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[–]Michael_Cassio 33 points34 points35 points 13 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
I believe saying "Every message you send loses you attraction."
That simply isn't true in my experience.
I've had more girls than not tell me I'm the "best texter they know" and that they "love talking to me."
Texting is comfort building. You should only text a girl as long as YOU are having fun. If you're having fun + she's already attracted to you, texting won't hurt you.
A little push pull through texts will keep her attraction buoyant if you're really worried about losing her.
But still, either always move towards phone calls and towards hanging out.
[–]itsmevichet 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In your experience. I'm not knocking that.
But you gotta understand, in the vast majority of people's experiences, texting by itself does not build attraction. Countless field reports and mountains of data would show that you're an outlier.
A guy can spend 10 hours working on text game every week for minimal results, or 10 hours on a kickass hobby that will make him attractive to more women in general.
When I give advice, it's not just stuff that's worked for me. It's stuff that has worked for 8 to 9 out of 10 people I've suggested it to. Things like learning new skills, getting in shape, public speaking, leadership roles, and the like, are all things that work for the majority.
So it's not that text can never work. No one said that.
But, it's a huge gamble to be spending time developing it when other things get much better results.
It's about choosing what to focus on. Texting is almost always at the bottom of the list, because honestly, "meet me at ____ at __ o'clock" is the only text you'll ever really need.
[–]Azerkai 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If its not working for them then they're doing the wrong thing. This is the same for any form of game. Bad texting results= bad game. Good texting results= good game. Honestly people, think.
[–]Michael_Cassio 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I think it depends on circumstance. I never text when I'm out with people. But I bike to get around. So texting while I'm biking gives me a free 20 minutes to talk to multiple girls. It's not something I "practiced" I was just good at it and learning seduction got me better.
I don't think I'm an outlier. I think it's just ignored. However, like I said, this isn't meant to be some way to develop attraction. Phone/text game sucks balls.
You nailed it by saying "A guy can spend 10 hours working on text game every week for minimal results, or 10 hours on a kickass hobby that will make him attractive to more women in general."
LISTEN TO THAT SHIT GUYS.
HOWEVER, IF you are good at texting or you somehow have the time to get better, feel free. All it takes is learning to be interesting over the phone no matter what, push pull, and being humorous. I'm not saying text all the time, especially if you're not a teenager, but don't act like texting can be completely ignored.
It also depends on what you're going for. If you're going for quantity, get 100 numbers, copy paste "lets hang out" and enjoy the rewards.
But if you want quality, you have to be willing to put in the time to build comfort.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot18 points 13 years ago [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link
Texting is comfort building.
You're absolutely right. But building comfort without first building attraction is a surefire way to end up in the friend zone. There has to be a certain level of attraction before you're able to build comfort. If that level of attraction is already there, it's possible to lower that level a bit with texting without removing it completely, as long as you can also continue to build attraction in person.
EDIT: Also, bear in mind that I did say "in most cases." It's also possible to build attraction through texting—IF you're good enough at it. MOST of the people who read this aren't experienced enough to do this, and this reminder is for those people. If you're good enough at pickup to know which rules you can bend and which rules you can outright break, and at what time it's possible to do either, then this message isn't really for you anyway.
[–]frogma 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Not sure why you're being downvoted.
Unless you're Michael_Cassio and multiple girls are telling you you're the "best texter they know," you probably shouldn't text so often. Hell, even for him, I'd bet he's losing attraction in a ton of cases, and isn't building any in most cases. It's an illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.
[–]Michael_Cassio 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I never said I was building attraction. I just feel like as long as you don't bore girls (which MOST guys do when texting) you don't necessarily LOSE attraction. Cause the best way to make someone want you is to occupy their thoughts. What's a better way than to text them often?
Also I'm not saying the OP is wrong in any sense. I'm just saying it's not so black and white.
In person will always be A MILLION times better. Quote me on that. But phone/text doesn't have to hurt you like so many guys assume. At the very least it can maintain your attraction.
