An Honest Question

l3fth4nd · 2011-07-17T22:44:27+00:00

I lost my virginity with the help of the seduction community, I approached a girl at my freshmen orientation and thanks to RSD's advice I got laid. Since then I've been with three other girls, two of which were cold approaches. I made out with a bunch of girls thanks to the advice as well. I'm confident that if I hadn't learned about the techniques I really would have only been with one girl so far. I've gone from an extremely socially anxious person to having very little social anxiety in the span of four months thanks to a bootcamp and over 1000 approaches.

Personally I think a lot of the advice here sucks, it's way too focused on micromanaging and using techniques as opposed to letting loose and being your own person.

Ledatru · 2011-07-17T23:00:21+00:00

I think when you're a virgin, the most important thing in the world is losing your virginity. It validates you as a man ("a woman wants to sleep with me!"); it's a rite of passage that separates the men from the boys.

This subreddit can help someone achieve that goal, definitely. But the community in general can be fucking weird sometimes. There's tons of great, insightful reading, but there's also just some crazy shit that I don't really recommend anyone trying. For example, I've seen try-hards dress up ridiculously stupid and then try to legitimately pick up girls because they saw a YouTube video where someone does it. That's the kind of shit that's weird and can make you look weird (which is a bad thing, BTW).

You just have to figure out what's good advice and what's totally outlandish, and sometimes that's hard to do.

There's a lot of pressure for young men to lose their virginities, and some will look dumb trying to do it. It is what it is. I don't think it's a big deal... Everyone finds their stride eventually. You can't really point your finger at r/seduction. If a kid is totally clueless, I think even the shitty advice at r/seduction is better than just the standard "just be yourself and you will find a great girl" advice. At least r/seduction pushes its readers to experiment and do unfamiliar (and sometimes crazy/weird) things, but it's all a part of the learning process. That's better than just sitting there and hoping a miracle will happen.

CJvision · 2011-07-17T22:07:36+00:00

Virgin... always have been... you could say I'm quite an experienced Virgin.

blackdevildisco · 2011-07-17T22:50:43+00:00

I personally fear that this concept of a systematic method of creating attraction is very artificial and may be teaching an inauthentic concept of relationships and sex. It's one thing to take the art of seduction as a simple means to an end for those with experience in the field, but when I see stuff like "Please Give me the correct sequence of words to get her to want to continue our interaction or hang out later" this is kind of scary. People need to be comfortable with the idea of being themselves and matching with women based on compatibility, not on pick-up skill.

This. It's scary that kids in highschool are trying to learn routines. Not a healthy approach to learning social skills. Still there's a lot they can learn from the community about personal growth, female psychology, and developing confidence.

tonaros · 2011-07-17T21:05:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GorillaJ · 2011-07-17T22:43:31+00:00

I lost my virginity a few years before I found /r/seduction, but she was the only woman I'd ever slept with before I found it. I managed to snag my current girlfriend and make her crazy about me by improving my game.

icjonu · 2011-07-17T23:09:54+00:00

I think you're asking the wrong kinds of questions here...

/r/seduction IMO is all about helping you be a better you by recognizing all the b.s. walls we put up for ourselves when interacting with people & breaking them down. Only when you are comfortable with yourself will other people be comfortable around you (whatever your intentions towards them are).

The whole systematic approach that you are afraid of can be easily mitigated by not having a set script that you use...though it's perfectly normal to have a toolbox/guide to go to when you're not sure of what to do. This is why FRs are encouraged...so that others can learn from the posters successes/failures.

Do what works for you, fix what doesn't & learn from your mistakes.

the_kitten · 2011-07-17T21:26:47+00:00

Why does it matter? We were all virgins at some point in time.

paranoidlego · 2011-07-17T21:59:15+00:00

awkward silence

s-kmarti19 · 2011-07-17T21:57:14+00:00

Haters gonna hate.

virgin1982 · 2011-07-17T21:21:42+00:00

I'm definitely a virgin. Never had sex. Always been afraid of the pussy.

wafflepancakes · 2011-07-17T22:18:24+00:00

So if a guy has slept with one girl you would consider that success? Reddit is fucked up today.

lasagnaman · 2011-07-17T23:13:09+00:00

when I see stuff like "Please Give me the correct sequence of words to get her to want to continue our interaction or hang out later" this is kind of scary.

