there's grey areas in life. Its not just this or that

trplurker · 2015-02-26T14:02:22+00:00

Different styles work with different people and situations. I've done both and it really depends. In parties and loud high energy environments the strong silent method just makes you look sick, angry or constipated. It's more for one on one or small group situations where your sitting back and smiling in self amusement. You really gotta learn to smile and have irrational confidence that your God and everyone else is there for your entertainment.

RickJamesBond · 2015-02-26T18:39:12+00:00

Unless I'm mistaken, you need to be extremely outwardly attractive (8+) for the strong silent type to work. Otherwise you will just seem like a creepy fuccboi.

cmiovino · 2015-02-26T14:11:43+00:00

It depends on two things - what you're most congruent with and what the environment entails.

Example: If you're the strong silent type and that's just you, if you try to play being outgoing and crazy, it can come off as you just doing it for attention, etc.. girls pick up on this, attraction goes down or shit just doesn't work. Same goes the other way.

Second is the environment. Clubs/bars cater towards outgoing and loud personalities. Other interactions cater towards the strong silent type.

Personally, I'd rank myself a strong silent type, but I learned this doesn't work so well in bars/clubs, or even house parties. You get seen as a downer, lame guy, even if you really aren't. You have to develop a good on off switch that is true. I'd still say me being outgoing, crazy, and a frat boy isn't my best, but it does sometimes work in certain situations and with alcohol involved on both ends.

AntixD · 2015-02-26T15:23:26+00:00

try to find a balance that works for you,it also depends on the type girl you're dealing with and her environment

Invalidity · 2015-02-26T16:49:30+00:00

Negative is that some of the girls might find him boring or too serious.

The negative is that he may come off as obnoxious and pathetic.

Both sets of "qualities" are good for having short term relationships. Pathetic is not really a quality to aspire to, but in this sense, he comes off as "pathetic" because all he does is party - he doesn't seemingly have a future in sight.

I'd argue that it is best for men to have short term qualities and be desirable enough to bed a woman on short notice... and then incorporate care-taking qualities down the line. You want to draw a girl's attention at first bat because that is the more difficult thing to do than to demonstrate to a girl that you can take care of her.

Jaereth · 2015-02-26T19:34:19+00:00

Once you've casually dated for a while you will be able to tell what to do. My LTR that i'm with right now, I met her at a library, started to talk about what she was reading. Told her she should meet me for coffee at a nearby cafe that evening. She did.

Now walking into that place, very mellow. I did SST and she was just drenched. There was a guy playing acoustic guitar there, and within an hour she was on my side of the table with me with my arm around her with her head on my shoulder. Again, look where I met her and took her?

On the other hand, if you meet a girl in a very high energy environment, like a bar or party, you shouldn't do some put on act trying to act like Bond. You should be already having a good time because you are at a bar or party.

therellikofthenight · 2015-02-26T19:48:56+00:00

I personally have never talked much and since it fits me like a glove, it has worked. It's what I am. I'm just not a mute. There's definitely a time and place where it will do wonders to talk much more but I know it when I see it.

rp_aware · 2015-02-26T22:57:01+00:00

I think the simplest advice is the best advice: you're bound to be more effective if you master what comes naturally. You identify as the stoic type and so go in that direction and master it.

Transmigratory · 2015-02-26T23:18:53+00:00

You can do both, provided you add your own flair onto the behaviour.

Apply them in the correct situations.

Chinny4daWinny · 2015-02-27T03:43:11+00:00

What if you fall between the two? Mondays through Wednesdays I'm usually focusing hard on my school work so I'm often silent, but wed through Friday I'm usually down to talk to people and become outgoing again.

nomad-oz · 2015-02-27T08:59:00+00:00

If you want to be the silent type you can't stand still in one spot. You need to be strong, mysterious and need to interact.

I move around to find a group of three of more girls. Make eye contact and approach. Focus on one girl exclusively. Point to her then do a finger twirl dance gesture. Offer your hand keep a sly smile. Make sure you are a good dancer, build chemistry, use dance seduction kino moves. (Search YouTube). At the end of the dance ask her name don't give yours. Say you're getting a drink and offer to by her a drink. When you return to the group they will be curious about you. Wait till they ask your name. Tell them thay all know your name and they all have dated someone with your name. Ask all them to guess. Pick one name and say you like that name better than your own. Get them to gather around and say your name is Athol (asshole). After the laugher subsides whisper your real name to your girl and ask to be formally introduced. Her hamster will be telling her you focused on her. she inroduced you to her friends. They all like you. You can dance etc. Just don't blow it and you're in.

The other SST method is to get a waitress to deliver a cocktail to a girl. She will be curious and seek you out. Or go approach her.

Kdawg1033 · 2015-02-26T16:23:25+00:00

I think physical presence has a lot to do with which type works best for you. Taller, bigger guys have a much easier time pulling off strong silent type. If smaller framed dudes try it, they just come off as depressed or boring. Maybe even weird. Best bet for smaller guys would be to compensate a little with the extra fun guy personality.

sigmayogi · 2015-02-27T01:19:28+00:00

There is a good balance between the two. You don't have to be either extreme.

I would strongly advise against being a strong and silent because they don't want to say anything stupid type too.

VanityKing · 2015-02-26T18:59:24+00:00

Different situations call for different personas; You should be outgoing and energetic when going clubbing or somewhere with high energy like a concert or a rave, but when it comes to small group situations or even 1 on 1 time with a prospective partner it's better to maintain a more stoic persona. This is what works for me anyway

Title	Strong, silent type vs energetic, out-going type
Author	ImRasputin
Upvotes	88
Comments	91
Date	February 26, 2015 7:54 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2x7ouy/strong_silent_type_vs_energetic_outgoing_type/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/strong-silent-type-vs-energetic-out-going-type.29586 https://theredarchive.com/post/29586

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