Let’s Settle This Once and For All…

Perfect_Reception864 · 2025-09-04T21:33:26+00:00

It's "easier" getting a hot girl in real life than online. Good luck getting a hot girl to reply to you online, let alone take her out on a date.

hunterpua · 2025-09-04T20:50:15+00:00

Its hard to answer that question outright because one has a bigger skill factor than the other.

You really won't be able to enjoy the benefits of Cold Approach without getting pretty good at it.

And another thing that gets in people's ways is their misunderstanding of the skill of cold approach and their much more emotionally charged attitude towards it vs other skills.

Its very rare for someone to just be pragmatic about cold approach.

Sooner rather than later, people have to bring their feelings into it. All these ideas about it's supposed to be natural, you "can't" really influence social outcomes, and also weird, inconsistent definitions of what's natural or weird strawman arguments like "You can't convince someone to be attracted to you", even though no one worth their salt ever says or believes that.

People seem to be afraid to even entertain the idea that you can actively learn and refine skills that reliably influence social outcomes, maybe because that will also mean accepting that they themselves are much more controllable than they thought or maybe because it takes away the "magic" of stumbling into an intimate relationship.

Its a lot less of an issue with dating apps, even though there's also a lot of pragmatism in those, like optimising bios, figuring out reliable openers, split testing photos, etc.

Maybe because that confrontation of your beliefs is less in your face vs cold approach.

Its also a lot less involved than cold approach. Most of the stuff with dating apps is set it and forget it. Once you have a reliable bio and set of pics, you won't have to think or work all that much, relatively speaking.

Whereas with cold approach, its an ongoing process of facing the reality of human interaction.

As someone who has done Cold Approach since 2009 and dating apps since 2012 and has pushed the boundaries of both, I'd say with all things considered, Cold Approach and Dating Apps are about equal.

Cold Approach gets you higher quality of women and higher quantity but the cost is also higher because of the amount of time, effort, and existential confrontation that I talked about above.

Dating Apps, assuming you're also trying to maximise them, gets you high quality and quantity women as well but not quite to the same level as Cold Approach. But the cost all around is far less. Not only is a lot of the effort done upfront but apps are also a lot more convenient overall.

So this is almost like comparing Rolex and Tudor, for anyone who understands watches.

One is higher end, higher value, but higher cost, the other is pretty damn good too and only a fraction of the cost of the former.

As someone who personally prefers Cold Approach and a major proponent of it on this sub, I would absolutely not fault anyone for preferring dating apps.

I'll be the first to say, you don't need to cold approach, ever, to have an awesome dating life.

You don't need dating apps too, but it's less friction.

the_1st_inductionist · 2025-09-04T20:31:54+00:00

IRL, but not just approaching random women in public depending on your goals. OLD should be a supplement.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-09-04T20:48:08+00:00

Approaching 5 women a week is more than most guys. Would hardly call that seldom.

But to answer your question, I definitely prefer meeting women IRL. Retired from the online game years ago. Low volume of matches, higher flake ratio, and lower quality of dates (almost always less attractive than their photos).

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2025-09-04T20:29:57+00:00

IRL in my opinion.

There is still a stigma to online dating for women because you can't feel vibe online or thorugh pictures. There's also the fear that the dude can be an absolute nut and women fear being in a very dangerous position with a man they just met. Also some people use dating apps as an ego boost, they arent really trying to meet they just wanna feel like they have options. Too many games are played in online dating.

IRL, it might suck and need more effort. But you can find a more genuine connection IRL. You get that adrenaline boost when you see that girl you like IRL and have a flirty back and forth with.

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2025-09-04T20:49:29+00:00

I have had success with both online and cold approach and cold approach is hands-down the winner.

Tinder/bumble/hinge WILL give you a "rating" or ELO score or whatever, and limit the hotness of girls you can get just based on that.

Ultimately it's an algorithm that is not optimized to get you the best women. It's optimized to give you a "level" and only show girls at that level.

Cold approach is harder. You need to learn more strategies, ways of communicating, etc. But it's far more rewarding. You'll get hotter girls. And once you get good at cold approach you carry yourself in a more attractive way even when you're meeting girls from online dating.