[–]frogma 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
In high school especially, I'd say it doesn't hurt much (if at all), assuming you play it right. But in most cases, you actually do lose attraction, unless you're literally sexting with the girl.
Main reason is because there's no pressure. There's no pressure for you, and more importantly, there's no pressure for her. You're not talking to each other in-person, so you get to think of some "witty" shit (which often won't be as witty as you had hoped), and/or she has to stop texting for a bit (busy with work, eating dinner, whatever), and/or you say something that she doesn't fully understand. Or, name any other situation -- there's a million possible situations where texting can fuck you up.
I still always recommend texting over calling, because it's easier and more laid-back. But IMO, you shouldn't text a girl (even your girlfriend) more than like 4 times in a week. If she needs to get a hold of you, she should call you if it's that important. If you need to get a hold of her, same thing. Otherwise, don't tell her about your day and don't ask her about hers. You're gonna be seeing each other that same day, in many cases, or at least within the next few days, so that text convo's gonna be boring as shit, and largely irrelevant.
The overarching "theory" though is that you lose attraction every time you talk to the girl if it isn't in-person (unless you're sexting). It happens for many reasons, and especially in high school, it's because you're doing exactly what I'm doing in this comment -- you're dragging it on for far too long, and now she's bored as hell, regardless of what you're saying.
Edit: I'll put it this way to try to make more sense. There's one example where I was randomly chatting with a girl and she specifically said "Hey, just stop. If you want to come over, just come over." So I did, and I fucked her. There's another example where I was randomly talking to a girl I'd been flirting with, and she randomly stopped responding. I never said anything "bad," she just got bored with it. I almost had the same thing happen with another girl, but instead of letting the convo die, I just started sexting her. Like, I literally said "What are you wearing?" She gave some shit answer, and I was able to make it more erotic somehow (I said something like "Come on, I'm unbuttoning my pants, what are you doing?").
For texts, you often won't get a response in the first place, they might not understand your intent, they might respond with something that you don't understand, etc. Plus, if you're a guy who texts often, they're used to it -- so it's not exciting. I still think texting is better than calling unless you're like 2 minutes away from the girl's house and about to pick her up, but even so, keep it seldom.
[–]Michael_Cassio 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Maybe it's where we live or something but a lot of girls here absolutely LOVE texting. I remember even if I tried to be scarce, they'd get upset.
I still don't think you LOSE attraction no matter what. Like I said, assuming you're not boring/weird, you can at least MAINTAIN attraction.
As someone said though, this is my experience. So I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong.
Texting builds comfort. I can't stress that enough. But I feel that in certain stages/situations, building comfort is itself attractive. Imagine being in a serious relationship and having a text conversation for an hour a day.
She'd be happy, feel validated and assuming you're honest with her, she knows you're a player. So by taking an hour out of whatever you're doing, she knows you're not cheating. Being loyal is attractive. Of course I mean LOYAL not needy.
But I do agree. Dragging it on for too long can hurt you WAY too much. I guess the reason I got relatively good at texting is because I spent a lot of highschool hitting on girls who lived far away from me. I couldn't drive to see them so I'd try shit I learned online on my phone. From my experience, it worked.
I think the key principle for ME is that I only text if I'm having fun. That's the key. Law of state transference. If you're having fun, she probably is too. Nothing like a girl saying "OMG STOP. You're making me look like a retard in public. I can't breathe xD" Even if she's just saying that, she's still having a good time.
But if I've been texting this girl for too long, I'll make it clear. "Hey I'm gonna go do ___________ but this is a lot of fun. You should meet me over there yeah? We can continue this conversation :D"
She can now choose to let the good feelings go away or go for a good time.
Those are just my thoughts. I'll try to analyze myself some more in upcoming weeks so I can give more clarity to how I work texting into my game. I'm not saying it's key, but literally nothing positive that you learn in this community will hurt you.
[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with basically everything you said.
I remember even if I tried to be scarce, they'd get upset.
This is the whole point of being scarce. Let them be mad/anxious. That's exactly what you want.
