Looking for a bf, a date, or almost anything...

24rubikscube · 2012-04-06T05:24:54+00:00

If there was one thing I wish I could have done differently back in HS, it would have been to stop giving two shits about what anyone thinks. Once you finish and join the real world you'll realize things are much different than in HS.

Also remember this, everyone else in HS is just as worried about what everyone else thinks of them. Far more worried about this than what they think of you. Which is just one more reason to not give a shit.

My recommendation is to read: "How to make friends and influence people. - Dale Carnegie" It's a great starting point for joining the world of self-improvement.

TurningItIntoASnake · 2012-04-06T07:16:16+00:00

I can definitely relate to "yourself" changing based on who you're with. Based on what I have gathered, that's your mind seeking to maintain a sense of identity that you have created for yourself.

For example, you peg yourself as being awkward around people who have known you for so long, and you feel that altering that changes who you are and even if it's ruining you, you'd rather do that than risk improving things. Trust me, I'm still like this at times and it sucks. You have to tear down the barriers though and push yourself through it. They are meaningless imaginary boundaries that only exist in your head.

The whole message of just "being yourself" is truncated quite a bit, when in reality it should be "Be the best version of yourself". You need to take a hard look at yourself, and all the versions of yourself around different people or when you're completely alone. The best one is the one you should strive to be all the time consistently. That's you at your core without the mental barricades.

I hope this makes sense because I know exactly where you're coming from and it's something I've been grappling with these past few weeks.

As far as meeting guys, guys are everywhere you go and are infinitely easier to seduce than women. Go talk to them. Girls don't have to worry about nearly as many of the things us as guy have to haha

Charlesthehamster · 2012-04-06T15:24:44+00:00

Is no one going to give actual advice on seduction? I'll do it then. Make yourself look hot, go find the guy you like, (touch your hair and laugh a lot) tell him you think he's cute and you want to get a coffee (or whatever highschoolers get nowadays). Move to the next guy if he says no. If it gets to the date, hug him at the very start (builds comfort), laugh at stuff he says, even if it's not that funny, touch him a lot, (girls can pretty much get away with any touching, and it turns us on) agree with a lot of stuff he says and relate it back to yourself because you apparently will have so much in common. Lastly, maintain eye contact. As a female that's all you have to do.

fluidkarma · 2012-04-06T15:20:22+00:00

1. Stop giving a fuck...

Wideskream · 2012-04-06T14:40:55+00:00

I think you are fucking awesome! Now, live up to MY expectations. Be the awesome beautiful special confident friendly sexy loving magnet that I KNOW you are. Forget your idea of you, try my idea of you.

donggg · 2012-04-06T14:41:40+00:00

Are you fat and/or ugly and/or particularly weird?

FEMINISTS · 2012-04-06T07:04:33+00:00

Listen you're young and in HS, you don't need a fling or a bf to make you feel better about yourself and if you do end up doing any of those things you may end up hurting yourself. There's one thing I learned in HS that stuck with me for life, People suck and you don't need to give a fuck about what they think of you. Yes, I know it sounds cliche and all but being yourself is probably the best advice you'll ever hear. Follow it. You're maybe confused and don't know who you are, but that's ok and it's perfectly natural since you're still young. If there's one thing you do have, it's time to find out who you really are. So relax and in a few years you'll see that HS wasn't that big a deal!

2012-04-06T07:51:01+00:00

speaking as a high school male, things can be tough. but really you just gotta tough it out and, in my opinion, if you meet a guy you're into make it pretty clear. dont take the thrill out of the hunt, but let it be fairly clear that the guy now has permission to step up.

anyways, thats what I always thought. I'm pretty young. keep being outgoing and confident, and good luck.

pk_atheist · 2012-04-06T14:59:35+00:00

I've never considered what it would take to seduce a guy. It's an interesting question... definitely something to ask a girl (are there any here?)

