Embarrassing fetish holding my confidence back

AngraMainyuu · 2014-03-16T21:12:50+00:00

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Hydrolic_Despot · 2014-03-16T19:27:30+00:00

You shouldn't think of this as embarrassing first off. You are already putting a negative frame on the situation.

Treat this as an opportunity to make her feel empowered in the bedroom. You are the one who is in control and confident in the relationship, but you allow yourself to be dominated in the bedroom. This can be sexy for both parties and mutually beneficial.

bl1y · 2014-03-16T19:33:58+00:00

You're looking at this fetish completely backwards. The submissive one is usually the person who's actually calling the shots. The sub sets the limits, and is largely telling the dominant one what to do (not specifically, but in general terms), and the dom is there to act out the sub's fantasies.

atheistdynasty · 2014-03-16T19:59:28+00:00

I used to be exclusive a sub, and well, all I can say is, learn to expand your interests. IMO, "but I like being a sub" is an excuse to not expand your comfort zone and learn to take charge.

Just because you like being a sub in the bedroom doesn't mean you're unable to take charge of your own life/be a leader.

That being said, bl1y is pretty spot-on.

IzzyTheAmazing · 2014-03-16T22:07:18+00:00

Just out of curiosity, is this the only thing that you can get off to? Most people have a variety of fetishes in the bedroom, many people are "switch."

Also, something to think about is that you can be dominant and submissive at the same time. My boyfriend and I were talking about how a single act of drying someone off after the shower could be taken as a dominant or submissive thing. I could be the domme that is drying off my little toy, or he could be the dom that is making me service him.

I remember once seeing a video of a guy forcing a girl to lick his asshole, but then in another video a woman was forcing a guy to bend over and let her do it. Same act, different feels.

Bottom line is, confidence is confidence and what you like in the bedroom shouldn't reflect on how you hold your head tall outside of it. :)

kcpwnsgman · 2014-03-16T21:15:39+00:00

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JadedArtsGrad · 2014-03-16T22:38:28+00:00

I dated a girl who was pretty shy and submissive in general but had a pronounced fetish for dominating in the bedroom (rope, etc). It didn't work out between us so she's all yours if you can find her, or one like her.

befuchs · 2014-03-17T00:23:38+00:00

It's not dominant, it's confidence that attracts women.

zfolwick · 2014-03-17T05:53:15+00:00

And I think it's because of my inner game, which is influenced by my fetish. I have a very beta fetish. I like the thought of women feminizing me and/or cuckolding me. I like being dominated.

You are who you are, dude. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

Tombstone31 · 2014-03-16T19:21:03+00:00

I don't share this fetish, so maybe someone else can help more, but I'm wondering how exactly you like to be dominated. If it's more or less confined to the bedroom, I don't see the contradiction. "Leading" is not the same thing as being dominate.

Apex_of_Attraction · 2014-03-16T20:51:49+00:00

Just because it is a fetish of your does not mean that it needs to manifest itself when you are hitting on girls. In many cases, your sex life will involve playing along with what the girl wants to fulfill her fantasies. Instead of waiting for her to fulfill your desire to be dominated, instead fulfill hers on the pick-up by "playing the role" of the dominant male.

A lot of the characteristics that I embody in the pick-up, I set aside and don't imbue them in my everyday experience. My dominance is to create a rush of feelings in the girl, feelings that not many men have the ability to give her. In recognizing it as a tool, I can still live in the realization that there is still a sense of separation between my everyday self, and my "character" as a dominant man in her life.

To get what you want in life, you have to be open to giving before you have the opportunity to receive. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. If you play the role of the dominant man most women crave and fulfill her desires, she will be incredibly receptive to any of your fetishes.

The alternative is to find someone who likes to play the dom role from the beginning. However, this may severely narrow the scope of your relationships, as the feminine is naturally polarized towards adopting a submissive role in the presence of the man in the context of a romantic relationship.

Very interesting predicament though. Feel free to message me. I'd be interested to hear about your experience. There might be more I can suggest.

Darragh, Apex of Attraction http://apexofattraction.weebly.com/

2014-03-17T00:05:45+00:00

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EagleGod · 2014-03-17T02:42:59+00:00

What about fetlife?

StupidWes · 2014-03-17T03:49:13+00:00

It's all about frame. You're framing the fetish negatively, but there is no such thing as a negative so long as it's done safely and whatnot. And it may actually help you to have authority when looked at properly. Logically, submission is the voluntary giving up of power, so you first have to have the power to begin with. The more assertive you are in life, the more submissive you get to be. Ya dig?

Rx_Love · 2014-03-17T16:01:21+00:00

Well people will act in ways that garner their subconscious desires into reality... At a certain point you gotta just accept that you like what you like. Thats you - fine just be you and don't be ashamed of it. You don't need to apply the principles of PUA and being alpha and all that jazz to every aspect of women.

joshsway · 2014-03-17T18:01:58+00:00

that's one weird thing I don't understand. Yea, that's going to hurt you with women. Are you sure you feel this way because it is really you or because you have been shat on/etc. most of your life by women? But, lets say it just is who you are, can you not enjoy sex without it, at least initially? Don't even bring it up, just be dominant until the bedroom.

Title	Embarrassing fetish holding my confidence back
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	128
Comments	33
Date	March 16, 2014 7:09 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/20kie0/embarrassing_fetish_holding_my_confidence_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/embarrassing-fetish-holding-my-confidence-back.1367658 https://theredarchive.com/post/1367658

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