I was dumped this morning after three dates because the girl didn’t feel a connection, this keeps happening. How do you create a connection?

SO_Medic · 2018-01-07T18:13:30+00:00

First and foremost your frame is off, you didnt get dumped it just wasnt going to work and thats okay. Focus on yourself for a bit and become the prize, otherwise you can come off as a dancing monkey.

jewfro667 · 2018-01-07T17:06:00+00:00

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danielinthebox · 2018-01-07T17:28:39+00:00

Share something personal about yourself with her, it shows vulnerability. It's shows that you are a human being and builds a connection because we are all human and nobody is perfect.

Stop trying to be so smooth just be your authentic self, easier said than done.

BestSC86 · 2018-01-07T23:55:02+00:00

MY suggestion is a little different....

Focus on making the dates or times fun and interesting more than making it some seduction dance.....

This fun should include hugging, touching, and hopefully kissing along with talking but primarily on just being damn fun to be around because I guarantee you that a girl will find a "connection" with you if she is having fun.....that is one major mistake that tons of us make before experience teaches us a different way....trying to be some connection\romancing\seducing casanova on dates instead of just being a great fucking time.

Because it is only rarely been that have I met girls with whom the universe seem to have destined up for us to meet because of some cosmic 'connection', but tons of girls have hung around just because of the fun.

2018-01-07T18:49:01+00:00

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akohlan198 · 2018-01-07T17:06:52+00:00

Read “Models” by Mark Manson. You will get your answer and avenue to improve.

phoenixLucifer · 2018-01-08T03:33:22+00:00

I agree with SO_medic

Having three dates and then her calling it off is not being dumped.

That kind of mindset isn't realistic, and may be causing you to come off too strong.

The fact that she's says you are too nice for her kind of supports my theory.

Try dialing it back some when go out on a date with a girl. Be a little more reserved with yourself, and see how that works.

It's all trial and error my friend, Good luck!

Matt22blaster · 2018-01-08T16:35:47+00:00

Have you been hitting the gym? You need hobbies and interests your passionate about. You need to become selfish and focus on Numero Uno before introducing anyone else into the picture. if perfecting your body is one of those Hobbies, females will definitely be a byproduct. Hobbies and passion about those things lead to life experiences, which either sex is interested in. Leave the thought of making connections with girls out of your mind. you want to make connections with people. make friends. Anyone is attracted to that. You're still young, don't put too much effort into getting a girlfriend. Focus on living healthy and fullfilling life, and making you a better version of yourself. The rest will fall into place.

ChrisParkerNYC · 2018-01-08T19:19:25+00:00

You might find these two video extremely helpful. They’re both geared for building attraction very effectively.

https://youtu.be/-7Oq7oQytuc

https://youtu.be/1dbPaP7N2C0

BasicallyIt · 2018-01-07T18:58:08+00:00

Are you kissing her? Have you actually gotten anywhere other than just being touchy feely?

Are you joking around with her? Busting her balls, making fun of her in a playful way, etc.?

Too nice means you’re not playful with her and don’t really joke around with her. Do you make decisions of where to go if plans backfire? Do you lead?

To me it seems like your problem is that you’re a pushover and doormat type.

t_3223322 · 2018-01-07T19:00:12+00:00

What are you looking for? A gf or just hook you?

Insertopinionhere · 2018-01-07T19:06:23+00:00

Check out the book “Anxious to please”. It’s good book on being “nice” and a people pleaser. Also gives really good advice on being authentic and creating real connections.

TheDisillusionist · 2018-01-08T09:24:31+00:00

Are you having sexual conversation or interactions at all?

djpon94 · 2018-01-08T10:08:35+00:00

Wifi, bluetooth or IR-port at least

jeremyjack33 · 2018-01-08T19:30:31+00:00

Sounds like you aren't happy with yourself, so you keep trying to prove yourself to women, through supplication. You're afraid of being polarizing, and precarious.

Read Models by Mark Manson, and No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. This will give you introspective, into why men get like that and how to change.

ValasDream · 2018-01-08T20:35:36+00:00

To quote Brene Brown: "vulnerability is the path that connection uses."

redfeather99 · 2018-01-07T17:14:31+00:00

This used to happen to me too. You probably are not escalating. The good news is that if a girl goes out with you 3 times, she really, really likes you.

