Focusing on being "hot" (I mean, being attractive doing nothing). Is it possible? Is it worth the trouble?

bl1y · 2013-11-06T17:32:07+00:00

As long as you're trying to be like them, you're always going to fail. Even if you greatly improve your looks, you're still never quite going to match up. Think about Coca Cola and compare it to Publix Cola. Publix really wants to be Coke, but no matter how close it gets, it's never going to be preferred (setting cost aside). Coke will always win because it's Coke and you're in the Coke Championship Series.

What you want to do is differentiate yourself. You can't beat Coke at being Coke, but you can beat it at being Dr. Pepper. What you want to do is have a distinctive style, something which is different from them. And this isn't just in terms of fashion, though that will be a big part of it; you should also have some interests that are different from theirs.

Far more people prefer Coke to Dr. Pepper, but that's not important. What is important is that some people prefer Dr. Pepper. And no one prefers Publix Cola.

When you distinguish yourself, you're going to attract the girls who are looking for something different from what your friends are offering. It'll also help you to keep your friendship with those guys going, because you're going to cut down on jealousy and you won't be competing for the same girls.

notaveryoriginalname · 2013-11-06T19:05:26+00:00

You know why girls click like and comment on their pictures? Because they talk to them.

I think you have some misconceptions regarding good looking guys. I've known plenty in college that had their fair share of girl problems because they didn't have the confidence to go with the looks. They didn't approach. They did have an edge in that they'd eventually 'bump' into a girl that they'd hit off with, but it's not like they were drowning in women.

What's probably really helping your friends is social proof. If they're the guys that everyone's jealous of, then girls will notice this and want to go talk to them. It's sort of a positive feedback loop. If they get some success in their social life (and i don't mean becoming class president), be it scoring with the hottie or throwing kick ass parties, guys and girls notice, they become more desirable, and then they don't even have to do shit. Best example is guys in successful frats.

But I think that's a cop-out. Some guys go from constantly scoring at frats to coming out in the real world and not being able to get shit because they've lost their social proof and never learned how to interact with a girl without her coming up to them or without alcohol rushing through their veins.

And uh, random pretty girls aren't going to give you their number on the bus unless you're Ryan Gosling. You gotta get it from her.

snwborder52 · 2013-11-06T20:41:35+00:00

A few things:

Stop wanting to be like them. Start wanting to be a better version of yourself. Accept who you are, work on self-improvement and develop a mentality of being awesome.
You want girls to like your photos on facebook because you need validation. You should stop caring whether girls like your photos or not. This will help you become that better version of yourself. Don't look to others to validate you, validate yourself. The only way to be awesome is to decide you are awesome.
Finally, girls are attracted more to behavior than physical appearance. So yes, you are going to have to change your personality.

If you are looking to a place to start, read Models by Mark Manson.

itsmevichet · 2013-11-06T19:42:00+00:00

get lots of girls clicking "like"

This doesn't fucking matter.

Do they get numbers? Do they get dates? Do they get lays? What is the actual basis of your jealousy?

Internet points? Come on man, be real.

Focus on becoming cool. Focus on meeting lots of women (people in general, for that matter). Do both, all the time.

Your problem isn't that this is a complex, existential issue. Your problem is that you're the kind of guy who does this:

Maybe it's impossible to do "nothing" without being the lucky guy in the genetic lottery. Maybe it is possible, but not worth the trouble. Maybe I'm pursuing something too shallow and empty, maybe I'm pursuing that as a shield to avoid changing my personality issues.

... instead of taking the wheel and steering his own life and making some decisions.

This isn't picking who lives and dies, it's deciding whether you want to talk to a girl. Stop thinking so much and do it.

chonguey · 2013-11-06T22:00:34+00:00

In high school I was a total nerd. Uncool, unpopular, out of shape and just kind of a mess. No girl wanted to give me the time of day. I felt the sting of rejection early and often.

I looked at the cool guys, the jocks, the guys who were effortlessly hot. I wanted to be them. I wanted the attention they got. I felt it was unfair that they didn't have to work for anything.

I'd like to say that it was then and there that I decided to get "hot" and "cool". It didn't happen like that at all. What I did do was work on myself in other ways, none of which had anything to do with visual sex appeal. I just didn't want to be a total loser.

I have been gainfully employed since I was 16 and, through busting my ass, now make 4x the median income for people my age. Sports car. Awesome bachelor pad that is sexy as hell. I learned to cook better than anyone else I know. I've traveled the world. I speak Spanish fluently. I am well read and am now an interesting conversationalist. I learned how to be a patient and thorough lover who can rock a girls world.

And yes, I worked on my personal style and appearance. I'm in the best shape of my life. I dress well. I can be charismatic. And while I am not effortlessly hot like you describe, I have had great success with women in my life. I've hooked up with plenty of girls over the years and they all seemed very satisfied with me as a partner. Some women I have slept with were what I would have thought unobtainable. And plenty of sexy normal girls too. They liked the kind of guy I was way more than some boring "hot" jock.

