Being direct and flirty isn't working for me.

ultratraditionalist · 2026-03-03T03:59:25+00:00

Something like "I've been looking for someone to date and wanted to say hi" is way too much pressure on cold approach imo. Women are neurotic af. Even if she liked you, she'd likely get flustered.

"That tattoo goes great with your hair" is way, way better. Probably even better is "I love your tattoo, does it mean anything?" since it's open-ended.

But all this doesn't matter. You're doing a great job, keep at it! In the year of our Lord 2026, the best, most reliable way to meet women is to expand your social circle, make new friends, and hit on girls irl. Dating apps are dead, especially if you're a guy that's 35+ because most young women won't even bother to change their age filters so you get fucked unless you lie about your age.

Your main goal should be to get fit and keep at it. If you're ever feeling down about yourself, read this blog post. I've read it thousands of times in the past 15 years.

IamaThrowAwway · 2026-03-03T15:02:14+00:00

Most "random" women aren't going to be single. As of 2023, one study shows only 42% of adults in the US are unpartnered. So 6 in 10 of the women you come across are already in a relationship of some level. This is why I preach that "daygame" is a waste of time except for as practicing socializing without expectation. It's like being a door-to-door refrigerator salesman. I mean what do you expect? Most houses you go to are already going to have a refrigerator. Utter waste of time.

You need to go where the single women are. That's the actual hard part. Where are they? What are they doing? Well, they're working.

I don't have any regular friends or social circle but try to be social every week, will give meetup groups a try too.

From my perspective, this is your true problem. Not having friends at all is not a good sign. That's a very troubling sign. You should have friends. A least a friend. It's unhealthy and kind of a red flag not having friends.

I've gotten dates from Tinder and Bumble, but irl meetings aren't working for me.

I'll reiterate again your true problem is you don't know how to be social. You need to be working on basic social skills and being a likeable person. Canned lines aren't going to make you likeable. Compliments aren't going to make you likeable. There's no cheat code or formula that's going to make you likeable. You have to be a likeable person.

I don't know you and this may be way off base but I wonder if the issue is you're transactional. People have no value or interest to you apart from what you need them for in that moment. And that's not likeable. Idk. I wouldn't say waste the money on a life coach but you need to do something to get to the root of why you are disconnected from people and heal that wound.

bagman_ · 2026-03-03T02:09:32+00:00

You’ve outlined your problems but ignore their impact. Get fit, find a social circle, do stuff that you like out in the world. Those are your priorities. Even handsome and outgoing dudes get rejected in real life approach like 70% of the time

Current-Paramedic-50 · 2026-03-03T03:02:25+00:00

Define "working".

epimpstyle · 2026-03-03T17:32:54+00:00

It's interesting that you haven't found the method that works for you yet. In my case, at 47, I find it very easy to start a conversation with a woman if I use an indirect approach. Then, if I get positive reactions (like she's talkative, in the mood to chat, or shows presence of mind), I keep going and build from there. On the other hand, if I see negative reactions (she pretends she’s about to leave, avoids eye contact, or gives short answers), I don't even bother continuing. It couldn't be simpler.

Check out this VIDEO, it is a simple question for start (opener), she became curious and talkative. That's why I stayed otherwise I would have left if she hadn't reacted the way you see in the video.

Adntiqu · 2026-03-03T23:32:44+00:00

maybe you're just having bad luck/approaching the girls who aren't attracted? They say it's a game of numbers

jordaboop · 2026-03-05T03:35:14+00:00

5'8 bald and heavyset. I know you said you're working on your diet, which is fantastic but you're still undercooked. You will have better results once you're ripped.

The lines are way too corny and way too much pressure. Not to mention its super hard to just cold approach in the street which it sounds like you're doing. Even doing those lines in a social bar setting is hard.

I'm 6'5, pretty handsome good body, dress cool etc, if i go to a bar I would get like at least 3-5 women approaching me. And let me tell you right the fuck now women in public don't even look at me. So you're putting waaaaaaaay too much presure on yourself and the poor woman.

I would continue to keep dieting and lifting, i would invest as much money as I could into my style, gym, diet, hobbies etc. The easiest way I've heard is just to get hobbies and gain a lot of friends, it's easier once you have friends because it sends signals of social proof.