I'll agree that texting can somewhat build comfort, depending on the convo, but I'd still assert that it doesn't usually build attraction, and it's far more likely to decrease attraction, no matter what the convo is about (unless it's sexting, like I said). It also depends on if she perceived you to be much higher-value in he first place. If she did, then you can probably text her as much as you want.
Overall though, in terms of attraction it's simply a fact that someone will become more attracted to you if you don't answer their original text/call/etc. I think we can all agree on that. Likewise for many of us, we'll also become more attracted in future situations where the person doesn't answer in a "reasonable" amount of time. If you've had even one girlfriend, you know what I'm talking about. You're sitting by the phone, literally watching it, waiting for it to ring/buzz.
Girls do the same thing, so I use that info.
[–]Michael_Cassio 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well when I say that, I mean I would reply to every text I got. But I did make it a habit of only replying on my own time. So whether it was a minute or a day, they'd get a reply. But I think that's an important tidbit. Your phone doesn't control you.
It's a delicate balance. You're right. It's a lot easier to decrease attraction. I have sexted with my fair share of girls so it's possible that I'm often moving towards that and that's why it helps more than hurts. I dunno. I think it's time to start experimenting.
This is true. But it's situational. A good rule of thumb is to not reply instantly but it's not in my style to be obtuse about it. If I'm bored, I'll give a girl the opportunity to show me a good time. If she doesn't, THEN she's ignored.
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. I agree with everything you said.
[–]new_player 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He's being downvoted because he's saying these things as if they're true. No, it's not true that in most cases texting isn't building attraction. It's true in his experience, which leads me to believe he's not at all good at text game.
This is a late reply, but I firmly believe (and you'll see this mentioned a lot) that texting, when done more than seldomly, makes it far easier to lose attraction -- unless you're sexting. You might think you're building attraction, and it might feel like you are, but without being there in-person, it just won't have that same effect. It's words on a screen -- you have no idea how those words are being interpreted, and regardless of how she responds, you don't actually know how she feels about them because you're not there with her.
Calling's a bit different, but I'd still say basically the same thing. You might feel like that 3-hour convo brings you closer to each other, but you're walking on thin ice unless you know exactly what you're doing.
9 times out of 10, when you're texting someone more than like 5 times in a day, at some point you're just blabbering on about random unimportant bullshit -- and that definitely doesn't build attraction. In high school, it probably won't matter too much (didn't seem to matter for me too much), but in college and beyond, you're usually dealing with a different context/situation. I'd say more often than not, texting lowers attraction if you're doing anything beyond sexting or setting up meets.
[–]isaiahvanderhyden 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cassio?... Othello reference? Upvote.
[–]Michael_Cassio 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I understand that. I just didn't like the way you worded it. If that's what you were trying to convey, you nailed it.
I wish I was better at self analysis. I don't think I'm great at game but apparently my escalation and texting skills have always been naturally good. Even before learning seduction, my text skills were praised.
I'd love to write a post on what makes a good texter. But then again I don't want guys having ANOTHER excuse to not go out.
It's good that they're getting some kind of experience but meeting girls on OKC and Facebook is not pick up.
[–]Blissfully 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a girl I totally agree to this. It's how my fwb got me. He genuinely likes texting and sexting but not in a perverted way so it feels organic & natural. And was very open & honest.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]ARealSocialIdiot1 points 13 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Do not EVER presume to speak for me. You don't know anything about my intents. I have no desire whatsoever to "only" sleep with women, but that's not to say that I don't want to sleep with women. The fact of the matter is that sleeping with a woman early vastly increases the chances of starting a relationship with that woman, so yes, it's in your best interest to sleep with a woman sooner rather than later, even if your only intent is to get a girlfriend. But don't even begin to think that you know what's in my mind.
If you want to create friendships with women, then by all means, create as much comfort as you want and as little attraction as you want. But you will end up with more friends than girlfriends that way—and you can absolutely, positively quote me on that.
Proving you are intelligent and take interest in what she has to say through a text can raise her attraction level.
