I am clearly doing something wrong.

MrNobody___ · 2021-06-24T05:13:47+00:00

The problem is you're not doing anything.

Use the 3 seconds rules. You see a girl, go talk to her in the next 3 seconds, because otherwise you gonna find 1 millions reasons to not talk to her.

Also you probably need therapy to discover why you feel so creepy for wanting to be sexual with a girl. A lot of girls want to be sexual with guys, they are just humans with flaws.

Thest0rm_99 · 2021-06-24T05:48:44+00:00

You should definitely be cold approaching women on a daily regular basis.

Do so not to score or get numbers but to acclimate yourself to the social pressure of making a cold approach with no IoI`s. Say anything, think of some easy openers to get things started. Literally anything works as long as you arent being lewd or rude right off the bat, "Hey I saw you from over there and I just had to come talk to you" works just fine. You can also compliment things that are adjacent to there bodies, like their outfit, hair style, shoes, or literally aside from saying "Hey I thought you were hot". Maybe leave your cellphone in the car and ask girls for the time if you really need a non intimidating opener.

After you made your approach, you will probably be treated coldly. This will be because most girls wont know what to think of you at this point and will have their guard up, as long as they dont tell you to get lost or walk away, you arent being rejected, so keep the interaction up until she walks away. If there is an awkward silence, put the pressure on her to continue the talking, use a facial gesture, or wait for her to go "so...", this is her attempt to keep you talking. You need to understand that as long as you arent getting a hard no, you are able to keep talking to her.

If you really struggle talking to pretty girls, I have a good remedy for you. Strip clubs on a weekday night are a great place to practice talking to girls you are very attracted to. Weeknights are slower so they will have less clients and more free time. They are hired guns so you will never score, but they are incentivised to get you talking and be kind and social to you, so its good practice. Dont buy a dance, just have a few beers, talk to a few girls, enjoy the sights. Once youre done with that, cold approaching at a bar or a club will be much easier and you will feel warmed up.

Lastly, try and have fun with this. Its okay to get rejected, youre going to get rejected alot. Its part of life, the most successful people just know how to pick themselves up after rejection and try again. Over time you will build up a callus to hard and soft rejections, and you will learn better talking tips and tactics that will help you keep interesting conversation going.

The PUA community, while often miscontrued as a mysoginistic movement, is filled with individuals who developed a method of finding meeting and fucking beautiful women using psychology and building social skills through consistent repeated exposure. The principle is that if you practice something enough over time you will get very good at it, as long as you practice mindfully and re examine your technique to improve and critique yourself. View social skills as another muscle to build up, just like you do at the gym. Doesnt hurt to improve your fashion, throw on some cologne and make sure you dont smell bad.

You can do this, you should see some of the ugly weirdos I know who have bangin girlfriends, if they can do it, so can you. It might take time but be patient and work hard at this.

sxMURPHxs · 2021-06-24T07:12:36+00:00

Dude your 23 and nowhere in your " well gosh darn I tried leeringly stalking women but nothing seems to work for me" did I hear anything about hanging out with your guy friends you know the boys the Wolf pack because if you did this whole can't seem to find a girl bit wouldn't exist so there's my advice get some guy friends and say yes to stuff you've previously said no to
Just change your location even go running like you know where women run when outside park,beach whatever learn how to make a women laugh literally sharpen your comedic timing get online for that talk to some girls over the phone and study there reactions find out what works and what doesn't and for christ sake get some dudes to hang out with a watch how much women especially in that 20 something wheelhouse let themselves relax and feel way more comfortable that your not a serial killer because believe me that's there thought when you're rolling solo

Just my advice from me to you, you take it, you throw it away it doesn't matter

lionmarcus · 2021-06-24T08:56:22+00:00

Dude contrary to what people are saying here I would not start doing cold approaches rn, you don't seem like you've got a solid enough frame to lead such an interaction rn. Exposure therapy only works with gentle small steps but can actually set you back/traumatize you in a huge way if done too aggressively.

I don't like giving non-specific advice so here it is: you're not looking at them in a fun/interesting/warm way but in a submissive/unsure/scared way. Women are just people so just ask yourself: how would I respond to this behavior (with their personal context in mind).

Solution: watch all of the Charisma on Command videos, they'll explain the subtleties of these interactions in a way that people with social anxiety can understand.

Elbynerual · 2021-06-24T07:03:37+00:00

Username checks out, lol

Gotthesunshine · 2021-06-24T17:59:00+00:00

The only reason is guys go up to a woman unprovoked is to get in their panties....???

There's your problem right there. If you honestly think that....somehow I think that's guy bonding ego and not your truth....

But if it is...yeah, you're fucked. Until that attitude changes I just say good luck.

