How can I confront my girlfriend without admitting I snooped?

ay-fuh-q · 2021-02-19T11:45:17+00:00

She was like "oh hes nobody don't worry about it. do you want me to block him?"

It's odd for any girl to go right to the "do you want me to block him" move, but the "he's nobody; don't worry about it" is the most cliche line in the book. They say that about every dude they suck off.

She's deleting conversations and muting his alerts, so it doesn't get your attention. This ALWAYS means what you think it does.

Obviously this shit is making me really suspicious.

Forget suspicious. You should be done with her or, if you're not emotionally attached, just demote to plate and keep fucking. By the way, when was the last blowjob you got from her where she put in an effort?

But I've come clean about snooping before to past girlfriends and it always ends up being a complete fucking mess.

No. Don't do this again. Cheaters ALWAYS make snooping to be the worse offense. Sure, maybe she swallowed a little cum, but YOU had no right to invade her privacy. lol

Does anyone have any ideas on how I could figure out WTF is going on between her and this dude without saying "hey i checked your shit you deleted his messages".

Sometimes you just can't know until you do. She's not just going to come clean with it and, as I just said above, the fight won't be about her unfaithfulness, it'll be about your "insecure and controlling behavior." You'll be labeled "abusive" for keeping tabs.

End it or don't, but do not admit to snooping to questioning what's going on. You know what's going on. WE know what's going on.

MrNeverDryDick · 2021-02-19T12:20:23+00:00

Judging by your comments you’ve got some scarcity going on. You’re trying to hang on to her as much as possible despite the obvious signs. It’s what she does, not what she says.

Of course you’re not going to listen to advice here because you feel you can’t get another girl.

The best thing to do is to quietly demote her. No more relationship stuff. You just fuck her and that’s the extent of the “relationship.” No talk, no argument, no discussing feelings. You then start approaching other women and get them in rotation.

If you had other women interested you wouldn’t be worried about this one. You are completely operating in her frame. She knows it too.

The fact that you have a history of being insecure means you REALLY should not be in LTR right now. You would benefit immensely from fucking several different women. Trust

AllocNeighley · 2021-02-19T11:49:23+00:00

How can you miss the writing on the wall?

I'll say what I would do, demote from LTR to fwb/plate. Don't put your money on this chick and start dating again.

Wouldn't confront her, unless you want to leave your dick dry. But... If you had options you would already have done this

Realise that this is your internal struggle because morally you wouldn't do this to her. But she does it to you. People are very different and if you are naiv you will be the sucker

MindlessCalendar · 2021-02-19T11:50:32+00:00

A good GF doesn't text other dudes, let alone delete messages to not get caught. So you don't confront her. You break up with her because she is not LTR material.

RedUncleCad · 2021-02-19T14:22:11+00:00

Just tease her about her new BF---ask if you can come to the wedding a nd encourage her to eat, pray love if thats what she wants to do

Alpha behavior is to disregard. Beta Behavior is to mate guard

ay-fuh-q · 2021-02-19T11:48:02+00:00

Don't tell her, worst thing you can do. Instead you need to remove yourself from the situation as cleanly as possible. You snooped and found some evidence of her speaking to another guy which she has been covering her tracks.

This is enough imo to next her or demote her. Depends on your situation. She is not to be trusted anymore so would no longer provide my time and energy to her. Focus on getting plates and vetting before offering exclusivity.

halleluiaiaia9292 · 2021-02-19T13:01:25+00:00

Dont ignore this. Also confronting is useless. She will try to manipulate you into forgiving her.

Man i wish I didnt ignore these kind of things in my last relationship. But I did. And when i confronted I believed all the lies.

I should have broken up and you should break up.

Hope you listen to our advice.

Best of luck

comcain · 2021-02-19T13:25:59+00:00

Time to plan your exit stategy. Also, game other women.

Efficient_Film_149 · 2021-02-19T13:34:43+00:00

Who cares. You’ve walked into the room with his dick in her ass. Instead of saying thank you both, and leaving, you sit there with a tape measure to see how deep it is.

The damage is done. She’s fucking this dude or getting ready to. Dump her and give her no reason.

lieutenantdong · 2021-02-19T13:45:11+00:00

Confronting is useless at this point. Bringing it up and accepting it only to come back two weeks later will be so weak you wont fuck her again. And youll be to blame in her mind and shell rewrite that she never loved you.

Texting other dudes and hiding messages is a huge hard boundary for anyone whos more than a girls accessory. This whole thing just shows you have no boundaries and she can do what the fuck she likes. She is just waiting to swing now. At least stand up for yourself and leave. Thats all thats left on the table for you. I wouldnt even demote just cut her off without a word before she can. Youll look back and be glad you did.

Don_Draper27 · 2021-02-19T15:00:32+00:00

The main important part is that you have some personal issues you need to resolve because it comes to a point where your baggage is resulting in your relationships doing things like this, or you're just attracting these types of girls. I don't think I would ever even consider going through an LTR's phone more than once, for the same dude.

Truthfully, all the suspicious activity would just turn me off where I wouldn't give a shit anymore and just end things. Even if she's 100% cheating, she has 5 alibis already thought up in her head. You can't catch her with her pants down cause she's wearing 5 other pairs.