Bzzt, wrong, thank you for playing. This will only serve to increase her comfort level with you, not her attraction level. If you think they're one and the same, then you need to do some serious reading up on pickup philosophy.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrNonplussed 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I also find that texting is a great way to build comfort after you've slept with someone and are trying to move things in the direction of a relationship.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot-3 points 13 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh, I see. You're a troll; I should have known. Silly me for responding.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TAOofSTEVE 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To expand further, I would like to clarify that texting isn't the proper tool to increase attraction. That is almost always most effectively done in person. At best it can be used to maintain rapport and comfort. It is also effective in bridging the gap between dates and maintaining interest with a girl that already has a high interest level in you.
At worst improper texting can lower a girl's attraction to you regardless of her level of attraction. That is why less is always better, because the odds of breaking rapport and attraction are always higher through text because you aren't physically there to maintain it through kino and body language.
[–]Scoonz 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you have too much to lose during text game. The girl could lose interest from a number of things. Way you sound, way you text, texting too fast, guaging responses differently,
Personally, I just think there is too much to lose. You can off put a girl way too easily through text game, and vice versa. As bad as it sounds, if a girl sounds retarded through text game I have to quit. I don't know why, but I'm such a grammar nazi.
Text game isn't a game you should be playing. Having said that, I'm still partially an AFC, and I'm trying to put it all together still, so take this with a grain of salt. I'm no expert by any means or a PUA.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I disagree that texting should not be used. Can totally help build rapport, keep relationship professing, and make the girl realize you have the hand if you respond less than her.
[–]yorex 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I've read some comments now and I want to chipping in with my own experiences of "text game".
The way I use "text game" is in my eyes the furthest you should push it, as it's true it kills attraction if done wrong.
First of all you need some attraction at the time you get the number, if you didn't attract her you might aswell delete her number (imo).
The 3 points I want to focus on in this comment 1) Maintaining attraction 2) Spark emotion/attracion, if I can't see her in the next few days. 3) Setting up dates
So how what does this mean?
1): Usually when texting a girl whose number you recently got, you want to start by piquing her intrerest again; which you can do with text, and it will increase the attraction. I usually send something wierd/funny that is aimed at her (without being about her), like: "I'm bored, we should go skydiving."
Now this would help you in the short run (she won't go skydiving with you, but if you got a positive response that's good enough at this stage), set up a date within 5 texts of this conversation. Then stop texting. You'll pretty much only ruin your chances after that. You either got a date or you'll never get a date with this girl. (usually, exceptions happen)
2) Sparking attraction through text. So here's the tricky part, the part most people here say "doesn't work". I'll tell you it does work, but it's hard. If you don't know what you're doing you'll can get stuck as her texting buddy / get stuck in the friendzone, but if you do know.. well then you're in for a treat.
How I do this is usually the same as when I'm maintaining attraction, but with every text! I start just as I did in the maintaining attraction bit, but now I do it without trying to get a date (since I can't meet her, logistics problems and whatnot) I start the text conversation the same way as before but in the upcomming texts I reference things we've done (like a kiss, or something else that we shared, like a guy we saw trip over his own legs in the bar; anything really). And then I stop when there's nothing she wants to add, and whatever you are going to write next will just prolong a conversation that is over. You need to understand when a conversation is over!
I do this every 2 or 3 days, if she starts a conversation with me; fine. But I won't have any long conversations about nothing. This is risky because if you do this too often and/or end up using too many jokes, you might just end up as her texting buddy, which as we all know: that's not where we want to be. So throw in some casual stuff in the short conversations, like asking her out on a date at a time neither of you can (which shows her that you actually want to date her even though you can't at the moment). You want her hoping you text her, you want her longing for your texts. And if you do it right, you have decreased the chance of a flake when you later ask her out by a lot (I have a 0% flake record when asking girls out over texts since I started to text this way, so don't tell me it doesn't work).
You still don't want to wait too long, if you can't meet her within 2 weeks, wait with your texts until you can meet her.
3) Setting up Dates! This is the lifeblood of "text game". What most people here say is the only reason to text a girl. As it is your ultimate goal and you only need a small amount of attraction to pull it off.
I won't write how you ask a girl out over text, it's to general. You know how to do it (hopefully), and if you don't: just ask, I'll try to help you with your personal situation.
