How do you guys get into deeper and more personal conversations with people?

1017BarSquad · 2017-03-04T06:49:56+00:00

I've been working on this lately and this is what I've learned so far. When you're having a conversation with someone, and you ask about something, go further on that subject. If you're talking about hobbies or some shit and she says she likes hiking, ask her what she likes about it or what made her start hiking.

The key is to go for an emotional response. Just try to find out why they do what they do and their intentions behind it. It's like trying to fully understand the person and what they're saying.

To steer the conversation that way, talk to them about something in their lives. Family, work, school, what she's been up to lately, etc. When she opens up, make sure she feels good for doing it. If it's really deep something like "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share that with me". And when they do open up, NEVER shame them. That will make them much more unlikely to open up to deep conversations in the future.

Lastly, make sure to open up too. Don't make it a one sided thing. Deep conversations are when both people are completely open and vulnerable. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but that means you're doing it right.

bigboymatthew · 2017-03-04T07:49:26+00:00

Most people won't go down the rabbit hole until they see someone else do it first.

joocybro420 · 2017-03-04T07:36:43+00:00

I usually learn a lot about people because I am genuinely curious about their life. I inherently believe every single person has their own personal experience of life and and I like seeing and learning of that person's perspective. Usually I ask where that person is from. If it's a city I haven't been to I'll ask how they like it there because I want to know what that city is like. People know things that you don't know and I try to scrape information out of them.

ExceptionHandler · 2017-03-04T08:08:12+00:00

Ask them about them and don't debate what you hear. Ask leading questions. "Why do you think that?" but tailored to the topic. People like to talk about their core beliefs. Unless they are introverts. Don't do it to debate, do it because you're interested.

EarthquakeBass · 2017-03-04T09:14:32+00:00

Part of it is me not wanting to open up to people immediately

I think this is a big part of your issue friend. When I'm ready to ratchet up the "emotion-meter" with a girl (or with anyone, really) I'll share something about my past or history that's vulnerable. (Example: Story about how you got bullied in school.)

This is the only way to get other people to open up, unless you luck out -- you have to make the first move.

Lord_Augastus · 2017-03-04T12:34:12+00:00

If you latch on to something they like, you can go deeper to build repour. If you wabt a deeper meaningful convo, sometimes sharing a personal thing helps them share theirs.

Iknowyourusernames · 2017-03-04T13:36:46+00:00

All the time. It's actually my style. I hate small talk.

abstractpickupartist · 2017-03-04T18:04:37+00:00

So I'm a sarcastic person, always try to make people laugh and smile, etc.

but I also want to have deeper conversations with people and learn more about them.

For a single conversation, pick one of the above. People won't open up if you are being snarky.

DrSleeper · 2017-03-04T08:47:54+00:00

If things are going well, you've gotten a bit of banter in etc. you can spring a serious question basically out of nowhere. I have a friend that does this and he's so fucking good at it, it's an art. Just go serious and ask "so why did you pick psychology?". Then push for a real answer. Obviously don't go overboard, people may have their reasons not to answer, but don't be afraid to be serious. It's good to be able to be fun but nobody respects a clown.

sleno9 · 2017-03-04T14:54:41+00:00

Deeper conversations imply you wish to know a personal side of them. This means that you need to take them serious too. When asking them about things, the key is to be genuinely interested. If you are not interested, its harder to go into deep topics. When youre interested, youll end up asking follow up questions. Just think about the times when people ask you about stuff youre interested in. How did that go?

Might I add that sarcasm is a subjective flavor. You either choose the right people to talk to, or you stop using sarcasm. For a lot of deep conversations, people dont want to be humored about it. So take that into consideration. In addition, humor implies you may not take them serious when theyre trying to be.

So yeah. Thats my $0.02.

Good luck with it. At least you`re taking initiative. Good job, mate.

_valtiel_ · 2017-03-04T20:37:50+00:00

You have to actually be interested in what they have to say. Simple active listening skills.

We talked about what typical girls do, this one in particular told me she's not the type to go shopping all the time, or obsess over material things. It wasn't "real" to her.

"What's 'real' to you?"

If you have the balls you can also do a cold read.

GlassJ0E · 2017-03-04T23:51:58+00:00

Speak aloud their first name regularly. Interlace it liberally throughout your conversation. People like to hear their own names. Inquire about their sex life; ask people about their dream or the last time they judged someone superficially (then ask why). Skip over the "who are you and what do you do" routine. Keep your leads open ended and a half smile on your face. Use the phrase "Tell me more". Make good eye contact.

Verne89 · 2017-03-05T01:38:48+00:00

Being honest, both with yourself and others And it's harder than you may think now

wongoli · 2017-03-05T06:15:02+00:00

I find that if you're the 'alpha' in your group (ie the guy everyone listens to and is centered around), it's all about how you set the 'mood' or culture of the group. So if you want to create any type of conversation, you need to focus on YOUR own emotions first and observe others to find that medium ground. As the 'alpha' you have to be strong enough to express those said emotions to others, that's why it's important to be the giver of value. You give, people receive and want to stay, socially.