I suppose make eye contact with guys who don't know you but you're attracted to. Smile at them. Do this at starbucks, or in class. Either one. Eventually if you make enough eye contact, guys will open conversation with you. If they don't know you, you've got the ability to paint a new you! Stay physically interested (body language, posture, and eye contact) and let his mind fill in the blanks if you think what you might say is too awkward. Guys will assume the best about you until you give them reasons not to. Let his imagination do the work!

bashfulpanda · 2012-04-06T16:14:03+00:00

"myself changes based on who I'm with, unfortunately"

There's your problem. How about you start off by being a genuine person. Then people will start to like you, as they probably think you're two-faced judging by the way you wrote this up.

2012-04-06T18:24:48+00:00

Hardly anything from HS matters afterwards besides the grades you get. There are very high chances you won't see 90% of these people again in your life.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-04-06T18:54:50+00:00

I'm looking for a bf or a fling or just a guy who likes me back

Be specific. What is your real goal? Aim for it and be realistic about how you will achieve that goal. If you hit one of the other two targets on the way then great, but always have a clearly defined, ideal goal. That advice pretty much applies to everything in life.

I can't even find anyone new to find interest in.

I find that hard to believe coming from a high-schooler, but slumps happen I guess. I'm betting you just haven't taken an interest in the right people yet; and you have to be interested in other people before they will ever be interested in you. Like Tokyo said...read Dale Carnegie's book.

"myself" changes based on who I'm with

Aside from the obvious etiquette/situational/societal/cultural changes you are expected to make when dealing with diverse groups of people, try to avoid being wishy-washy at all costs. If you are constantly changing the way you act or the way you present yourself or your beliefs, values, or interests (or any other personality shaping factor that define who you are) then you clearly have identity issues. Identity issues show a lack of confidence and most people either run form them or prey on them.

You must define yourself. If you don't, there is no self for people to be attracted to. Be firm in your beliefs. Be confident that you are an individual and that it is okay to hold differing opinions, values, and interests. This is a very big part of being what we call Alpha, and yes women can be Alpha too.

Another interesting part of this concept is that people who do not define themselves run into two problems when it comes to relationships: either they never attract anyone at all, or they attract people who make up their own personality traits to fill in what they don't know, which leads to trouble down the road on both sides. Imagine your friend hands you a photo of her cute cousin who is coming to visit this summer and she tells you he's single and dates girls like you. If you're interested, human nature would lead you to start filling in the blanks about his personality, and when you meet him the chances of your predictions being accurate are low, which could cause problems when you try to get his attention. In the past I used to offer the women I dated little insight into my personality and opinions, so they filled in the gaps to make themselves happy. What do you think happened later when I opened up? They got pissed when I didn't match their "expectations". My own fault really. Whenever I date smart girls they always try to get it all out of me up front, which can be annoying to a guy, but now I know exactly why they are doing it and I respect them for it.

So it is important to be confident in who you are and what you want and to be confident in your approach to projecting yourself out into the world. People will respect you for it.

not that many guys know me and I have no clue how to change that.

Introduce yourself. If they don't want to talk to you after you went out of your way to do that then scratch them off the list. Fuck em. Not your problem any more. Once you start introducing yourself to people, you will probably notice that it snowballs. The people who seemingly took no interest at first will notice that you now have made new friends and they are now left out. You probably think that's a load of BS but the reason it works is because if you truly just ignore the people who dis you, they will start to wonder about you. It's a very typical move in seduction.

Another thing too is that if you aren't really part of the popular crowd, try being an ambassador for all the crowds. Move between them freely. You'll get invited to a lot more parties and have a lot more fun. That's what I did in high school anyway. If you go to college you'll find that the weirdo businessey kids and the art kids are the ones who will have more interesting shit going anyway.

And of course if you're unattractive then work on it. Changing your look always gets positive attention. Unless you're wearing blackface.

