How do you stay physically attracted to the same girl after 5+ years?

sadnesspickle · 2016-01-03T20:23:30+00:00

dr_warlock · 2016-01-03T20:40:50+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you. Strict monogamy isn't natural, which is why society tries so hard to make you think otherwise. It's why throughout history, there was a legal structure around it accompanied by severe punishment. It's why they used the fear of god's wrath to enforce it. Men need variety. No amount of counseling or communication is going to change this. You can't negotiate desire.

In addition I believe that LTR's of your duration have little to no use outside of children.

If you don't want to have sex with her anymore, just leave. However, given your situation, you have to keep up appearances and leave the situation strategically. Get your finances in order, secretly find a new place, then let her down gently AFTER (you don't want false accusations or complications). Don't say "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you". If you do, you'll get in an unnecessary argument about negotiating desire via sexual exploration, she will probably ask if you've been cheating, and down tangents you will go. Say something along the lines of "We need to talk.... Our time together has been great, but the spark is gone. The feelings just aren't there anymore. I loved the time we have spent together and you are wonderful, but I believe it's time we split."

SlothOnRoids · 2016-01-03T20:42:03+00:00

I like to imagine looking at my girl from another mans perspective and how much I'd like to fuck her if I didn't know her, if that makes any sense to you. I totally understand how you feel though, I've been with the same girl for over 4 years and haven't strayed.

rattamahatta · 2016-01-03T20:29:47+00:00

Cut out the porn.

awkwardtouching · 2016-01-03T21:21:58+00:00

Are you attracted to her personality? It's not something you even mentioned. Maybe you simply don't love her anymore.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-01-03T23:51:21+00:00

This is pretty common. My theory is that when you repeatedly sleep with someone and it doesn't result in children after a number of years, your body implicitly starts to suspect that they are infertile.

There's nothing you can do.

ProspectiveQuant · 2016-01-04T00:17:12+00:00

Wish we could swap lives... I only ever find non-monogamous whores somehow.

But I'm miswired, and naturally only become increasingly attracted to a single person the more I know them.

GuitarHero07 · 2016-01-04T05:33:39+00:00

Get yourself a mistress. Maybe you could bang out some high end escorts every now and again. Find reasons to travel unaccompanied. We've all heard of business executives fucking their secretaries.

As others have said, it's only natural for men to have the desire to fuck other women. But at the same time, you'll probably want a "good girl" to be your LTR/wife. Throughout history it was quite normal for kings and nobles to have wives but also mistresses and/or concubines.

MrFuckupKing · 2016-01-04T00:30:17+00:00

I lose interest after 5 months and I'm amazed when men keep a life long interest in the same woman.

I think it partly goes to temperament. My sexuality has always had a strong predatory side where I experience it like hunting an animal and capturing it and I have never been able to move beyond this desire as part of my sexuality.

I'm like a dog that must chase cars but if the car stops it than quickly loses interest. My sexuality is very primal and primitive. There is nothing enlightened or civilized about my sexuality. It is raw and instinctual.

This of course makes monogamy impossible for me and I have simply accepted it.

Other men seem to be able to bond long term and have wife googles so have little to no interest in being with other women.

These men live on the opposite end of the spectrum from me.

Know where you fall on this spectrum between being predatory versus having wife googles.

Predatory sounds evil, immoral or abusive but I am simply describing a psychological stance or place on the sexual spectrum. An acknowledgement and acceptance of what I am.

I have never raped a woman in any shape or form or abused one for that matter. I'm very respectful of people but I simply walk a different path from most. I am built for seduction not commitment.

Accept your sexuality because there is little you can do to change it.

One possible change for those who want monogamy (but don't) is to introduce some form of BDSM into your sexual relations because it taps into many of the instincts that create profound sexual arousal for both men and women.

Educate yourself because this is some serious psychological shit to play around with.

It has many layers and can be like walking across a minefield that can destroy your humanity if you make one misstep.

Jumping in without learning about it is like giving a loaded gun to a child. Approach it with humility because it is very powerful.

sunwukong155 · 2016-01-03T21:38:33+00:00

You just have to live an exciting led and be unpredictable. If you're still doing the same old things you were 5 years ago there is no way she'll stay interested. Same goes for you. She is gonna bore you after awhile.

Go on a vacation together. Find a new hobby, learn to make music or a fighting sport. You know what gives girls the tingles, find it, do it, live life and love it.

wont_tell_i_refuse · 2016-01-03T22:06:47+00:00

A wig might help. Could get weird and make her insecure if you make her wear it all the time, but hey fuck it.

I had a similar situation with a virgin 10 and I just left.

Squeezymypenisy · 2016-01-03T23:00:48+00:00

Spend more time apart and go do more exciting things. Roleplay is a good one. Get costumes. Do bondage. Or if you literally don't like her anymore then figure out a way to gently dump her. What's your average day like?

InscrutablePUA · 2016-01-04T02:45:46+00:00

Check your testosterone. If your dick gets hard for other girls then yeah you have a problem.

Have you tried changing up the sex? Doing it in public, on your car, in the library. Role playing is good too.

LegElbow · 2016-01-04T02:56:55+00:00

I think you're losing attraction to her the person. I don't think a man can ever be tired of a hot body but he can be tired of her shit. So much shit that it negates her positives.

Hot girls everywhere have ex boyfriends because someone, somewhere is tired of their shit.

