Coping with rejection

knueverl17 · 2022-07-14T05:29:54+00:00

“How to train your mind” by Chris Bailey. It really gave me a start to emotional resilience. I use it in several facets of my life now.

992702050602 · 2022-07-14T05:44:46+00:00

So I want to preface this comment with it will probably hurt your feelings? Because it hurts mine.

You can’t really make your feelings of self-worth exclusively internal and rejection will always hurt when you don’t get what you want.

You will always wonder why. But you’ll never really get an answer

because it’s not about you.

Life gets in the way. Some small part feels off. It just happens. You are not undesirable because this happens to everyone. The most beautiful, intelligent, funny, amazing, perfect person in the world might still not be perfect for someone out there. Compatibility, timing, etc. these things matter too. The situation matters, and sometimes we can make all the right moves and still not win.

Would you beat yourself up over losing a game of chance?

That’s all this is sometimes as much as it feels so so personal, it just isn’t. It’s just a situation that sucks. But there will be situations that feel amazing that also happen by chance! So just keep your head up, bud.

Neo-Rio · 2022-07-14T07:36:28+00:00

Online dating is a one-night-stand world, and if you're having second dates before having sex - you are going to fail. You need to push for it after date 1, and set yourself up so that can happen easily. Failing that, you let them contact you afterwards if they want anything.

It's pretty hard to love someone else when you don't love yourself.

Usually the hard truth is that you need to stick up for what you want, and demand how you want to be treated - not from women, but yourself - and you're probably not doing that. This just allows other people to walk all over you IN YOUR OWN HEAD.

Have you got any Ross Jeffries material? He probably has the most helpful stuff for guys struggling with internal demons while trying to meet women.

labyrinthlilith · 2022-07-14T05:44:31+00:00

Online dating/apps aren’t designed for you to find someone. They’re designed to keep you on the app/site. I realize some people have success, but realistically these apps and sites are there to take your money. If you get in a relationship and delete the app, they lose your $. So, keep that in mind and try not to take every rejection to heart.

I think finding other ways to meet women might be the best way to meet someone. There are plenty of single women that don’t do dating apps.

And definitely put yourself out there to make new friends. Guys and girls! Because that broadens your social circle and increases your chances of meeting someone through a new friend! People that are setup by friends or family or coworkers tend to have better luck with longevity. Mostly because both people have someone that can vouch for the other person. You already have a mutual friend with the person so you likely have some things in common too.

Kronuk · 2022-07-14T07:49:54+00:00

All of the rejection can either make you weaker or stronger. It is all how you choose to cope with it. We will all fail at things in life, but success is built off of failures over time. Nobody gets it right instantly. You’re growing.

Majestic_Meal_5655 · 2022-07-14T05:46:28+00:00

I'm not gonna bother reading your novel. You must accept rejection. It is as natural as the air you breathe. Breeeeeeaaaaaaatthhhe the rejection... breathe it in deep.

grindforthegold · 2022-07-14T11:56:10+00:00

I mean at least you’re getting matches and dates. I used to get matches and now my tinder is dead. OLD went to shit. Be grateful you’re good looking enough to score a date you even like

may-begin-now · 2022-07-14T05:54:22+00:00

You don't have time to seduce a girl today you're too busy coping with yesterday's drama . STOP ....get back in the now . Live in the now . Now is the only thing that is real . Yesterday is the past, can't get it back ,can't change the past. With hard work today you might make a better tomorrow but TODAY NOW THIS VERY MINUTE is all you need focus on .

Artist-in-Residence- · 2022-07-14T06:40:13+00:00

I was listening to this psychologist give a talk and she said that most people are only able to handle 5 choices, more than that, and the mind zones out.

I would suggest during online dating, you should only choose your top 5 candidates and get to know each better instead of sending out a million messages to 100 people.

ExpensiveNinja · 2022-07-14T11:05:47+00:00

I'm pretty sure you're experiencing something called limerence. Do some research into it; I believe there are methods to help alleviate it. For me, it helped just knowing why I kept feeling this way about girls that I barely knew.

