Seducing with herpes

intjpua · 2010-11-23T19:04:33+00:00

I've never had an STD, but I have been in relationships with girls that had genital herpes, as well as cold sores. I'm extremely paranoid about STDs, so I practically have a degree in the subject.

You should always disclose STDs before becoming intimate. Yes, it will hurt your lay rate, but you'll find a few girls also have it and were just afraid to admit it. It is quite common.

Some stuff you ought to be able to discuss with your partners:

Where is your infection and which strain is it?

Are you on suppressive therapy?

Are you able to recognize the symptoms of an oncoming outbreak? The virus is most active, and thus most transmissible, during the couple of days before sores appear. Lack of sores is not a lack of contagion. Some people report lower back soreness before an outbreak (the virus apparently lives in the nervous system, and resides in the base of the spine when dormant). Others report tingling or warmth in the area of infection. Some report swelling/pain in their lymph nodes (though this is most common preceding the initial outbreak rather than later outbreaks).

Always use condoms, and always wash before sex (a shower just before dates, for instance; just use mild soap and water, and nothing abrasive...don't scrub with a washcloth). Your partner should wash after sex. Again, mild soap and warm water. No abrasion of the contacted areas. Washing after contact can reduce the risk of transmission, though if the virus is active, the odds of transmission are extremely high even with condom use and washing. It is a very contagious disease when active. If you aren't able to recognize the signs of viral activity, you are bound to someday infect someone.

The risk of transmission is about 10%-25% per year in married couples, depending on the study in question, so the rate for one encounter is probably one in a few hundred. But, married couples obviously know about the risks, and are going to be taking precautions, like washing after sex. If you don't disclose, the risk for your partner is higher.

You're not a pariah just because you have an STD, but if you expose your partners to it without disclosing it, you're definitely doing that person a serious wrong.

As for the theory that one commenter suggested of "I'll just have one-night-stands", and nobody will ever get hurt, that is a horrible theory. There are studies about the effects of STDs and promiscuity, and because people who have one-night-stands are likely to have many, many more partners than those who don't, the infection rate explodes. If you infect someone in a ONS, and she doesn't know she has contracted the disease until a couple of weeks later...she may infect several other partners in that interim period, who may infect several other partners in the ensuing weeks. This is why you have to tell all of your partners when you contract an STI/STD; to prevent it from spreading to potentially dozens of other unsuspecting parties. Long term relationships are much better from an ethical perspective. And, long term relationships with girls who also already have the same strain of HSV are even better. Until there is a cure or a vaccine, it is something you really shouldn't take lightly.

gzip_this · 2010-11-23T17:39:23+00:00

Look into a dating organization for those with herpes. There are a lot and you just got the golden ticket.

Another1234 · 2010-11-23T14:39:58+00:00

I tell them before things get past second base, hasn't really been a deal breaker. A number of times the girl tells me she has it too, and once the girl told me first. I know a lot of people that just don't mention it and avoid sex during outbreaks, which I think is rude, even if the odds are fairly low of passing it. I've also tried herpes dating sites, but there's not enough people on them really.

throwawayherp · 2010-11-23T15:13:22+00:00

Serious response for a serious topic. Sadly OP, you will learn that any intelligent discussion of Herpes on reddit is fucking useless. This community is great for anything but this one issue; the uninformed bullshit that you will be bombarded with will make you lose hope. I suggest ignoring anything that they say, and coming to your own personal moral decision based on what you feel is right. I'll let you know my thoughts anyway.

I just got Herpes from my girlfriend about 3 months ago. Had the standard run-of-the mill std check. I later discovered that this does NOT include a check for herpes, so that's one lesson learned way too fucking late.

Things are looking pretty awesome with my current, never been with anyone like her. Its probably got a long timeframe, but I'm young and will probably date again. I haven't had to face the reality of using my game post-relationship yet. Admittedly, I have some fear of going outside of my current situation due to fear of herpes rejection.