As for being what others would call a beautiful girl (not my words) I've had plenty of guys approach me. The ones I talk to don't come off right away as wanting to get in my panties.

They approach with laughter or maybe a stupid line that They find humorous...you know the whole silly thing. But they look confident ...and mostly honestly? The number one thing? They don't care!

Meaning if I say no they don't sulk or act stupid...they walk away with a smile and quip something g funny like...you sure? Really? Ya gonna let me walk away? Ok then...you girls have a great evening..

He does something like that. You need to not make it so much of a strategy or game. Of course I know he wants to get in my pants..we aren't stupid as females.

And the reason I do give him my number is because maybe just maybe.... I want to get into his more.

GazzerGazzer99 · 2021-06-24T08:22:50+00:00

Stop watching porn, simple

thelambofdeth · 2021-06-24T05:31:20+00:00

Jesus christ, I can relate wayyyy to much to this. Especially the feeling embarrassed or shameful regarding talking to women and making your intentions known.

What I can say is...you simply have to do more. Being good looking is only part of the battle. I've noticed, especially if you're tall, that just puts more onus on YOU to be more assertive. I've learned being tall and awkward throws people off. More often than not, you're going to have to take the lead bc you're looks and height give that impression. In a way its more responsibility bc women will expect more of you...to approach and be masculine and whatnot.

Tbh just occupying space where women are isn't enough. It's too passive and it leaves too much to chance and on the women not only selecting you, but being courageous enough to approach you. Not that it won't ever happen, but unless you look like Kit Harrington and pull up in a sportscar, it won't be often enough, and you'd only be attracting a particular type. Even if you're tall and attractive woman aren't going to just get in a single file line for your attention. Despite all the trendy feminist stuff, that's just not how they're conditioned, and from their POV they'd rather you take the initiative and pursue/choose/approach them.

The generic advice is to join clubs, classes sports leagues, meetups, etc. or have friends introduce you, or go to coffee shops or whatever to meet women to date. A space where there's shared interests and consistent meetings so you're not a stranger, and theres a built in ice-breaker/means for organic conversation. That and dating sites, I guess. But the first step for all of that has to be addressing why you feel so foreign regarding the concept of talking to women romantically.

2021-06-24T09:45:12+00:00

Well as soon as i read you have a strategy that whatever it is will most likely never work. Looking at them or trying to feel our eye contact you’re not really doing much. It’s a contact sport. You have to make contact, not physical but you have to talk and interact. Get out of your comfort zone and go talk to one you think is pretty. If she turns you down who gives a fuck and you go in about your day

FatNerdess · 2021-06-24T11:16:06+00:00

Why do you feel guilty for desiring women? To me it seems like that's what's holding you back. They are not some forbidden creatures that will eat you up if you get too close. We are not some unattainable abstract concept. We're human, just like you. We have flaws, desires, goals, needs.

You mentioned that you experienced a gay man bring attracted to you, that makes me wonder if maybe you come off as too masculine. Contrary to what society thinks women want from men, we feel pretty indifferent to a lot of masculine things that guys seem to be proud of.

I don't know if you actually want my advice though. A lot of times PUAs have trashed advice from women even though we'd probably be able to tell you what we want.

Weary_Channel_6444 · 2021-06-24T19:54:08+00:00

Women avoid confrontation so they’ll never admit you’re ugly lookin because they don’t want to hurt your feelings (unless you piss them off then they’ll gladly drop the facade) and having a gay guy say something to you means nothing. If you were hot you’d succeed with women, so chances are you’re ugly so I suggest you get multiple jobs and save up until you have over six figures then try again.

Odd_Elegance · 2021-06-24T05:13:04+00:00

Get guy friends. Supportive guy friends.

They’ll present you to some girls.

Naturally a girl will think you’re pretty or something and will approach you and will make an effort to get you

double_prong · 2021-06-24T05:22:13+00:00

Still, looks can only help you so much I think. I struggle with social anxiety, and I think I tend to make things awkward with people.

Bingo. Women like your confidence and the way you hold yourself more than your looks. If you want to work on social anxiety, talking to people is the main thing. Therapy can help too.

The_CptXl · 2021-06-24T10:29:23+00:00

Gotta treat people like they are inferior, bags of meat. But nicely. Works somehow.

Agile-Establishment1 · 2021-06-24T06:16:54+00:00

Approaching and appreciating is key to initiate a relationship. Running it is another ball game.

Witty-Bowler9493 · 2021-06-24T08:47:20+00:00

Maybe go to a bar or parties or even a cafe? Walking around in a mall or working out at a gym hardly offer opportunities to hold a conversation

dhenry2217 · 2021-06-24T11:32:28+00:00

From reading your post, I think your biggest sticking point is that your “only social outlet is the gym” — focus on getting some friends first my guy

Giu_bag · 2021-06-24T14:09:30+00:00

Remember, creepiness comes from the fact that you're trying to hide your sexuality, becomes it is perceived as "hiding something from them" or "having I'll intentions". In short, just go and say hi

Interesting-Brief202 · 2021-06-24T14:20:32+00:00

You'll always have to make the first move. You gotta just do it.