I'm not a natural Pick Up Artist by any means, but by being the real deal, the full well-rounded person, you will get way more attention in the long run. Being hot without working for it will evaporate quickly. And then what is left? A formerly good-looking loser. This doesn't happen to all "hot" guys. But the ones who remain attractive to women throughout their lives build well-rounded, attractive lifestyles.

I look at the quarterback types I envied in high school. They got married early, or fucked up and had kids too young. They are now out of shape, brow-beaten and miserable. They may have only had sex with a single girl and then got her pregnant. Would I trade the ease they had in high school for what they have now versus what I have? HELL NO!

Being naturally sexy as a guy is as much a curse as it is a blessing. If you experience success with women without feeling the need to be a better MAN, you might never actually become one.

Embrace your challenges. You can't change your genetics, but you can damn well change everything else. And you will come out ahead in the end.

gmh1977 · 2013-11-06T22:44:33+00:00

Women aren't consumed with looks as much as men. They are attracted to social status, financial standing, personality an looks. However, if you are an interesting man, they will overlook your physical defaults. What's more, if you are able to attract them on an emotional level, appearance means even less. Women reject good looking guys less. However, if you had the choice of receiving an empty box wrapped in beautiful paper or getting an mind blowing gift wrapped in news paper, which would you choose?

Fatvod · 2013-11-06T17:13:57+00:00

Possible? Sure. Get fit, hitup r/malefashionadvice and get some style and take care of general hygene. You will go up a few notches in the eyes of most women. Are you gonna turn into Brad Pitt? No. Will you have more sex with more attractive people? Yes.

joshsway · 2013-11-06T17:15:58+00:00

You can definitely significantly improve your looks within the confines of your genetics, and you should do it. It is a pretty easy way to get much more girls. Put on some muscle by lifting heavy weights and learn about fashion etc. to dress better. If you are skinny you can get what will pretty much universally be considered a "good" body provided you are in normal health in about a year tops with consistent work. Dressing well you can learn in like two weeks.

CufK · 2013-11-06T21:59:01+00:00

Smile, it makes any person 100x more attractive

2013-11-06T22:56:24+00:00

Looks-wise, all you really need to do is stay clean/well-groomed.

I always feel like if I get a haircut or something I look completely different. To everyone else however I'm still me, and that's the most important thing.

Abbrevi8 · 2013-11-07T01:12:14+00:00

Lift weights and adopt power poses, both increase your T Levels.

8bitbaddy · 2013-11-07T13:11:35+00:00

It is also an attitude thing. Give attention and the get over it and bored with it. When they can't figure out why you don't give attention, they want it more and more. Also they like mysterious guys. Don't talk about your self. It leaves them not knowing enough and wanting to know more. Also talking about yourself appears narrowminded and selfcentered. My advice... be quiet but not silent... pay attention but don't give attention away for free... it may sound strange or contradictory by nature... but trust me... it works.

Squidward_On_Drugs · 2013-11-07T17:44:16+00:00

/r/gainit /r/malefashionadvice

jimmyjoejimbob · 2013-11-06T20:50:08+00:00

I think that you will find that it is also an attitude/vibe thing. If you have your inner game sorted then it shows through on the outside. I have recently come out of a long term thing but I have been working on myself for a long time now.

I was out with some friends a few weeks back and had a number of girls approach me because I was just having a good time. I am in my 30s and managed to hook up with a woman who had been with a guy for a very long time (more than a decade, met in high school, was married, picket fences etc) but recently separated. Bumped into her again last weekend and she was parading me around like a show pony.

I consider myself to be introverted but I look at that as a challenge to get out of the comfort zone. Go with the attitude that you are going to have fun and magic will happen. Don't be those guys, be you and have fun, that stuff is contagious.

jauntyCraig · 2013-11-07T06:13:42+00:00

If you want to be healthy, fit, stylish or well-groomed for yourself, then go for it. If you want to do it to please someone else, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons, and people will notice. Focus on yourself for yourself is my advice. Otherwise, when it comes to getting girls, looks mean very little.

In most cultures, women aren't going to ask a guy out anyways. It's how they're conditioned. Men have to do all the work. :P
Just because your friend gets likes on facebook due to his muscles does not mean that he's good at getting girls because of it

hamfraigaar · 2013-11-07T08:29:38+00:00

Yes, you might as well improve your looks, yes, it's wort the trouble, no, it's not shallow or empty. Looking good is a lot of fucking fun. Get a hair-cut, dress up, focus on your body language. It's a hobby, and a good one at that. But no, it's not going to make girls give you their number in the bus, simply because it's unnatural, however, and this has nothing to do with looks, you can walk up to any girl in any bus and get her number. If you want it, you go get it ;-)

centurijon · 2013-11-06T20:03:52+00:00

Eat more protein. If you already exercise it will help you bulk up so you aren't "very skinny" anymore.
Who the fuck wants to do nothing?
Who the hell is attracted to someone that does nothing?

Title	Focusing on being "hot" (I mean, being attractive doing nothing). Is it possible? Is it worth the trouble?
Author	Galvan123
Upvotes	69
Comments	43
Date	November 6, 2013 5:00 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1q1a1g/focusing_on_being_hot_i_mean_being_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/focusing-on-being-hot-i-mean-being-attractive.1301206 https://theredarchive.com/post/1301206

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