At the end of the day, trust your gut. Even though you have issues, you deserve better. And you're never going to improve and find quality connections if you keep having sleepless nights over middle school shit like this. Life is too short.

alexvieiraferr · 2021-02-19T12:23:18+00:00

Its not your fault, where everyone making its own mistskes and finding a way ... this type od shit just feels like a lack of connection amd strong brotherhood which leaves boys alone where they try to find conforty in every girl they migjt have. A chance to sleep with

rawed_steel · 2021-02-19T14:50:26+00:00

[deleted]

rawed_steel · 2021-02-19T15:04:52+00:00

Monkey branching

daddydropfeet · 2021-02-19T14:19:13+00:00

Dude. You want to learn the hard way. Keep rationalising. We've been there. You want quick pain or elongate the drama and be broken?

Choose.

I feel for you, I'd have been as desperate about a year ago. Now I'm banging 19 yr olds (flaked on one today) and have a ZFG mindset. Her (my ex oneitis unicorn OMG she's perfect, she would never do this to me, give her the benefit of the doubt) breaking me down and playing mind games was the result of the massive hamstering you're doing rn. It may take just that to break you out of your BP haze. Good luck, see you on the other side.

GothicSouthern · 2021-02-19T15:16:22+00:00

What the fuck are you doing posting on Reddit instead of breaking up with her?

Why are you all like omfg my girlfriend is doing shit that makes her no longer girlfriend material, how should I talk to her in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings?

Grow a fucking sack and take up for yourself dude. This shit is not acceptable. She doesn't get another chance after this shit. You are worth more than that bullshit.

Fabulous-Craft · 2021-02-19T15:32:51+00:00

If you're suspicious then it's already too late.

You need to setup boundaries before this shit happens.

ScholarLad · 2021-02-19T15:47:27+00:00

Don’t confront her. Doesn’t do anyone any good. But this is a huge red flag. Break up with her and tell her that you don’t think she’s committed enough. She’ll either get the hint or start second guessing herself. Either way, cut loose. This one is done

MoistObligation9999 · 2021-02-19T16:52:05+00:00

Finish it. Don't explain why, she doesn't deserve an explanation. She already knows why anyway.. but this way she doesn't know you were on her phone for sure. GL

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2021-02-19T12:15:51+00:00

Do not tell her. She will 100% rationalize and turn your snooping into the bigger issue here, which is high indication of her cheating.

I would monitor the situation for SLIGHTLY longer, and perhaps in that time you can get the concrete evidence you need. But, that gut feeling is rarely wrong, and you’ve already found the muted/suspicious message stuff.

Start detaching yourself mentally now. Whether she’s cheated on you or not, it doesn’t hurt to further detach yourself and remind yourself to care a little less.

Herdsengineers · 2021-02-19T14:09:43+00:00

You're suspicious and trying to get smoking gun type proof she's cheating before giving yourself permission to act and dump her. You're doing this because you're afraid of leaving her. You have a fear reaction of leaving or losing her and you're trying to hamster your own way into believing this is all innocent and maybe she isn't doing anything wrong. You're here posting, though, because deep down you know the truth is she's being deceptive to you in a way that should not be tolerated.

I've been there, I've tried what you're trying to do, it does not work. You are better off acting on what you know. You know plenty to know already what she is doing, you don't need to gather more intel first. All you really need to do is tell her you know she's messing around inappropriately with this guy so you are giving her the freedom to go do it openly instead of secretly by breaking up with her. That's it. Tell her you know she's inappropriately involved with this guy, don't ask, don't invite the opportunity for her to lie more. And do not reveal you snooped. Do not tell her anything else you know. Say nothing about deleted messages, muting, etc.

Whatever she says in response, from there you have nothing else to say. You simply get up and leave. She'll deny it, she'll accuse you of snooping, then she'll ask how or what else do you think you know....it's all classic cheater manipulation. You simply say "I have nothing else to say to you, good bye." and you get up and leave.

*If* she ever comes around, feels remorse, and wants to try to salvage things, it's not going to happen in the moment you confront and break up with her. It will happen later. Her hamster has to finish spinning, and then she has to decide she needs to come clean in order to try to salvage her relationship with you. It might take a day, a week, a month...or it might never happen. She very well might come back, though, admit what she was doing, and tell you how she wants to get back together, ask for forgiveness, etc. From there, if I was you, I'd not take her back. It never works out. You're never not suspicious again.

alternateaccount49 · 2021-02-19T16:10:30+00:00

Do you see any good outcome from this? The only positive that could come of this, at least that I foresee, is that y’all 2 split up and you both save your own damn time

Snowboard18 · 2021-02-19T16:01:11+00:00

If I were in Vegas I’d put like 92% of my chips on that she used to fuck this guy or still does every once in a while. Could’ve been an ex or a fwb or just a quick fling we’re she got alpha widowed.

If I were in your shoes I’d give her one and ably one shot. Stoically tell her that Your done with her being your gf for a while and just treat her like a plate. If she falls back in line and doesn’t act suspicious like this or texts any other dude and treats you like a king then I’d give her another chance

rawed_steel · 2021-02-19T11:59:27+00:00

[deleted]

Title	How can I confront my girlfriend without admitting I snooped?
Author	ThrowRARudeMan
Upvotes	16
Comments	48
Date	February 19, 2021 11:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lndvy7/how_can_i_confront_my_girlfriend_without/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-i-confront-my-girlfriend-without-admitting.741535 https://theredarchive.com/post/741535

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