But I'll add here that I never ask a girl for a date without sparking her emotions first. Text game 101
I run a 100% success rate of date after texting, so if you don't think it works then I'm the magical exeption to the rule or something. Not really tho, anyone could do what I do.
Just felt like sharing after so many people said that attraction is killed over time with every text you send. Thank you for your time.
Sorry for any language or formating faults, english isn't my first language and I suck at formatting.
Edit: Fixed some things that was worded badly.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot2 points 13 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I'll tell you it does work, but it's hard.
Sure it can. Just like guys can get out of the friend zone, but we don't recommend that they even try, and that it's far easier to spend that same amount of energy on going out and meeting other girls, rather than trying so hard to convert a friend into a sexual partner.
[–]yorex 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are right. I just wanted to share my story :]
[–]TAOofSTEVE 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
All of your points are good examples of maintaining attraction (mostly identical to my method). I think the take away is that attraction cannot be created or increased over text, only maintained. You're not going to turn a cold girl hot over text, but you can keep a hot girl hot or keep a warm girl warm.
I just felt like sharing my experiences, you might be right in that I'm only maintaining attraction. I'll have to try it on some of the girls colder then the ice of antarctica I have in my phone to be sure, seems rude as the reason there wasn't a whole lot of attraction was because I don't want to date those girls anyways but you know.. for science!
[–]scratchandrelease 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you are good with your words, text game is a slam dunk. it can be an easy way to bust her a little bit, if you're entertaining and funny through a text message it can and WILL attract a girl. if you have to spend ten minutes trying to carefully craft some bullshit message that sounds contrived, then of course your text game is going to be shit.
text game is real, but not everyone can do it. if you're good with your words(written is way different than spoken) then you can do just fine.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Bingo, there is definitely a style to it. The way you use punctuation, the way you convey sarcasm or humor, breaking up a thought into multiple texts with a pause, etc. If you are good, you can absolutely increase your standing with a girl.
People are saying you can only lose with texting, but if the girl is more comfortable texting and you have texting game, she is going to prefer communicating with you over the dude trying to ring her up all the time. It's great that you might be trying to get this girl on the phone, but if I already have her initiating contact with me by text then you are taking a back seat.
[–]gigashadowwolf 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You know I am getting really sick of hearing this. I really do not believe this is true. Texting game is arguably harder and certainly different. You cannot read the situation as well, but you can play a good texting game. Furthermore if you are under 25 you probably HAVE to. When given the choice it is still better to use a more personal means of conversation like calling or even better face to face where kink can be used, but if you don't know how to keep the attraction at least warm via text you will probably lose out a lot.
[–]sedditpadawan 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sigh..
Texting game is arguably harder and certainly different.
That's the point right there. It's intrinsicly harder and more difficult as you are more likely to lose attraction doing it. Seriously, text game is a clingy, beta move.
When given the choice it is still better to use a more personal means of conversation like calling or even better face to face where kink can be used
Yes, at all times yes. Texting is good for communicating when short, direct messages are needed, if you need to have a convo to build rapport, texting is not the way to do it.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would say that this is something that is a case by case basis, I have had more hook ups this year then in any year past and 85% of them have been through texting, through messaging on an online site. Hell I have even had a couple where I didn't talk to the girl once until I was in her apartment putting the finishing touches on an F close. I had one in the spring where she and I only talked for 10 minutes when I showed up before she was naked. Texting can be a very powerful thing. I use it because you can have longer deeper conversations then over the phone. My key is If she starts to lose interest if I can't meet her right away or with in a couple of days I do a little push/pull and some teasing. That gets the response I want in 90% of cases. For me itis very effective since I don't go out and do the bar scene or things like that. Just the other night I was out with one girl and had 4 others texting me that they wanted to see me. My advice is play the game right and you can win a jackpot. Play it like every other guy and you'll fall on your face.
