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[–]CompetitionFair7686 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Sex needs to happen spontaneously, you should never seal the deal logically when she is cold, it needs to happen without expressing that’s what you want.
One thing needs to lead to the other in the heat of the moment by turning her on… not by telling her that you want to reach a deal to have casual sex.
[–]George97o 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True that. I just wanted to let her see I'm not desperate for a relationship and that my intentions are different from what I portrayed at times on the date.
[–]Indian_Doctor 85 points86 points87 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨Antislut mechanism activating🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
[–]George97o 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah not nice :(
[–]incognito3107 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You just agree with her that she is not that type of a girl and continue to do your moves. Girls are saying different things, but it is the emotions and sexual attraction that drives their choices. She needs just some space to make up her logical mind.
[–]George97o 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That sounds like a good idea, better than to have a frame battle with her. Though now I'm thinking that it will be harder to keep her interested since she will keep thinking that I just want to have sex with her?
[–]willgo-waggins 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes.
You need to find that narrow path between those two - especially now.
[–]George97o 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I understand. I'll try to be laid back and chill for some time. If I fail at least I learn. Thanks 🙏
[–]willgo-waggins 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every failure is a lesson learned otherwise it’s a wasted effort.
[–]ecish 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The whole saying different things than what their emotions and actions show has been a huge thing I’ve noticed in the last year or so since I started dating again.
A lot of women I’ve met say how they’re not the type to sleep together right away, or with people they don’t know well; then we’ll sleep together on the first date. Usually they initiate it too.
One said she didn’t want to be FWBs or have a one night stand; a couple weeks after sleeping together (another sex on the first date situation too), she asked to be FWBs .
The reverse is true as well. A woman I met recently acted like she was all about sex, kept making sexual comments, and repeatedly said she loves dick haha; and it’s been one of the longest times I’ve had to wait for sex from a woman since high school. I actually like this one though so it’s not a huge deal, just weird.
I’ve basically started assuming the opposite of what they say about their views on sex
[–]nbh1995 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is good I agree. Just tell her "ok" and text her later for some juice time
[–]Noob_elk 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
ASD has been triggered. Don't say explicitly that you want to sleep with her, instead invite her to hang out at some place where you can escalate (netflix and chill).
[–]George97o 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'll know better next time. I just thought that being direct and sexual would work in my favor here
[–]friendo611 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Being direct in asking for sex would never work for an asd that has been activated
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True that, I'll be more subtle from now on
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
This is a classic slut shield. She may be dtf, but she doesn't want to be called out on it due to the stigma.
Give it a little time and then invite her to hang out. Then escalate kino.
[–]George97o 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I mostly understand. But should I just change topics (we're just texting) and act like I don't care? I'm thinking she will bring this up again next time I do sexting or try escalation when we're out, or maybe try to friendzone me as a test and see if I accept.
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Stop trying to escalate with words, especially over text.
In fact, let the texting die down for a bit. Give her the gift of missing you. When she does, ask her out. Then escalate kino.
[+]George97o -16 points-15 points-14 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I'm usually very good at turning girls on from texts and making them wet, but it never worked when I directly said that I want to sleep with them. But I'll do just that. Thanks a lot man 🙏
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Ya know how the man is expected to lead and the woman is expected to follow?
That's probably what you've been seeing. They like you and they want to go out with you, so when you start sexting, they follow your lead.
They're not really getting worked up by some stranger's words on a screen, though. They all get bombarded with that shit constantly online. It's nowhere near as exciting for them as it is for you.
In my entire life, I've met one woman who was seriously into sexting. The rest are just kinda playing along with guys that they've already decided to fuck. So... You can usually save yourself some time and skip that step.
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Ahhh you're totally right. I'll do less talking and more going out or having fun. Though when we were on the date, she kept telling me that we kissed enough today or to take my hands from her ass and to be a good little boy. Was that anti slut defense too? How should I have responded to that cockyness?
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
No, that's a totally separate thing and it's definitely not cockiness. She has every right to halt your escalations and you need to respect that.
Your description of this date is very contradictory. I think you don't have a very good grasp of the situation, so please proceed with caution, lest you inadvertently cross a line.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I agree, I need to respect that.
