So, a situation in my marriage happened appr. 14 days ago. The last couple of years I have been angry and snapping quit often at my wife. But now that I have stopped turning my rage against her, she could suddenly feel herself and basically told me she had a big open wound inside that needed to heal before she could focus on anything else. She felt like she was having a depression. Fair enough, I’ve been a jackass. During the next 14 days I didn’t provide explicit comfort to her and probsbly also turned up my alpha behaviour to not doing as many chores as usual, prioritizing my own needs first and generally just focused on other stuff I suspect.

Last night we sat and talked about how things are going and she was super angry in a way I had never seen her before. She was litterally boiling over. Saying all the stuff she wanted me to be, all the mistakes I’ve made during the last month or so - not providing comfort/disinterest in her, only focusing on myself and my own life, not doing stuff that I used too (chore-play).

All in all I handled the situation better than expected. I didn’t get offended or bothered by being trash-talked, but just used fogging, negative inquiry, STFU and so on. Also being very assertive in saying what I could/wanted and what I didn’t want - and it was definately not the same view as my wife. It was amazing how easy it was to not get in her frame when simply sticking to using these tools.

However, I’m very uncertain how I should understand the whole situation. It felt to me like I fucked up on the initial comfort test these last 14 days ago and now she was so angry it became somewhere between a shit test/mental breakdown.

How do you experienced guys interpret what happened? Is this progression or regression? Am I back to zero?