[–]Overthinking_Guy 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Extremely untrue
Not texting a girl actually hinders game. Texting can be a great way to keep an open channel of communication between you and her. (Remember communication is key in all relationshps). Girls are glued to their phones 24/7. They love texting. They love that shit. You just have to do it right.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They do love it, but who's to think you aren't the only one they're texting?
Your physical talking time better be probably double your digital talking time.
[–]Overthinking_Guy 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Works both ways.
[–]Murmaider 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I completely agree with the sentiment here. I feel that by attempting to "Text Game" you run the risk of becoming common to her vs mysterious. In this day and age i am sure she receives anywhere form 5 to 456458487 text a day. Don't be just another text. Granted, texting can be a powerful tool in pinging (girls you've lost contact w/) and setting up logistics.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot1 points 13 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not the texting her that's the problem. I don't see a problem with texting to set up a date—it's texting just to converse with her that's the problem.
[–]Murmaider -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup, and i agree.
[–]riceguy01 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think texting is great. Aside from the whole "wait twice as long to respond to her when she responds to you". Ugh.
Yes use texting to build comfort. Sending videos or photos of something that is related to your relationship (an inside joke or something you guys had fun with) is a great way to get her thinking about you/build rapport. For example: she's from boston... Send her a funny picture making light fun at Boston people. (make sure this is something you've already busted on her about)
Build anticipation by texting open ended statements. Get her to want to know more about what's going on in your life. For example: you just won 50 bucks on a scratcher. Text her "holy crap! I just won BIG". Dont tell her straight up that u won something. Give her the chance to find out what it is.
Hope this helps shed some love on texting. The key is to create emotion through text, photos, videos, and emojis. Read up on how to write creatively, it might help.
[–]xaiur 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This simply isn't true.
[–]KhwamRuu 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good Text/IM game is very important. However, my #1 goal during text/IM game is:
You're dead right, texting is an ineffective way to build attraction. You CAN build attraction this way, but whatever you're doing would usually be more effective in person. Not to mention that it's easy to lose a girl if you don't quickly meet up with her.
I've had some interesting results with text game recently. I might post an FR after this weekend that'll cover this topic.
[–]ManowaR1488 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love text game, I've picked up with just texting before, just by being funny and interesting
[–]new_player 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You really shouldn't be doling out this advice. I've managed to take girls interests from close to nothing to "can't wait to meet up for a drink" after having their number for weeks and not even meeting up.
Scenario: meet girl, grab her number, text her next day. Don't text for a while. Out of the blue text her and start initiating text game, escalate, be spontaneous, let them know what kind of awesome things you're up to, tell her to meet you somewhere. Bam. She's there. I've done this on multiple occasions. In a few instances I've had the girl initiate after a few weeks of inactivity and they always repeat the same thing: why haven't we met up yet? And its' mostly because of the initial text game interaction.
This is even more relevant the younger they are, where texting is the norm for social interaction.
[–]highseddit_user 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think this depends on the age group. I actually made a recent post about this here: http://www.reddit.com/r/askseddit/comments/160pve/to_text_or_not_to_text/
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't know why you are being downvoted. I date younger girls 20-24 and some of them pretty much only text and barely ever talk on the phone to anyone. You better know how to text with style if you want to establish rapport.
[–]FittersGuy 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is soooo not true, I don't know why so many of you believe this. I've had girls I meet once text me for over two weeks while I'm away or something, then show up for a date when I get back. It's not hard!
Seriously, just use the same shit you would use in person, be fun, flirty, and clever. Avoid serious conversations or standard "what do you do?" stuff.
Just because you can't keep a girl interested over text doesn't mean there's no "text game."
[–]Link_GR 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my experience, as you say, texting is only effective if you've already established attraction. Then you maintain interest and keep her engaged, while always aiming for another date or escalation in general.
OP you're catching a lot of flak, but thanks for posting this. If people would embrace a more analytical mindset, they'd see that you were right. Here's the thing: texting is a great way to become familiar with someone, but if you haven't built attraction beforehand, you'll lose way more times than you win.
Texting is hard, because of the difficulty of sarcasm (an important point in English-speaking culture's humor), and a great many other things, like lack of personal interaction and body language.