So to offer a better explanation: she was really into me, agreed to all my escalation and sexual innuendos, until I started to give boyfriend vibes and looked a bit desperate. That was yesterday. Today I texted her that I have to tell her that I'm not looking for a relationship right now and that I might have given off the bad vibe/intentions, and that I'm only looking to talk more and sleep with her. Then her anti slut defense came up and she said she doesn't want a relationship but neither to hook up cause she's not that type of girl. I then said that I'm not seeing her as being an easy girl or in any bad ways, and that if we continue talking and something happens naturally between us, she doesn't have to feel "that type of girl" either. She then kept going with her frame that she thinks we're likely not going to end to that point in our interactions (sex) and that she doesn't want anything.
Any more suggestions?
[–]willgo-waggins 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
So you double blew it here.
First you gave WAY to early an impression that you wanted “serious” before you even did the deed. That was the first mistake.
Then instead of just cooling off that vibe and pulling back and letting her come back to you, you turned around and backed her into a corner by stating that you just wanted to get laid. That was actually the bigger screw up.
I honestly can’t tell you if there is ANY way you are going to recover this other than what has been advised. Back off and see if she comes back. You’re in a bad position now no matter what. You cannot unsay what has been said. You just have to hope that she chooses to come back around.
Oh and stopping you from slobbering on her and pawing her? She might just not want that image publicly. My girl is like that. She will tuck her head in to my chest. Kiss me lightly. Stand very close or even against me. Have my arm around her and Vice versa. Dance body to body. But she doesn’t like heavy PDA. Many women don’t because again it portrays that “easy” image. My girl certainly is no fainting virgin. But she also has always been selective about who she actually sleeps with and was a “late bloomer” (virgin until late in college) and considers herself to be a “good girl”. Image means everything to women.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I blew up. But I'm not the type to hope she makes a move. 99% of girls are passive and won't do it for many reasons. I know that I still have a small chance to attract her and make her open up again. I'm just looking for ways to do that and to learn. Thanks though
[–]willgo-waggins2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I don’t disagree. I had to do this with my girl last November when she got skittish on me all of a sudden because of her own feelings. She tried to transfer that to ME and implied that “she wasn’t ready for a commitment”. I immediately put the brakes on that and turned it to reminding her that I had clearly told her that we should let things develop in their own organically and that I had not pushed or asked or implied ANYTHING else. Then I said that at this time we were friends and FWB and what may come later would come in it’s own time. Essentially I friendzoned her in a manner that I left the sexual and feelings door open but made her understand that I was not ready for more myself and certainly wasn’t pushing it asking that.
And the results have been pretty damn good so far. We have been in that zone now for months. We have become incredibly close. Have no problem telling each other that we live one another and do all kinds of things together with lots more planned. We respect each other’s space and needs and other friends and family and don’t get jealous or clingy.
[–]George97o2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Sounds awesome! So after telling her that and letting the door open did she chase you? Or were you the one to still take the initiative and ask her on dates, flirt etc?
So that was just as ski season started. She’s a ski nut with a multi resort pass so she goes literally every weekend during the season. We were in touch and saw each other a couple of times but there was a big pull back from both for a month and a half. Then she hits me up just after the first of the year with “hey I really miss you I want to go to the party this coming weekend and take a ski break and spend time with you. Can you come get me on Friday on the way?” This is right after her big trip to ski in Canada. Mind you we were not exclusive them so we were both playing with other people but not dating them.
So we did that and our energy and feelings and all were not any less and if anything were intensified after the time away.
And things grew from there. That’s not to say that it’s a smooth path all the time. She has some mental health (primarily anxiety) issues and I’m aware of it (open sharing has never been an issue for us from the beginning) and goes through periods of personal withdrawal that has nothing to do with me. She’s one right now mainly because she wasn’t happy with her weight gain over the winter and being out of shape. So she’s in a purge and detox (we were also doing some heavy party drinking for the last few months and she wanted to clean out) and I have taken advantage to work in myself some too. Just saw her two nights ago for a planned concert and things were fine. I had invited her to that. And just three weeks ago we were in a five day trip together to the coast. She had wanted me to go.
That's quite an impressive story and you definitely know how to live life. Sounds like a much easier time to make a girl comfortable and open up. I tend to rush things and try to get to either sex or something serious too fast and that scares girls. I'll try your way too and see how it goes
Ironically enough I refused sex with her the first night we met because while we both were clear - and talked about - wanting each other (we actually had a real life across the room sparks flying love at first sight meeting), she got too drunk to really consent and I just held her while we slept. We had sex the second time we got together the following weekend and she made it a point to stay sober so that I wouldn’t refuse her again.
