I'm a geek. I can't help it, or rather I don't want to. I don't just think science is "cool", I am completely blown away every time I look at the moon and I realize that people went there. It's a fucking miracle! Science, math, and technology excite me. I passionately fantasize about the innovations of the future and how stunningly mind blowing they will be. I wax optimistic about the possibility of hunger and disease becoming a thing of the past. I dream about cheaper and cheaper technology democratizing society by bringing abundant resources even to the most destitute parts of the world. This is who I am, and for the longest time I operated under the impression that it made me unattractive.

I would hide it. A girl/friend of mine bluntly asked me once "Why do you hide your intelligence?" I was confused, and more than a little defensive, because I took it as a bit of an insult and could not for the life of me acknowledge that I might be hiding my intelligence. In fact, I wasn't actively hiding anything that I was aware of. It was simply my unconscious assumption that my geekiness was fundamentally "uncool" that meant I might choose to keep my geekier side to myself. It meant that I never learned to express some of the most interesting parts of my own personality, and would rarely if ever share it with people I didn't know well.

The truth is, however, that girls love it. I learned this the hard way. I learned this by secret confessions from girls I never had the balls to make a move on, because I believed they were "out of my league" telling me months or even years later how much they always wished I would. Even girls who had boyfriends at the time have later told me that they were ready to dump him at the drop of a hat if I had made a move. I've been told that I have a beautiful mind, and that they feel lucky to have gotten to know me enough to see my geeky side. I guess the one good thing I got out of being ashamed of myself is that I really made the few girls I opened up to feel special as they felt they were part of an exclusive club of people who got to see the "real me." If only I'd had the balls to actually go after them.

So I learned to major, huge things. The real me is attractive, and cool, and people don't need to be in some sort of special minority to get to know me. I realized that I should not be shy about who I really am, and I should express myself. The other lesson is that when I see something I want, I just have to go for it. Sometimes I'll be absolutely convinced that I'm going to crash and burn, and some people think that's when it's a better idea just to back off and wait for a better opportunity, but they're wrong. Those are the best opportunities. Not only are they opportunities to accomplish something in defiance of the perceived odds, they are opportunities to overcome your greatest obstacle to your own success: the fear of failure. I've not slept with some of the hottest girls I've ever known simply because I was too afraid to swing and miss, so I didn't swing, and when you don't swing you simply fail. It's not like getting shot down. When you get shot down, it might sting, but you actually feel good. Kind of like if you were to stand up for someone small getting picked on, and get punched for it. Except the little guy is you, and the punch is just an emotional hit that will heal pretty fast. The self-respect, however, lasts a lot longer. Every time you try and fail, trying gets that much easier - and when trying gets easier, failing gets harder.

So that's why I tell girls all about my space flight fantasies. I tell them I still want to be an astronaut, and that if I can find a way to get to space in my lifetime I'll go. I'll go even if I know I won't make it back, because I'd rather die having accomplished my dream then live knowing that I passed it up. I tell them that I love science, and I've always wanted to and am learning how to be a video game programmer, and that I believe that if we don't use technology to save ourselves, we're going to destroy ourselves with it instead. I open myself up to girls, and I can see it in their eyes that they get sucked in. I tell my girlfriend now just how special she is. I remind her that in the 14 billion lightyears of the universe, there is only one of her, and that makes her more precious than even the rarest diamond on Earth.

I have discovered that people like me for who I really am, and it's made all the difference in my life. My biggest concern now is that I'm going to let the fear of rejection and failure stifle my personality and make me miss out on opportunities to meet interesting people, experience new things, and learn fresh perspectives. Without new input, my life stagnates. Of course not everyone loves me, or even likes me. In fact, I can be a very highly polarizing person. That's where positivity comes in - not that I pretend like there aren't people who don't like me. I just choose to focus on the ones that do. I'm good to the people who are good to me, and I ignore the ones that aren't. That's all you can really do.

So in short, I'm saying: don't stop being a geek. Embrace it. Embrace who you really are, and really discover what you love about your own self. Find your passions, and explore them. Develop your interests into something truly unique. Explore what's inspiring about them. Become intimately familiar with the very best parts of yourself, and then share them with the world in the way that only you could. Show them a perspective of the world that they'd never have seen if it weren't for you, and they won't be able to get enough. Finally, if you see something you know you have to have, risk everything to get it.