How did you stop blaming yourself for approaching women?

Alarmed_Box1198 · 2025-10-06T17:43:42+00:00

Women who are rude, dismissive or otherwise shut your advances down are not people you want any sort of relationship with anyway. They're doing you a favor by showing you who they are early on. It's only when you go out there with a mentality where you'll take any sort of attention from any woman where it seems so discouraging. I've walked away or stopped giving attention to women who were otherwise receptive because I discovered things about them I didn't like. Even the best casanova isn't going to vibe with every woman. It's just part of the process.

dead-beat65 · 2025-10-06T16:27:59+00:00

Well, you stop caring bro. You tell yourself. They have got a very good chance of rejecting my approach which is very true. However, I’m trying to live my best life and It’s worth doing it. So fair trade. And why do you get all blaming yourself. You just like the fact that they’re cute nothing else. You don’t know shit about them mostly. So it’s okay.

New_Banana3858 · 2025-10-06T16:54:15+00:00

The real loss isn’t in being rejected.
It’s in silencing yourself. It’s tough, but speaking your truth keeps you alive and growing.

bobyd · 2025-10-06T18:07:06+00:00

I took it as I'm meeting people. Not flirting. Flirting is part of my way of doing things, but not why I approach

It made it low pressure and more forgiving for me

Husanboym · 2025-10-06T18:05:32+00:00

Most times, they reject how you approach and not you as a person. Never ever reject yourself. These people who reject might also have other reasons to reject (going through breakup, having crises, etc). I rejected a few women simply because I wasn't ready to dedicate time and effort with them. It had nothing to do with their personality or anything.

Ryan_Wins_LMFAO · 2025-10-06T17:13:59+00:00

I’m 31 years old, pretty much a virgin and have never approached in my life.

This approaching shit is impossible for an introvert.

ArmorAbsMrKrabs · 2025-10-07T05:34:56+00:00

I've done almost 2000 day time approaches and I still struggle with this. Feeling like I'm bothering her, like she sees me as a pest.

The reality is, some girls WILL see it that way. Not every girl is open to random guys trying to talk to her. But there are also a lot of girls who really appreciate it, and respect it. I can't tell you how many times I've had a girl reject me, only to say something like: "you made my day" or "respect, this takes a lot of confidence."

Rejection will sting. That's just human nature.

A mindset I've been trying to adopt is, I simply accept it as part of the process. Rejection, awkwardness, girls being rude to you, etc, it's inevitable. Tell yourself that it's not a personal attack and it just comes with the territory.

There's a big misconception regarding approach anxiety and fearing rejection. A lot of guys think that if they just approach enough, their anxiety will go away forever. This is generally not true. I know guys who are insanely good at this, and they still have approach anxiety. I'm not that good at this but I have 2000 approaches and I can tell you I still have that racing heart when I walk up to a girl.

Here's what a lot of guys don't understand: You were never meant to completely rid yourself of approach anxiety or the fear of rejection. You're meant to stop being controlled by it.

Anxiety does diminish in intensity over time, no doubt about that. You also get better at pushing past it. But it never completely disappears.

You're going to get rejected a lot. Especially in daygame. So just accept it.

Anywhere-Solid · 2025-10-06T17:26:08+00:00

Exactly what you said I go through all the time, you see her and you need to ask that specific lady out because you know it’s what you need… but she can walk right by you as you’re frozen…. Exactly the same thing here, every damn time, I let the opportunity pass, and I started thinking about what I could’ve done- I could’ve spoken to her, which would’ve been a good start- anything.

Here’s what I think, it just has to happen like a scenario, a skit, where you find a woman that you are all of a sudden interacting with, and it becomes a scene, whatever happens you gradually talk more and more with her on the spot and it leads to you making plans with her right now as a possibility, if it’s shortening in length- go for the number, happened to me literally the other day, and I think about getting numbers all the time, but it never happens because I’m too chicken. I found a woman and her mother at the mall. And it went so far as going to a coffee shop but it actually never went through because the coffee shop changed and they never went there, and the other one only had standing room so they disappeared, into thin air lol. No they weren’t from the area. They were from out of town.

Moral of the story is, keep trying, and remember, I’ve gone a year after consecutive year without asking one woman out…. And I finally did the other day and it was great

Altruistic-Patient-8 · 2025-10-06T18:14:13+00:00

You're meeting someone that has no attachment to you. Chances are they don't find you attractive or interesting, so of course it may not work out. Its a numbers game for men in general. Women don't have to approach, so its not something their desperate to make work. Its just a meeting, not a date.

MettaKaruna100 · 2025-10-06T19:25:56+00:00

You release the trauma. Try somatic experiencing

vcs002 · 2025-10-06T21:12:32+00:00

Bro, do women care about how you feel when they reject you? No? Then don't care about what they think when you approach people

Zaiches · 2025-10-06T21:13:29+00:00

She approached me and we've been together since. Problem solved.

ResentCourtship2099 · 2025-10-07T00:26:21+00:00

For good or bad it doesn't matter because I'm sure men will always be stuck with this role whether they like it or not even if it means having to risk having awkward cringe interactions

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-10-07T03:59:44+00:00

You're too hard on yourself. If you think about it, every successful pickup guy eventually gets married right? So their success rate is 1/(number of approaches they did). Can you imagine how tiny of a fraction that % is?

You only need to win once. Ideally with someone that you can tolerate and still be happy with for the rest of your life. If you think like that, rejection is the natural outcome. Would you want to be with someone whos a pain in the ass?

So theres nothing wrong with rejection, either from you or the girl whos rejecting you. You should celebrate that you did not put yourself in a miserable situation.

When it comes to the emotions, learn the sedona method. Read my post called the art to detachment. That will give you the step by step process of letting go of difficult emotions.

Best of luck

Aromatic_Note8944 · 2025-10-07T14:04:21+00:00

I always feel so bad when men approach me because I have a boyfriend. I try to be as nice as possible about it but afterwards I always think “man it probably took a lot of courage for them to do that, I hope they don’t lose the courage”. What do you think a woman could say to you in a situation where she has a boyfriend but appreciates the courage to make you feel better? I feel like it’s more rare nowadays for men to actually approach and I really do appreciate the strength it takes to do it.

shinn497 · 2025-10-07T14:15:23+00:00

I didn't. I blamed myself harshly , stopped approaching and am now lonely.

The funny part is that this is following conventional dating advice.

FlameSaberx · 2025-10-07T18:11:11+00:00

Take a break from approaching and focus on becoming competent in other areas that will help in attracting women. Hit the gym, try a new look, etc. That confidence should carry over when you start to approach again.

Once you've built yourself up, losing out on one woman shouldn't affect you. Run numbers game.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-10-06T16:40:04+00:00

What do you expect to happen for a guy that's attractive?

What are you learning from these approaches? Are you adjusting and improving? Or doing the same thing over and over - blaming that it's "who you are"?

Title	How did you stop blaming yourself for approaching women?
Author	NBMV0420
Upvotes	55
Comments	42
Date	October 6, 2025 4:09 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nzncgl/how_did_you_stop_blaming_yourself_for_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-stop-blaming-yourself-for-approaching.1563565 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563565

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