newbie, got LJBFed. What did I do right/wrong?

VigilantCMDR · 2021-03-08T08:51:15+00:00

dude you got rejected just move on don't write a fan fiction about it find another girl

Yolemmegetsomehelp · 2021-03-08T08:55:34+00:00

You seem like you're heading down the right track. Honestly, if I was in your situation, I would retreat and stop all communication with her. She's a G for giving you a straight answer. Before you accept her offer to hang out as friends, please ask yourself "Do I want to be friends with her or Do I want to be romantically involved with her?" Since you don't want to be friends I wouldn't hang out with her, with that abundance mindset you can go find a chick who hasn't expressed disinterests in you.

HornedBul · 2021-03-08T09:59:34+00:00

finally manned up and asked my oneitis out for dinner

idk if you used this as a form of expression or not, but if you have oneitis you already failed.

from what you posted it seems you were already talking to the girl before discovering this. in other words, you were already in the friendzone, and there's no (easy) way of getting out of it, so there was no way of "doing it right".

if you are going down this path expect to take many Ls. you are going to be getting LJBF'd, flaked on, ghosted, etc. Read sidebar, so you at least know to diagnose on each interaction what went right and what went wrong and work on it, instead of having to post every single one of them here.

Impulsive666 · 2021-03-08T08:40:17+00:00

Go with 2. Why would you get butthurt after such a polite text, especially when you are still going to see her?

marowitt · 2021-03-08T13:43:26+00:00

Stop wasting your time on her, she will use you as an emotional tampon and then when you try to make a move she will go "I though we were just friends".

Don't give women a second chance, if one says no, her loss, move on, there's millions of them out there and they are all 99% the same, especially in your age group.

Imagine you have 100 pairs of identical socks and you lose one, does it matter? There are 199 other identical socks in the drawer.

youngfuture7 · 2021-03-08T14:00:01+00:00

She has friendzoned you, only way to gain her sexual attention is to fuck a girl that has higher SMV than hers and she knows you are fucking her. Easier said than done.

2021-03-08T14:01:05+00:00

Just say you can’t do lunch and leave it at that. Don’t respond to the friend thing. Just a simple “no, I have plans Saturday”. Then never talk to her again except a very casual “hello” where social norms dictate when your paths cross. Stop giving her attention.

wkndatbernardus · 2021-03-08T14:06:17+00:00

I would text her back something light so you don't come off as butt hurt but you also don't spend money or time on a lunch with her that will lead to nowhere. Something like, "ah gotcha, ok no worries, some other time then" and just ghost thereafter.

rothkochapel · 2021-03-08T15:14:26+00:00

November Echo X-ray Tango

antonthecad · 2021-03-08T15:44:29+00:00

You're not friends with her, you wanted to fuck. She didn't and she always knew you wanted to fuck but liked the attention. Now you need to move on with your life, don't be messaging her or giving her the time of day unless she wants to fuck.

It is what it is. You need to develop a mindset and personality that stops this from happening in the future. At first you will probably go too far and come across as too much of an ass but that's part of the learning curve.

MarkMy_Word · 2021-03-08T09:50:31+00:00

Are you trying to date or just smash this girl?

Either way you should’ve went with 1. Why settle for a friendship when you know that’s not what you want. Setting up the dinner is pointless.

epicharlie12 · 2021-03-08T14:58:13+00:00

You've set the frame wrong. You should give sexual vibes when talking with a girl you want to smash. Make it clear what you want, but in a subtle way.

Her response shows that you gave non-sexual energy. Just be homest and tell her that you want more than a friendship but nothing to serious. If she says she's not interested, you move on.

skyrunner22 · 2021-03-08T15:25:37+00:00

First you are on right track, keep grinding. Now the mindset you need to change is focusing on one chick, end it cordially and then go approach many other women, the moment you realize there are billions and you get your numbers up, is the moment you will have success, its a numbers game. The guys I knew who had success the most brushed off rejection like nothing, they werent trying to protect their fragile egos, they knew their value and if the girl didnt see it, it was her loss, keep it moving.

