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[–]Marsupian 20 points21 points22 points 14 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Just be casual and about it. Also if you feel it's awkward it will be awkward. If you want to get a connection think about what's really so awesome, special or "different" about this girl and complement her for that. If you don't mean it yourself it's not a good complement.
Personally I think with this attitude you won't be able to get the girl. You are even afraid of complementing her. If you are that fearful than there is a big chance anything you do will be awkward as hell. Better start reading the sidebar. Also it sounds like you are putting her on a major pedestal which will turn her off and if she does date you it will give you a screwed up relationship.
tl;dr start reading the sidebar and start learning about pickup.
[–]XtremeRobi 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I want to compliment her and I mean it, but mostly it's peer pressure. She's more popular, has more friends and better grades. I always feel like, if I try (and fail) I feel (even tough I know it's not true) that people will look at me with ಠ_ಠ.
[–]MrDoubleFisted 18 points19 points20 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Who cares?
[–]XtremeRobi 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I know....but still
[–]puapsyche 15 points16 points17 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No. Mr. Double Fisted is right. You want to get to know this girl because you know YOU want to be with her, not because what other people think. FUCK what other people think, you want to be with this girl and you want to let her know how awesome you are. You compliment her only when you MEAN it. I can't remember what source it was from, but I remember someone writing about people asking "how do I execute a compliment"... You don't. This is not some scientific experiment, although many times it may feel like it. You compliment the girl when she deserves it and you want to compliment her. And you don't give a fuck what other people think because YOU think she deserves to be complimented for X and you said so. And if people want to make fun of you for it, FUCK them, they're just jealous that they didn't have the balls to talk to a girl like that.
[–]healxph0enix 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I also want to add I understand what you mean. When I first got my gf, it just happened to be easier in this rare circumstance. Don't want to get into a whole story, but it happened that way. I wished I took more ballsy actions. I held back so much to find out I was right
She told me personally some of her views. She been approached by guys. They were nervous and made bunch of mistakes, but she loved it. It took lots of courage and she admired that. I learned a lot from that.
Also she told me back then that I could have escalated much quicker. She was interested and wanted me to do something. I did, but I "waited" to be nice. To make sure she was "okay" with it.
I realize I put my own fears up first. What if she says no. It will get awkward. What if I come off as rapey. What if I come off too nervous? What if?! I learned to follow my intuition. If I am interested and it seems she enjoys being around me, escalate.
For you, compliment. You said it beautifully all ready. It is what you really think. Be you. If one important lesson I learned is, trust yourself. You said..
"She's really pretty, with beautiful eyes and smile." That is great right there. Be like Hey:) (name) I just wanted to say (compliment) and I want to (get to know you better) want to go out to (starbucks? or whatever)
I personally would just start with the compliment and make some short conversation. If I see some interest, I would go for more. Then do the inviting part.
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
if/when im askin her out, this is how i will
[–]healxph0enix 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
again...Who cares?
It is scary. It will be whatever, but you got to try. Everyone is scared as shit and nervous asking a beautiful girl they are interested out. Some have depression, anxiety.
The difference is if you take action. It is okay to be freaked out and think of many buts. It is normal. To put it simply, you got to take action.
It doesn't matter if your approach isn't perfect. You could be stuttering or make stupid comments. If you come off as genuine and trying your best, it shows something powerful. It shows that you are willing to try even when it is difficult. That your interest in her is more important than your own fears.
[–]DivineIntervention 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I know....
No you don't, because if you did you wouldn't fucking care. You can't agree and disagree. You can't say, "I know it doesn't matter but it does." In your current mindset, you won't be able to get her or a lot of other girls. Start reading some of the material here and working on improving yourself before you try to force out half-assed compliments and hope she's desperate enough to give your current self a shot. You sound like you're still in high school, in which case you need to know that I'm not trying to put you down, I'm trying to give you a "no bullshit" perspective of your situation. You need to really sit down and think about what your flaws are and how you can improve them (your lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, your timidity, your work ethic, your weak social life, etc.) before you try to get a girlfriend. It's time you man the fuck up so you don't continue to be a pussy like I and many others were at your age.
