Hookups without being a duche

PuroPincheGains · 2022-01-27T17:37:39+00:00

Half the women on Tinder, and half the women who are flirting at a bar do not want a serious relationship. It's 2022, there's as many if not more women in the dating pool who just want something casual at the moment. Finding them isn't an issue, so I suspect you're stuck in some part of the process. Opening? Escalating? Getting the lay? Getting a date? Second date? The, "what are we," talk? What part are you having trouble with exactly?

oreopimp · 2022-01-27T14:14:54+00:00

Easy. Meet a girl. Be laid back and chill in terms of hanging out, if you hang out for drinks and whether anything or not happens don't make plans to see her at the end of the date/hang-out instead tell her you had a great time and you'll see her around. If you don't hear from her text her in 4-5 days and ask something like 'what's your schedule look like this week?"
If you do hook up, I will typically send something the next morning. Usually a quick 'had a great time last night ;)" or 'last night was great' -- then unless its something i need to respond to, text in 4-5 days
Don't bring up getting into a relationship. Don't pressure her to be your girl. Don't hang out more than once, maybe twice a week (here and there)...fwb or not, always let the girl be the one to bring up getting into a relationship. You'll know she wants to see you more when she starts reaching out to you, to talk, or starts asking what you guys are etc. She's moving towards being closer with you. How you play this and how often you respond to her is up to what you want. You want more from her, respond more. You want neutral or less...respond occasionally as if you were busy and she is not a priority but you still enjoy seeing her. And if you guys are not in a relationship, you are free to hang out, hook up with others, and have a blast.Side note: If she asks what you are looking for, you can say 'a cool girl I vibe and have chemistry with'
Understand the concept in texting of what is a push and what is a pull.
1. - A push is a request, a question anything that requires a response or investment from her.
2. - A pull is silence, a statement, emoji, meme, something funny that doesn't require anything from her.
3. - So if you're doing a lot of pushing and getting more and more investment from her (this means you are acting like you two are in a relationship, talking A LOT in between the times you see each other), start pulling more...more statements, short texts, funny texts, nothing real conversational (but nothing cold either)
4. - Same thing if you're doing a lot of pushing and she's not really investing or responding (this is when you are texting or reaching out more than her and her response rate is flatlining). Start pulling more. Give her space or a vacuum to fill.
5. = This will help you gage where you are at in the relationship between each other and allow you to strive for the balance you are looking for...whether it is more investment or less investment from her.
6. IMPORTANT: Especially with FWB this will also help you get the correct balance so not only do you get what you want, you invest just enough that she gets what she wants. And if there comes a point where you've been honest with your actions and your character and she verbally expresses she wants more you can tell her what you do or do not want.

Don't know if this will help or not but here's recent examples:

Example 1: I'm a bartender. Met a beautiful woman at the bar. We texted here and there...usually 3-4 days between texts. Took a while to meet up. (Later after we hook up she tells me one of the reasons she meet me was because if she canceled or something came up I was chill about it and be like "no worries. make it up to me later" or I'd light tease her about it) Second time we hung out we hooked up. Amazing sex. We have never talked about a relationship at all...never and it's been 3 months now. We see each other once a week and have crazy sex. After we first hooked up I sent her a text 'thinking about the way you felt in my mouth when you came" and pretty much since then we just send occasional hot texts to each other turning each other on. Very little updates in real life, but here and there. And when we are together the closest we've gotten towards relationship talk is when we are having sex and it's stuff along the lines of 'you know you belong to me right' 'I know I belong to you' 'who's your pussy belong to' 'you baby just you' -- but I'm definitely having fun, hooking up and keeping it chill, respond when she texts and I'm not busy, sometimes the next day. If she wants a relationship she'll tell me, it's not up to me to bring it up.

Recent example 2: Again meet a girl at the bar. Ask what wild plans she has tonight as she's closing out. Decide to meet up when I get off. I get off right as other bars close, but I always keep two bottles of wine in my trunk, so we decide to go with others to her place, but others drop out. She says we're not having sex 'tell her I appreciate you thinking of me that way, but I barely know you and now that I'm off work drinking sounds like a blast' Periodically throughout the night she keeps say we're not having sex...I respond w an attitude of not caring, because I don't, and I usually just respond with whatever entertains me saying "good' or 'and?' or a shrug or telling her to get her mind out of the gutter. We have sex. I literally do not text this girl. I don't chase her, or ask her to meet me for drinks. And this is a woman used to be chased daily by men (as I guess most women are, but her especially) She periodically asks 'working tonight?' and if its yes or no, she'll ask if its cool if she comes to the bar or want to meet for drinks...and either after I am off or after we have drinks we go to her place and hook up. And I bounce a couple hours later. Last time she asked me to sleep over but I had to wake up early so I told her next time I would. And it will likely be a trade off, some nights I don't some nights I do. And it's nice, friendly and sexy.

