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[–]wagsyman 95 points96 points97 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Talk to everyone not just the cute girls it will help you feel more comfortable
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wolfbee16 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m very good with girls, but even I couldn’t just walk up to girls. I have to warm up. I’m deff a introverted extrovert, but in order for me to become a extrovert, I need to talk to just run of the day people. Bar staff, cashier, shop clerks, etc.
After I talk to like 15 people I’m usually in the mood to be more talkative. I also in a sense like to “flirt with everyone” what I mean by that is that I like to have fun jokingly banter conversations with people because that’s how I flirt.
By doing that it’s helped me with flirting with girls because I do it a lot in day to day life. It gives my vibe off as funny nice banter and majority of people enjoy it
[–]Groundbreaking-Cap47 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea this. Be curious and interested in thr humans in your environment. Don't just focus on talking to attractive people. That is a predatory mindset. Practice casual conversation with anyone that sparks your interest or gives you the opportunity. Eventually, you'll be presented with someone you are attracted to physically and there will be no pressure, it will just be two humans interacting out of genuine interest
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 58 points59 points60 points 4 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link
Try 30 or 40 approaches instead of 5. It will help you get over the initial fear and it just becomes routine.
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
30-40 approaches isn’t seduction it’s just hit and hope. It shouldn’t be encouraged. Rather, going for girls in your league, looking for signs to approach and how to smile and make the few interactions good, that is what should be encouraged.
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I often tell beginners that have social anxiety or extreme nervousness to do many approaches because it's the fastest way to fix that issue. And then once it becomes second nature, it's better to choose quality approaches.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Is there any scientific or psychological evidence for that approach? I’d rather fix the issue inside first, then slowly go for a few approaches but quality. Volume doesn’t help, it can just make things worse
[–]myra_nc 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Volume helps get over the irrational fears of engaging a woman (or guy).
No harm in having a conversation. Most younger folks these days seem ill-equipped to engage in basic conversation. It is often painful to watch.
[–]EU-Howdie 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't agree, practicing makes a master. The first (10? 25 times you do even not recognise if it was a good (quallity) approach.
That 's why peope who were at schools mixed male and female teenagers, young people, young adults for a long time like till age 22-25 many are good in approaching the other sex, because they had many approaches and practice even without being conscious they were practicing approaching. It went in a very natural way.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re right about that, young people mixing at school etc makes approaching easier , but if you are in 20s or later and have problems, the answer isn’t just approach more girls. It can work, but better to resolves the main issue. Do you have childhood trauma? Body image issues? Anti social introvert. Sort that out then can approach less but make it more quality. Just approaching loads without sorting out inside problems could make things worse. Someone can just think they are even more ugly when they see they need to make 20+ approaches to get with one girl who might not even be hot
[–]EU-Howdie 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I learned about that ... it depends. Some people learn best by learning theory, read books and literature. Others are very much a person who learns by doing. There are 4 different types of learners. I found this test in the internet, sorry, do not know the name anymore, but google can help ?? I did the test and I was one of the kind of ... learning by doing. And I looked back on my life (now going 70) and yes, it is true. In a way that is good, I learned a lot. But in another way that is bad, because of always first have to do, practice and experience things I payed a lot, or many times, lesson / learning fee LOL. But do not worry, when I can help you with by telling my experiences, I do give them for free. Because on eof my experiences is, when you do good, you receive good. And another one is ... Treat people how you would like to be treated yourself.
https://www.google.com/search?q=what+type+of+learning+is+best+for+me%3B+a+test&rlz=1C1AWUC_enNL793NL793&oq=what+type+of+learning+is+best+for+me%3B+a+test&aqs=chrome..69i57.19400j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
With game, you need to learn by practice. Big time. I’m no big guy at game but over came my fear by just going for it. BUT what I’m saying is, online, always came across this volume thing. So between night approach and online dating, I was trying to hit up,so many girls, not realising my faults were inside first not that I wasn’t out there enough. So I’m saying, fix inside first, then you don’t need loads of approaches. Because you’ll be more confident inside. Also abundance mindset, don’t need to go for like 5-10 girls a day, rejection after rejection. Just one is enough if it works great if it doesn’t stay on your purpose. Making pussy your purpose is dangerous, (learning game and becoming a gentleman/alpha male for women is good) just don’t need to make it your life work
[–]Moikepdx 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
It is 100% wrong to encourage someone who literally just told you they have never had so much as a hug to limit their approaches. He literally doesn't know what his league is yet. This person needs to practice the social aspect of approaching, not just focus on a poorly defined end goal.