Also you are in college, one of BEST pools for dating, expanding your social circle, etc. NEVER look at it as shitting where you eat, lol.. Who told you that college is the same thing as your job. Some of you guys take things to extreme or literal.. College is the best pool of young hot girls in one place in your life, dont freakin blow it extending a work rule to college also, wtf..

throwitdownman · 2021-03-08T16:34:10+00:00

Nice essay. There’s literally nothing to critique. You gave little facts about the situation and literally spewed emotion. Is there a question in there that can’t be addressed by the sidebar?

oooKenshiooo · 2021-03-08T17:08:08+00:00

First of all: She seems like a genuinely nice person, her response was polite and respectful and therefore you should reciprocate.

Tell her you see her as a woman, not as a friend and politely decline the friendship without being butthurt.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2021-03-08T14:46:24+00:00

ask her in person u weakling

319Skew · 2021-03-08T15:19:33+00:00

3 weeks isn't a long time to really internalize anything.

There are two ways to look at it.

You can look at it as a shit test. She likes you but doesn't want to seem eager so is throwing this screen out for all the beta chumps to stop gaming her.

OR

You can look at it as an application to be in her orbit.

In my experience, if you fuck and she gives you the former than you tell her "it's not what I'm looking for but I understand, take care." That's a shit test to see if she can mess up your frame.

If you don't fuck and she gives you that line then it's usually to set you up for some prime real estate as her satellite. So a rejection.

So, where does that leave you?

Picture you applied for a job and they responded with :

"I know this might sound weird, and I'm really sorry if I am wrong or being sensitive. But I just want to clarify and I dont want to be hiring you. I'm still down to meet and discuss the position you didn't get though! Im not sure about Friday night because I already am training the new hire but maybe a lunch on Saturday if you want to pay?"

The main difference is that a potential employer may give you actual constructive feedback for your future. Women rarely give any feedback.

You responded with "Yes".

Now, I know that some of the guys are chads and will be like "but I.." and that's great for YOU. OP is still new to this and we're talking about him.

To maximize his success, he should be investing time in self improvement and going after fuck yes prospects not trying to win over a oneitus "maybe".

redpilledfox · 2021-03-08T20:46:05+00:00

Say you can’t make it Saturday and leave it at that. Don’t acknowledge the rejection, just let it be

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prostaddict · 2021-03-08T14:41:38+00:00

Either go with 1 or option 3 - Politely decline her LJBF and do not meet with her. If you decline LJBF and still meet up with her you're going to make it awkward for both of you, or you're just giving her the pleasure of being validated (making you a beta orbiter). The only way you can possibly gain her romantic interest (which - frankly, don't count on it) is to stop communicating with her and focus on increasing your SMV

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-08T14:45:43+00:00

Be blunt and harsh.

It works or she's not into you.

SeasonedRP · 2021-03-08T18:33:20+00:00

I'm guessing you did or said something previously that let her know she was your oneitis and it turned her off. Or maybe she has a boyfriend. Do the lunch date. It'll be good experience for you. Don't try to escalate or do any kino. Wait until you get IOIs before doing that, and those likely won't happen at this lunch date. Be friendly but kind of aloof and see how things go. If you do it right and she has interest, she'll want to see you again. If not, don't waste anymore time on her.

mabden · 2021-03-08T20:19:20+00:00

2) Thanks for the offer of lunch, however, I already have plans for the weekend.

WoodWizzy87 · 2021-03-08T20:27:00+00:00

You can’t be friends with a oneitis. I’d just reply, “oh ok cool, thought we had a vibe going, but I was mistaken no biggie”. Don’t text her, talk to her, etc. etc.

AltruisticBeautiful7 · 2021-03-08T10:06:55+00:00

RomanH101 · 2021-03-08T12:15:32+00:00

A simple “Nah im alright, i think you kinda sexy and all that so i aint tryna do the whole friendship thing. Best of luck in life though” and move on.

She’s seen you as Beta before so she will not see you as Masculine. Its only been 3 weeks, dont beat yourself up. Cut off that oneitis for good & start gaming other girls. Focus on confidence, smoothness and over nonchalant “I dont give af what she think” type Alpha energy when interacting with women. Keep working out, keep getting hobbies & skills.

After about year of doing all that stuff consistently, your whole life will transform.

Now go on YT & subscribe to FitXFearless, Entrepreneurs in Cars and Fresh&Fit podcast.

Title	newbie, got LJBFed. What did I do right/wrong?
Author	dmsama
Upvotes	24
Comments	27
Date	March 8, 2021 8:17 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/m0b5uv/newbie-got-ljbfed-what-did-i-do-rightwrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/newbie-got-ljbfed-what-did-i-do-rightwrong.1597660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1597660

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