Shit test help

BrazilRedPill · 2017-04-25T16:12:18+00:00

Take your $30, add $500 and go out alone spending it alone on a bar with your buddies.

Also, why do you wanna keep this lazy piece of shit of woman?

atlhart · 2017-04-25T17:19:53+00:00

Actions, not words. Your wife did not agree to this plan. She said yes, but her actions say no.

Are you a man she should follow? Cause your whole rules thing sounds like you're a micromanaging butt hurt captain. I wouldn't want to work for you. You don't inspire me. No wonder she doesn't want to follow you, you lead with the stick (punitive action). And she probably definitely doesn't want to fuck you. Your behavior is unattractive as fuck.

You should read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

You need to inspire your wife to want to do these things, and it's much easier, and much more effective by rewarding good behavior than it is by punishing bad behavior. Reward her for the days she gets her shit done. Maybe for everyday she gets shit some, you put $5 in the pot.

Also, this whole system is you trying to make things fair. You trying to be her equal and her partner. You are not her equal, you are not her partner, it will never be fair. If you want to be the captain, it's hard work. A leader works twice as hard to inspire followers.

Griever114 · 2017-04-25T17:22:45+00:00

to quote /u/BrazilRedPill:

Also, why do you wanna keep this lazy piece of shit of woman?

Seriously, kick this steaming pile of garbage to the fucking curb. Stop spending time with her which is rewarding this shitty fucking effort on her part.

RPAlternate42 · 2017-04-25T16:13:52+00:00

Standard rules apply: withdraw attention and affection. And spend time outside the house, regularly, away from her and your messy house. When you are home, do the shit that needs to be done in your house. Basically ignore her because you are too fucking busy taking care of shit around the house.

Live like you are single. Interact with her in a business-like roommate fadhion. She isn't acting like a wife, so don't treat her like one.

And that Friday date... go out alone, or better yet with friends.

discobolus_ · 2017-04-25T16:14:48+00:00

Do all the chores yourself.

If you are worth a shit as a man, eventually she will start looking for ways to help you.

If she doesnt, next.

mtdog · 2017-04-25T18:43:41+00:00

Worst. Choreplay. Ever.

Kidding aside, I don't think this isn't about her.

This is about you and your ego. Your need for validation and your need to be right -- to be the "Good guy" in the relationship. To be a martyr.

Sidebar.

jcrpta · 2017-04-25T21:06:20+00:00

There is something pretty huge missing from here: dread.

You can look like Arnie in his heyday. You can be bringing home more cash than either of you know what to do with. You can lay down house rules until you're blue in the face.

But unless and until your wife honestly believes you have options (ie. other women) that you're prepared to exercise (ie. fuck), you are wasting your time.

Note that you don't actually need to have other women lined up outside the door. She just needs to think that you have the opportunity. Which means really you need to develop a social life that doesn't involve her - whether that's taking up a new hobby, going out with friends - and when you're out with her (even if it's dull stuff like doing the shopping), you flirt with other women. You don't need to make it too obvious - the occasional slightly-risque joke and losing the fear you have of showing your personality around women (something most BP men have; it's a large chunk of what makes them BP) is enough to be getting started.

nastynickdr · 2017-04-25T18:38:40+00:00

Cancel date night, use it do to some outside activity, some martial arts class, beer with your buddies. Keep improving yourself, keep doing being attractive, keep working on your MAP.

Do the things you have to do to keep your house in order. Not in a butthurt way, not in a "look mommy, i did the dishes!" way. Just do what you would do if you were single. Do it because it is your house and you want things in order.

Also punish her by using your cards: Decrease your time, attention, affection spent on her when she is acting shitty. When she starts acting good, reward her with those.

If she starts seeing shit done properly and you not complaining about it she has to start wondering what value she is adding to your life (I bet your sex life must suck as well). Or not, then maybe its time to consider walking.

Stop negotiating this kind of stuff with her, it is clearly not working.

Persaeus · 2017-04-25T21:09:52+00:00

lots of women can adult just fine without being lead to it

next this one, and find one that can adult

Downhere_Seeds · 2017-04-25T16:15:23+00:00

Do you think she has a lack of respect for you? Because she does. Forget about everything you have asked her to do, if you want clean clothes and clean dishes and clean whatever, you will need to do them yourself. On Fridays, take yourself out on a date or another girl.