Bottom line: In the cases where people think texting has worked well, they've either gotten incredibly lucky, or they built attraction way beforehand. Texting in the absence of attraction is a surefire way to denote beta-clingyness, and lessens attraction.
[–]maddermonkey 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What if the girls are texting me?
Am I friendzoned?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got my current gf mostly in part to avoiding text "game"
We met online (never thought I'd fine anyone worthwhile on there!) and she wouldn't stop texting me, asking about me.
I ignored most of her texts and when we met she told me I came off as very mysterious and it made her more attracted to me
TL;DR avoid texting
I've seen exceptions to this rule.
I had one girl I'd just made out with once, but who never texted me. Then a couple times I'd just hit her up with dumb shit like "when are we fucking" and "hey I set up a 4-some for us", then I went dark. A week later, she is lighting my shit up like no tomorrow.
Depends on the girl though, like anything. w/e.
[–]Azerkai 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
To be honest this is an extremely small minded post.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot2 points 13 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I disagree. Especially for the vast majority of the more than 100,000 people in this subreddit, encouraging them to spend more effort on personal interaction instead of letting them falsely believe that they can do all of their pickup from the comfort of home is hardly small minded. Considering that they don't have the skills or knowledge to be able to successfully combat the friend zone via texting, a post like this does them far more good than bad.
[–]Azerkai 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Encouraging people to develop skills is a major point of pickup. What if someone told DeAngelo, Mystery or Jeffries "You can't approach women on the street, that doesn't work for most people"?
[–]ARealSocialIdiot1 points 13 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
We in seddit are in the business of teaching people how best to seduce. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of people who use texting as a seduction technique are going to fail at it no matter how good they are, especially if they're doing it to the exclusion of other pickup techniques. The worst thing you could do in this subreddit is to let somebody believe that texting is as good as personal interaction. What's more, I don't think anybody, even you, is suggesting that guys spend all day texting back and forth with a girl in random conversation. I don't care what you're saying; if you do that, you're going to lose attraction with a girl.
What's more, I'm not exactly alone in this suggestion. Most mPUAs suggest that you keep away from texting as a conversational tool, as well as most of the more successful PUAs here in seddit.
[–]Azerkai 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well we have a fundamental disagreement then. Even here we have guys reporting success with texting and they get told by people like you "Don't listen to this guy, because I say it doesn't work" You're getting in the way of pioneers and that's the last thing anyone should be doing in this community. Anyone who is having success should be heard and give detailed reporting on how they're doing it, not shut down and ignored.
That's what I've been saying all along.
Less is More.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Want a proof of this?
There's this single girl at my work who meets people through POF/OkCupid and often engages in text messages with these guys she meets. She directly said to me that after texting a guy for a little while she just loses interest. In fact, the texting revealed some dealbreakers that prevented her from at least seeing these guys.
So in essence, texting is not good for you in any capacity. If you want to build attraction, you call and set something up. Don't communicate unless you intend to meet up with her.
[–]irvinestrangler -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Reminder: You have no clue what you're talking about. Don't try to push your inadequacies as some sort of universal impossibility. You sound like a loser.
I will point out that nothing I said was a "universal impossibility." I made sure to specify "in most cases," and in the comments I fully elaborated. But sure, tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, even though seddit mods have commented in this post to support what I'm saying, as well as the fact that the theory I'm trying to espouse being supported by a number of leading PUA experts out there. But sure, if your own personal experience trumps what I'm saying, I'd love to see what evidence you have to support your claim. These are, after all, discussion threads, and discussion of PUA theory is ultimately what I'm trying to bring up.
[+]irvinestrangler -7 points-6 points-5 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Who cares what mods say? How does that hold any relevance at all whatsoever?
Keep thinking you know what you're talking about. You have no game.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot0 points 13 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I really don't understand why so many people are taking this personally. You and a couple other people in this thread are treating me like I called your momma names or something.
[–]irvinestrangler -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Grow up, username relevant.
[–]thatoneafc -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But I text every girl I get a number for daily, and I had a girlfriend a year ago so it can't be that bad!
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