CorAutMors · 2012-04-06T19:21:18+00:00

the idea isnt to be yourself for other people

you arent being cool/calm/collected/confident for others

you are doing it for you

you shouldnt be actively looking for someone who is receptive to you and finds you normal/not akward, you are looking for smoeone who you find cool and you are receptive too

its as simple as that, you shouldnt talk to others with the intention of impressing them, its all about impressing yourself and just having fun

thats the secret, once you can do that you kind of stop giving a shit about trivial things like akwardness

im not going to lie and say its an easy mindset to get into, but it is something to strive for...stop worrying about trying to actively get a fling or a boyfriend and just worry about you yourself having fun being social and letting that make something of itself

Grabthelifeyouwant · 2012-04-06T20:17:23+00:00

As someone who had a very bizarre HS career, what I found is that in HS, you usually notice this kind of thing halfway through, and the community is so tight and sturdy, you pretty much have to just give up trying to change the social norm.

Advice, stop giving a single fuck what any of them think. Be awesome. For me, I decided to start dressing well, and lost about 10 pounds (I wasn't overweight, but I had no definition to my body). After that, just wait about. When you hit college, pick somewhere big (I went for the biggest - 12K students). Then you can rebuild into whatever social position you want, and all those annoying HS people are just distant memories.

Anyway, you're awesome, HS kids are dicks by definition (they don't know any other way), so just go be as awesome as possible and let haters hate.

Bromethiuz · 2012-04-07T06:06:25+00:00

Honestly High School dating is pretty crappy. People of that age in general have no idea what they want. I'm not going to say " be yourself " because that crap is so cliche, but i am going to say be who you want to be. There is nothing holding you back from changing who you are especially at that age. You want to be more social.... then talk to a few people you don't know at school every day. (watch out for stanger danger) . Eventually whatever is holding you back won't even exist anymore. Also read this post www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/k7y2h/how_i_rebuilt_myself/

Nomagon · 2012-04-07T19:37:25+00:00

Honestly just find a hobby that you enjoy and then see if you can find someone who shares that. As a nonseduction-redditor the best relationships I have been in have been built around bumping into or meeting girls through friends who happen to play the same games (world of warcraft, guild wars, league of legends) or who I just kind of meet while hanging around mutual friends. Don't try to force things; be patient.

2012-04-06T15:33:02+00:00

Those so-called "popular" people who go around putting everyone else down are just a bunch of insecure pricks. They put you down to feel better about themselves. They feel the need to do that because deep down inside they hate themselves. Don't pay any attention to the opinions of people who don't deserve your respect.

The people who do deserve your respect are the ones who have positive attitudes. Find people like that, and be a good friend to them. Build your friends up. Ask them about their goals, and whatever they're pursuing in life, always be there to tell them they're doing a great job and you're sure they're going to succeed. Do your best to always maintain a positive attitude and surround yourself with others who do as well. Ignore the ones who try to drag you down.

Here's the real secret to high school living: nobody really likes the "popular" kids. People just put up with their bullshit because they don't know any better. What you need to do is rise above it and stop giving them the satisfaction of caring about their opinions of you.

PortAltepa · 2012-04-06T15:03:42+00:00

I know it's hard, but just be calm about all this. High school is nothing compared to the rest of your life, and when you graduate, you'll see how much complete nonsense it is. The whole notion of "popular crowd" and all those things is completely useless.

The most important thing is to feel satisfied with yourself and your goals, and at this stage of your life, you should concentrate on who you want to be when you grow up, raging hormones be damned. Focus on school. Do well. Look towards college. Build yourself a career. Then someone who sees all these awesome and ambitious things you do will come and fall for you and be completely smitten.

But I guess in the short run:

-Exercise by doing an activity you think would be cool (for me, it was martial arts) or by playing a sport you like. This will allow you to meet new people/people who share your interest. I personally find smart girls and girls who do martial arts to be very attractive.

-Join a club in something new, invent one yourself, or pick up a challenging hobby. (I did model rocket building and model congress, and met a lot of people that way).

Everyone changes a little bit depending on the crowd they are with -- but you can also concentrate on yourself and build an identity based on the things that you're interested in - "it's what you do that defines you".

Title	Looking for a bf, a date, or almost anything...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	34
Date	April 6, 2012 5:01 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rvvae/looking_for_a_bf_a_date_or_almost_anything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/looking-for-a-bf-a-date-or-almost-anything.1330940 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330940

Comments

1. Stop giving a fuck...