That seems like it proved to her she can trust you, and that you're not just looking for sex. It seems girls really dig that
Yeah she has been through some stuff and I know that solidified things immediately as we have talked about that. She has also made clear along the way that while she has trusted me intuitively from the very beginning, it takes her a while to build deeper and steady trust. We have absolutely come to that place and it gets stronger all the time. She automatically locks to me as her strength and safety and steady person. I saw it the other night when we went out to the concert. Her anxiety was in full force because she’s not drinking and that’s usually her social lubricant. She was awkward and guarded and stiff. But she was completely ok with me and as the night went in she basically tucked herself half into me in front and nuzzled in repeatedly when she needed reassurance. I’m used to this and I am calmed and comforted when she does it so it’s a symbiotic relationship that way. We comfort each other within our shared energy.
At the same time I also understand why both of us feel kind of overwhelmed by it because it is so strong that everyone around us sees it blatantly when we are together.
That's nice. You're really masculine and leading her the right way. I'm sure this works great for both a serious relationship and for a friends with benefits or hookup situation. Girls always need to feel safe and secure, and like the people around them won't judge them. I'll try to be even more subtle in public and turn on the crazy and fun stuff just when at home with the girls. Lesson learned
[–]Outside_Guava8627 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If she’s catching feelings, and you say you’re not looking for a relationship, she may not entertain you (if she’s smart) because it hurts too much. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being used.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah but that can't happen so fast. We've only been on one date.
[–]Outside_Guava8627 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It can happen that fast. If she got excited about meeting you and thought of the possibility of being with you seriously, she’d get upset if you told her you’re not looking for anything. Especially if she’s younger. I don’t know your age/dynamic. But it’s best not to try and manipulate the situation. Going on one date isn’t enough to know if someone is worth being in a relationship with, and yes you should take things slow, but maybe next time (or this time) explain to her that you take your time in figuring out compatibility, and are just looking to meet and see where things go. If you know she’s not someone you’d be in a relationship with, don’t waste her time. Spare her feelings.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree. Will take things chill and easy and not expect anything while I keep my options open too, thanks
[–]Vangelis76 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
And girls can generally get bored of us once they feel that they know us well. It doesn't take long for us guys to become predictable. We operate on thought and behavior patterns and girls pick up on patterns very quickly. So the more you text, the more they know about you and less they feel curious towards us. Stay busy, occupy yourself with various things and let this girl to be a compliment to your life. Not necessity. With that mindset, you'll definitely elevate your attraction towards her. Mystery feeds curiosity and desire. And as others say, limit texting more for checking in for a bit and discuss next meetup date. Sexual escalation means nothing over texting. Flirting is fine but to a limit
[–]George97o -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice. You're right. Girls do get bored fast and I'll try to keep texting to a low even though so far it's been my best weapon in creating attraction, but that should happen in real world not in a virtual world...
[–]Vangelis76 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely! I learned it the hard way my friend. And honestly, it's kind of circumstantial in a way. Example: if the girl is let's say looking for something serious and longterm and you just come across as this guy chasing her for sex, then she's likely to reject and pull away. So with that, you'd need to take it slower. Especially give a more if a boyfriend vibe. Once that bond is established and she's emotionally invested in you, then you don't have to try much to be intimate with her. But if she's more into something casual, not wanting to jump into a relationship yet, then you'll definitely want to not give off that boyfriend material vibe. You want to be less readily available, more mysterious, unpredictable. Certainly text less. Not be the guy who is her therapist for her problems. Girls love to chase and earn their guy. They value what's harder to obtain. And definitely keep your mind open to the possibility of talking to other women. Because honestly, women walk away the moment they see a better option. They couldn't care less how you'd feel about it. So be ready for that.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I'll try to read more the signals a girl gives, though at times they're really direct and evidently on what they'd want. I'll text her in a few days and have fun, laugh and not bring up the sex again.
I'm already talking to 2-3 more girls at the same time and looking for more till I find the right one. Been hurt enough before to learn that an abundance mindset is better than to focus on just a girl.
Thanks for the heads up, you seem really wise! Do you mind if I ask you with other girls related questions in the future? I'll try to not hold your time for too long
[–]Khower 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Nearly every girl can be that type of girl for someone they feel comfortable with. They key word is comfortable. If she know its just a fun time and it’s stress free to hangout and be something casual with you then she will be more open to that idea
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Agree. But how do I move past her anti slut defense and make her comfortable now?
