Please help! 26 year old virgin, approach anxiety.

2010-11-10T02:03:49+00:00

Just remember, the first thousand approaches don't count.

A golfer gets better by slicing the ball thousands of times. Sure, he'll get a few solid shots every now and then out of luck, but that's not the end goal--he analyzes what he did right about it, tries to correct his method a little bit more, and gets ready for the next thousand slices.

Exposure, exposure, exposure. Sure, everyone could use a little bit of reading to give them some confidence and guidance, but the only way to truly hone your skill and mold your game is to be out in the field, taking note of every little thing that seems to bring him more success.

Pickup is like poker: there's no method that can guarantee a win, and you will ALWAYS lose hands, but with practice you will get an idea of what kind of method can increase your odds.

DCMurphy · 2010-11-10T04:37:10+00:00

This early in your career, it's important to start small.

Make small talk. Don't try for numbers, don't try for a pickup, just talk to everyone in that club. If you can, introduce a few people you met earlier in the night to some of your "new friends". Be engaging, polite, but important.

ancalgon · 2010-11-10T04:48:05+00:00

Since you have a religious prejudice to overcome (I come from a similar background), I'd advocate getting a bit comfortable with flirting with women in a friendly setting first.

The next time you have a female friend over, tease her a bit. Call her names and see as her eyes light up. If she sneezes or something, tell her with over-emphasis "You are disgusting!!!" (while keeping a cocky smirk on your face) and lean away from her and laugh inside as she instinctively comes towards you to gain your approval.

Learning game is a slow process. As far as I know, game's not about doing homework and then going and applying it in the course of one night. It's about getting a woman appreciate the positive qualities in you, and earn your trust and love (instead of it being the other way round as it usually is.)

Lanko · 2010-11-10T05:10:31+00:00

Yeah it sounds like you've just got to get used to talking to strangers first. Talk to every one. If it's easier for you, start by talking to the guys. Don't get caught up with huge conversations with them, Just tell a few jokes and move on, your practicing your conversation starters, not making lifelong buddies. This also gives you people to nod to, or chat with briefly or high five as you make your rounds around the bar. If people see you doing this with a lot of people it builds your cred in their mind and they'll want to meet you too.

This gives you the opportunity to rejoin the guy you talked to later when he's with mixed company. he becomes your excuse to meet the group and now suddenly your talking to guys and girls. (though be careful not to mess with his game as you do this)

Do the same later with the girls you met this way when they're with their group of friends and suddenly your chatting up a group of girls.

This might be a necessary stepping stones for you, depending on how serious your mental block happens to be.

Also, as i tend to go without a wing man, this has saved my butt a few times now, where I've had a guy I met earlier walk by a group while I'm trying to isolate. I'll call him over and introduce him to the group get him talking then sneak off with the girl of my choice. Everybody wins. ;)

philosarapter · 2010-11-10T15:18:52+00:00

One thing I notice about virgins is they feel the need to broadcast they are a virgin, or make it a bigger deal than it is. The irony comes right when the virgin finally has sex and is like 'holy shit why was i making such a big deal about this? sex is just like masturbating, but with someone else's body!'

I guess my point is, don't become anxious about sex or escalating or penetrating because its just sex and you'll realize this soon enough.

Theres no advice to give you other than: If you don't want to do it, do it anyway. Force yourself to approach. If you get rejected, force yourself to approach again. Get rejected? Do it again. Have some success? Approach again.

No matter how much your inner wuss is crying and throwing a tantrum, do it anyway.

theubernoob · 2010-11-10T05:04:56+00:00

Talk to every girl you see. You'll get rejected a lot, but you'll also find a decent amount of girls willing to have a nice conversation and once in awhile you can get a date out of one. If you don't have talent, play the numbers game.

sockthepuppetry · 2010-11-10T19:05:40+00:00

Personally, I think most material overemphasizes the cold approach, though practicing via the cold approach can improve your "warm" approaches.

By all means, go for the cold approach, but my experience has been that cold approaches are fucking hard and that networking works much better. Even if the connection is the girl you're talking to has a sister whose college tennis coach has a son who knows your sister's friend, for some reason she will be way more down to close. This is why friend's parties work so well - you have some connection to everyone there.

TheSquirrel · 2010-11-10T18:17:02+00:00

"I've never run a day in my life. How do I complete the Boston Marathon?"

This is how you sound. Take it in easy steps. Try online dating. Better yet, try speed dating. You get the benefit of a systematic, rejection-proof way to practice approaching women.

If you get past that and still want your dick to become a stuntman, then take up seduction.

d00bie · 2010-11-10T05:19:45+00:00

If you want to get that first issue out of the way, visit a foreign country and use protection. It might also save you the embarrassment of premature ejaculation.

ryno55 · 2010-11-10T22:20:52+00:00

To put AA out of your mind, try for the mindset you had when you were a little kid where you were just toying with the girls and gave them zero credit.

theubernoob · 2010-11-10T04:49:33+00:00

I found a way for me to deal with approach anxiety is to walk up to a girl and thinking to myself that I'm going to rape her. Im 6'1 and Im pretty sure that I can physically control a woman. I look at her and imagine her playing with herself after I raped her. She is moaning and calling out my name.

edit. I was making a joke guys. lol

Title	Please help! 26 year old virgin, approach anxiety.
Author	AFCAFC
Upvotes	8
Comments	22
Date	November 10, 2010 1:43 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e3sf2/please_help_26_year_old_virgin_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/please-help-26-year-old-virgin-approach-anxiety.1312860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312860

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