how do you get over doing all the work?

This is something I'm genuinely struggling with.

I understand the pressure and implied belief even from this sub that men have to do all the work in seduction and even relationships. Whenever a man fails, or didn't escalate enough, that's an opportunity for improvement. But why does all the work for seduction fall on the man? It is more stable for a woman to stay in a relationship, or seek one out, than it is for a man, yet the pressure lies on us.

I'll go thru the moves and have been relatively successful, yet whenever I land in a relationship, I notice she is unable or unwilling to take action, unable to think for herself, or even make her own decisions. As corny as it may sound, I want a woman who knows what she wants and gets it, the mythical strong independent woman, who is also a equalish partner and who I can trust to get things done.

So really this is a two-parter:

1. As a man, do you simply get over the pressure of being solely responsible for seduction, or do you pursue women who can reciprocate that same energy?

2. And how can you find a woman who is active in her own life?