On one hand. I feel that I should just not tell anybody. The guy that gave it to my girlfriend didn't tell her (She got it after about a year and a half of unprotected sex). So why do I have to be that guy that fucks up my chances? Should I just take it like a sucker from some anonymous douchebag? I could always just pretend I didn't know I have it and say I was asymptomatic (which I am thus far). Also, the chance of contracting it after ONE encounter, like during a one-night stand, is so tiny that it leaves the temptation to omit telling them. I was stupid enough to catch it because I waxed down there and then had sex. The open skin wounds made contracting it a cynch.

On the other hand, I wouldn't want to hurt some girl for no reason other than protecting my ego. I'm fairly strong mentally and was able to deal with the physical pain and emotional pain with ease. But I know that some girl who doesn't have these qualities may let it affect her quite strongly and cause her relationship problems in the future. Also, I'd hate to give it to some guy down the road under circumstances similar to how I got it.

Ultimately, OP, I think the main thing you need to consider is what is the OBJECTIVE of your game? Is the goal of your game to nail as many girls as possible? If that is the case, I can understand your desire to keep it a secret. I do think though that it should be strictly one nighters, condoms, suppresive therapy, don't be too rough/friction etc. Do everything in your power to protect them and you should be sweet. That's up to your moral code though. If you do give it to a girl.....I dunno, tattoo her name on your ass and say sorry. If she wants something serious, come clean.

Personally, I would suggest total disclosure. I'm going to be totally honest, even for my one-nighters during my first few attempted f-closes after this relationship. I will adjust my results from there. If I'm getting rejected on this one issue repeatedly then I may just throw up my hands and say "fuck it".

The stigma attached to this shit is so fucking hysterical, (and the internet toughguys on reddit further it with their bullshit), the irony is that these people contribute to its spread by giving this aura of fear. I'm gonna try and do the right thing by the world after this and let people know I have it. But not only do I understand people not disclosing their status, I sympathise with it.

I'm very new to it all, so a part of this post was me simply thinking out loud. My actions on the night may be very different. Regardless, you're not alone. How long have you had it? How has it affected your game so far?

patientpolyamorist · 2010-11-23T22:02:33+00:00

I have unprotected sex with my primary partner who is positive by serology for HSV 2, but hasn't ever had an outbreak as far as she knows. I disclose this to all potential partners and haven't really had any troubles related to it.

It is a moral imperative to 1) specifically request HSV testing and 2) share your results and HSV education with partners, before sexual contact. Someone here suggests condoms and good to go -- that's incredibly irresponsible as condoms reduce transmission only about 30%.

Guys, consent. People need to be able to give informed consent to sleeping with you. If you omit a fact like your HSV status, you're lying because you're afraid your partner won't consent. While I don't want to call that rape, as it belittles, you know, actual rape, it's in the same ballpark.

Completely uncool. And its not that big a deal. Tell your partners. Give them information. If they still can't deal, you don't want them anyway, they're retarded.

AimlessArrow · 2010-11-23T17:44:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

anonymous_hero · 2010-11-23T13:48:40+00:00

One in five? I sure hope that's an exaggeration.

But yeah, as someone already pointed out, it's not something you keep a secret until after you've potentially given it to someone. I can imagine it would affect your game, yes, and cramp your style quite a bit.

RedErin · 2010-11-23T15:26:53+00:00

Yes, it will affect your game. You won't get laid as much as if you didn't have it. But herpes is becomeing slightly less stigmatized these days, as it should, becuase we all know someone who has it I'm sure. So if a person knows the risk, which is low if all precautions are taken, then I'm sure plenty would be dtf. I've read a few AMAs from people with it, and they have active sex lives, and they tell their partners beforehand.

Question, Can you go down on a girl with no risk of her catching it?

Jupitor66 · 2010-11-23T23:21:33+00:00

STD's kill the romance but it's imperative you let your partner know if you have something. You should also be ready to whip off the facts about the disease if somebody asks. Knowledge is power and knowledge is sexy and sharing the info will easily put the potential lover at ease; you'll also appear to be a stand up individual.

herpaderp4life · 2010-11-23T19:32:18+00:00

I have had HSV-1 (oral herpes) since childhood. I had my first outbreak in early adolescence, complete with fever, nausea, etc. After that I was asymptomatic for years. I may have had two outbreaks in college. I was married for almost a decade, with an outbreak maybe every 18mos to 2 years. I never passed it to my wife. I'm in my mid 30's now, and single.

