cringed while reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

Hippostalker · 2015-05-01T18:54:36+00:00

"There is the image of the man who imagines himself to be a prisoner in a cell. He stands at one end of this small, dark, barren room, on his toes, with arms stretched upward, hands grasping for support onto a small, barred window, the room's only apparent source of light. If he holds on tight, straining toward the window, turning his head just so, he can see a bit of bright sunlight barely visible between the uppermost bars. This light is his only hope. He will not risk losing it. And so he continues to staring toward that bit of light, holding tightly to the bars. So committed is his effort not to lose sight of that glimmer of life-giving light, that it never occurs to him to let go and explore the darkness of the rest of the cell. So it is that he never discovers that the door at the other end of the cell is open, that he is free. He has always been free to walk out into the brightness of the day, if only he would let go." Sheldon Kopp

cmiovino · 2015-05-01T14:41:00+00:00

I'm 27 and just reached your same epiphany.

I was taught by my mom (main caretaker) and beta dad (just kinda there providing) to always be good, do what you're told, work hard, and be nice. Also sent to a Catholic elementary school.

Three failed LTRs later which all ended the same, attraction just flatlining. Not being able to choose those LTRs, they chose me. Not being good with girls even in college.

I asked myself, "What am I doing wrong?" Then I found TRP. Learned I was like most betas. Even then had a hard time waking up.

I've been a 'nice guy' all my life. I cringed at my bosses' wedding when I was chatting with a co-worker and she said to my current LTR girl, "cmiovino is such a nice guy." I knew right then and there that was my issue, I just didn't want to face it.

Take solace in the fact that going through it and living it for years helps to change to that 'bad boy' type. Also understand that going from being a 'nice guy' and incorporating 'bad boy' type things into your life makes you better than the typical asshole... You're genuine, but don't take shit. Respectful, but don't get walked on. That's attractive. That's where pure assholes fall short - they just are idiots ALL the time.

35 years, 40 years, even 50 years. At least you now understand. I wish I could have my college days back, early 20's.. even high school. Missed opportunities galore. But without that, I wouldn't have made it here.

Leviticus59 · 2015-05-01T15:04:45+00:00

Yep. I had the same experience....at age 50. Read NMMMG and was reading all about myself. Failed marriage.....lots of common experiences with everything that's said here regarding betas unplugging. In fact, I'm still unplugging; it takes a while after 50 years of extreme betatude.

projectself · 2015-05-01T15:13:06+00:00

I found it at 36. After 13 years of marriage, I got the "I just dont love you anymore" speech from my then wife, she took the kids for the weekend. I spent the weekend trying to figure out what the fuck..

Turns out that phase is very popular as a search on google, as many many men get it at some point. One of the turning points in my life was a post with a link saying to read this within 24 hours.

I did.. I cringed as well. Then once finished, I ordered it on amazon with 1 day delivery. I re-read it from page 1 and actually did every exercise in it and my life changed. little at first, then immensely, that book saved my life.

[deleted] · 2015-05-01T17:14:26+00:00

I've recently discovered the book myself and ive listened to it in it's entirety 3 times already. The guy had me pegged from the beginning.

Im 29, and i cant say i blame myself because i no longer have that word in my vocabulary. the main point is taking control of your own life. The situation was fucked up, but im glad i am aware of it now, or whatever age it decided to hit me and im excited to move forward, that is all. My level of happiness jumped so much because i now have a solid framework of why i am the way i am.

I honestly feel relieved im not perfect or have to be perfect, im glad i dont have to take pride in certain parts of my distorted sets of value anymore. Deep down, i was conditioned but im glad i have permission not to and im still a good guy. It has really brought down my walls i didnt even know i had, ive been more open than i have in years and i did have a layer of secrecy, resentment at work with my family etc... I was one of those classic calm on the surface a royal mess on the inside....

I removed that shit and now im a mess on the outside, and working on it...

I usually spend my breaks smoking a cig in this depressed haze, thinking about everything and nothing. This past month i have peace and quiet in my head and i started thinking about what i want to do on the weekends for fun, which is a new element for me since i always by default do everything my friends are doing.

This last weekend i went to the park downtown, read a book, slept and relaxed because i love doing that and it was GREAT!

ZeeyardSA · 2015-05-01T20:47:26+00:00

You and me both! Imagine living your life by a set of rules just to find out that your partner of 10 years did not! Let it go and make a better life going forward

everquestnerd · 2015-05-01T23:47:01+00:00

I just swallowed TRP myself a few months ago. Although my whole life I've been semi-successful with women, it took a break-up of a year to make me find my inner self and what I really want out of life and realize what women actually find " attractive ". Already racked up a decent amount of notches ( women ) the past few months that it would usually taken 1-2 years to achieve back at my former self. Keep lifting ( or start ), don't take shit from no one and aggressively pursue want you want. 35 is still young bro.. start the TRP lifestyle, get fit and have a decent job and you'll be pulling twenty something's in no time.

yesnolift · 2015-05-01T14:34:40+00:00

Was what worth it?

mascalu · 2015-05-01T21:43:56+00:00

I’ve had the same epiphany last September when I read this book, after I just turned 36 and had ended with great difficulty a profoundly bad +12 years LTR. I did in this relationship all the things listed in the book that “nice guys” do (I was 110% beta) and it was a confirmation for me that it was the right choice to end the relationship. Also this book helped me to find you guys – The Red Pill – by searching the book on Google to see if anybody is discussing about it on the internet. Now I’m reading all that I can from TRP and try to get rid of my beta behavior. Learning all these things made me understand how wrong I was thinking and behaving in regards to women and, unfortunately, how many beta “men” (they are men only because of their sex, but they are not real men) are around me – friends or acquaintances. So I’m happy that I found this book by accident, I’m very happy that I’ve found you guys of TRP and I want to thank you all for existing and doing the great thing that you’re doing here: helping us, blinded beta “men”. My main goal is that one day I will be a real man and not just a “man“.
To answer to OP: was it worth it? I would say better late than never. We have our own past experience from which we can see that we were wrong so we have one more reason to change ourselves and improve our lives. And having at our disposal all this information about what to do from now on is fabulous. Cheers to all!

mahlzeit · 2015-05-01T23:16:41+00:00

Haha, I know that feeling too well.

There's a YouTube channel I found recently that expands a lot on the psychology behind why we become people pleasers and grow up with boundary issues, I think it's definitely worth checking out. Sometimes he can get a bit new agey, so take it with a grain of salt, but overall the stuff on narcissism and CPTSD he talks about was at least as eye opening to me as NMMNG.

DarkisKnight · 2015-05-01T20:24:58+00:00

The road to manhood is never easy no matter when you start.

Can't move backwards only forwards.

krustytheclown2 · 2015-05-01T20:27:23+00:00

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SheepKing · 2015-05-02T05:58:38+00:00

I feel you bro, now take opportunities

Title	cringed while reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
Author	OverdoseOfRedPill
Upvotes	84
Comments	35
Date	May 1, 2015 12:39 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/34iex3/cringed_while_reading_no_more_mr_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/cringed-while-reading-no-more-mr-nice-guy.66 https://theredarchive.com/post/66

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