P.S. Compliments aren't executed. If you legitimately mean something, you say it the same way you would say, "The sky is blue." There is no other way to compliment someone. You quit worrying about what other people might think. What's gonna happen? Some kid in your class is gonna stand up and say, "Pffft yeah right man! She's totally not hot!" or "Haha you don't have a chance!"? No. No one is going to fucking say that. No one is going to say shit, however, they'll be thinking about how massive your balls are for confidently complimenting this beautiful young lady and how you'd like to get to know her better.
[–]SoHiSoFly 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Did you just read that fucking shit DivineIntervention said above?
Read that shit again!!! ^ ^ ^
People actually have intuition and senses for the unseen. Women can get a jist of a man's confidence level and other metrics, within minutes of talking to him.
Honestly, *YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE!! *That's what I did my junior/senior year of college and have not looked back. I refuse to go back to point where I was scared of talking to women, not looking them in their eyes. Fuck that shit, I will not crawl back into that cave. I heard a quote from an L.A. area rapper once;
"So, will you bounce back? Or bounce backwards?"
Go out and teach yourself how to approach people about any random conversation. Make sure to stand tall, chest out, walk with authority, look people in their eye and speak clearly/concise/loud-enough. Get away from the "technology medium" and increase your f2f (face to face) interactions (ideas like joining a running group with varying backgrounds of people). You need to start thinking from abundance, as if people need you in their life. It sounds douchey, but it is what works.
I hope if you have this mindset you are still in secondary/high school or just started college? Because if you are beyond, this is an emergency!
Edit: for grammar and additional sentences.
[–]boss413 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like you're coming at this from a really common, specific position: You have oneitis. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and her if you act on your feelings right now, and pressure is toxic to seduction.
You should listen to Marsupian and worthwhilethrowaway, and read up. Common advice for your position is to GFTOW (which is really irresponsible, so ignore it), but going out and flirting with different girls for a couple of months will be good for you. If afterwards you still want to come back around to flirt with this girl, you'll be more comfortable with the process, a lot of the pressure will be off of both of you, your compliments will mean more since you will have a broader perspective, and since you're in high school word will have gotten around to her that you're not putting her on a pedestal.
[–]mob_barley 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Look, that's a valid concern. That voice that's telling you not to do it because she's too cool for you, that's called "social intuition," and while it often does little more then hold you back, it is there for a reason.
Here's what you do. Go up and talk to her really casually, so she knows your name but not too much more than that. Then get her to be your date for a dance or party or something, preferably one her friends will be at too. That's the hard part, right? Do whatever you have to do, work the sympathy angle if you have to. It doesn't even matter if she feels like she's just doing it so you don't hang yourself in the closet later, because you're not even gonna show up. Now this girl thought she meant the world to you and and it turns out you don't even care enough to call and cancel, and she's gonna be totally embarrassed in front of all her friends.
So it seems perverse but odds are her friends will approve of you more afterwards, and she'll be wondering what she did wrong. Give her some excuse after the fact, but not a good one, and deliver it in a way that makes it obvious you really didn't give a shit.
You don't really have to go through all that, but I mean, if she's aware that she's already more popular than you, well, everyone wants to date someone cooler than themselves. It would be a good idea to show her that you're cooler than her even if you aren't more popular. It doesn't matter if you come off like a jerk. Better to be a jerk trying to prove you're capable of being nice, then to be a nice guy trying to prove you have anything to offer at all.
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
ohh, I get the idea, but I don't take I can do this. I mean I always was the nice, sometimes weird, guy. Although I will remember this, if I ever need to use it.
[–]mob_barley 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop thinking and just do it.
I mean I always was the nice, sometimes weird, guy.
What, are you afraid of losing that reputation?
You've gotta change your attitude to where other people exist for your entertainment, not the other way around. If you compliment her, it's because you felt like saying it and she should be damn grateful.
[–]2krazie -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
fuck it dude. man up
[–]worthwhilethrowaway 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
I personally think you should read a beginners PU book first, and I think that the compliment you should use is, "Let's get coffee this weekend."
