Been here for 6 months, lifts are going well, now working on cutting. Have gone through a few cycles of rambo/dread/mini-events. I've noticed something, probably just in my own head, and I'm looking for advice on how to deal with it:

It feels to me like there's a power struggle in my relationship, where the one that's the least interested/invested has the power. If I go out to some social event on my own and amp up the dread, I can feel it shifting towards me having the power. But when I actually make the move to initiate with her, it feels like there is a power shift to her because now she can make the decision on whether or not to reciprocate.

I have been working on OI and having something else to do if she says no. But I still feel this shift and it makes me want to ignore her for a day after a rejection in order to reassert my power again. Internally it feels weak to me to simply reset the next day like nothing happened.

I know this isn't the best move, and that I should act with an abundance mentality and brush off failed initiations without being butthurt, and reset the next day. But I'm trying to understand my flawed mental model and what I need to do to fix it.

Is it another covert contract? Me having a belief that a rejection shifts power away from me? Or that after a rejection, I should "reprimand" her by withholding affection for a bit?

I keep finding myself angry at her for something that happened the day before, and then I withdraw and act standoffish, which then perpetuates an icyness between us.