Need pointers on looking for therapy and a therapist

addictedtoyourface · 2016-12-07T17:08:15+00:00

~~I am insecure~~ I'm the shit. ~~I don't value myself~~ I.AM. THE SHIT. I would do something great, people will applaud, ~~but I will still feel like I am nothing and everyone around me is better than me and that they in fact don't like me very much.~~ because I am the shit. When people do not applaud, ~~I feel like people must be ridiculing me right now because I am worthless anyway.~~ they must be crazy, because I am the shit.

You need to develop frame. You should start with "you are the shit" and go from there.

LewisCross · 2016-12-07T16:53:59+00:00

If you're determined to get actual talk therapy, you'll most likely be getting a master's level clinical professional counselor who might or might not refer you to a psychiatrist for further evaluation.

--get a male therapist if at all possible.

--You won't likely find a therapist who won't "spew BP shit". They all will.

--talk to a couple of therapists before settling on one. Trust is essential. you have to be able to say anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to that guy.

--if all you're going to do in therapy is complain about your life, therapy will be a waste of time and money. Don't do that. Set treatment goals. What do you want to accomplish from this exercise? Less anxiety? Learn social skills? Feel better about yourself? More self-esteem? Change bad thinking patterns (because you have some)? And once the goals are set, do work to meet them.

--make that therapist diagnose you. If you don't have a working diagnosis in a couple of months, ask for one. Make that therapist design a treatment plan and give you exercises to do outside of therapy. Most therapists now use some form of cognitive behavior therapy. Look it up. It involves mental and emotional exercises, work, self-evaluation and self-assessment outside of therapy sessions.

--If CBT is used, you will be given things to do outside of therapy. They will involve self evaluation and self assessment. Do the exercises. All of them. Do what the therapists recommend you do. You might not like what you see. Do it anyway.

--if you are anxious and engaging in the kinds of destructive selftalk you're admitting to, you're probably not highly functional. You're not as happy as you could be; and you're probably on someone else's treadmill lining someone else's pockets.

--IMPORTANT: If you are not feeling better and/or seeing some results in 3 months, either you've been misdiagnosed, the treatment approach is wrong, or you're not doing the work.

Scurvemuch · 2016-12-07T14:56:17+00:00

Finding a "red" therapist... doesn't really work all that well. I have seen some ads for guys on TRP who do that, I think...

Anyway, they way to get one online or something is to see if they are willing to work within your frame of reference for things. If they try to change the things you do not want changed, leave.

Chump_No_More · 2016-12-07T16:13:55+00:00

There are NMMNG meetups... check to see if there's one in your city.

ReddJive · 2016-12-07T18:08:31+00:00

There are some things I am not following

You say that you don't value yourself and yet you are in the top 10% of men in terms of physical and intellectual power?

How do you know this if at some point you've not smashed goals? And therefore gained confidence to achieve the next? Example you have 3 PhDs or have benched 450. You met each previous goals to get there. You gained confidence.

Barring any real medical situation the issue as I see it is that you have constructed this HUGE obstacle in your head. SO you made it you can get rid of it. And I am not saying it'll be easy.

The first step is to stop thinking what others think or feel. That's theirs and you have yours.

You could pay a therapist thousands to tell you this time and time again. Or you can come here, make a report, take your beatings and say thank and get back to work. This option is free by the way.

Spend a week forcing yourself to NOT consider other people. If you find yourself doing it. Being concerned about what someone thinks of feels, just repeat. It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. And keep on.

No one is watching and if they are...they're pussies because they aren't doing shit. You are.

Above all remember "Men are not troubled by things themselves, but by their thoughts about them." ~Epictetus

Scubastyles · 2016-12-08T15:15:01+00:00

You should read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. While not sidebar material, it's good stuff and got me through a tough time pre-MRP. The book outlines 4 Agreements you make with yourself to become the best you.

Be Impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best

I'd also add that judging others is only a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Same goes for those who judge you - fuck em man. They're living in their dream world so live in yours, where you're happy, confident, and judgement free because you'd be damned to waste your precious energy on assessing other people.

I did the therapy bit and it only led me to self reflection. If I had found MRP prior to therapy, I could've saved a good chunk of fuck you money.

God speed, my friend

mrpthrowa · 2016-12-07T14:21:54+00:00

Deep down, insecurity is a trait of most successful highly valuable men. In many ways it's what drives them - they are so harsh on themselves.

The key thing is to display confidence outwardly - initially fake it if you have to. Irrational confidence. To you it will appear irrational. It will seem weird, awkward, but life is about perceptions and you gotta give the best impression/perception. Fake it till you make it.

Eventually you'll make it, but you will still beat the fuck out of yourself deep inside - it's what drives you.

redmountainpill · 2016-12-07T17:33:59+00:00

If you can objectively say you're in the top 10% of intellect and physicality, why do you think you are so insecure?

I sometimes catch myself being insecure, even though I'm at the top of my profession. For me it stems from being around a lot of very smart, very confident people all day. Then I remind myself that I AM THE SHIT and I fucking save lives and look good doing it.

That's the advice I got early in my career from seasoned vets. Be irrationally confident

innominating · 2016-12-07T19:14:07+00:00

You don't need a shrink you need self control.

You said yourself, when you talk to people you judge them. Fucking stop. They have a right to be their own judge and you gain nothing by judging them.