Also, what's your weight and fat %? The better you look the easier it will be to talk to them

JohnnyLazer17 · 2021-06-24T15:12:26+00:00

Yikes. Okay bud lemme see if I can help you out a bit. First off, you talk about walking around the mall and locking eyes with girls but going no further and their body language and this and that. If a girl locks eyes with you, and she holds that lock for anything more than half to three quarters of a second, that in itself is warm and inviting body language. In fact that’s about all you’re going to get from the large majority of girls that you come into contact with. A small percentage of those might throw a smile on top, an even smaller percentage might give you some extra inviting warm body language, but for the average girl if you look her in the eyes as you’re approaching/passing and she locks eyes with you she’s either going to lock eyes and then immediately unlock, or she’s gunna hold. If she holds, 95% of the time that’s the indicator that she’s at the very least attracted to something about you and for the most part outside of a few circumstances you’re safe to approach. That brings me into the next subject..... APPROACH!!!! There are probably a hand full of girls in the world who are both outgoing enough and attracted physically to you specifically enough that if you were to cross paths with them and lock eyes and you did not approach them they might approach you, for the other 99.99999999% of girls in the world if you don’t approach they’re just gunna keep it moving. Next time you see a girl and you get inviting language from her, walk up to her and just talk to her. Don’t think about it, don’t give yourself a chance to talk yourself out of it, just go. Don’t forget to smile, that’s really important. No one is gunna do this for you, the only place you’re gunna wake up to a doorbell and open the door to a dime who’s dressed to the 9’s and professing her love for you, is in your dreams. It just doesn’t work like that. You can complain about social anxiety to dudes on Reddit or you can decide that you’re gunna start putting yourself out there and just dive in head first. Make it a point to try to start a conversation with at least one girl every day. Practice. Social awareness and navigation is a skill. For some it comes easy, for many it does not, but practice makes perfect. Some girls won’t be very receptive, some will. All you can do rn is decide that you want it bad enough to put yourself out there and actively strive to advance and then take steps toward that goal everyday. In short get out there and grab life by the pussy.

StereoFood · 2021-06-24T17:16:22+00:00

You need to make friends with some of them so you feel comfortable talking to girls in general.

GracieFairmont86 · 2021-06-24T17:36:44+00:00

To get the confidence and approaching skills, just start small and take the steps up the ladder. You just need to do a social workout, no different than developing muscle mass, you need to start light and work your way up, and anxiety and nerves will slip away as you increase your skills.

A good way to get used to talking to women is to actually directly approach with a motive, but a completly innocent one. This is a different, innocent kind of cold approach.

An example of an innocent motive is a legit question you need answered, just ask the hottest girl you can find that may be able to help

Something as simple as asking for directions. If you are at the mall and don't know where Mrs. Fields is, ask the hottest worker at whatever store u are in.

You ain't approaching with ulterior motive, you have a direct non sexual motive therefore the girls guard won't go up and she will be happy to help. Get your answer and walk away. Sometimes when you do this the girl will actually flirt with you if you run into her again, because you were the guy she couldn't get,, but that is a whole different lesson.

The point is get used to seeing beautiful women as an equal human being that you can say anything to. Because you are going straight to the hottest girl, this will rewire your brain to not pedestal anybody, therefore no one will look down on you. When you feel you can naturally say anything to any woman, then rejection wont even matter because you literally have millions of options..start flirting a little more and more, and then try getting contact info.

Other then that, I recommend Based Zeus on YouTube, research his methods, they have more psychological backing then most puas

realmtraveller · 2021-06-24T20:06:06+00:00

I know you see the beard as a plus but I think you would have more success without it. It could seem like a barrier. In general, it depends on your overall attractiveness and vibe. You could get feedback on that. You are choosing the most difficult way to contact women by walking past them. If they appear cold it's probably their usual feel when in public, but if you engaged with them, many would open up. I think its easier to meet women doing a mutual activity, hobby or interest. Practice just making a few comments about the activity or environment and see if you get a response. The only thing you need to do is continue a conversation. It can be difficult finding someone who seems interested enough, but if you go to different locations it makes there more chance.

Title	I am clearly doing something wrong.
Author	INeedDatingAdviceLol
Upvotes	47
Comments	53
Date	June 24, 2021 4:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/o6tyce/i_am_clearly_doing_something_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-clearly-doing-something-wrong.1281908 https://theredarchive.com/post/1281908

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