If it's noticeable in the examples: it's just being low investment...but enjoying the fuck out of the time we are together...but the time between, well I have my life and she has hers...and our lives are separate contained entities...and we catch up and have fun when we meet. But between the times we meet it is super super super low key.

Gizzard-Gizzard · 2022-01-28T02:03:12+00:00

Yeah this is a great question, I have a VERY hard time meeting women or even getting a conversation out of them. I’m hardly even getting any matches on tinder despite having great photos, and recently the only girls I’ve gotten to chat with are those soliciting themselves for paid encounters. It’s been extremely frustrating to say the least.

ezekiell_86 · 2022-01-28T02:45:34+00:00

In my experience having sex to get over someone doesn't work it just reminds you how much better the other person was. Going to the gym and hiking mountains and rainforest walks did it for me

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-01-27T18:03:13+00:00

That's very difficult, I believe that old school societal and religious values still play a role in the hookup/FWB dynamic. Some years ago I began having a relationship with a woman. I was five years older, all my kids were old enough to be self sufficient, she had a child that was 6. We went along and things were pretty good, not great, we had several conversations and it was apparent that it wasn't going to work. Don't misunderstand, the sex wasn't an issue, it was good and we were having a lot of it. When we were having a conversation, recognizing that a LTR wasn't in the cards, she asked if we could do FWB. I cared for her a lot, and against my better judgement I began that. This lasted for close to two months, but jealousy reared it's head and it didn't end as amicable as I had hoped. Just keep in mind that you can have long deep conversations about an agreement, and it could still go bad. There are folks, both men and women, that will enter into something like a FWB with the hope that it will blossom into relationship.

itsohsodemi · 2022-01-28T00:37:28+00:00

Half the chicks on tinder have their tits and ass out. Just match with someone, chat a little to be interesting and make sure you state your intention. People love when you’re upfront with them

jjboy91 · 2022-01-27T18:56:41+00:00

No idea I'm realistically not hot enough to attract anyone

Czekraft · 2022-01-27T15:54:40+00:00

Do you mean you are just worried you'll offend someone? It's technically just meeting up a girl for a date, have sex, and leave a great impression by being a gentleman throughout the whole experience. If you really hit it off, then you let her know you'd love to do this again. If she's down, then you've made a fwb.

In the meanwhile, this is also the time to work on yourself. Being in a serious relationship, your identity can get tied into being a couple. For most couples it's give and take, but now you can give back to yourself 100%. It's going to take time and introspection, but being back in the single mindset armed with the lessons you learned from being in that relationship, you will be a force to be reckoned with when meeting new girls.

Melinored · 2022-01-27T17:18:01+00:00

I would prefer being a free Bird.

ThatGuy_Nick9 · 2022-01-27T21:21:34+00:00

Tinder/bumble. Just don’t be a douche. I got a fwb coming over later I met on there. We just hangout and bang no drama

excentrik-art · 2022-01-27T11:39:57+00:00

Actually being a duche is great for FWB. If you still think about her, girls will try to get you to like them because you dont

hbecker221 · 2022-01-27T18:37:26+00:00

Within the first few dates/meet ups/hook ups, literally just ask what she’s looking for or feeling between you two. Be straight up and clear about your intentions, too. Nothings worse than a confusing guessing game. Nothings sexier than confidence in what you want and open communication.

skinticket02 · 2022-01-27T12:57:07+00:00

You have to be daring. Walking up to a woman you find attractive , tell her she's sexy , tell her to call you if she wants some good penis and then say goodbye and leave. Also make it clear you're not judgemental. Be succinct.

I've been doing this for the last few years. I've had a range of responses , but they rarely took offense to it.

It's that simple. It won't work on every woman , but you won't know who it works on unless you try. You'd be shocked who gives you a call.

Realistic_Ad2866 · 2022-01-28T05:11:45+00:00

Honestly what’s worked for me is being up front with what you want.

Correct_Law_7171 · 2022-01-28T09:47:13+00:00

My friend if you are going to cheat on your partner, then you have already become the "duche". Unless you have made her aware and she is OK with it. If you want to bed other women without repercussions then don't be in a relationship.

Marinaraplease · 2022-01-28T07:18:55+00:00

Good advice on here. I always get too invested in this shit

Title	Hookups without being a duche
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	83
Comments	46
Date	January 27, 2022 11:04 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sdvx1u/hookups_without_being_a_duche/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/hookups-without-being-a-duche.1268160 https://theredarchive.com/post/1268160

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