[–]myra_nc 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Leagues don't exist.
[–]Moikepdx 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I almost entirely agree with this, although there are some people (IV drug users or something like that) that I simply won't date regardless of any other factors.
In this instance I wasn't trying to argue tommythinks' frame though. It felt like a waste of time when his underlying point regarding limiting the number of approaches was wrong. He was the one that was suggesting "going for girls in your league".
The bottom line for me is that you can do 100 approaches in a week or 100 approaches in a year. You can get better fast or you can get better slow. But if you choose "slow" you're wasting [more] time.
[–]Narcan9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I tried to approach a girl at the Friday bowling league but she said I was only a Tuesday 😭
[–]myra_nc 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What happened to the other 49 girls you approached?
[–]Narcan9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Buried in my backyard
[–]myra_nc 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dark.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
It is 100% wrong to tell someone to go out there and act like a jerk embarrassing themselves approaching loads of women who will most likely reject and reject them. Rather get them confident by themselves first, identifying what is causing their lack of confidence, then get them to walk around happy and approach a few girls. Qua,it’s over quantity
[–]Moikepdx 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Actually, approaching loads of women and embarrassing himself may be the single best thing he can do. It would mean demystifying approaching and getting into an unfazed mindset. At this point he is approaching nobody because of fear. Getting over that fear means he is able to approach in the future. Concentrating on getting the "right" person now not only has a very low chance of success, it burns the very bridge he hopes to cross before he has crossed it.
Your advice sucks.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Your advice sucks and is dangerous. Can turn him into a jerk. Agree 💯 you have to approach the girls to get over it and that is the right way, but not loads or 30_40 a day. Be confident smiling and happy, 3 is good, then let him work on keeping his confidence and happiness. Trying to just dull out any anxiety etc by volume can be worse, it’s too long to write on here psychologically but it can be worse. Quality over quantity. And also I’m not saying he needs to find the right woman on each approach or the right one, just doesn’t need to even a jerk and creep with numbers getting constant rejection to build up confidence.
[–]Moikepdx 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
If approaching 30-40 per day means "being a jerk" to you, you might be a jerk. Approaching means being gregarious. It means trying to start a conversation. It doesn't mean being overbearing and trying to force a conversation with someone that doesn't want to talk to you. I can easily approach 30 people in a day without offending a single person.
Again, this is someone brand new to approaching. Setting the bar high is setting up for failure. Lower your expectations.
[–]Moikepdx 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good report! I like that you are taking action and using the forum to hold yourself accountable. I gave you some feedback, and I'm looking forward to another report. Keep at it and it will get less daunting. Then it starts to seem normal. Eventually it may even seem easy.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If you think a guy needs to waste his day approaching 30-40 girls for one lay then you are the jerk. Would you like it if your sister or daughter was one of those girls, just going about her daily business with loads of guys constantly going up to her out of no where and trying to get her number when all she wants is to just go about her day? Yeh the guys who hassle girls like that are the jerks, numbers game is jerks game #dontbethatguy
[–]Moikepdx 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Sorry, you've already lost this argument.
It's clear from his field report that an "approach" consists of as little as 10 seconds of small talk. He can easily achieve this multiple times per day, and isn't "hassling" someone in the process.
Just because you are a jerk doesn't mean everyone is a jerk when they approach. The whole point is to be gregarious and fun for everyone. Clearly you could work on that yourself. More to the point, I specifically said he should approach everyone. The idea is to get comfortable talking to strangers. You don't do that by building up each encounter in your mind, focusing only on people that you want to fuck. That's a recipe for being a creep.
A man doesn't learn to play basketball by playing for 30 seconds at a time 5 times per day.
You didn’t answer my question, what if your sister, daughter, or mother was approached multiple times in one day by guys asking to talk to them or their number? And fuck you with this just because you are a jerk shit. Stop encouraging guys to waste their time going after volume of girls. That’s the creep part you freak. Now answer my question, if it was your sister, daughter, or mother, who was approached 10 times in one day by different guys, how would you feel?
[–]LandscapeClear1630 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Under your conditions I'd suggest try going for more than 5 approaches, lower your standars a bit and have a plan (a place where to take them in case things go well).
Best of luck, post field reports.
