Damned if you do...

SteelToeShitKicker · 2018-07-16T01:13:51+00:00

There's something I have learned from dealing with people over the years. If someone likes you, you can do no wrong. Something happens, it's cool, they are chill, they give you space to fix things. If someone doesn't like you, nothing you ever do is right. They just plain don't like your face and even when you get things right, you are still wrong.

Now, how do you get people to like you? I have noticed the biggest difference from lifting and shaving my head. No one likes a fat beta. Doesn't matter that I can be abrasive and a bit of an asshole. I say it with a smile people lap it up.

So, sounds like you are a fat fuck whose wife doesn't like him much.

creating_my_life · 2018-07-16T00:24:58+00:00

Anyone notice a damned if I do, damned if I don’t attitude from the wife as you’re making this journey?

The part where she knows she's losing control in the relationship and panics like she's never panicked before? That she's losing control of her carefully managed beta and is now going to have to compete for her own survival?

BTW, good job owning your shit.

simbarlion · 2018-07-16T01:17:41+00:00

There is an excellent jackten post you should read, summarised as....

"She doesn't want you to fix the problem, she doesn't want to know there was a problem."

Comes back to OYS.

BobbyPeru · 2018-07-16T01:24:39+00:00

This is a great sign that you found it funny because, quite frankly, it is!

Keep your foot on the gas... mix in a little comfort here and there.... just so her hamster doesn’t fly off....

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-16T12:21:25+00:00

For an unattractive beta, she’ll move the goal posts on you.

For an attractive alpha, she’ll be a cheerleader who fucks you.

Sepean · 2018-07-16T14:56:57+00:00

It’s called shit testing. This idea that there is that your wife’s behavior is some sort of puzzle with a right answer that makes her happy is downright silly and just shows you haven’t read the sidebar. She’ll shit test you whatever you do.

Her being sweet and submissive is a response to high alpha and SMV, not to you doing what she wants or what is most efficient or whatever blue pill ideas you still have.

UEMcGill · 2018-07-16T13:38:05+00:00

When I called later, after a hellish flight...

This is where you lost frame. She wanted you to own her feelings and you confirmed it by fighting with her.

I would have put her on ignore until she could behave like a good girl.

Captains don't fight with the first officer.

The_Litz · 2018-07-16T09:18:31+00:00

When I am in top form ie. non-butthurt attitude, outcome independant, DGAF attitude I get away with anything.

When I am not on top form, everything is a problem. I swear too much, I am not neat enough, drink too much. Every thing.

A woman fills the container she is given. If you get on top of your game you can even leave her stranded by the road with a flat battery and she will make a plan and blow you when you get back.

JoATMoN9 · 2018-07-16T14:56:37+00:00

As much as you laughed through this...I'm smelling an underlying scent that this bothers you and you care.

So...is your real question: Hey guys are all women like this?

Or is your real question: Hey guys this bothers me...what should I do about her and/or the fact that this bothers me?

_Try_Try_Again_ · 2018-07-16T16:55:20+00:00

your wife criticizes you because she hates you

_Try_Try_Again_ · 2018-07-16T21:03:49+00:00

So I called her this afternoon. Short answers about how her day is going and so on. So I asked her if she’s still mad about the battery. She said it was one of many things. Hour plus conversation using the laundry as focus. She’s mad I don’t turn her clothes right side out when I fold them. I said it was disrespectful for anyone to leave it like that and expect someone else to do it for them. And I’m talking jeans turned all the way out with underwear still in the legs. She’s said it’s typical me, cutting corners and blaming others and not being helpful. She’s not wrong here. This is exactly how the old me would think. But it’s not the case now, even if the result looks the same. Her point is that folding the laundry always included turning it right side out since we’ve been married. This is an example of a covert contract for me. When she brought it up a few wks ago, I made my point, she made hers, and I kept doing what I was doing expecting her to get the point and be responsible for her clothes. She saw it as intentional disrespect because she told me how I should be doing it.

It was a stupid thing to use as a focal point but I tried to make it a discussion. Here’s the interesting nugget I got. At one point I agreed to turn it out if she agreed to be mindful of turning her clothes out when she took them off. She made a sarcastic comment, then said that I’m obviously not getting it because I haven’t agreed to do it her way. I called bullshit, that because something is her perspective doesn’t make it right or that I should just bend over and agree with her. That pissed her off but I could tell that she’d never heard that before.

I tried to apply comfort as one of the commenters mentioned. Told her I respected her and I loved her. She said she didn’t care anymore, that she’s barely hanging on, and she doesn’t want to be like this anymore. I’m not in any position to go thru a divorce at this point, and I still don’t want to. She’s a good woman, we’re just going thru this shit.

No specific question, just general advice pls. I’m not trying to blow it up (kill the puppy?) but it seems like she’s right there anyway.

Title	Damned if you do...
Author	_Try_Try_Again_
Upvotes	7
Comments	46
Date	July 16, 2018 12:20 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8z6dh4/damned_if_you_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/damned-if-you-do.204211 https://theredarchive.com/post/204211

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