You'll see it when people follow you. Just look at any charismatic celebrity that 'sets the tone'. Everyone resonates with their emotions because they carry that 'give value' presence. Those charismatic people are extremely observant of the people's thoughts and emotions around them so they know how to adapt emotionally.

But you wanted answers. A simple one is gaining their trust. Not everyone wants to tell you everything out of fear of being judged. For example, a girl likes motorcycles, she might not want to tell you that because you might look at her weird. See what I mean? You need to really give off that "I don't give a fuck, this is the party and you're invited" vibe. If you get people comfortable, they'll open up to you. It's important for people to feel safe and secured around you (Alpha presence). And of course it's a give and take, don't ask people for shit if you ain't gonna chip-in to the conversation (Again, giving value).

If you want to know how to speed run into the deep shit, this ain't 100% guaranteed but get used to vibing with people strongly. That's the easiest way imo.

William_J_Bucksworth · 2017-03-04T17:18:54+00:00

Whoever's downvoting this I'm calling bullshit shenanigans.

This article speaks directly to what your asking for:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-art-deep-dive Thread-Cutting and Thread-Amplifying: don’t believe I’ve covered these on here before. Again, long explanations for these; quick and dirty summary is thread-cutting is a technique for shutting down bad, unproductive, or destructive lines of conversation (like a girl talking about how she thinks men use women for sex, or how much her jobs sucks, etc.), while thread-amplifying is a conversational technique for building up and encouragingproductive lines of conversation (like a girl talking about things she likes about you, or her favorite childhood memories, etc.). Try to imagine thread-amplifying as the opposite scenario – rather than cutting off and changing the topic, you’ll find ways to get a woman talking more about what she’s mentioned, provide more details, and expand. A good example of some ways to do this is the “Ask the Right Questions” section in the article on getting past small talk linked to in the bullet above this one. Thread-Directing: haven’t covered this one either; it’s a bit of a complex topic, with a lot of layers, and is quite honestly an art in and of itself.Thread-directing is the way you guide a conversation in the direction you want it to go and get women to independently discover the topics you want them to discover, ask you the questions you want them to ask, and tell you the details about themselves you want them to tell you. I’ll write up a piece on this at some point and link to it here; for now, if this is something you decide to focus on working on, I’d suggest checking out some of the written reports of a guy named A2daMIR; check out the link on the left of this page (under “Friends”) for Fast Seduction, and run a quick search for some of his stuff. Not all of his reports have it, but some of them contain a number of masterful thread-direction as he guides women in exactly the way he wants them to go. Chase framing is an example of thread-direction, and in fact my current model of chase framing was in part inspired by A2daMIR as well (as well as by a good friend of mine from Southern California who used a great deal of sexual humor with women). Being Intriguing / Limiting Displayed Value: you’ll find that the men women open themselves up best to are the ones who serve as a kind of mirror to those women. The more a woman feels you are like her, the more comfortable opening up to you she feels, because she sees the two of you as being the same. Of course, you’re not the same as any other person on the planet, and the more people get to know you, the more of those differences become apparent to them. The ideal situation for helping a woman open up to you is to reveal little about yourself, only revealing aspects of yourself and your past that match what she reveals to you, to further her bonding with you.

This is an art I’ve mastered as I’ve moved throughout a number of very different kinds of people – from upper-middle class white American suburbanites, to black Americans from the ghetto who stole cars, sold drugs, and got shot, to globe-trotting internationals, to Southern California surfers and actors and models, to rough-and-tumble Mexicans spending time on the other side of the border, to wealthy self-made business professionals, to (most recently) holier-than-thou expatriates and nose-to-the-grindstone local Chinese. To move freely and accepted with different kinds of people, you must be highly adaptable and able to showcase certain aspects of yourself while putting other aspects on ice. Meeting new people and deep diving with women works exactly the same – showcase the parts of yourself she will relate to, and sit on the rest. Getting Your Girl Talking About Herself on an Emotional Level: this is covered a little bit in the piece on conversational technique tips and tidbits. Your main focus in conversation should always be on the woman, and the main focus of a focus on the woman should be on her strong emotional topics – childhood, dreams, past relationships, goals and aspirations, things that are currently exciting her or frustrating her in life right now. The reason why this is is because sharing strong emotional topics is what makes someone feel deeply bonded and connected to another person. If your aim is to get a woman feeling connected to you at a rapid clip, this is ultimately how you do it.

Thundersnow69 · 2017-03-04T15:17:50+00:00

Check into conversational hypnosis. Not for the creepy stuff YOU might be thinking, but for the psychology behind what makes people tick. You can really understand how to connect with someone if you know how they process information and move through the world...

Title	How do you guys get into deeper and more personal conversations with people?
Author	jewfro667
Upvotes	147
Comments	23
Date	March 4, 2017 5:59 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5xfjm1/how_do_you_guys_get_into_deeper_and_more_personal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-guys-get-into-deeper-and-more-personal.1421185 https://theredarchive.com/post/1421185

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