EDIT: Above The Game is being published as a book. Read here for details.

Above The Game - A 9 Part Series

0) Intro & My Story

1) Primer on Who You Will Become

2) Fundamentals of Attraction: Authenticity, Desire, Excitement, Lifestyle

3) Body Language & How to Approach

4) Qualifying & Calibration

5) Flirting, Touch & Conversation

6) Logistics (getting the number, texting, setting up dates, etc.)

7) Physical Escalation & Sex

8) Relationships

9) Giving Back: Be a Value Giver

Flirting

In his excellent work, Models, Mark Manson defines flirting as: Expressing your sexuality to a woman in a non-needy manner, eliciting her to become more attracted to you.

Let's break that down. "Expressing your sexuality" means you are clear with your intent. You are speaking to her because you find it fun and you think she is attractive. A direct statement of interest certainly accomplishes this, "You are beautiful." But so does good body language. Holding strong eye contact while you discuss politics with her is as clear a statement of interest as there is.

Non-needy manner should be familiar at this point. You are speaking with her because you wonder what she is like. Does she fit your qualifications in a girl? Go find out! That's being non-needy. You're not hard up for sex, you're just figuring out what she is all about. Curious minds want to know.

Flirting done correctly will cause her to "become more attracted to you." That's the name of the game.

There are two basic forms of flirting: breaking rapport and leading. Breaking rapport is anything that shows you are willing to risk rejection. Leading is when you, as man, directly dictate the direction of the interaction.

Any time you tease, do something unexpected and spontaneous, say something surprising, or act dismissive, you are breaking rapport.

Examples of Breaking Rapport:

  • Push/Pull (Giving a reward then taking away, repeat ad nauseum. Example: "You're really beautiful, Natalie. I think you're the third hottest Natalie I've ever met.")
  • Vocal Inflection (Lowering your inflection as opposed to raising your inflection at the end of sentences. It's the difference between "Wow, you went to Brown University." and "Ugh, you went to Brown University?")
  • "Reality Destroyers" (Something incredibly spontaneous and unexpected to the point where her brain short-circuits a little. Examples: picking a girl up in the air for no reason, messing up her hair, telling her she's "Such a bro," Angel/Goddess Technique)
  • Physical Push/Pull (Push/Pull with physical twist added. Example here.)

Leading is when you, as the man, make a decision about where an interaction will be heading. She expects you to push the interaction forward. That is your job. You always risk some level of rejection when you try to change the flow. That demonstrates a willingness to walk away which is inherently attractive and non-needy. That is flirting 101.

Examples of Leading:

  • Touch (You are physically leading the interaction forward)
  • Roleplaying (You are deciding to play a game and allowing her to play with you.)
  • Changing venues (You decide where to go next.)
  • Making decisions (You decide what to order, what to do, etc.)
  • Treating her like an old friend (You are deciding to treat her like an old friend even though you just met.)

As a general rule of thumb, not taking yourself too seriously, and staying self-entertained, will allow you to maximize your attractiveness and pass any "tests" she may throw your way. Keep that in mind.

Touch

Touch, also known as kino escalation, will be your bread & butter. You MUST get comfortable touching others if you expect to get good with women. There is no way to fake the act of touching.

Because it's so important, Part 7 of this guide is almost entirely dedicated to physical escalation. But between now and then, you MUST get comfortable touching girls. Start basic, offer handshakes and high fives to people like they're going out of style.

When you or the person you're talking to says something funny, touch them on the forearm when you laugh. It's perfectly natural and establishes that you are comfortable touching.

Decide arbitrarily to move to another section of the bar, or park, or wherever you are. When you do, put your hand on the small of her back. "Come on, let's move over there." or "Let's go check the other side of the bar out. Come on."

Try to hold hands, or sit her on your lap. Let your legs touch each other under the table as the sexual tension builds. Force yourself to get comfortable doing it - there is no way around it.

Conversation

Your conversation skills are important but not the be all, end all of pickup. There are master orators, hypnotists, comedians and storytellers who rely almost exclusively on their words to get laid. But here's their big secret: they turn most women off rather quickly.

They speak when they should listen. They're entertaining when they should be seducing. They are building up to a punchline when they should be building comfort. In other words, they are miscalibrated.