[–]wondorous 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I find that traveling makes it so much easier to approach people. Why? Because I find it easier to approach people if I have a reason to do so. If it’s just me wanting to talk to a pretty girl, I’m all kinds of nervous. But if I need to ask for directions or see someone else from my country, it’s so easy to go up and initiate that conversation with them. So use that, say you’re not from around here and ask them for a suggestion. Maybe tailor it to who you’re taking to? A hot girl may know a good bar or club, but if she doesn’t seem like the bar type, you can ask where Les a good cafe or library or where she spends her time? Maybe ask if you could join her for a drink since you don’t know anyone there.
[–]External_Lifeguard49 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good Luck Brother! Don’t think too much about how the interaction is gunna be, just go up to a girl say Hi and continue it from there.
[–]r952q 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never set the bar too high. That will make it harder to reach your expectations. If was you, I would make the goal of the day to just walk up to a girl and give her a compliment. When that works, you can build on by walking up to a girl, giving her a compliment, and asking her name + introducing yourself. And so on.
[–]theshadow1953 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I don't know what your specific situation was for the last 24 years has been. Where you living in a backwater town in the middle of nowhere? What do you look like? Are you very short? Obese? Are you prematurely balding? On a scale of 1-10, what would you honestly grade your looks as? What's your education? Did you graduate high school? College?
I wish you had supplied more information because I think there's a large back story missing here that you've not supplied, and if you've gone 24 years without so much as a huge - means to me that something is terribly wrong.
Are you working and hopefully gainfully employed at a job you like that has room for growth? Because if you're unemployed or underemployed and barely squeaking by on minimum wage that's not going to be enough to put a roof over your head let alone go on a date.
I can understand visiting this country and not speaking the language, millions of visitors do that yearly, but your email implies that you've never had a single date in your own country.
IF you can afford it, why don't you see a professional therapist, and not necessarily just the first one you meet. I'm guessing that there's a lot going on here that you're not mentioning and that's okay, but I'm reading these suggestions below and even if the people are trying to be helpful, they're horribly off base. You cannot engage in a conversation with someone if you don't speak their language. Why would you even want to try? What would be the purpose?
Just randomly approaching people for the sake of saying you approached people is quite foolish, and hopefully you're not foolish.
Try and figure out what your purpose is in all this, and then proceed from there but to simply approach women to be able to boast "I approached 10 strangers today" is utter foolishness and a huge time waster. Do you really like to waste time? I doubt it.
You may be suffering from any one of a number of legit psychological conditions and simply trying to be "brave" and approaching women isn't going to help you. You honestly sound like you could benefit from some counseling with someone who can accurately evaluate and diagnose your situation, and then act accordingly.
And there's absolutely no one on this site who knows you well enough to do that. So they may think they're helping you but they're really not. You don't know these people. They may want to help but you may be taking suggestions from some 18 year old kid who themselves has never had a relationship.
If you were my brother, cousin, best friend, etc, I'd say the same thing I'm saying to you now. You're trying to the equivalent of running before you've learned to walk. I know it's not cheap but you'd be much better spending some serious time with a trained professional counselor or therapist whom you can trust, and who has seen and helped guys like you before, who might be able to actually help you, rather than all these PUA wannabe strangers. You're looking for an easy solution to your problem and I don't think there is any.
Regardless, I wish you look.
[–]mister_yuck 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
“I don't know what your specific situation was for the last 24 years has been. Where you living in a backwater town in the middle of nowhere? What do you look like? Are you very short? Obese?”
Hey you didn’t have to bring ME into the conversation like that lol
[–]theshadow1953 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
LOL, Sweet!
See, now a guy who's fast on his feet like this, is the type of guy who in real life has no trouble attracting women!
But, he's only 24, so he has time to get his act together.
[–]NoInspection9021 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah really late..I am and have been working for the government since 18 yrs old. At one time I was ranked 3rd most proficient soldier in Special Ops. I have worked all over the world, Linear Accelerators, Nuclear Power Generation, Mars environmental Retrofit NASA. I am and have done what real men aspire and dream about doing. Related to the Trump bloodline, river in Black Forest has my last name. I was the last male in America with my name. 1953..your time is over. I drive Imported Japanese Supercars or Brand new 427 Corvette. When I was single during Spring Break on Clearwater Beach, I had so many women in and on my car, I never had to use my Mensa membership 156 IQ to pull women. You are the shadow sir. I am The ♌ showing you what being an Alpha is. I am still combat ready at my age being humble is an effort. I am so real. My word is my bond. Without it I am worthless. Don't go judging senior citizen. It's a felony after 55..Truth is real and Love is power. Don't hate the player hate the game. Shit under ur helmet isn't cool and I don't lie..later hater.
