The 5 Love Languages

deadally · 2015-01-16T14:26:30+00:00

I've actually found it helps to rationalize the feelings of people and get at the heart of why they respond the way they do.

For example, I couldn't care less about receiving gifts. For me, it's all about touch, and if I haven't gotten that, then I feel unfulfilled in my relationship. On the other hand, my wife responds more to quality time and acts of service, so I can get further with those than with a blowjob.

But it carries over out of the romantic, as well. My mother-in-law is a phenomenal gift giver, and she is the most responsive person to gifts I know. It really helps in analyzing people, because they're going to tend to express themselves solipsistically. I have a better relationship with my father now that I understand that we don't express ourselves in the same way. Now I can focus on what really matters.

So all in all, I think the naming convention is a bit wonky, and it's not perfect. But it's a useful framework for long-term relationships with family, friends, and lovers.

Demonspawn · 2015-01-16T17:04:18+00:00

Didn't like the book because it was very focused on women only.

His needs, Her needs is a better book that actually put some thought into what men want as well. (Yes, Virginia, Sexual Fulfillment is a need for most men in a relationship).

If you are married or in a secure LTR it's worth checking out, but otherwise it's just an exercise in understanding/figuring out what you want to evaluate how well someone fits those needs if you want to consider them for an LTR.

yes_itsanalt · 2015-01-16T16:45:16+00:00

I read that book with my exwife. There is a little knowledge to be taken from it.

Assuming your LTR answers the questions truthfully (if), this information can be useful to determine what kinds of actions she will respond positively to. So, for example, TRP talks about rewarding good behavior, and this can help you identify what you can do to get the most bang for the buck, so to speak. Some women like getting flowers more than other women. But to some women, saying "I'm really proud of how hard you worked on X and accomplished your goal" can be more powerful than a gift.

Chinito_ducky · 2015-01-16T14:59:36+00:00

These seem more like actions for rewarding good behavior. Doing too many would make males look needy, overly generous, and at times creepy. Scarcity is a good thing, as previous experience can show

SWALLOWTHISPILLBITCH · 2015-01-16T18:03:12+00:00

Ha! My favorite plate yammers about this shit all the time. I play into it.

For instance, I like getting massages and blowjobs. I tell her I file these under acts of service.

Meanwhile, she wants "Quality time" from me, which she hamsters as us spending time together, when in reality, us spending time together is me fucking her violently.

Let the hamster work for you.

kingofpoplives · 2015-01-16T14:13:58+00:00

But I think there's some wisdom to be gleaned from the basic premise.

Perhaps BUT...

Reading and discussing this book with your LTR ranks right up there with going to couples therapy. If you think that works, you probably think appeasing works too, and relationships fail because guys don't try hard enough.

Stand_Your_Ground_ · 2015-01-16T15:33:21+00:00

Ahahaha women always unintentionally complicating love with hamstering. Seems like a desperate bid to cover up hypergamy. At the end of the day, a woman will communicate love in whatever way the alpha wants it to be communicated.

So sex.

Its really the only way to know that she still wants you and "loves" you. If your girl lowered the amount of words of affirmation for example, but still had sex, the relationship would be fine. If a girl continued to give you words of affirmation but no sex, you're done.

Oh and fuck that bullshit about "communication saving relationships" if your a guy that's basically surrendering your balls. I really REALLY hate that push for communication from relationship advisors and whatnot. Do it if you want your woman to cuckold you.

dicklord_airplane · 2015-01-16T17:29:55+00:00

I read most of that book, and the fundamental concept is very useful. people want to receive signs of affection and attraction in different ways, and you need to be sensitive to it. learning about this stuff really helped me deal with the differences between me and my partners, and it also provides a good framework for navigating platonic and professional relationships. many of these concepts come right out of Dale Carnegie's "Making Friends and Influencing People."

for example, some people respond very positively when their partners say affirming words, like saying that they look sexy or that they really appreciate things that they do. obviously, some people don't give a shit about verbal signals of attraction and appreciation at all and need their partners to show attraction and appreciation through touching, services, or spending time together.

this is very common in relationship conflicts. a woman might say all sorts of nice, affectionate things to a guy, but he isn't happy with her and doesn't feel appreciated because he needs more physical affection or wants to see her provide services for him, like cooking meals and such. a guy might do all sorts of services for his girl and provide a good life for her, but she might not feel loved and appreciated because she desperately wants him to say that he loves her and that he think's shes sexy and amazing and whatever. people need to analyze their partners and figure out what signals of affection and attraction keep them enamored.

however, much of that book is religious blue pill garbage, as you noticed. the parts about analyzing people to find out what sorts of 'love languages' work the best are very, very useful in romantic, platonic, and professional relationships, and this should be an essential part of anyone's game, male or female. but the rest of the book is feel-good, gynocentric, politically correct nonsense.

GayLubeOil · 2015-01-16T17:51:40+00:00

Pro tip if your going to buy gifts for women buy cheap gifts. This expensive ass swim suit that all the basics are going to buy for $90 you can get for $15 here with free shipping. Other Version. Just get a size larger than usual because it's asian sizing.