[–]Khower 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t care about wether or not you sleep with her. Have a fun time, physically escalate a tad. See what happens. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. If not another one will come around, there’s always another one
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Alright will see if she's open to still talking and will tone down my direct communication. Hope it goes well!
[–]Comfortable_Fail4686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Lol I had to ask the guy to kiss him. This was after mine this of talking though and feeling each other out in person. So it does happen but i did feel comfortable with him too so it’s a toss up.
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Seems like your guy had really low confidence?
[–]Comfortable_Fail4686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He told me I intimidated him and that I went “ too hard on Him” which was later explained by me not having smoked on almost a week.I didn’t even realize I was putting that energy off. Cause when he came in my room I told him to relax and make himself at home. So. You know.
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This sounds too funny and weird at the same time to make sense 😂, unless you're still teenagers
[–]Comfortable_Fail4686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol that’s just my jargon. Lol I’m southern.
[–]kiramdahanett 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
she means "i'm exactly that type of girl" , act by totally ignoring it like U didn't even hear anything said by her.
ask her to meetup/come over few days later & try to fuck ;)
[–]George97o 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I see. Thanks! And if she says that again when we're meeting? Can't pretend I didn't hear then right?
[–]These-Calligrapher 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She just doesn’t want to seem like a sl*t. Girls want to be able to say “one thing led to another” or “it just happened”.
[–]George97o 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah true, I just don't know what words to use to get past that anti slut defense. I'm quite clueless how to handle the situation if she still verbally tries to resist.
[–]These-Calligrapher 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
2 steps forward, 1 step back. Don’t be pushy. I wouldn’t even discuss the subject with her, especially not over text. Just kino and move things forward once you’re both together. But don’t rush it
Alright, thank you.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Op thats not how you get an FWB ..
[–]George97o -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got one this way though I must say that was a really emotionally damaged girl unlike this one. I'm just learning man
[–]zozozie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly bro texting is for planning to hangout, it shouldn’t be used for conversation. Be kinda dry, but not too dry, so they know to get the best part of out you is to see you in real life.
Give her time to miss you, she seems confused, so let her figure it out. And literally just treat her like a friend and flirt with her. The key is to build tension and anticipation and hold it for as long as possible before letting them relent.
You said you gave bf vibes too soon, what did you do specifically that makes you think it was romantic?
Yeah I agree. Because of my anxiety over time I became much better at texting than dates because over text I have time to think of something witty to say. But it's also riskier and oftentimes words get misinterpreted. I'll try to keep the texts a bit more dry but still fun and to make her miss me too. .
I kept telling her the places that I want to hang out next with her, gave too much validation. If I remember welll, I think I told her that we'll see if things turn into something serious or not. And I also told her that I like XYZ things about what she was doing and that it's something I'm looking for in a girl. I did that way too often
[–]progisherman 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I hate this subreddit
[–]bdlndz 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Have you ever thought that maybe she really isn't that type of girl?
I said the same thing to a guy once because I didn't just want to fuck him and then I ended up getting coerced into sleeping with him. If she wants to fuck you, she will let you know. If her gaurd is up that says a lot.
That's always a possibility but I got quite good at reading attraction signals and she was very open to touching and kissing from the moment we met. Sucks you got coerced by that guy, how did he do it without seeming like a creep?
[–]bdlndz 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Okay well that's abit different if you's had kiss and everything. I am not going to tell you that because from reading some of your replies seems you are going to use it on her.
No, I don't coerce anyone. If I have sex with anyone, it happens because we both wanted it. Otherwise it's not that enjoyable either
[–]bDsmDom 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly that type of girl
Yeah I know. But I shouldn't have told her I want to sleep with her. I thought being really direct and ballsy would work but not in this case it seems.
[–]WoodpeckerNo5416 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She is that type of girl when the right guy comes along
[–]Kitchen_Entertainer9 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Personally I I think you came in too hot, I did this same thing before. I knew she wanted it but asking before hand is a red flag, but when we hang out its a bit faster.
I usually reply, " oh really?" Or "I know...'
Yeah I learned to be from too shy with girls to being very direct and ballsy. In most circumstances it creates attraction in girls because I'm very confident.
