Hey what's happening. 5'11, 204, 14% BF Bench 175 x 7, Squat 255x7, Row 185 x 7 OHP 100 x 7
I've been following the subreddit for a while, quietly reading the sidebar and applying as best I can but now I know I need to go all the way with this, what I've been doing hasn't been enough.
Just got into a fight with my LTR. Well it started going that way for a second but I caught it and stopped. She said some nasty stuff to me and was basically being withdrawn and withholding. She's super nitpicky about everything and I was getting sucked into it.
I started to go into DEER and I started getting angry and worked up, but I caught myself in my anger and stopped and then I left to go out by myself and cool down.
My car's being fixed so I took hers, which is normally fine. We take each other's cars all the time daily. Never a big deal.
She called me while I was out, demanded to know where I was, tried ranting at me, and told her "I'm eating. I'll see you when I get home." Very calmly. And I held on the line for a minute, then repeated myself and hung up.
She called a second time 30 minutes later, I said, "I'm still out, I'll see you when I get home."
When I got home, she gave me the silent treatment so I went downstairs and was watching a Personal Development video on YouTube on the TV.
She came downstairs and started ranting at me about what my problem was and why did I leave and take her car. She tried framing it like I was irrational for being angry, when she's the one that initially started being cold, shitty, and withdrawing.
I held my frame and said, "I'll talk to you but I'm not arguing."
She didn't like that so she started throwing out that I "stole" her car, which I obviously didn't.
I repeated again, "I'm not arguing, I'm not having this conversation if you're going to spew at me, and you're not saying I 'stole' your car. I'll talk if you can be calm."
She stormed upstairs and tried making a veiled threat of a breakup, "You're going to need to figure something out!!!!"
I didn't respond or chase at all and started watching my video again.
A few minutes later, she storms downstairs again, "What do you have to say to me?! Why aren't you talking?!"
I said, "I'm fine, I'm willing to talk but I'm not doing it while you're spewing at me and I'm not arguing."
"Don't you have anything to say to me?"
I repeat myself again.
She storms back upstairs.
I calmly (eerily calmly for me) go into my office to start posting this field report, she comes in the door, "Aren't you going to apologize to me?"
I say, "About what?"
And she groans and shuts the door.
I've been reading WISNIFG as we speak.
Can someone give me any feedback or insight as to what I'm facing here or how this resolves? Thanks!
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[+]hunteralliance1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Believe me when I say this because I've torn down a rabbit hole of trying to figure this shit out in a general sense to apply to an overarching model in life, not just sex:
What you see in life is a massively complex series of influences in you and in her express themselves in life. And what you're seeing as those expressions in life is simply a representation of who she really is and who you really are projected onto reality. Like you're both playing shadow puppets on the wall with your hands. And the wall, that which you project yourself onto, is reality as you know it. The shape of the shadow of a rabbit on the wall...is that her hands? A cardboard cutout of a rabbit? Something else? You don't know.
The question you're asking is way too deep for you to even comprehend the answer to. Because you still believe your shadow is you. The only way to overcome this is to work to solidify yourself. Lift, sidebar, STFU. Build a frame. Then explore with that frame. As you explore, keep an eye out for the difference between the you in reality and the you in your head. As you come to know that difference, you'll come to be able to characterize it. Relate to it. And switch between the two. You'll be able to see the shadow and know the object that casts it. And embody the object and predict the shadow it casts.
Only then can you invite her into that world. To ask her to reveal her object by telling her you know her shadow is just a shadow.
Or...you can simply stay in shadowland and play with her there. Whatever makes you happy. Careful. That stick is lit. Is the dynamite a shadow? Or the real thing? Haha ill see myself out. Good luck.
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