My problem was that I was too afraid to do escalation. I solved it by at first holding hands during the date. Then I would hang out for a bit. Then change venue. Then I would go for the kiss.

I used to think that I needed the perfect movie-like moment to go for the kiss. But I've gone for the kiss in awkward ways in restaurants, in my car, in parks, in bars, etc and never has a girl backed off, as long as I built up with light kino, then holding the hands, etc.

So are you escalating?

Bortan · 2018-01-08T08:30:24+00:00

Chains

DamnDatAssSoFine · 2018-01-08T08:52:27+00:00

Tell me about your dates. As much detail as you think is needed to paint a coherent picture.

EnlivenedBlather · 2018-01-07T19:38:07+00:00

If you're awesome enough, she'll make a connection herself without you having to do anything. Focus on self-improvement, and don't buy them shit unless they're your GF.

ArtOfDivine · 2018-01-07T19:49:36+00:00

Play to win, don’t play to lose

ls737100 · 2018-01-07T20:17:12+00:00

Sounds like you might be trying to move them into girlfriend status to fast. Watch some Corey Wayne videos on YouTube. You've got the first part down, which is the hard part.

If you watch the videos, he believes women fall in love when away from you. Don't see them more than once a week, don't bring up relationships, have fun, let her get hooked and she'll bring it up. In the meantime, try to date a few at once, then you care less if one disappears.

whatsaflashbang · 2018-01-07T20:20:39+00:00

I've found that if you don't communicate your intentions clearly enough she can see it like you're not attracted to her enough to make a move. You're probably erring on the side of being too safe; try doing things that seem more like a "risk"; touching more, going in for a kiss before you're sure that it's "ok", etc.

robbietherobot12 · 2018-01-07T21:33:21+00:00

Most people don't want to be in a relationship with most other people, so rejection is just going to happen. If this girl is being honest about "too nice" which sounds like baloney to me, then that's probably not someone you want to date. All you can do is make yourself the most generally attractive. Take care of your body, dress ok, have interests/hobbies, have social groups, keep your living space nice, have some career hustle. Don't put too little or too much weight on dating. If you do that, you won't get every girl but you should be able to get someone.

abyfrz · 2018-01-08T00:37:13+00:00

You have to engage with people emotionally, which means putting yourself out there and taking risk. Your dates should not look like an interview

oyoungpadawan · 2018-01-08T03:08:27+00:00

I had the opposite problem, I find too many connections and end up in friendzone.

Make your intentions clear! Escalate!

This helped me alot!

recyclablebanthas · 2018-01-08T03:13:06+00:00

1

I was dumped this morning after three dates because the girl didn’t feel a connection, this keeps happening. How do you create a connection?

The short answer is that you really don't.

No one "creates" a connection.

2

Because I felt like there was one but she didn’t

Look, this means that you were so disconnected from the whole situation, that you were creating a phantom connection in your head, based on fantasy.

And you were completely unaware of the fact that she wasn't feeling.

Whatever is happening, you need to be more present. Paying better attention.

3

Edit: I just remembered her telling me that she worries I’m too nice for her.

I’m very physical. Women have told me I’m more touchy than them in many cases. That’s not the issue.

These two things don't usually go together. If you're being really touchy, then the issue is not that you're "too nice" for her, but rather that you're escalating on women without any regard for their feedback.

4

Yeah. I have sex after the second or third date usually.

Taking this into account, it comes off as if the girl in this post, was simply not into it. That's going to happen. Seduction is not about "creating connection." That's impossible. Seduction is socializing. It's a team sport and we all just go around looking for people who want to play with us.

Some people do, some people don't.

What usually happens to end things when you end up having sex with them?

BiLLyDaKid11 · 2018-01-08T04:39:59+00:00

Wake up pal. It just means your not fucking her right, if u even are?.. girls don't ask for too much. Screwing them right is a big factor

Maikowski2 · 2018-01-08T09:16:02+00:00

Chloroform

Title	I was dumped this morning after three dates because the girl didn’t feel a connection, this keeps happening. How do you create a connection?
Author	jewfro667
Upvotes	79
Comments	114
Date	January 7, 2018 4:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7ornkv/i_was_dumped_this_morning_after_three_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-was-dumped-this-morning-after-three-dates.1439683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1439683

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