RPJMRP · 2017-04-25T16:32:09+00:00

What is your progress? Where are you on your map? Are there kids in the picture?

She doesn't care for two reasons. First- she doesn't see you as valuable and cannot envision a world where you would either

A.) leave

or

B.) She would care.

Second, you aren't attractive and she doesn't respect you.

As far as what to do: handle your shit, become a better man, lead by example. Either she will follow your lead and began getting her shit done as you become a more attractive man and she feels a sense of dread at losing you, Or she won't and you will be at the top of your SMV when you drop her and ready to run through randoms.

Stop taking her out for date nights when she is a shitty partner. Follow your map. Create a great life. She can join in or stay with the neighbor.

sven_igortsen · 2017-04-27T04:48:05+00:00

Man, this sucks for you. I can see you're really putting the work in to be a leading captain and to give her tools and a plan to be your lieutenant.

Thing is, if this was a roomate agreement between you and a male roomate you'd have success. And if your wife was a self motivated woman who understands person responsibility and, you'd have success.

Your wife is an entitled idiot who apparently can't do basic self maintenance and take medication that literally keeps her from going to the hospital. Right now she sees that you need her more than you need her and so the power dynamic isn't right for her to overcome her innate weaknesses and push herself hard to do things that are apparently difficult for her.

Basic planning, getting to work on time are beyond her. Only some of her failure as a partner managing the ship at home are on you. And that's the only part you can work with. Unfortunately I think you will probably have to develop yourself and your dread level to the point that she panics about losing you before she will lift her game on this front.

I lived with a lazy-as-fuck girl, I tried all sorts of division of labour, scheduling etc. to get her to at least do a few helpful things, I didn't even dream of shooting for her to do half. Sometimes she did things, sometimes she didn't. She didn't care about things being untidy or dirty. My girlfriend before her was the exact opposite, she was a dynamo, she'd work a long night shift and when she got home she'd do the dishes and make food for me to take to work when I woke up.

The girls were entirely different and I was exactly the same with both of them. So again, only some of this is on you. Your wife's default state is to be lazy, disorganized and frankly quite fuckin stupid apparently. She will only clean up if the act of not cleaning up gives her a mild panic. That won't happen if your value is within a couple levels of each other. Maybe she'd clean the house if Brad Pitt was coming over?

One thing you might try is hire a part time / occassional maid to take some of the load off of your own shoulders, and have the payment for that come out of your wife's cheque or spending allowance. Because it'll be a while before your wife is someone you can rely on.

donedreadpirate · 2017-04-26T12:01:31+00:00

You definitely have the right intentions... For some reason she feels no need to comply. I'd suggest you hire a maid for a while and take away the last of her contributions. She's providing no value. Show her. With your actions. You gotta keep your ship running and if she isn't going to help, outsource. If she tries to DEER and say she'll do it, say, "I'm not concerned with discussing it. This stuff has to get done. I refuse to live a life where everything is put off until tomorrow."

Edit: Just to be clear - you don't tell her about the maid until the day she is coming and you simply state the maid will be there at x o'clock and then leave for work or whatever. Don't go to her and talk about getting one.

Edit2: I'd also can the date night thing for two reasons: it's predictable and she doesn't deserve it. As Captain, it's okay to implement a plan and change course when you do not get the desired results. Spontaneous dates are great, when she acts right.

resolutions316 · 2017-04-26T13:19:00+00:00

She turned on 3 days grace, i hate everything about you, shut herself in the room, cleaned it... wrote the lyrics on the mirror specifically "I hate everything about you why do I love you" and "cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort" and beside it "losing my mibd", and left for her therapist appointment(scheduled) saying nothing.

Based on musical choices ALONE, you need to divorce this person. Writing on the mirror? What the fuck, is she 13?

weakandsensitive · 2017-04-27T04:43:07+00:00

Why is anyone answering when this entire post is about a wife who's a third party? OP, why don't you bring your wife on here if we're going to talk about her anyway?

Also, is whiteboard the new spreadsheet?

mrpjourney · 2017-04-25T16:43:22+00:00

I'm new: That being said, I like how you have taken the "treat them as a child" to this level. I think the white board was a great idea!

Title	Shit test help
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	62
Date	April 25, 2017 3:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/67hfia/shit_test_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/shit-test-help.206239 https://theredarchive.com/post/206239

Comments