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I will read it. Also she just broke up, I don't wanna 'rush in'.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]XtremeRobi 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
didn't quite thought of that...
[–]atafies 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
This has happened to me twice. I decided I would 'wait' for a bit before going for a girl that just became available but I was always too late. You dont have to go up to her and say LET'S GO OUT NOW, but you need start building attraction immediately, and you don't have to go out on a date with her to begin this. I hate to parrot everyone else, but you really should read the sidebar stuff to understand this a little more, trust me, makes a huge difference.
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
that's what I'm trying to accomplish with the compliments, and yes I've started reading the sidebar.
[–]atafies 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Just a quick tip: showering a girl with compliments is not the best way to build attraction, despite what you might think, epsecially if she's prettier. You need to show you're attracted to her by escalating kino(which you'll read about too) and initiating most of the contact. Its only awkward if it's awkward to you. I'll repeat that: the only person that makes a situation awkward is you, it's all in your head. If she shies away or is "scared" away, the you need to accept the fact that she just plain isn't into you like that. If she is as timid as you say she is, she'll appreciate you taking the lead even more, because she sure as hell won't do it herself...
[–]cryer 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is great advice. So if you say the awkwardness is all in my head then what scared her away?
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
thats what i fear
[–]atafies 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You just have to remember that with touching/familiarity is has to escalate. You Can't jump from doing nothing and not touching her to suddenly hugging and caressing her. I'll find a link for you in a bit.
This should help you a little.
Let me rephrase: the awkwardness in your head is the source of it. If you didn't feel awkward then the situation wouldn't have been awkward.
[–]AstroPhysician 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Misread that as "showering with a girl is not the best way to build attraction"
[–]atafies 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Heh, by that point you don't need much more advice from this site
[–]AstroPhysician 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I dont know, judging by AskReddit, people here have the capacity to fuck that up.
[–]RP-on-AF1 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Truth. Quality women don't stay single for long.
[–]Hormander 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry, but it's kind of game over already with this girl... But you have to crash to learn. Why don't you focuse on yourself instead on focusing on one special girl? If you think she's better than you, then you should build some confidence or you'll never succeed with girls.
The good news is that one day you'll look back at this and tell yourself "why did i gave so many fucks about this?" Things should be simple. Always!
Peace.
[–]Fred_Flintstone 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You need to only compliment for the right reasons
You want to compliment her as you want something from her - to go out with her. She can tell this.
Its better to compliment if you feel like saying. Question your intentions.
General rule of thumb is to only compliment on looks when you are confident and know what you are doing. Also when you are more confidnet you can get away with complimenting more.
I want to compliment her because she's beautiful and want to go out with her. I need to work on confidence tough.
[–]Fred_Flintstone 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pretty girls get compliments all the time. Complimenting a girl on her looks does not work unless they are at least a little insecure.
Complimenting her is not how to go out with her. It doesn't make you attractive to her. You need to become attractive to her by being hot, interesting, funny etc. Attractiveness of men is not based on looks too much, fortunately. I try not to spam this but I think you may find use in some guides on /r/mansformation .
[–]UnderstandableEnigma 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, it's super simple man. When you're talking to her, don't build up to it, don't wait for the 'right' moment, just say it! You're sat there, you're talking, just say 'You know, you have really nice eyes.' and smile!
Even better, when you make her laugh, that's a great time to tell her she has a nice smile, cause you've just seen it :)
Good luck!
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A big part of approaching a girl (for me anyway) is becoming comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling. It's the same feeling as staring down an aggressive guy who's trying to intimidate you - you know you can't blink or look away first or he's won. You stand your ground with a confident, slightly amused look on your face. Same idea with a woman - walk up with a smile, start a conversation and just hold your ground with her without giving into your natural sense of fear. It creates great tension and let's her know that you're not afraid of her.
[–]jk147 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Once you realize rejection is better than not approaching at all, you are golden.
[–]SatanicBoner 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What's wrong with being straightforward?
[–]XtremeRobi 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm very shy and it would make me and pretty sure her uncomfortable.
[–]SatanicBoner 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well, that's the thing - you're putting your entire sense of self-worth into this one interaction with this one girl.