And then? Do you continue with the sexual innuendos and physical escalation?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ah so you joke and stay a bit more laid back and fun. Gotcha!
[–]Kitchen_Entertainer9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pretty much. 😂
[–]Lust9897 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This has major douchebag vibes.
“I want her for her body but she’s offended. What do I do?”
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
As if people don't hook up or have one night stands / friends with benefits. Get off your horse Mr Knight in shining armor
[–]Lust9897 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m just saying if that’s wha you’re going for, go for subtlety.
Yeah I'll do it more subtle next time, damn
[–]Ambitious-Ice2357 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I think you should back off and maybe wait a week and ask her on a date. Tell her you miss her and you realize that you might have given her the wrong idea. Tell her you’re not just a player. Otherwise, I think you blew it.
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That would mean to turn back to the boyfriend vibes I gave on the date and which I cleared over texts by saying I'm not looking for a relationship.
[–]Ambitious-Ice2357 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, but you clearly scared her off. You might have a chance to hookup, if you can meet her again.
Yeah I scared her off but now if I'd say what you said I'd sound fake. Maybe I'll try to re-write your words in a different way. Thanks man
[–]Ambitious-Ice2357 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t worry about being fake. She sounds plenty fake herself.
Yeah but she has to trust me if she'll sleep with me
[–]rushopolisOF 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't say anything. Just roll up to her place with the song that goes "STOP PLAYING BITCH LET A NI**A SMASH" on max volume.
[–]CPink32503 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
THIS is exactly why I'm a lesbian. MALE SEXUAL ENTITLEMENT SUCKS!!!
[–]George97o -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
What entitlement do you see here?
[–]CPink32503 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just my opinion based on my reading of the post.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Well I was just honest with what I wanted out of the interaction with that girl. Although too direct but at least I wasn't manipulative. Wouldn't you want a partner that doesn't lie to you?
[–]CPink32503 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My girlfriend and I never lie to each other...I really think you're missing my point - you are literally asking for advice to "change this girl's mind" into having sex with you without any commitment despite her telling you directly that she is not interested in NSA sex. If you want to just get LAID then MOVE THE "F" ON and find a girl who is willing.
Here's how you reply to her saying "I'm not that type of girl" - "Cool...see ya around, maybe." (and MOVE ON)
You don't understand much female psychology it seems, sorry to tell you that
[–]CPink32503 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
WOW! Ok...whatever dude. You're funny! I point out your entitlement and this is your reply!?!?!
You're saying that I - an ACTUAL FEMALE (and a lesbian) - "don't understand much about female psychology" but YOU - a male - does.
You have made my point for me. It's sad - you are so sexually entitled you actually believe your own crap.
[–]hookedonfonicsmunky 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
i'm pretty sure she is that type
Me too. She was especially open before I gave her boyfriendish vibes like a dumbass. What do I do now to lower her anti slut defense?
[–]hookedonfonicsmunky 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
it fucking sucks dude, i've had girls say "i want to take things slow" so i did and they told me they weren't feeling romantic vibes with me so pretty much from now on i just go straight for it
Does it work to be more forward? How do you handle her anti slut defense?
[–]hookedonfonicsmunky 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I would just attempt to hangout again and take it from there, honestly i suck with most women and the only ones i end up with end up being the more grown up ones that don't play games AKA unicorns, so just try to have fun and take it from there
Understandable. I still have to learn too. Thanks for the advice!
[–]PurpleCookie_Og 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ehh looks like she’s just putting up last minute resistance your almost in
How do I deal with it? What do I say?
[–]reversedbydark 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Pull back on texting/calling her, just like her message and stop communications.
How is that going to help my cause in any way?
[–]Woujo -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I sent her a message saying I don't want a relationship right now but I want to sleep with her and just talk some more.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TEXT THAT??? Have you ever in your life texted that to a woman and it worked?? Why on earth would you think that is a good idea.
Holy fucking shit.
Do you understand how women think at all.
Women are not logical creatures like men who sit and analyze this shit. They just catch a vibe and go with their feelings. But they definitely do not make an agreement with a guy that they will be his fucktoy.
No, there is nothing you can say here to fix this. Move on and just never, ever, ever, ever, make this mistake again.
I know almost for sure she wants the D because she was really attracted to me before giving off the boyfriendish vibes.