[–]theshadow1953 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Being a narcissist egomaniac since you were 18 = nothing. "Special Ops" and Mensa huh? In what alternate reality. Not impressed with your imaginary 427 Corvette, or "Imported Japanese Supercars" But you DO have a great imagination. Btw, please go back on your psychiatric meds boomer.
'Later wacko.
p.s. i wouldn't brag about being related to the loser trump bloodline.
[–]NoInspection9021 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Not exactly sure what your trying to convince yourself I am?
It appears, you can't handle the reality of who I am..it happens all the time, around plastic soft want to be a man, something other than what they are. Stay in the shadows Peepaw. I wouldn't want you to be in the light coming from your closet, they haven't come up with a label for confused eldery incontinent binary necrotic Co dependant passive aggressive hermaphrodite born during a year nobody remembers including the operator.
I forgot to add to my first post...I don't care what you think.....you or anybody else.
1948 was 70 plus years ago. Time is up.. You should try to get approval on that loan for replacement body parts...immortality isn't cheap these days...just because someone said it's right doesn't make it so and doing it wrong for a long time doesn't make it more right either.
[–]These-Ad9243 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your attempted putdowns are not even making sense. Go see a psychiatrist, you need one.
[–]NoInspection9021 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cause they are come ups...Did you know psychiatrist is a job were you just make up stuff, cause the people that think everyone should be the same are .cause nobody likes them...
[–]YoBeaverBoy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
!remindme 12 hours
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
where are you? not knowing the language sometimes is an advantage.
[–]SecuredStackz 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Narcan9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
12 hours later, you're still a bum! 🤣
[–]Logical_Bones 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck! I am the same exact way.. huge social anxiety and really getting depressed over having no intimate relationships.. looking forward to the update!
[–]AvocadoCatnip 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that's great. just put yourself in social situations, you'll meet someone who likes you sooner or later.
[–]Finesseplug007 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck brother!! May the force be with u
[–]Frankiedrunkie 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t run before you can walk, instead of “cold approaching” try to improve your social skills with everyone, that’s what I did for myself, I was talking to everyone, old, young, homeless, I didn’t care. Now at work I’ve gone from being the quiet mysterious guy to the guy who flirts with all the women.
Talking to people improves your confidence, makes you more relaxed when you are approaching a girl you like.
[–]EU-Howdie -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I searched and searched, but did not find your field report. What irritates me a lot. I replied on your OP here and now you make it difficult for me to read your messages. I have never seen that before on Reddit !!
Please put your report HERE !!! Where we expect it !!
[–]NoInspection9021 -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This always works. First 10 women you see and are attracted too. One sentence..You wanna fuck yes or no. Women like no games. Be real 100% wear it on your chest
[–]mister_yuck 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah good luck with that line.
You get a yes before 10th girl... try it.. luck is not reality. Women are wired to procreate by instinct.
[–]Unique_Philosophy_40 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Noobticula 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What do you have to lose? Good luck
[–]dr34dnaught 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Remember: Your biggest enemy is your self-doubt. Women love confidence and compassion.
[–]MagicGnome97 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
i can relate in many ways, good luck!
[–]NoInspection9021 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
U r aswinger? Gnomes?
[–]MagicGnome97 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Huh? No I'm same age and 0 interaction with women in an intimate way.
[–]TransportationOk649 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Whoopidiscoop1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck bro
[–]HisRoyalAwesomeness 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looking forward to hearing your results, whether you've done well or not.
This is only the beginning. Best wishes, mate
[–]StatisticianPublic86 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Travelling solo is playing on the EASIEST mode. Its SO EASY to approach, you don't need social skills AT ALL. Its especially easy when you meet another girl who is also travelling solo. Stay at a hostel!
[–]Imaginary-Chipmunk35 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary-Chipmunk35 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, nice
[–]GregoryHousen 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck homie, you keep at it for sure it’ll get better
[–]nathan_drake_0077 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChurchofCaboose1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck!
[–]jsb0299 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Where’s the field report?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Enderzebak4 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Its not on ur profile for me
[–]EU-Howdie 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ultraflawlez 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good luck
[–]Jesse17072000 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read the book: the game , by Neil Strauss
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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