How to avoid being needy.

faydee · 2016-08-15T14:42:14+00:00

I was kinda like you. Always daydreaming, thinking about situations with girls I just met and being a bit sad when I got to know a girl better and it didn't work out.

I still got those habits sometimes but they are rare.

Honestly, just approach more girls. Have more options. Don't think about something you WANT to accomplish with a girl (etc. get her number, bang her) - let it happen naturally. Go out with the primary objective of having fun and nothing else. Don't feel rejection.

There's plenty more tips, just try the search bar.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2016-08-15T14:45:39+00:00

Neediness comes from boredom, so become less bored. Find hobbies. Spend more time meeting more women. Become too busy to daydream.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2016-08-15T21:15:08+00:00

The external effect of having low self confidence and acting needy is actually a manifestation of an internal conflict.

For me, I experience conflict when I'm not living my life's purpose. It's sort of like I have an idea of "the most attractive version" of myself and I tend to compare that idea with "myself right now". This is natural I think for a man because men are very goal orientated and generally like to use logic to solve problems. If I am not working towards fulfilling my dreams and becoming "the most attractive version", the lack of effort/ progress will fuck with me.

Think about your own life and where you want to do better. Your "life purpose" essentially entails where you would like to spend your life energy. It could be anything from what you want your environment to look like in 10 years to what you want to talk about when you're out with your friends.

Don't think about the outcome as much as the effort you put forward. For example, instead of thinking, " I don't have enough sex with beautiful women", think, " I could do more to make myself more attractive." To go one step further, think, " There is something about the way I see myself that is holding me back from becoming the champion that I'm meant to be. How can I get out of my own way and allow my life to become amazing?"

This sort of thinking takes you out of victim mentality which is the essence of neediness. By taking responsibility for your own happiness, you allow yourself to let go and have fun. The cool thing is that by slightly shifting your mindset, you can achieve instantaneous results.

Imagine you're out at the bar. You're standing around with your beer on your chest, having a shitty time and every woman you talk to seems repulsed by your presence. (this is what low self-confidence feels like for me anyway). Conventional thinking leads you to believe that there's something that there's something external you should fix - Make better eye contact, smile, stand with better posture ect. The truth is that you have to look within and find what is bothering you - You failed a test at school, you think your shirt looks dumb, you said you'd walk your friend's dog and completely forgot, you let your boss walk all over you and wish you had the courage to stand up for yourself but you always seem to cower in the moment instead speaking your mind ect. It could be anything. Sometimes its hard for guys to let go. (You know, you should probably look into that stuff in your past that you mentioned, it could be bothering you still today more than you know.)

The good news is that you can turn that shit around right now. Whatever you're doing, stop, take a deep breath, and focus on what you really want to happen next in your life. Not the external stuff, but what you want to happen within yourself. You want to stop feeling inferior, you want to stop feeling sad and depressed, you want to feel fulfilled and proud of yourself, you want to experience courage and love and joy. Allow yourself to feel that stuff, and if you don't know how, make a commitment to yourself that you will find out how and never give up until your heart stops beating.

If you can make that commitment to yourself, you will become a legit pussy magnet. Not because you are some super stud, but because you are going to work to become the person you want to be. And that mission is deeper and more important than getting laid, or getting hurt, or being afraid, or fucking up in general.

You will fuck up. A LOT. Over and over and over. You will fall in and out of what they call "flow state". Sometimes you will spend a week in the darkness for one shining moment. That's fine. None of that matters because nothing is as important as your fulfillment as a man. Woman trust a guy with a purpose and they love fucking a guy who lives that purpose.

Make a commitment to yourself right now!!!

MindsEvolve · 2016-08-15T17:04:52+00:00

If you are easily getting numbers then you are approximately 1/4 of the way through the phases of finding a new relationship! You've got attraction down, but now you need to get through the comfort building phase, so that you can reach the final phases: seduction, and relationship building.

I also started out with needy behavior and was stuck in the same phase. One of my biggest eureka moments is already detailed here in this article I wrote on it, if you have time: https://medium.com/@evanmagor/how-i-overcame-my-insecurities-in-dating-7f19ecc805c2#.8lx1l2nf6

Also, the age old advice is: Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Never chase only one girl at a time. It always feels like a punch to the stomach when you're only thinking about one girl. Get on many dating apps. Get many numbers. Text them all. Do this like a sales business up until the point where you are in a negotiated exclusive relationship.

Best of luck,

-Evan Magor - Honest Dating Coach - Anyone who wants an awesome dating life can schedule a FREE 30-minute Skype session with me here: calendly.com/evanmagor

whocaresguy · 2016-08-15T23:28:44+00:00

i need to work on not having my dopamine released when she texts me and anticipating it to happen.

it's good when it's good but i turn into a wreck when it's not...

iedaiw · 2016-08-15T23:30:36+00:00

Have higher standards. Let them impress you and not the other way around. Same with friends too, make it clear they have to impress you

sefmz · 2016-08-16T02:49:26+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

Crailberry · 2016-08-16T01:16:43+00:00

Start. Lifting.

The end.

lucas_ff · 2016-08-15T14:50:10+00:00

Well, you got the first point of the whole thing: knowing you're wrong and trying to improve yourself, which is part of the game. Some woman like the needy guys but it is ALWAYS a bad thing. As soon she finds that she doesn't need you anymore, she will dump you. I stayed over than one year single and fucking around, meeting new girls wherever possible so I could compensate for that and create self-esteem. Maybe it works for you.

Buchan07 · 2016-08-15T20:23:21+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson.

bugxter · 2016-08-16T03:32:37+00:00

I am just like you, but I'm working on it. Two things that have worked for me are having other interests than just girls (i.e. get a hobby). You need to become comfortable while being alone.

Related to what I just said, go after the things you want. Ask yourself, at the beginning of the day, 'what would I like to do today?'. If the answer is something doable the have the balls to do it. Be it having lunch at that pretty restaurant by the river you've never got the chance to know or going to that new pub that just opened on your city. DO WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE DOING.

The point with these two ideas is that you must be comfortable by yourself before trying to involve somebody else in your life. Be somebody who can manage his own time, make his own plans etc. You will then discover you don't need other people THAT much. As a side effect, girls will be attractive to that attitude of yours and will like to join your adventures, you will be somebody people want to hang out with.

Good luck.

Title	How to avoid being needy.
Author	Beer_conquers_all
Upvotes	52
Comments	51
Date	August 15, 2016 2:24 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4xtsbl/how_to_avoid_being_needy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-avoid-being-needy.1410945 https://theredarchive.com/post/1410945

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