How do I make peace with never getting any closure?

RSNK10 · 2022-06-13T16:11:15+00:00

Hey dude, I feel you. There’s a million reasons why things don’t work out. Even if you think you can pinpoint a specific reason, you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to find the exact reason.

Just know what whatever type of response you get from someone can usually serve as a form of “closure”, even if they don’t directly tell you “we’re done/it’s over”

Is she sending one word texts? That’s a response.

Is she not texting back? That’s a response.

My advice is to not go by what they say, but they DO. That’s all the closure you should need. You’ll be better off adopting this mindset, as painful as it can be sometimes.

MistyMaisel · 2022-06-13T16:19:05+00:00

Let me just ask...would you want that one minute if you knew that during it you might learn the person you love/loved:

Thinks you're bad at sex or physical stuff and didn't give them pleasure
Thinks you're embarrassing to be with
Lazy, selfish, arrogant, annoying, and filled with other bad behaviors
Feel you betrayed them regularly in very small, but important ways
Thinks you're boring, not funny, or something else akin to this
Thinks you're bad with money
Thinks someone else out there is better than you for them
Thinks you're stupid like actually just dumb about stuff
Thinks you're like a child they have to care for, not a real partner
Doesn't care about you as much as something else in their life that you are threatening or in the way of.

Like, I'm trying to imagine what you think could be said in that minute that's not going to devastate you and leave you super insecure for years to come?

I think we suggest you make your own closure because the real closure would not give you closure. It would just hurt you so deeply you'd have a wound left there.

That's how you get peace. You stop thinking about it beyond any obvious lessons and then you move on. You accept that it wasn't the one.

Creepy-Storage-1786 · 2022-06-13T16:42:21+00:00

Find something productive to do

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-06-13T18:26:36+00:00

If people started “getting closure”, then therapist would be out of business. So think of the therapists mate. A lot of them have kids to feed.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-06-13T19:15:23+00:00

First thing you have to realize is that your ego has been bruised and you’re letting it affect your self-esteem. Once you recognize this and let go of that feeling, you can look at the situation more objectively. When one person dumps another and doesn’t give closure it’s because they don’t care, or they’re too cowardly. Either way it doesn’t change the outcome and that is that the relationship is over. So, it doesn’t matter if they don’t care, or they’re too cowardly to tell you the truth, what’s over is over and you need to move on. Moving on is easy once you realize the person that you were involved with has such disregard for your feelings and for the relationship you once shared, that they feel they don’t owe you an explanation.

The short explanation is: You loved them, they didn’t love you.

Longjumping_Mix2943 · 2022-06-13T16:33:20+00:00

I’ve en there too. I think it has to do a lot with your mind idealizing the relationship afterwards. What worked for me was seeing her 3 months later to find out I really didn’t like her. It was just my ego wounded. When a person doesn’t give you closure it speaks more of them that it does of you.

nopenotmedude · 2022-06-13T16:52:12+00:00

I went through this. It fucked me up for a year+ because I was so head over heels for the girl. I wish I had that year of wondering what I did wrong back. She was just one of those people that has to be aloof and could not be accountable to anyone else. Sprinkle in some depression on the mess and there ya have it- Instant ghost. The only positive thing you can take from this is that you feel like shit, and will never want to make another person feel this way in your life, and you will treat future love interests more honestly.

ngyuhnang · 2022-06-13T22:41:06+00:00

When you break up with someone you also try to not be personal and give out a more generic answer to break things off fast. It's the same thing. Do you really expect girls say "you are too cheap/ugly/bad in bed" to your face?

Edit: Once I dumped a chick because I thought she gives a mentally unstable vibe, do you think I would directly tell her that or say "hey I really like you but I don't think it's working out"

uShouldLeaveAmessage · 2022-06-14T01:27:24+00:00

It’s hard…best thing to do is get busy with life. Make new memories

djdante · 2022-06-14T01:57:28+00:00

So first of all I want to say - Yeah, having something fall apart that has meaning to you, and not knowing why is super hard. I don't want to downplay that with my advice below.

This is an opportunity for you to recognise what this girl has highlighted for you...

Most of us really struggle to embrace uncertainty - We want to find ways to avoid it in the future, and that can drive the best of us insane sometimes.

See this as an opportunity to get better at being okay with uncertainty and not knowing the answers. This won't just apply to dating and relationships - it will apply to overall well-being in your life.

This doesn't mean you can't look at the relationship and think - Okay what is clear to me that I could have done differently? It doesn't mean you might not ask friends what they think.. And likely whether you find the exact reason or not, you'll find ways to work on yourself for next time.

And so long as you're on a journey of constant self-improvement - it won't matter whether you do or don't know what this woman's reasons were - you'll become a better man over time regardless.

conker1264 · 2022-06-14T02:36:00+00:00

Honestly just time. My ex ghosted me after we went on a cruise together. Took a while but eventually I stopped caring.

vardarac · 2022-06-14T03:16:19+00:00

Approach a million times. Take accurate notes of your behavior. The data will tell the story.

Agitated-Savings-535 · 2022-06-14T04:02:32+00:00

I had a pretty rough break up recently. She left me out of the blue after 2 years together. I never asked for closure from her, because I knew it wouldn’t make any thing better. Regardless it hurts. Best thing to do is forget and go on with your life.

basedbhau · 2022-06-14T10:46:23+00:00

You just gotta understand that it would've worked out if y'all were actually compatible. I'm sure many of us here has once met someone they thought they're compatible with. But the truth is, we only depend on that "ONE" factor, to feel like we're compatible with that person.

For example, that one factor could be sense of humor due to which you get along with them. But your upbringing could be different, which they wouldn't understand. They won't understand where you're coming from. They won't understand your struggles and why you're the way you are.

You'd think you're giving the world to them. But they have a different understanding of the whole dating process. Their love language may be different than yours. Their definition of 'putting the efforts in relationship' could be different.

This is the only closure that's beneficial for you, OP. Nothing else matters. You will never get a clear answer. You'd basically be asking another person to judge all the efforts you put in by the end of the relationship. And trust me it'll only make you lose yourself if you're trying to change yourself based on other person's opinions.

But yeah if there's any toxic trait about yourself that you discovered during that span, then there won't be any harm in improving yourself for the next one. :)

Sorry for writing this much lol. I usually don't but I moved on without a proper closure too and trust me it was THE most stupid closure I'd ever heard and I'm doing better in life right now than when I was with my ex.

GalaxyBrainU · 2022-06-14T15:37:37+00:00

You make peace with it by realizing that the person you were with wasn't that special. They were just a flawed human with their own problems and issues, most likely any issue they had with you stems from their own past or emotional issues, and their opinion of you doesn't define you, give you value, or really matter at all. Think of them as a random commenter on social media. Does that person's opinion really matter in the grand scheme of things? Almost not at all. It holds the same weight when it's directed at you.

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-06-13T17:43:28+00:00

What if I told you that your need for 'closure' turns women off.

To offer a practical answer to your question, accept everything as your responsibility. By default, some hoe ghosting you is your fault, which you must accept. You either did something to push her away or you ignored a ton of red flags. Any other interpretation stands in the way of you getting your shit together and improving.

Title	How do I make peace with never getting any closure?
Author	Everlast23
Upvotes	10
Comments	44
Date	June 13, 2022 4:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vbfir8/how_do_i_make_peace_with_never_getting_any_closure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-make-peace-with-never-getting-any-closure.1257172 https://theredarchive.com/post/1257172

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