Over the past 16 months, I've had more outbreaks than usual (once every 3 months or so), due to the stress of my current position. I am pretty sure that consuming legumes (peanuts & cashews) and sun exposure contributes to outbreaks.

I'm pretty in tune with the outbreaks, so when I feel my lips itching, I take 4 Valtrex right away and another 4 twelve hours later. I also take 3,000 miligrams of L-Lysine every 4 hours for the next two days. I also apply I get redness and swelling around the lips, but have only had an actual cold sore once, when I didn't have the valtrex on hand and couldn't take it right away. If people tell me I have something on my face (seriously, it looks like red lips from kool-aide) I can honestly say it's a reaction from eating peanuts. I do not take a daily Valtrex; that is the recommended treatment for genital herpes, not oral.

Obviously, I do not "game" or try to pick up girls when I am in this state, or for about a week after. I've had to cancel a few dates due to poorly timed outbreaks. (Even when you don't have a full blown cold sore, you are a high risk for passing the infection if your lips are red). Asymptomatic shedding (passing the virus when no cold sores are present) is rare, but not unheard of.

I actually do not disclose that I have HSV-1 to all my dates or ONS. I do disclose to girls who I see repeatedly. So far, one got pissed at first but got over it when I explained everything, the other was fine, and the third actually has HSV-1 on the genitals (it's possible).

Having oral HSV-1 isn't all bad. It's controllable, it's not as stigmatized as genital herpes, and the best part is you're at a much, much reduced risk of catching genital herpes if you already have oral. So with condom use with partner who is free of sores, I am almost guaranteed not to catch it.

philosarapter · 2010-11-23T14:20:23+00:00

What the fuck.

I'm pretty sure "seducing" and "herpes" shouldn't find themselves together in a sentence again.

lapitup · 2010-11-23T14:11:26+00:00

Don't let it ruin your life. Wear a condom during all contact and don't worry about it otherwise.

It should go without saying to not even think about sex when you're having a breakout.

nolotusnotes · 2010-11-24T01:23:25+00:00

Full disclosure. And nothing short of that will do.

Anything less makes you an asshole of the first magnitude.

CivEngine · 2010-11-23T13:35:52+00:00

Any sedditors out there with AIDS? How does AIDs affect your game? Long term relationship or one night stands? Do you ever think about bringing it up, or keep it a secret? Do you keep having sex till they are on their deathbed, or do you just give aids and run? Come on I cant be the only selfish asshole out there ....

itching2score · 2010-11-23T14:22:42+00:00

I think PU is something a lot of people with herpes would be interested in. If you have herpes, you're not as comfortable dating within your social circle (friends of friends, coworkers, etc...) because at some point you'll have to have a talk with them that, if things don't go right, might be shared with everyone you know. So you must be more outgoing.

It also makes someone more comfortable with one-night-stands over relationships. The chances of transmitting it if you are careful about outbreaks and use a condom and possibly antiviral (valtrex) are very low. Still enough to feel guilty, but not enough not to get laid once in a while.

South-West · 2010-11-26T17:40:28+00:00

i have never had an std that i am aware of, and im tested frequently. I have no idea if i have ever been exposed to someone with a std. so my only question now is due to my low understanding on the subject is, could someone have herpes and NEVER have an outbreak? does one ALWAYS get an initial outbreak when it is first caught? i.e how long could someone potentially go without knowing

jblo · 2010-11-24T05:49:46+00:00

This shit scares the beejeezus out of me because im over 150 partners at this point and I have no STDs, but I have never asked to be screened for HSV.

Another1234 · 2010-11-23T21:45:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Seducing with herpes
Author	itching2score
Upvotes	22
Comments	115
Date	November 23, 2010 12:51 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eahqo/seducing_with_herpes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seducing-with-herpes.1313176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313176

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