I'm so tired of oneitis.

Timdotz · 2014-04-01T03:08:09+00:00

Maybe you have Limerence?

dandeezy · 2014-04-01T04:05:44+00:00

Takes time buddy. Date more.

mmmmm2222 · 2014-04-01T03:21:10+00:00

pursue a few girls at once

migukin · 2014-04-01T05:38:58+00:00

I'm in the exact same boat. Even after reading everything here, on many occasions I'll get it in my head that "this time's different... this is the one" and kind of drop everything.

I think what you and I need to do is stick to the plan. Don't let ANYBODY be above the plan, and make yourself as unavailable as you comfortably can. Find other healthy things to take over your thoughts. Hit on other girls. Force yourself to stay unattached until there comes a moment where you can be 100% confident that giving in will actually benefit things.

I can't count how many times girls have practically flaunted and thrown themselves at me, but because I started reciprocating it, it ruined everything. I'm advising myself as much as you.

I3luee · 2014-04-01T10:29:58+00:00

I used to be like that with a chick. I failed SEVERAL times when trying to hook up with her.

After exhausting every option that popped into my head (roses, movies, taking her out for walks, talking to her often and a lot, etc.) and spending a good amount of time (around 1 year), I realized that something doesn't add up.

By the time that year passed, I pretty much lost the "love" I had for her. What remained was the "winner's thought". More exactly I didn't really want her to be with me because I cared/ considered her special/ etc.; but because I had to win! I had to have her! I had to prove to myself that she cannot refuse me!

Because of this I stopped using my heart and started using my brain. After about 1 week of "studying" her instead of spending time with her, I realized I cemented myself in the friendzone because I wasn't a catch! I started to let go of the situation slowly but clearly!

A catch is an elusive fish that gives you satisfaction that after a good amount of struggle you managed to catch it! I wasn't even fighting. I offered myself on a plate and that's very dull/ boring/ not interesting.

So, for APPROACH NR. 1: you don't deal with this annoying tendency of yours and you want the girl -> don't show interest! By doing so you also deprive yourself of showing interest -> you either lose interest or the emotional rollercoaster you're describing starts dimming down.

APPROACH NR. 2: you deal with this directly: if you focus too much on her and not enough on you and what you must do, you will eventually fall into depression/ be unproductive/ won't be too sociable. These are traits that aren't attractive -> she/ other girls won't like you more.

Hope this helps. :S

runshitlikeamarathon · 2014-04-01T04:41:26+00:00

We've all been there dude. Ignore her. Thats the only way to beat it. Whoever is willing to walk away has the power. It sounds like she is just getting an emotional rise out of you, stop giving it to her and you regain control.

joshsway · 2014-04-01T13:09:15+00:00

This is a very common problem. I've written a bunch about it on my site. The basic idea is to forget about her and go game other women, but that is sometimes easier said than done. These two articles in particular can help you: https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/when-oneitis-is-just-a-symptom
and
https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/overcoming-advanced-oneitis

Hope that helps.

trauma_gland · 2014-04-01T17:43:58+00:00

Seems like most of the advice here is of the variety of "ignore it, get more girls." That's not very helpful in my eyes so I'll throw in my two pennies. If you're serious about fixing this issue, you need to learn more about yourself and these feelings. Do they come from neediness? Over attachment? And ask yourself why. Really explore those answers. I'd highly suggest looking into meditation as it's a good practice of introspection and helps to investigate feelings like you have. Believe me dude I've been where you are and it does suck. Being mindful of my thoughts, desires, and feelings is what I've found to be the biggest help. Start with accepting these feelings. They're natural, don't beat yourself up and call yourself a pussy for liking a girl. It's totally normal. Once you accept the thoughts you can look at them without identifying with them, and this takes the power and constant frequency of them away.

Good luck man. I hope that helped!

StupidWes · 2014-04-01T17:47:22+00:00

Results independence man, you're giving a girl control over your state because you're relying on them for something, happiness, confidence, whatever. Whatever void they're serving to fill, you need to work on filling yourself.

SwordfshII · 2014-04-01T20:00:28+00:00

Stay away from booze. In my experience it will make you worse. You need a clear, rational head at all times

alex0919 · 2014-04-01T13:15:49+00:00

That just means you aren't talking to enough girls.

Keep setting up dates and getting numbers, close things out with multiple girls, not just one.

2014-04-01T22:41:28+00:00

Put up little walls and date multiple women. You can dismantle the walls as soon as she begins showing serious signs of interest.

It's something you force yourself to learn after a few cases of oneitis.

ZebraInHumanPrint · 2014-04-01T23:01:01+00:00

Remember these words "Do whatever makes ME happy." Just you though. Not her. Not your parents. Just you. It's a personal mentality and train of thought, but it'll ease the pain. Whenever something gets you down, or your bored, just do something that you like or will make you happy. (Please exclude girl from the mind frame, otherwise it won't work).

darweenie · 2014-04-02T00:57:03+00:00

Man, this is me, right now. Know nothing is coming out of it but still can't stop waiting.

2014-04-01T07:29:58+00:00

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Green-Reef · 2022-09-17T00:31:12+00:00

I know this is 8 years old but man, every word you wrote EXACTLY described what I've been going through. It's painful as fuck.

ThereisOnlyNow · 2014-04-01T21:29:58+00:00

25 – Stop making black and white movies into Technicolor.

You see women as better than they are, you think she’s worth so much more than she is, in reality it is you who are ascribing this extra value to her, she does not actually possess it. As an asset you are worth more than her, your value appreciates with age whilst hers depreciates. Stop seeing women in some golden light, like her farts don’t stick and she has no bad qualities because her shit does smell and she has plenty of fucking issues which you fail to acknowledge. Your mind deludedly constructs this false ideal to fool you into thinking she’s better than she is, or that you’re simply not worthy of her.

http://illimitablemen.com/48lawsofwomen/

Title	I'm so tired of oneitis.
Author	mistahARK
Upvotes	67
Comments	40
Date	April 1, 2014 2:32 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/21vym1/im_so_tired_of_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-so-tired-of-oneitis.1368433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1368433

Comments

25 – Stop making black and white movies into Technicolor.