I don't see that sort of stuff here.

lilhurt38 · 2011-07-18T06:45:58+00:00

I'm not a virgin, but I can't say I've had a lot of sex either. I do currently know a girl that I could have sex with if I want to. She is attractive, but there are some personality flaws that send up some red flags. I come here for bits and pieces of advice. Like many have said on here, take the advice on here with a grain of salt. Some of it is great advice, some of it is bad advice. Try different things out and see what works for you. Some of this stuff might work for other guys, but won't work for you. That's fine. There are lots of different ways/methods of picking up girls. You also develop your own personal "style" based on what works for you. I also don't think that someone should have a systematic way of picking up women. If you're going through a list of steps in your mind, you're doing it wrong. A lot of the time you do the right thing if you've built up enough attraction. But the methods are meant to get you out of your comfort zone. That's their whole purpose because what you are currently doing isn't working. It's to get you to do things that you don't normally do. You have to venture outside of your comfort zone to get laid. That's why something like the three second rule is important. It gives you a basic rule that forces you to immediately get out of your comfort zone. Let's face it, approaching girls you don't know is scary. I think that even the best pick up artists will tell you that it's not a comfortable thing to do. The biggest thing I realized after losing my virginity is that sex really isn't that big of a deal. I love sex, but it doesn't really stand up to this image you have of sex when you are a virgin. When you are a virgin, you put sex on a pedestal. All you think about is getting laid. When you are getting laid or have access to sex, you don't really think of it like that. You think about what you want in a potential mate and you begin to disqualify those who do not have the traits that you find attractive. It becomes about finding a good mate and building a strong relationship rather than finding someone to put your dick in.

2011-07-17T20:29:51+00:00

If people are going to answer, they should also include their age for context. I've also wondered the successful to unsuccessful ratio on here and other forums.

virginbegone · 2011-07-18T06:00:24+00:00

I'm a virgin lurker (this isn't my main account) and I hope seddit helps me. Im entering my sophomore year of college and ive made out with a few chicks at parties but im hoping to get laid next semester when school starts. Ive had opportunities for sex i just put it on a pedestal and feel uncomfortable about it so I force myself to abort

rfu12 · 2011-07-18T07:09:57+00:00

I am but I just turned 16 last month so it's probably okay. :)

2011-07-18T14:34:19+00:00

This is an interesting topic, taking into account the OP's edits.

I personally feel that when you start off, you should at least attempt to have a meaningful relationship when you lose your virginity. You need to be able to have that person there who can understand and help you through the awkwardness and massage your ego a little. It's a nice little confidence boost. You also get to see the flip side and see what effect it has on the girl. I have always and will always believe that one of the most important things is to understand how any given female feels in a situation. If you understand how something makes her feel, you understand the girl and everything becomes a cake walk.

After you've been through that serious relationship that involves sex, and you understand the emotions and dynamic that can be involved, then you can go out and slay hood rats.

I've been with several women who have told me they love me, and I've felt it a couple times. Each one of these women was very different; they expressed their emotions differently, they felt things differently, and they reacted to situations differently. It was fantastic experience to be involved with each of them. It makes it so much easier to go out and find a girl and say "Hey, ok, she's a lot like Blah Blah, so if I do this... Bingo."

I also think it's important to realize that, yes, there are girls out there who are perfectly okay with one night stands and can do their thing without any emotional involvement. But, there are plenty of women out there who cannot (Just as I am sure there are men out there who cannot). You have to recognize these women when you come across them because one of two things will happen 1) They will act like they're cool with a random hook up. They will not be. They will become attached and you will have a clinger. She'll latch onto you like a headcrab and never let go. Some might say just don't give her your number, name, email, and go to her place instead of your's. I disagree with this, because you're still going to hurt the girl and that's just fucked up. Just don't even sleep with her.

Number 2) She'll act like she's cool with a random hook up. She won't be. You will hurt her emotionally. She might not act like a clinger, but inside she'll be fucked up. And you never know: that shit might fester and then one day you run into her, and she fucking hates you. Recognize these girls and stay away.

I think seddit can be a good place to learn techniques, but I sometimes get discouraged that I see a lot of goals set at merely f-closing instead of developing a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with f-closes and casual sex. That's where I am at in my life right now and I'm perfectly cool with it. I just think some people who are not ready for that may get the wrong impression from this community and not do right by themselves.

Alright... I think I derailed the topic at hand sufficiently. Have a nice day everyone!

2011-07-18T16:47:36+00:00

I am. 32 years old male virgin. Living in UK. (This is my virginity account)

GorillaJ · 2011-07-17T23:34:35+00:00

Unrelated to my other post, please cease the concern trolling. It's rather obnoxious; if you dislike seduction, simply say so. We'll respect you more for it. You're transparent.

sukka113 · 2011-07-18T09:19:23+00:00

im a devout Catholic and a virgin, so my game is limited when it comes to the point of getting physical.

ThereisNOmeme · 2011-07-18T01:20:59+00:00

I lost my virginity due to fool's mate. But ever since then I've had an immense amount of success due to studying seduction and discussing things with the community.

Like anything else seduction is not about just reading theory, you have to apply and practice it. Michael Jordon can tell you how to shoot a ball, but until you go out and internalise all the theory it's all useless. It's not so much 'here's a magic pill, take it; you'll get laid.' It's more so: 'not everyone is as socially skilled as everyone else, here's some help.'

Title	An Honest Question
Author	tonaros
Upvotes	25
Comments	71
Date	July 17, 2011 8:14 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/is7kf/an_honest_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/an-honest-question.1320341 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320341

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