I don't agree that LTRs are not natural. I think they can be, for the right reasons. You just gotta find a girl that meet your core needs. Sex/attraction is just one aspect.

Whisper · 2016-01-04T02:10:58+00:00

There is a difference between being bored of someone, and being starved for variety.

Try cheating on her. If this reignites your desire for her, then you're a perfectly normal and healthy male... most of us need a little strange now and again.

If you're excited by the new girl, but still not by her, there's a problem which you haven't consciously realized yet.

TRPShill · 2016-01-04T01:06:14+00:00

While the best option may be to just do what /u/dr_warlock told you to do, you could try opening up the relationship on your side. SOME GIRLS will accept it, most wont. If you dont fear any accusations from not letting her down easily, and you want to keep having consistency with poon on the side, there's a chance for that.

if your hierarchy looks like this, in order of best to worst

old girl with new girls

new girls

old girl

then the best option is to try opening your side. If it doesnt work you're still at the highest rung you could get.

Flat breaking up with her, spinning plates, and then plating her a few months down the road is also possible and probably the most viable option.

Dickwheel · 2016-01-04T02:29:56+00:00

Few times a week is more than enough. I usually only have time for once per two weeks

RedDeadlift · 2016-01-04T04:45:29+00:00

I am going through a very similar scenario. 4 year LTR. She's a solid 8, great personality, works out, eats healthy, working hard in school, does not seek validation on social media, we see each other about once a week, do fun, new, interesting activities, we talk about worthwhile topics, but after 4 years, I have nearly zero attraction to her.

I don't watch porn, I meditate, lift regularly, when I see other chicks (6-7s even), I am turned on like crazy.

I think /u/MrFuckupKing hit the nail on the head. I love the hunt for a new chick and the thrill of winning her over.

2016-01-04T08:20:02+00:00

Dude, fuck. I'm in the same shoes as you are right now. My girl is awesome, but I'm just starting to feel bored. There is nothing exciting anymore.

raceAround126 · 2016-01-04T08:27:57+00:00

If I'm honest, that's her job more than it is yours.

If she's starfishing, then who's going to get turned on by that? If she has new lingerie arriving every other week and thinking of new ways to extract your manly sex juice in new and interesting ways, then that's problem solved really.

There is also the prospect of your attraction has run out of steam. Familiarity breeds contempt.

That's all I could muster. I'm afraid I've not been in that position. My LTR was dead bedroom for 8 years and most of my plates I have simply moved on when they started pushing the psycho button. So take my advice with a pinch of salt.

chaseemall · 2016-01-04T10:50:19+00:00

One of the things that Patrice would talk about is that having threesomes would make him like his girl more afterward.

See if you can't get your girl into that. Look up Black Phillip episodes for more info.

wehadtosaydickety · 2016-01-04T11:48:15+00:00

I've had the same problem. I had some success making an effort to keep things new, e.g. Being more aggressive, new positions. It can be easy to fall into a routine with a girl. When I keep her on her toes a little it makes it more exciting for me because it's new for her, so a little similar to fucking her the first time.

neptunesunrise · 2016-01-04T17:53:03+00:00

My ex-boyfriend and I used to sleep with girls together. It was a team effort of fucking and chucking lol. I'd meet guys on the side too, but it was never necessary to mention them because the agreement was balanced.

Monogamy is rough though. I don't have any advice.

FreyWill · 2016-01-04T18:17:22+00:00

Do some drugs together, best way to reinvigorate a sex life

Rump-Pungen · 2016-01-07T04:56:42+00:00

I think that you have to just submit to the fact that you won't find her as attractive as time goes by. If you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, it's going to have to be someone with virtues beside from beauty. The sex part can't be the most important part of the relationship.

JamesSkepp · 2016-01-03T20:31:04+00:00

living together for the past 2

Do you have an opportunity to miss eachother. Literally and figuratively. How much time do you spend together, in the proximity of house?

And a more unconventional approach - if you masturbate - what turns you on? What's the fantasy, both the girl and the situation?

And lastly, the easiest and the most "brutal" explanation (paraphrasing something I read few years back): "Aren't you afraid she's going to get bored of you?" - "No, I'm afraid I will get bored of her" aka. seems like we men ("bad bad male") like variety as much as girls do "(just explore your feelings girl").

Sw1tch72 · 2016-01-03T20:40:54+00:00

Do you watch porn and or jerk off very often?

How much time do you two spend apart?

Freiling · 2016-01-04T03:08:25+00:00

Spend time apart.

redpillbanana · 2016-01-04T07:17:19+00:00

I've noticed that I'm able to see the same woman for many years if she's part of a plate rotation or even the main plate. When you're switching between different girls and have a pipeline of new girls coming in, it keeps things fresh.

After having sex with girl A with the D cups, you start to look forward to girl B's nice spinner body while thinking of girl C's amazing lips on your cock.

If you eat filet mignon every day, you'll get sick of it. Rotate in a large variety of other dishes and it can remain a special treat for you.

martin-ho · 2016-01-03T20:28:26+00:00

Maybe tell her to try a new haircolour...I don't know

Lol

GunnarX · 2016-01-04T03:36:40+00:00

Dread her into lifting.

Title	How do you stay physically attracted to the same girl after 5+ years?
Author	ask_trp
Upvotes	61
Comments	73
Date	January 3, 2016 7:47 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3zb5be/how_do_you_stay_physically_attracted_to_the_same/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-stay-physically-attracted-to-the-same.153 https://theredarchive.com/post/153

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