As a man, it is your job to lead every interaction with a woman. You want to find something you can both speak passionately about it and run with it. Find commonalities. Ask questions. Get her opinion on all sorts of things.

Do not be afraid to call out a conversation as boring and change the topic. That's leading and that's flirting 101. Here is an example:

You: How were your classes today?

Girl: Not bad.

You: Cool. Any plans for the summer?

Girl: Not yet... looks away, disinterested

You (recognizing the situation): You know, this conversation is boring. Let's talk about something more exciting.

Girl: What?

You: Yeah, let's mix it up. Here's a question for you... Why is Japanese porn so weird?

Girl: LOL what? Uh...

You: Seriously, they do the most depraved things ever and then blur out the genitals so it's supposed to be OK or something.

Girl: You know a lot about Japanese porn, dude.

You: Yeah, I was a world-class masturbator when I was 13.

Girl: LOL

You: Hah bet you never thought you'd be discussing my middle school masturbation habits, huh?

Girl: Hah can't say I did.

You: Anyway, walk with me a second, I need to check on something.

I chose this example because I'm a guy who wants girls who are comfortable laughing about topics like porn. I spent time reflecting on the qualities I like in a girl (As listed in the section on Qualifying Women in Part 4) and want to make sure any girl I speak to is okay with that. I also quickly turned a boring conversation to a hilarious and sexual one with just a few words. "This conversation is boring. Let's talk about something more exciting." <-- your new best friend.

That's being spontaneous, unique, and leading in one fell swoop. Try it out sometime. Develop your own "routines" and use them egregiously. Figure out what conversation topics make you smile. Try to be different. Be polarizing and use your conversation as a way to qualify a woman's compatibility. Remember, you're trying to find out what she's like. Don't be afraid to scare incompatible women off. That's a GOOD thing.

Comfort Building

Just remember, at some point when you are talking to a girl, you MUST build a certain level of comfort or she will not feel comfortable sleeping with you/dating you. Sure, talking about porn is great, but you'll need more than that to find a girlfriend. Entire books have been written on comfort building methods, but I'm going to share my secret with you.

In addition to finding common things you like or have experienced (commonalities), play a quick "Getting to know you" game and bring up these three topics:

1) A time when you were really embarrassed

2) A time when you were really scared

3) Your relationship with your parents & your parents' relationship

It has been scientifically proven (by Dr. Arthur Aron) that those three conversation topics lead to high levels of comfort between individuals. You will each feel like you have shared a very vulnerable side and you will have more respect for one another because of it.

Action Items

(NOTE: Don't worry about rejection. You're just practicing different things, there is no reason to have any expectations on the outcomes of these practice interactions. Loosen up and have fun! Also, this is the part of the guide where different people will require vastly different time to accomplish all the steps. Some people can do it in a week, some will take a couple years. The important thing is to NOT GIVE UP. The rest of your life depends on it!)

1) Go out to a high-traffic venue that you are comfortable in. Approach 10 different girls or groups of people, keeping in mind the proper body language and approach practice you did in Part 3.

2) Try to get them engaged in a conversation. You can stick to something situational (sports news, current events) or something observational ("Wow, it's impossible to get a drink in here.") The topic doesn't matter because you are just there to practice touching the girls you are speaking to. Prepare to spend the first 5-10 minutes doing the bulk of the talking until they open up to you. (This is normal.) Offer a high five or handshake. Next, wait for a moment of laughter or delight and touch them lightly on the forearm.

3) Make a conscious effort to try both breaking rapport and leading forms of flirting with them. Tease, give a playful shove, try to roleplay ("Let's pretend we just got married. Wait, are you cheating on me? Shit, are we gonna have to get divorced? Oh man I better call my lawyer." trollface) Practice lots of different things and figure out a style that works for you. This may take a while but it's a lot of fun while you're trying things out.

4) When you find girls who are receptive to your flirting, try to move them to a place where you can be alone and chat. A line like, "Suzy, I want to get to know you better. Let's sit at the bar." works wonders here. If you can't get her alone, try to get her phone number and set up a date so you can talk then.

5) Make an active effort to use the comfort building items listed above. Get experience doing these with at least 5 different girls.

6) Write field reports for all of these interactions and take the community feedback to heart.