Hello Gentlemen -

Lurker, first time TRP poster. This forum has given me invaluable information to use as tools for my future and to better myself, so I figure now would be a good time to contribute a first hand account of a hamster recognizing her own darkness. Have a seat, this is a long one that focuses on Holding Frame, Observations of a Hamster (and the lessons learned in wasting precious time with them) and the universal truth of AWALT.

TL;DR: Go out of town for a few days with a cute girl/potential plate and get her to admit that she uses men for emotional support without giving anything up on her end. Also get her to admit that she uses orbiters in a tactical fashion as different tools. I got her to cop to being an ego freak with her own intentions and rationalized feelings for her irresponsible behavior being the center of her universe. When I revealed I recognized these behaviors, she shattered.

 

 

Introduction and Circumstances

Following a troubled incident in my past, I've had a hard time getting the confidence for setting up plates and dealt with intense approach anxiety and apathy. With help of TRP and some soul searching and monk mode, I am getting my life back on track and feeling good despite a fucked up weekend.

Long story short, I was attempting to cop a girl I really felt physically attracted to. We're both spontaneous, and for lack of a better word, untraditional. I was meant to see her before a trip out of town, but we couldn't connect and she flaked a bit. So I applied some radio silence dread and made her work to see me again (she works at a place I frequent almost daily, so she was seemingly brutalized by my aloofness and cold behavior toward her). One day she couldn't resist anymore and asked when we would hang and threw her number at me again, texted me a lot, etc.

Initially, we were going to get drinks and hang at a bar. Something low key and ordinary. She got the idea that we should go on a road trip adventure type of thing, which was compelling to me. Shit, sharing a hotel increases my chances of getting laid, and with financials split evenly it seemed fair and fun enough. So we left for a few days and rented a rural rental house to chill out in. The first night was great, had a fun day and a decent dinner. Got some action from her but didn't complete the mission that night. Something to keep in mind here is that this girl is a self proclaimed Feminist who I caught conflicting her own projected ideologies about ten thousand times over the course of 48 hours.

The Truth Reveals Itself

The second night things came to a head when she was trying to keep a thick distance between us and was avoiding physical contact almost entirely. While my frame was rattled, it was not broken. I went to chill out in the hot tub and watched some basketball highlights, leaving her to the throes of her own hamstering mind. She eventually changed and got into the hot tub with me. She began a strange conversation pretty much with herself, as I wasn't paying much attention because none of it was making any sense. She eventually ended up point blank asking me:

 

"Do you get anything from me?"

Without a stutter I replied:

"No, not a damn thing."

 

She turned away and looked a bit disappointed. She goes on about how she just got out of a long relationship (zzzz...), and how she needs to make good choices about the people she wants to be with, she's not sure she's attracted to me physically, blah blah.

Once I got a good grip on the situation I began to ask her about her habits with men and the way she treats other people. While I know this is something I should have avoided all together, I was curious. I was also pissed off, but composed and stoic. I asked and CONFIRMED that she has any number of beta orbiters around at any given time and that I am being treated as one. While I was enraged at this obvious fact, I held frame and continued to probe for information, which she was spewing all over the place. She not only acknowledged that she does, but also admitted that she uses them strategically for whatever she may be needing at the time. She then began to ask about our future, to which I was firm but polite to reply that we don't have one, despite having a nice few days out of town and enjoying each other pretty well for the most part. She begins to apologize profusely and starts to make excuses for why behaves like she does. Along with this, she begins changing her story to "I need to keep seeing you" and "this can't end".

I told her that even in the 48 hours we've gotten to hang out, I can tell by the way she talks about herself that she thinks she's the center of the universe. She looks pissed for a moment, and then a tidal wave of depression seemed to blindside her. In a moment of demented clarity, she realized that I knew exactly what she was up to and that I thought she was a scumbag for it. Not only that, but I've known all along and I was just hoping to hit it and have a nice few days out of town. I remained polite and calm. It was obvious that she was the kind of girl who likes to rationalize her poor decisions and treatment of others to make her seem like she was victimized or in the right. I also told her that and she copped to it. She began to cry. I left her there and watched some basketball upstairs and went to bed, I was disgusted and wanted nothing more to do with her for the night.

It was no longer a game for her, I flipped the table over and knocked all the pieces onto the floor. She told me she felt horrible and thanked me for revealing the truth about her own behaviors to herself (which I take as she was just extremely embarrassed.) Is she remorseful? No fucking way. It's nothing she doesn't already know about herself, she was just angry and sad because she got caught and called out. No way in hell this hamster will EVER change. I might not ever hook up with this girl, but I knew the score and she hated it.

 

Aftermath

The drive back was only 90 minutes or so, and being the cool mannered fellow I can be under pressure made it a simple drive. She was falling apart in the passenger seat, squirming and breathing heavy sighs while I remained focused on the road listening to music. Every few minutes or so, she'd apologize again and try to speak about the way "she feels". I told her that I can't give a damn about the way she feels and that toxic users like her are the last thing I need in my life. My career is important to me and I have a lot of options, the world is a big place and I will do my best to kill it every day. These comments made her clingy, asking if we could get together soon. Saying things like "what if my feelings change?" or "I just feel like I need to keep seeing you", or "why does it have to be like this?". If I gave a shit about how she felt, I would have let her know. Not to mention this was a desperate attempt for her to try and feel like she had an upper hand on me and I wasn't going to let her have it. I am fully aware that the moment she got out of that car there's no way in hell she'd ever want to deal with me again. Why would she? I recognized her sacred tools for manipulating betas into her grip, and she spilled it.

 

I said: "Why would I want to hang out with you? You get emotional support and kindness from me and I don't get anything back."

 

She thought about it for a second and said: "you're right, that's what it is". She means it. If that's not a point blank admission of what can be found in TRP teachings, I don't know what is. AWALT.

 

What I've Learned

This is not a success story. Obviously, the whole thing was a bit of a mess and a failure on my end to get laid. However, I learned quite a bit about some HUGE beta flaws in my personality that got me to where I was, and leading up to the confrontation I had with her. It was in that moment that I held onto my TRP learnings and said "FUCK THIS", and the tables turned immediately. This was a feeling I have longed for for years.

The more I held my ground and delivered the fact that I don't need toxic people trying to drain me emotionally and psychologically, the more she felt like she was losing her grip. To the point where she was saying things like "I need to give something to you, I feel like I have to." It was far too late for that. For me, it felt good to have that edge. Instead of implying that I wanted to see her and keep chasing her down, I put the kibosh on it and it drove her nuts. Dropped her off at her place feeling like I had learned something about myself, while she was feeling like garbage.

While she's hamstering away trying rationalize and avoid responsibility for the way she behaves with men, I am already back to my life trying to come up again, with more experience under my belt and a better idea of how to conduct myself under pressure. Also, to set up practical environments for situations with potential plates. I was pretty disappointed in myself for letting things get out of hand. Instead of just applying dread, I got her to open up and admit her darkest behaviors, which is masochistic of me, for my own sake. I wasted time and energy on someone who I likely won't ever plate. I drained a lot of energy to realize what I already knew: AWALT. Even a fake ass feminist.

All told, today is a new day and I have more experience than I did yesterday. I learned to hold frame and have self-respect, and to never let this happen again. I learned that AWALT, and I got a woman to admit it to me face to face and then crumble because she knew it was true, which confirmed my TRP readings and findings. My time is valuable, and this experience while mostly a waste of time, will save me time in the future. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: formatting and layout.