Cold approach is the biggest cheat code when you do it properly and I feel bad for the guys who think it's not the best option. It usually means you're doing it wrong. Akin to listening someone's instructions to do something and completely disregarding them. Then claiming the whole thing doesn't work when really it was just you who didn't carry it out properlyl.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-09-04T20:56:29+00:00

IRL. But I did like OLD in years past when profiles were equal write-up and photos, not just photos. I was always honest about the demographic boxes like height and listed 5'11 every time instead of 6'0 to 6'1 as that's my barefoot height and is on my license and old Google links when I was a student athlete. It used to be fun before it turned into swipe while you wipe.

Kgb725 · 2025-09-04T21:22:43+00:00

Real life because chemistry and vibes cant happen through a picture

Heavy_Consequence441 · 2025-09-05T03:39:50+00:00

Hoeflation is also crazy on dating apps so there's that. I been relying on dating apps for several years without issue. Not really a cold approach kinda guy but did meet some women in person as well

Enough-One5366 · 2025-09-04T20:28:37+00:00

Mind sharing which app you’re using? I dipped my toe into the dating app pool and got scammed so fast, I thought I was in a crypto group chat. Now I’m too nervous to swipe feels like every match might come with a side of identity theft

CoachSlyDating · 2025-09-05T01:37:09+00:00

If you are a really good looking guy, online is easier. Get good pictures and a halfway decent profile and matches should be coming in. Good looking guy doesn’t have to worry about bad game. He can rely on his looks to get dates.

If you are average looking, in person is easier. Learn the skillset of pickup and demonstrate it to the girls. Once you get good enough looks won’t matter.

Chaos_Walking_001 · 2025-09-05T04:59:01+00:00

In real life. Ok as a woman, i tried dating apps. They are overwhelming. I’ll get so many matches and messages and it’s all overwhelming.

And I would be naturally guarded because of safety I guess, and just the initial assumption that they are for hookups etc (which is weird because of course I also want sex bla bla).

But when a guy approaches me and is great at conversation and takes initiative I find that hotter and more likely to lead to deciding on a hook up or ltr

TransitionOk9918 · 2025-09-05T10:23:13+00:00

approaching 5 times a week is actually pretty good imo. Top 10 percentile

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-09-05T14:22:12+00:00

Yes people meet online, people meet irl.

what’s the point of ‘settling it once and for all’ 🙄

sounds really daft imo. Too many variables.

plus the masculine essence is partly a hunter. It likes ‘conquest.’ Doesn’t feel very ‘manly’ to be sat at home swiping away, especially with all the OF profiles ans thirst traps, like one degree away from porn.

Why is your post about ‘meeting’ women? As if that’s the hard part. What about how to establish a relationship and comm7nicate with boundaries and to express your desires? Or you just want a quickie to satisfy your itch?

it probably seems like you have more ’success‘ online cos you‘re able to cover more territory quickly, but a lot of people are just online out of boredom or to receive validation etc 🤷‍♂️

Also apps serve a purpose especially if you live somewhere slightly remote or suburban maybe, it’s contextual and each person is gonna have a different experience. Some people hate communicating via messaging and would rather just relate face to face.

what works for you, is what works for YOU

Deep_Injury_8058 · 2025-09-05T22:25:45+00:00

ive been using secretsai for practice and its helped me sooo much

Electrical_Formal755 · 2025-09-06T13:25:13+00:00

https://mindful-masculinity.org/2025/03/09/assessing-the-damage-online-dating-did-to-men/

the reasons why i don't think online dating is plausible for the majority of men-

i got my girlfriend from cold approach and 90 percent of women ive dated have been from cold approach! online apps are too saturated - unless you're in the top 1-2 percent of men its going to be hard to get the volume you need to have options - the majority of men simply can't win with online dating but if they commit to cold approaching for a few years i believe the majority of men can get some kind of result 1-2 points above their smv. cold approach amplifies and brings the best out of your smv but its not going to help if your smv is low to begin with.

https://mindful-masculinity.org/2024/05/07/why-i-believe-daygame-will-always-be-the-best-form-of-dating-for-the-majority-of-men-to-meet-new-women/

MacDwest · 2025-09-04T20:36:17+00:00

The best way is to use OLD for passive approach for dating, but IRL for active approach in dating.

TL;DR - Both in synergy.

Title	Let’s Settle This Once and For All…
Author	Comprehensive-War-34
Upvotes	22
Comments	33
Date	September 4, 2025 8:22 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1n8l324/lets_settle_this_once_and_for_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-settle-this-once-and-for-all.1561304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561304

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