The issue isn't that you're not competitive (this can be built) or whether you're being bold or not. Being bold is a multiplier, it multiplies your foundation. But if your foundation is zero, you're multiplying nothing. Your foundation is weak right now, you must realise that you're in competition with the world - more specifically guys who are 8+ in attractiveness, you're 5'8 and bald (respectfully bro) so you need to work on getting abs and your cash up. People think that that's a shallow goal but I dare you to try doing that, and tell me if it didn't build character or not.

Your goals:

Invest as much as you can into yourself. Continue with the gym/diet - lock in and make that the priority. Also your fashion (varies by place/situation)
Stop cold approaching so boldly for now, the aim of the public approach is to work on your social skills. Smile, if she smiles back sure conversate but know that most people will see you as invisible in these situations. But get those social skills gains.
Get a social circle ASAP. I can't help you with that - maybe one of the more extroverted nerds here could help you.

Budget-Kick822 · 2026-03-03T06:39:38+00:00

You may be going too direct.

"Im looking for someone to date" as an opening line is problematic. "I'm looking" implies scarcity. "Someone" implies you dont have standards, that anyone will do, which again implies scarcity. "To date" forces her to make an instant judgement call on whether she'd date you based on your appearance without knowing anything else about you.

Its important to show interest without giving all your power away. This is also why being overly complimentary makes her feel like youre pedestalizing her and frames her as better than you.

You need to work in more push-pulls and teases into your flirting so you can show interest without giving your power away.

You want the frame of the interaction to be "Im intrigued about you but need to know more about you before I'm sold" not "i like you. Do you like me?"

Lookup some flirting/push-pull guides. Listen to this podcast episode for an exercise you can do at home to come up with flirts easier https://open.spotify.com/episode/1kvF8wk2oVhxg5vsxhP2dE?si=E4vGlqH1RI2maHS9B-BCVA&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A3PtndYorcbZa13wi1iLIpv

Take an improv class to get better at thinking on your feet in conversation.

Matter_Still · 2026-03-03T05:58:02+00:00

There are certain birds that can only flourish in an arid climate; others only in the tropics.

I don’t know if you know who Carol Channing was (a Broadway legend). Imagine if she tried to sing like Julie Andrews.

Find your own way, no matter how strange it seems to others.

I was like you. Until I just was myself (I know, that’s heresy to the PUA crowd), I was spinning my wheels. Doing that was like a great weight was lifted off my back and I’ve never regretted it.

becomesharp · 2026-03-03T06:12:08+00:00

You are likely interacting with women who aren't physically attracted to you and expecting that showing direct interest will change how she feels about you. Imagine a woman you find very unattractive (1/10) showing direct interest in you. Does that make you suddenly attracted to her? Probably not.

Showing direct interest doesn't automatically guarantee you results in the same way that throwing hail marys in football doesnt automatically guarantee you touchdowns.

You are likely making mistakes that hurt attraction (e.g., timidness, neediness, nervousness, being in your head, running out of things to say, passive unattractive traits) and weak in areas which create attraction (humor, confidence, wittiness, leading, masculinity, etc).

Generally speaking, you're going to want to focus on improving in the following 3 categories:

* social skills

* confidence / self-esteem / self-worth

* appearance / physique / fashion

Optimize all 3 and you'll start to see real progress. Most guys try to half ass one of the categories and expect to get results but it doesn't work that way.

Ok-Orange7146 · 2026-03-03T04:09:25+00:00

"I may need to play the long game and try to be friendly over a good amount of time with a girl before attraction happens."

You don't think a woman engages in a little bit of convo with a new man and knows whether or not she is attracted to him? She most certainly does. Waiting and playing the long game will not increase her attraction. She either finds you attractive or she doesn't and that first impression is huge.

This is why direct always works. You get your answer right away and don't have to find out by wasting your time and resources. Just because she declines your advances doesn't mean direct doesn't work. it works because you found out right away if she is into you the way you want her to be into you.

Keep approaching, making your intentions clear. Meanwhile work on your grooming and fitness and keeping a confident mindset. A mindset that you are attractive and the right woman will see that.

Title	Being direct and flirty isn't working for me.
Author	dkguitar88
Upvotes	4
Comments	16
Date	March 3, 2026 1:39 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rjc2ge/being_direct_and_flirty_isnt_working_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-direct-and-flirty-isnt-working-for-me.1574602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574602

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