I can assure you she does not want the D anymore dude.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah she wanted it before. Also, this worked with a girl once but yeah most girls aren't this way. Damn I should have just told her I'm not looking for a relationship and stop there
[–]Woujo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Damn I should have just told her I'm not looking for a relationship and stop there
Why even say that?
The answer to "what are we" is always "I am having fun now, but we will see what happens." Your posture should always be "maybe." Never definitely yes, and never definitely no. You cannot have logical conversations with a woman about the relationship; you have to go with what she is feeling.
I wanted to say that because I came off too strong during the date and likely seemed a bit desperate, and I only realized once I got home of my mistakes. And yeah women are totally emotional, I still have to understand their nature but I'll work on that.
[–]Woujo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So you were trying to make up for looking needy by looking like an asshole?
Kinda yeah, though I'm an asshole at times
[–]emlcul -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This subreddit gives off such rape-y vibes sometimes
Maybe but we're all here to learn
[–]emlcul -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How rape-y of you
Thanks, you're lovely
[–]ResponsibilityKey427 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She makes rules for you
Well she's trying and I know I have to keep my masculine frame and lead. I just don't know how to do it when she's trying to keep her frame too
[–]TripleZeroh 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly I think you've shown your hand here and might have lost the game. You've turned the excitement and mystery about your interest and intentions with her into an obvious play for her pants. She might have wanted you before, but now you're "one of those guys".
To be clear I don't think you lost it by giving off the "boyfriend vibes" as that could have been salvaged, but you definitely lost it coming out and saying you just want to sleep with her. Like that can be how it plays out if she doesn't want anything serious, but you don't come right out and say that. You've reduced her presence to a bootycall anytime you try to hang out with her now, and she knows that and isn't comfortable with it.
Live and learn dude.
[–]mugatucrazypills 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"She's not that type of Girl, Booger "
[–]nmf343 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
uh... or respect what she tells you? I get what everyones trying to say but this is so dangerous. She rejected you and the advice is "ignore it, she doesnt mean it". great way to end up accused of assault. just find another girl who is on the same page as you, dont push someone past what they say their boundaries are
I won't push anything, but having simple conversations and seeing if she's still open to meeting and seeing where it goes shouldn't be harmful. I mean if she truly rejects me again of course I'll back down, but most girls have an anti slut defense because they don't want to seem easy and judged by others if they have sex.
[–]luclme 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
She said no so you leave it and move on.
Are you a female?
[–]luclme 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I am
[–]George97o -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Sorry but I don't think you understand that well how most girls think on a subconscious level
[–]luclme 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I am a girl so I understand a lot better than you haha tf
[–]George97o -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Then do you know that most girls don't want to seem easy and be judged by others that way, or themselves to see themselves that way even if they want sex just as much as anyone?
[–]luclme 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
lol yes and she also just might not want to be your fuck buddy
Of course, that is always a possibility, but she didn't fully reject me yet. She said we MIGHT not get to that point (sex). She didn't say we WILL NOT get there.
[–]luclme 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You’re coming off like a horny dog, girls can smell desperation a mile away and it gives us major ick
Lots of girls are horny too and DTF and it's a normal feeling. It's just my way of addressing it that I need to work on. You shouldn't shame people's feelings and sexuality like you're doing with me, it's why society is so quick to label girls as sluts if they have sex easily
[–]luclme1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I haven’t shamed anyone. I’ve said if she’s not interested then move on. You come across like you’re wanting to pressure this girl into having sex with you
[–]George97o0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Of course I'll move on if it's the case. But so far we just exchanged a few texts after the date. There was no rejection yet. And she said she doesn't want a relationship either so she was probably DTF but I scared her off a little. Maybe I can turn the situation around and give the right vibes and feelings this time. That's why I posted here asking for advice and to learn. I ain't gonna pressure her, I want both me and the girl I'm with to have a good time together.
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Rule #1
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Ah damn I'm sorry about that. Though many posts seem to be about a specific girl. Could you keep my post if I reformulate the question to ask about how to deal with these situations in general?
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Best to phrase it as girls plural, and don't make reference to anyone. Just make a new post. And yes, many posts are breaking that rule. It's quite difficult to catch them all when there's 600,000+ users in this subreddit.
Understood. I'll make a new post. Can I still see my post after being taken down? There are good replies with wisdom and advice that I'd like to re-read at times :(
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think so? Doesn't it still show the notifications and you can go to it from those?
Yes and on my profile too. Was it taken down?
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes
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