If you have ADHD, you're much more susceptible to it also because of emotional dysregulation. You also should think about the kind of person you want to be. A lot of people say "be yourself", which is true, but you have to be your best self. Think about if you had a daughter, would you want your daughter dating a guy like yourself. Are you someone who can protect and provide and be emotionally strong enough to support your daughter? If the answer is no, then you HAVE to focus on developing yourself--start thinking about the kind of person you really want to be and then just tell yourself that you are that person. You will start to automatically behave like that person, which will lead to you doing things that person would do and stop doing things that person wouldn't do. During this entire process of growing and developing, you're going to feel happier, which will give you more motivation to continue growing.

zbononcini · 2022-07-14T16:19:38+00:00

Don’t dwell in sadness but anger, learn to put that anger into getting better at this dating shit. Obviously there is some sort of attraction to begin with if they go on a date with you, but there is something missing. It could be you’re not tidying yourself up for the date, not displaying high SMV, or not talking sexually/flirtatiously during the date.

UnparliamentaryTea · 2022-07-14T21:59:11+00:00

Just had things ended by a girl who I thought things were going really well with for about a month and a half. Prior to that was ghosted by another girl after two dates that I thought had gone well too. Both of them I was supposed to go out with again prior to things ending.

I think my blame automatically goes to myself, but it’s not that I did anything wrong. Even if those two felt a great vibe with me, maybe the perfect person came into their lives at the same time. They could want back with their ex or be busy and overwhelmed by some other situation. Bad luck and bad timing both exist and are out of our hands.

Don’t lie to yourself and say the rejection doesn’t matter, but there are always other people who are going to suit you better. I’d already lined up a bunch of exciting first dates prior things ending with that last girl, and I’d rather be happy about those than sad about the last one

FiftyNereids · 2022-07-14T11:28:20+00:00

Seasoned Online Dater here, and I totally feel your pain. All I can say it does get easier as you work on yourself more. I’ve gotten rejections and ghosted over the course of 8 years that probably have amounted to over 500-700 women. These are all chicks who I’ve matched with whom I’ve shared a message or two with and was eventually ghosted.

This is what I’ve learned and this perspective may help you. I learned this Tinder statistic that might blow your mind, the top 80% of women (at least on dating apps like Tinder) will only date the top 20% of men. This statistic is pretty much a Pareto distribution which is a universal law in which states that 80% of outcomes are due to 20% of causes, making up the 80/20 rule. This applies to pretty much any domain, system and even mass of stars. We don’t know why this phenomenon exists but it does, and just like the golden ratio or Fibonacci sequence it will show itself in every facet of life and society. In this case it is shown in dating and how the top 20% of men will have their pick of the top 80% of women.

This means that if you don’t constitute as a top 20% of all men, you are essentially the bottom 80% of men. The bottom 80% of men have their pick of the bottom 20% of women. Extremely disproportional isn’t it?

Now we can define what constitutes a top 20% of men. The top 20% of men are ones who excel in charisma, natural charm, IQ, wittiness, humor, salary, confidence and social status. They are the “stand out men” who are most likely also physically attractive.

Unfortunately dating apps in general prioritize looks above all else, so if you check the entire list for being a 20% man but you missed the mark on the attractive physical features, you will most likely be denied and rejected. This is simply just due to the dynamic and how the rules of the game are setup for online dating.

Real life approaches for example differ completely just because the person you’re approaching gets the entire package of “you” all at once, rather than a distilled photo. This means within the first 30 seconds a girl indulges you if you have high charisma or good humor, mixed with a good personality you can essentially charm her in comparison to Tinder where you will not even be given a chance. Due to real life social dynamics most women will indulge you for at least a couple seconds so you can leave an impression. You do not get this liberty in online dating. Furthermore when you date online you are easily objectified and not seen as an actual person but rather more of a statistic represented by your profile image. Factor in the fact that dating apps are also disproportionally more men than women, many women are on there only for validation, and women match and talk to 20 guys at once, it’s no surprise that an average man or even above average man gets rarely any matches let alone responses.

