I live in NYC. I go out every weekend. Not a single kiss close here in my home city until a week or two ago.

Sexual escalation has been a key sticking point of my game. Last week, I got my first kiss in NYC (plus a shitload of kisses after that), but it was a girl I met in Vegas, and it felt like I was dating the girl. It taught me some good kino. Despite being smitten with that girl, this weekend, I still went ALL OUT (so I called her from my cab before going out, telling her I missed her, I do like this girl; given my feelings, I have some moral qualms about what I do in this FR, maybe somebody needs to enlighten me).

Heavy peacocking: vest, fancy shirt, skinny tie, white belt, white hat. Social proof: at one point we had about 16 people in our "entourage", racially diverse, about 5 girls.

  • We roll out. Three single girls in our group, HB2, HB4, and HB9 white girl (sweet confident but reserved personality). So literally one target in our group of 10 to 20 people. Never met the girls before, so initially I entertain HB2, and ignore HB9 to build attraction. Another guy in the group is already hitting on her, I don't do that. An HB7 in our group had a boyfriend, but she gives me tons of IOIs the whole night, great pre-selection.
  • My hat is attracting attention, people looking at me left and right. My friend pushes me into an HB8 latina, also wearing a hat. He immediately distracts her ugly friend and isolates her INSTANTLY, what a good wing. I immediately start being sexual and start dancing with HB8, and GET CLOSE. I'm looking directly into her eyes. Escalation is attraction. We dance. My lips get REALLY close to her lips while talking, but do not kiss-close, building some sexual tension. I keep giving her hugs, rubbing the small of her back, and pulling her in by the waist. At one point she pushes me off, and I immediately push back at her, showing non-neediness physically. (I probably should've pushed her off BEFORE she pushed me away, to lead, to generate attraction, to be non-needy/non-reactive and not fail the over-eagerness shit-test.) Some twirling, pull her back in, breathing down her neck, and we're getting really close now. I start speaking Spanish to her, she teases me about my bad Spanish. Me: "So where can you teach me more Spanish?" Her: "At the museum tomorrow." (This is all in Spanish btw lol). Her other friends step in to cockblock. I leave to talk to my friends for a sec, while they chat. I come back to get her number, and despite the protests of her friends, she enters it into my phone, and calls to make sure she gets my number. I give her a hug, and lean in really close, my lips a couple inches away from hers, "Can I get a kiss goodbye?" Slow kiss. Woot.
  • HB9 and her friends (well quite frankly, everyone at the bar) have been watching. I get my congratulations from them, HB9 showing lots of IOIs now, freaks out about the "noncomittal make-out she just gave you". Turns out HB9 and HB8 had the same name, so I make that clear. LMAO. What a fortunate coincidence. At one point, HB8 is dancing with another guy, and I'm chilling with HB9 and friends, and I yell in extremely loud commanding tonality "[HB8 and HB9's name]! Come here!" HB8 literally leaves her guy to come give me a fist pound. While my back is to HB9, lol.
  • I isolate HB9 at the bar, for some good comfort-building conversation. I came off like a total player earlier, so to calibrate, I'm being very non-physical and interested in what she has to say. However, I kept a seductive tone, she seems very attracted. She's qualifying herself. The sexual tension is palpable (by being physically close but not touching). A friend comes back to grab us. This ends my opportunity, I should've suggested we stayed in isolation. Dammit.
  • Friend buys me one shot. Now I'm drunk (light-weight). On the street: "Hey girls, well you're both cute. But I think you're so adorable." At first no interest. But, I don't remember exactly what I said, I somehow hooked them at a stopwalk, through my unabashed boldness. They start qualifying how they're smart girls. Email close. Columbia.edu, yea they are smart. I direct them where they need to go, cuz they're lost.
  • I stay at the cross-walk, a bachelorette party of 5 girls show up, I give bride-to-be a high-five. Start talking to one of the other girls. Turns out she's from my province in China, we connect, I start giving her hugs, and pretending like we're getting married too, and really dramatize it. Her friends are like, "I LIKE this guy!" The other hot girl fights for my attention, cuz she's probably insecure about why I'm hitting on this one chick. Number close. They're also lost, I direct them. They're like, "Why don't you come with us?" Woot. But I gotta catch up with my friends. (Audio FR here: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hy5ur/audio_fr_bachelorette_party_on_the_street/)
  • I randomly run into a group of about 6 guys that I know. I merge, now our group has ballooned to 16 people. HB2 who stole my hat starts blatantly hitting on me, grabbing my ass, etc. Some sexual banter. It's annoying cuz she's occupying me from HB9. I was just messing around; I had no clue what was to come.
  • I'm feeling dominant, at ease, socially lubricated. I easily grab 3 or 4 people, with HB9 in the middle, and wrap my lanky arms around everyone, and do "group hugs". Hilarious. HB4, HB9's friend, is clearly "approving" of me, and HB9 I feel is attracted.
  • Australian girl in a group of all guys yells out "That guy has STYLE." I walk up, she goes "OMG!". I open up my arms, we give each other hugs, I put my arm around her shoulder, and start vibing with her group of guys on the street corner. The camaraderie feels strong. One guy is eating french fries, and without asking, I grab a fry, dip it in his ketchup, and eat it. I keep talking like nothing just happened, and he doesn't bat an eye either. LMAO. And HB9 is watching.
  • HB9 is leaving. Given my behavior with other girls, I want to be sincere, so I tell her: "Hey, I don't want you thinking I'm a player. Honestly, I've been wanting to talk to you the whole night. I'll delete all the other numbers I got tonight for you." "I'm sure we'll hang out again." "Can we get lunch sometime?" "Maybe." Her HB4 friend was there, but I blatantly asked her out anyways. HB4 approved. But I let her go without number close.
  • One of my friends with whom I've had some AMOG tension before, shakes my hand. "Chalengr, you're a really good guy." I gave him value during the merge earlier.
  • HB2 stays behind, to tag along with me and roommate. In the cab, she initiates make-out. I'm kinda grossed out but I let it happen. I'm thinking: I've only had sex once in my life, I need more experience. I take her back. Nice BJ. Can't penetrate. Finger her, she cums twice. We fall asleep. I take her to breakfast. I was clear with her, from start to finish that this wasn't anything commital. My roommate and friends are super grossed out. But obviously, I gotta do what I gotta do.