Currently, you are a judgmental asshole, constantly criticizing others, at least in your mind, and cutting others down. Fucking stop.

My guess is you learned this behavior from your parents or close family at a young age. You saw them judge people. You wanted to be judged positively, so you became ambitious. No matter how much you achieve you feel worthless because you know your family is judging and you've never seen them give anyone props.

Your frame should be, "I'm awesome, we are all awesome." When you are talking to someone else be thinking the other person is awesome. Once you do that for a while, you'll realize that most other people aren't judging you, and you'll get over it.

You don't need more confidence, you need to stop tearing others down.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-12-07T21:06:16+00:00

I say no. I was issued a shrink back in the day. God, all he did was sound like a fag and pat my head and give me reasons to validate shit.

Totally useless.

Do you drink? Stop for a bit, it's a mood amplifier. as for the rest, you have shitty mental patterns, you have to break them, like any bad habit. CBT seems to be the togo. I'd say just using the TRP/MRP sidebar readings and extended stuff tends to help build a better mental model.

What I find works best? Act the way you want to be, action reflects thought. Thinking is what helps think up excuses and insecurities.

Gronk and Chad don't have insecurities, they have protein shakes and pussy. be the Gronk, be the chad.

Or get someone to talk to, find out if it's bullshit. Make it a guy, talking with a chick is a bad habit all around

BobbyPeru · 2016-12-07T22:52:44+00:00

The sidebar, lifting, and this forum is your therapy.

Now get to work

logger1234 · 2016-12-08T00:17:55+00:00

You might look into mentoring from Althol Kay.

screechhater · 2016-12-08T01:57:52+00:00

"I am insecure. I don't value myself."

A lot of people walk this planet in the same state.

"I am amongst the top 10% men in terms of physical power and intellectual power"

And, that means you used the physical side growth and intellectualism to side step what you didn't want to confront- maturity and confidence in personal relationships

A great stride in your thinking and actions can be accomplished with Own Your Shit

Read below

[–]logger1234 2 points an hour ago

--You won't likely find a therapist who won't "spew BP shit". They all will.

At my first therapy appointment, ~9 months before I heard about the pill, my therapist suggested I stick up for myself, get out of the house more, and get a hobby.

He studied behavior psych at a local university.

So there are some, but yeah, he tolerated a LOT of whining and blaming and not improving myself. So take a new look at 12 steps of dred. Not as a way of getting her to be afraid, but a way of improving yourself. Pursue that. I mean, if you are busy making yourself awesome, you'll be too busy to feel bad about yourself. Plus you might actually feel better about yourself.

Just an idea; hope that helps.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-12-08T06:31:05+00:00

My opinion? That's just how it feels. Always. Accept that and keep moving forward.

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-08T13:08:16+00:00

If I were you I would put my balls in as many woman's mouths as possible and see if that helps. You should have no problem if you are top 10% and all that.

Like I was explaining to my son this morning. There are somethings you have control over like how you react in certain situations, and somethings that are out of your control. Work on the things you can control.

I am of the opinion (could be wrong here) that talking to a trusted male friend is WAY more productive than to pay for insight and therapy. But I'm not really that close to your situation so take that with a grain of salt.

Have you read mindfulness in plain English?

http://www.wisdompubs.org/sites/default/files/preview/Mindfulness%20in%20Plain%20English%20Book%20Preview.pdf

BluepillProfessor · 2016-12-08T15:25:01+00:00

I am not convinced a therapist is the answer. This is not a mental illness or even depression. This is a beaten down man who needs to stand up. I bet your confidence and negative thoughts would benefit more from skin therapy at the local whorehouse than from talking to a M.S. level bloop.

If you wanna catch a fish, you gotta smell like fish

sh0ckley · 2016-12-08T20:01:06+00:00

I've been seeing benefits from doing the written work in Nathaniel Brandon's Six Pillars Of Self Esteem. I had similar thoughts as OP describes.

I saw two therapists a while back. Each for about 6 months. First guy mostly listened. Second guy talked about my "parts" and it was actually helpful. He was BP as fuck tho, which as I continued to improve with MRP, became annoying because I practically started red knighting the poor guy. I am still glad I went to him. I was really miserable when I started and no longer was at the end.

pikadildo · 2016-12-07T14:41:36+00:00

I have... although it was a very sideways path to get there and I was very worried I was becoming schizophrenic (not actually "hearing voices" but forming "hiveminds" by associating/merging random redditors who have similar "voices" and I still freak myself out with this stuff sometimes).

Mostly CBT and exposure therapy, but I sort of went into it with a "vision" of what I needed (I was looking for an IRL version of a particular hivemind). I had sort of self-medicated ad hoc exposure therapy previously. In the end she was more of guide/sanity check.

I'd ask on other subreddits about finding a good therapist. I browsed through the psychologytoday website and then picked one and lucked out (her... blurb reminded me of the "hivemind"). There are online options but they made me too... freaked out. Lately I've been doing more mindfulness stuff.

KyfhoMyoba · 2016-12-17T20:04:00+00:00

Find someone skilled at at Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and/or hypnosis.

Title	Need pointers on looking for therapy and a therapist
Author	iurnlotus
Upvotes	5
Comments	57
Date	December 7, 2016 2:16 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5h03ik/need_pointers_on_looking_for_therapy_and_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-pointers-on-looking-for-therapy-and-a.206809 https://theredarchive.com/post/206809

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