I'm going to be real with you, the odds are overwhelmingly against you. Chances are, you'll give her a compliment, she'll say "thanks" and that's all that'll be made of that. But don't let that scare you away! You're a man. You don't give a shit if someone has so many hangups, they're uncomfortable with you being honest with them. Why would you waste your time with someone like that? There's something awesome about you, even without meeting you I can promise you that, and you just have to keep meeting girls until you meet one who see that in you.
Meanwhile, don't give a shit about making some random girl uncomfortable. You were fine before she came along, and you'll be even better after she's gone.
The reason guys on here are able to get girls with any kind of regularity is because they get back on the horse. OK, so that really cute girl in your class didn't immediately rip her clothes off and straddle your dick as soon as you said she was wearing a cool shirt. So what!? Should something as silly as that stop you? Why don't you say something to her again? What, she'll get mad at you? OK, then go talk to another girl. And another one, and another, until you've gamed every girl on the goddamn planet.
After you've done all that, you're allowed to worry about making girls uncomfortable.
that was an awesome and encouraging reply. thx. I'll try my best. You know what? There's a girl I met once irl and she was nice to me. Next time she's on fb I'l talk to her. There's absolutely nothing to loose. thanks SatanicBoner (giggle).
[–]SatanicBoner 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome! Just keep talking to whatever girls you come across! Don't worry about what they think of you.
[–]Gremmies 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you got a lot more to work on if you can't even figure out how to compliment this girl.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here is an idea, ask another girl out before you get to her. it sounds like you have oneitis. Having another option increases confidence and reduces pressure.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Just be straightforward. Last week I went to the doctor's office to get some tests done. The nurse helping me out was pretty attractive, and she had really beautiful ice-blue eyes. I just couldn't get over how incredible her eyes were. After a little medical talking I interrupted and said, "I'm sure you get this all the time, but your eyes are absolutely stunning." She blushed, thanked me, moved on. She had a big ol' rock on her ring finger so I don't think she was available either way, so I figured I might as well just flirt for fun. Because of opening with that compliment, when she asked me to take my shirt off, I was able to say "Whoa there, we haven't even gone on a date yet!" and not make things awkward. She was absolutely loving it. The engagement ring scared me a little and I didn't attempt a #-close, in retrospect I should have tried for the hell of it.
[–]HolePunch66 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Try this, do not directly complement her, instead say, "your butt looks really cute in those jeans" or "I love your hair cut, I bet your stylist is a guy" (chick hairstylists give other chicks crummy styles).
[–]XtremeRobi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
lol, sorry but the butt one I wont do (even if its funny as hell), the hair one I will say when she will get a haircut.
[–]HolePunch66 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The butt one is the best. After she thanks you, ask if you can touch it, 99% will say yes, just grab it, pinch it, smack it and tell her that you really want to smash your face into it.
If the chick is too uptight and gets offended, cut her loose. Live is too short to waste your time.
you made me lol irl, and you gave me true wisdom
[–]HolePunch66 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Never forget, you are on a mission to find one of those few girls that will accept and love you exactly the way you are. Be who you are, dont ever lie to yourself. Chicks will always try to change you, they will suggest different haircuts or buy you clothes. If they try to do this, dump her.
Here is a news flash, chances are, you already know this person. She might have been a child hood friend, or someone else you have known for a long time. It could be the daughter of those friends your parents always have over.
Think about it, if there is one chick you have known forever, and kind of had a little crush on, go contact her and tell her. Be straightforward, say you have felt this way forever, and she will tell you the same.
That's all dead on, the one other thing to remember I think is authenticity. It doesn't matter if you steal someone else's lines as long as you make them your own. If you're forcing yourself to say something because you heard it worked for another guy, it will come off as being forced and you'll look weird. But it all just comes down to confidence I guess.
[–]questionasked 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a girl tell me I was adorable and made her smile. She told me several times, I didn't respond to her. Finally she tells me that I need to tell her something nice. I tell her she is cute and had a nice soudl. What should have I told her?
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Complimenting her will get you NOWHERE.
Stop chasing her and start attracting her.
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