Women's clothing is heavily marked up. It doesn't cost that much money to produce a swim suit. Western women don't ask questions and buy whatever advertisers tell them to at stupid high prices. So when you cheat the system women think your spending big beta bucks on them instead of alpha pennies.

Anderfail · 2015-01-16T18:43:50+00:00

It's mostly bullshit because what women say they want and what they actually want are totally different things. I wouldn't put much stock into it because catering your actions to what a woman says they want is the quickest way to ensure she thinks of you as a beta and kills any attraction she has for you.

antariusz · 2015-01-16T14:54:21+00:00

Spending "quality time", giving gifts, doing favors, and constantly praising a woman is the fastest way to get her to NOT love you.

greatmikeshark · 2015-01-16T15:17:06+00:00

I like how it is receiving gifts. Does that mean that I can just wait for the bitch to give me gifts?

UrsusG · 2015-01-16T14:11:24+00:00

Naming anything "languages of love" reeks of hippy dippy bullshit written either by or for women, or both, and/or devised to obscure reality for the purpose of pushing an agenda.

Distrust mode engaged.

Nate1471 · 2015-01-16T14:07:13+00:00

My ex wife believed in that bullshit. That's why she's now my EX wife.

bigsexyman · 2015-01-16T19:17:56+00:00

The problem with this book is that is assumes women (whom have never really been challenged in their life) have the introspectiveness to know what their language is.

They don't.

But you might. MY SO (I will probably asking a Q or 2 on her later, suffice it to say my life is fucking interesting and tragic right now) and I read the book, I picked up on my love languages right away. She gave me 2 bs answers probably based on how she wants to be perceived.

Part of TRP is cutting through this veil of BS all women have. We know from biology women like to be dependant on their man, that means gifts make them feel special. But this area is laden with BP's.

The other inroad is quality time. I think this is the area worth exploring. As she likes spending "Quality" time together, your time must be of value or it loses its quality. Also it stands to reason that if she feels love by spending quality time with you, she needs to spend the time, not you. So her more valued time is taken up by you, which happens to be your least valued time.

Just my take.

inyostink · 2015-01-16T17:17:11+00:00

The first time I had seen or heard of this book was when I was over a buddy's house and he was giving me the tour of his new home. When he showed me the master bedroom, there was the book sitting on the night stand. When I had asked him about it, he said his wife had urged him to read it. To provide a little context, they had only been married for six months. As soon as I saw it I knew it was a big red flag. Six months later my buddy calls me up practically in tears talking about how shitty his wife treats him. My bud reads the 5 love languages, implements some of the ideas espoused in the book, and he ends up catching his wife on a recording (nanny cam) talking to one of her friends about what a piece of shit he is and how he's a worthless husband, which couldn't be further from the truth. The book to me seemed like the BB blueprint.

floppymammarygland · 2015-01-16T17:49:54+00:00

My Brother's wife bought me that book. Haven't read it. Probably won't.

cheeky--kunt · 2015-01-16T19:06:05+00:00

Can't imagine a man without having his "love language" being physical touch. Receiving gifts? morning blowie. Quality time? Lets get drunk and naked.

It all involves the physical contact for a man.

Talking about problems makes them worse. As a man, you have to take the action. Either it fails or passes. Just words are never worth it.

Hideydid · 2015-01-16T18:50:48+00:00

There are perhaps some useful ways to think about things in this way. But I once was suckered into completing a personality/love language test by the mother of an ex long distance LTR. Probably don't need to say it, but don't do that.

MoneyStatusLooks · 2015-01-16T23:34:22+00:00

I read this book and I liked it. Not sure how TRP it is but I still found it good for general relationships and understanding human nature a bit.

I would disagree with you that 'most women' value receiving gifts and quality time the most.

My current LTR values those the least. She values words of affirmation and physical touch the most. With minor preference to acts of service (damn) and quality time over receiving gifts.

In my situation, it's actually incredibly easy to make her feel loved. Lots of hugs, lots of fucks and just make her feel a bit safe from time to time.

I would say avoid women with acts of service as their main love language. They will be wanting you to clean the house, mow the law and just generally be their bitch. I conflict with women who have expectations like that.

My 'love language' is pretty simple. Acts of service, physical touch. I need rampant crazy sex sessions, sandwiches and someone to clean up my mess. Double standard? You bet. My way or highway. :-)

the_red_scimitar · 2015-01-17T03:10:18+00:00

It isn't those things themselves - it is whether you do them within frame, or without it. They can all be done while holding frame. Doing them without holding, is pure beta.

RedPillWatchTower · 2015-01-17T03:48:00+00:00

I'm actually shocked how long this bullshit remained on the front page. I let it go for my own curiosity. We (the mods) have some work to do.

Title	The 5 Love Languages
Author	lloopy
Upvotes	27
Comments	61
Date	January 16, 2015 2:01 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2smmf9/the_5_love_languages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-5-love-languages.28031 https://theredarchive.com/post/28031

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