I’ve seen women friends who are above average looking but not even models get 200 matches per day. The sense of abundance women feel when they are in dating apps factors into some of their entitlement as well (obviously not all women are like this).

So what did we learn from all this? The top 20% of men for online dating is based mostly on physical looks, rarely other factors. Other factors matter of course on a woman’s checklist into developing a relationship however the pre-requisite is physical looks. You simply will not get a chance most of the time to even prove your worth since they would have already swiped left on you if you don’t make the phenotype cut.

The top 20% of men in real life is a bit more achievable because as mentioned before, a woman gets to experience you as a full package. Cold approach is no longer in season especially the past 5-10 years since the advent of dating apps. In fact most men have opted out of cold approach because of dating apps. It is because with dating apps you can dampen or even avoid a degree of rejection while still playing the dating game (online rejection is not nearly as painful or hard as face to face rejection). The trade off is that you’re at a tremendous disadvantage if you aren’t good looking.

It is because of this trade off that I’ve personally come to the conclusion that online dating is a bait. It is a bait in the sense that it gives men the illusion of having options and being able to date high quality women without having the face the consequences of possible rejection. The reality is, if you’re average looking, you will not fair well at all online. You may get lucky a few times but compared to the top 20% man you’re basically fighting the rest of the 80% of men for scraps. This is also exactly the reason why an unattractive morbidly obese woman can still secure a date online while a morbidly obese man will not be able to secure a single date let alone a single like.

The reality is that you’ll probably do much better meeting women in real life situations, social settings or even cold approach. I’m personally still on a few dating apps but I’ve closed most of my dating app accounts. Hopefully all of them one day.

I will say that cold approach and meeting women in real life is a daunting task and most men are terrified of approach, myself included. But I believe it is much more rewarding than going through the perpetual confidence shredder of dating apps (which by the way isn’t an accurate representation of how you would actually fair since the platform is artificially creating unfair results) as well as knowing you’re fighting for the scraps at the bottom of the barrel.

Most men despite knowing all this will continue with dating apps simply because it is an easier solution to their dating problem. It is also way easier than approaching real life women.

That’s why I think dating apps are a bait: they give you access to a limited pool of women, artificially destroy your self confidence, and prevent you from dating better women if you’d only put it down and approach a woman in real life. Know also that the more online rejections you continue to face will also affect your confidence in real life approaches and may even affect those outcomes. There’s just too many cons for me to justify continual usage of dating apps for anyone who is not already the top 20% of men.

In conclusion, it’s not you. It’s how the system is set up mixed with biology. I could go on about the biological aspect but that’s an entirely different can of worms.

ftdrain · 2022-07-14T05:29:27+00:00

You sound meek and with zero confidence, you cant hold a masculine frame in this mental state and women like men. You need to change that.

Round-Visit-246 · 2022-07-15T00:06:41+00:00

If you’re over 18 and you trust me (which you probably don’t) send me a full body picture. Pls Ofcourse with clothes on and I can help if looks is the problem. Or we can chat and I’ll show you how to talk to women. -A woman

backindis · 2022-07-14T06:32:38+00:00

how many girls have you fucked?

i recommend trying escorts and sugar babies for a bit. try to pay as minimally as you can while still getting an authentic experience + sex

also, you should be working out, working on your body language, your tonality, hygiene, getting a decent style/hair cut

basically you should be looks maxing yourself and practicing your non verbals as you approach

your first priority is to get laid though. start paying for some sex to get lays under your belt, then go from there

Jewellinius · 2022-07-14T17:12:56+00:00

Google Mike Mehlman, hes got rejected more than anyone else in the game.

Title	Coping with rejection
Author	Zambie-Master
Upvotes	28
Comments	55
Date	July 14, 2022 5:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vynxht/coping_with_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/coping-with-rejection.1254525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254525

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