** Lessons Learned **

The reason for my lack of physical progress until now: I had a weak frame which does not overcome certain anxieties preventing me from escalating and closing. I've been limited by various rationalizations of my bad emotions around certain concepts, i.e. limiting beliefs ("Girls wouldn't like my shitty apartment", "White girls don't like Asians", "K-closes in bars/clubs are outside my and her comfort zone", "I'm afraid of disease", "I'm just another average guy in NYC"). I think trips to Vegas involves rolling with my best friends and being in "awesome baller vacation mode" which pumps my emotional state, and temporarily gives me a strong enough frame to NOT have these anxieties. But ultimately, it's the strong frame that overcomes these anxiety blocks and problems, NOT being on vacation and being with good friends necessarily. Dressing well, having a nice apartment, being a non-Asian guy, drinking, being with good friends, being socially validated, social proof, getting IOIs, all of that helps you get indicators of "you are cool and you have permission to escalate", but ultimately if you can overcome your anxiety to escalate despite a lack of indicators of permission, you'll still be able to do it. Your action alone becomes self-evident proof to other people that you are cool enough to do whatever you're doing, and they will comply as a result. People call this confidence. And action is automatic confidence. (A lot of jargon I'm throwing out here, probably incorrectly, but basically: I've been needing to MAN THE FUCK UP and JUST DO IT, because life is a self-fulfilling prophecy where people take their signal from YOU if you simply choose to LEAD.)

I think another thing that has helped me progress is finding sticking points and attacking them passionately. I was a total trooper last night for taking home the HB2, and I'm proud of myself for what I did. I got a lot of shit from my roommate and my friends today for it, but guess what? I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. :) The only thing I've come to truly care about is enjoying the challenge, the moment, and enjoying my labor and the journey itself, not the fruits of my labor. I don't care about what others think, or what the outcomes are going to be. I embrace the moment and the opportunities it presents, however double-sided or crooked, I embrace and engage each opportunity fully, however shitty it seems to the outside.

Sticking points:

  • Need-her-hotness anxiety -- neediness. I react when girl pulls away, showing desperation. Even if I overcome approach/escalation anxiety, this drives the hot girls away when they see it, and I've noticed this multiple times
  • Need-to-respect-boundaries-of-nice-girl anxiety -- HB9 was a nice and homely girl, but I think my "sexual frame" needs to overwhelm her "I'm-a-nice-girl frame" in a calibrated way, instead of me trying to qualify myself and respect her "I'm-a-nice-girl frame"