Tell me I’m wrong

Jaeheondaesong · 2024-10-25T02:29:53+00:00

Learn to slow down emotional investment. It will do you justice in the long run. Probably heard this before but what you're saying is the same thing as putting her on a pedestal and treating her like some amazing thing. Remind yourself she is not, she is a person just like you. It's fine to focus on one person, do not however exalt them to a royalty status when they haven't done the same for you.

Seek balanced relationships and if they fail to reciprocate, it can be helpful to communicate the dissatisfaction. If changes aren't made you're free to make the choice to leave. Also, remember that leaving relationships and or people is necessary and do so when you need to.

Life is unfair, deal with it. Control your emotions, don't suppress them, just manage them well. Some people are bad, don't let their poison ruin you. Find the good ones and things will be awesome.

WholeMilkElitist · 2024-10-25T02:22:01+00:00

I presume you're young? I think there is a severe lack of emotional availability in dating right now but you just have to play the game. I wouldn't invest too heavily unless you're exclusive and/or she is your girlfriend.

DrRonnieJamesDO · 2024-10-25T02:41:54+00:00

I think part of it is that dating is very much wrapped up in perceived social value, and showing a willingness to commit to someone is seen as indicating that you think this person is the best you'll ever do, hence you think they're out of your league.

The other part of it is that I think some people, but especially women, go into dating consciously thinking that their lives will have a Wild Phase in which they flirt outrageously and date lots of hot and dirty boys who look like an unmade bed for pleasure, and then at some point they will enter a settle down phase, where they marry the guys who will make good husbands and fathers. This comes from a decent amount of experience - I've lost track of how many girls told me "you'll make a great husband someday" as they were telling me they wouldn't go out with me. I've also had girlfriends who did the whole "if we're still both unmarried at 30, let's agree to marry each other" thing.

Dorsiflexionkey · 2024-10-25T02:34:13+00:00

the other guy is right about emotional availbility not being prevalent these days. But also, this sounds like oneitis. You spend too much time and attention on one girl she'll get the ick because you look desperate.

I mean it makes sense, if you had a friend that constantly bothered you everyday to hang out you'd gte annoyed. Also, you're right you can't be COMPLETELY open to any female about your emotions, you sound young so welcome to being a man. The only people you can completely trust with your emotions are your closest homies - they are more important than any girl so don't lose them or you lose a part of yourself.

I don't make the rules but I'll tell you what they are:

Girls want to lose themselves in you - the man. They don't want to care for an emotional man. Save the emotion for your super close circle of family/homies.
If she thinks you have no other dating prospects she'll think something is wrong with you because no other girl wants you. TBH as fucked as it sounds, even in a relationship you want to keep improving and keep getting hit on so your girl can act right. She'd be an idiot to lose you. Right now, she doesn't feel special because she thinks she's the only girl you can get and your desperate.
Don't try too hard to understand it all just yet. It's not as bad as it seems, in fact it's not bad at all. These things make sense, we are just too soft and emotional and selfish to see why it works.

KoleSekor · 2024-10-25T02:48:38+00:00

It's a fine line, right? To be charming and avoid the friendzone, you need to show interest. Too much though and you're putting her on a pedastal.

It's kind of like a cat and a string. You want to dangle the string in front, but pull away so you're not an easy catch.

Women want to feel the energy that you think she's special, but they also want to chase a little bit too.

Gotta walk the line. Do the mating dance. Remember, she's special, but not above you. You like her, but you're not going to sacrifice your self respect for her.

Women don't want a puppy dog, they want a man who has a life that she can be a part of.

MentalCelOmega · 2024-10-25T02:30:29+00:00

Sadly, that is how modern dating works for sub 8 men. One key part of life is if you want others to see you as a man, then you are to never show your full attention. Never show commitment. Never show strong attachment. Never be open with your emotions with others. Especially females. Because once you do, will no longer see you as a man; more like a weak, lesser, humanoid.

DrRonnieJamesDO · 2024-10-25T02:35:40+00:00

People in the dating world are very sensitive to social status: am I "settling" for this person? Did I "get lucky" matching with that person? So making a sudden serious commitment can be seen as a sign of low status. I'd argue that people who see it that way have some deep-seated self esteem issues, but people be like that.

Another aspect of it is that people, especially women IME, have a much more conscious awareness of "my life will have a Wild Phase in young adulthood where I'll be a coquette and date lots of hot dirty guys who look like an unmade bed for pleasure, and at some point I'll have a Settle Down phase where I'll be choosy, find a guy who'll make a great husband and dad, and get him to marry me." So if you come to her in the Wild Phase and offer to be her forever home, it's going to freak her the F out, bc that's the total opposite of her Concept of Operations right now. I speak from bitter experience.

berzerker5000 · 2024-10-25T12:54:30+00:00

Stop being to loose with your emotions. Your a man and expected to show them less than her. If she professes her love, than you can, but not before. Otherwise you come across as needy. You need remember the 80% rule. Show her 80% of the interest she shows you: enough to show you are interested but hold back enough to keep them guessing a little, which keeps her pursuing you and the attraction higher.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-10-25T03:06:22+00:00

She pulls away because its typically desperate less attractive men who are more likely to get really attached quickly. And the more invested you are in her the less you are invested in having a life of your own and improving it. More attractive men have a lot more options and are slower to get invested in a woman and their relationships are less of a dominating focus in their lives. So I suggest you strike a balance here and have things to do outside of dating and don't be completely sold on someone you really don't know.

samurai96 · 2024-10-25T08:07:45+00:00

Interesting.

As a Muslim man living in the West, I’m torn between meeting my partner the Western way, and also finding my partner the Islamic way. As a result I do keep an eye on game and seduction.

What I find amazing is the difference between the Western and Islamic experiences of courtship. The above problem is very real in Western dating, but ridiculous to think about in Islamic courtship. In Muslim matrimony, I think the women are much more mature and good-hearted. My favorite thing is that they often look for things like character, career, family background and don’t play silly games like losing feelings because a good guy is showing interest in you 🤨

Buuuut they don’t put out unless you literally marry them so here I am 🤷‍♂️

Psykisktrakassering1 · 2024-10-25T02:57:51+00:00

Your full attention is way too much it sounds like, man.

Need to take it easy and reveal your feelings gradually to a girl, while at the same time not holding back so much that she thinks you aren't interested.

How? It's different for every guy. Play around with it until you find a happy medium that works.

devonthed00d · 2024-10-25T03:17:31+00:00

So what you’re saying is I should get 2 or 3.

Interesting.

RadiantTry9442 · 2024-10-25T05:02:50+00:00

I dont think women are focused on relationships atm. Most are career focused due to social media conditioning and the illusion of options. Just work on yourself and talk to chicks without expectations of an outcome. its what I do and its been a far less stressful and ironically more successful dating experience. Im 22 btw

Dwerg1 · 2024-10-25T06:04:46+00:00

Being too quick and easy to trust is a weakness, they do not trust that quickly and you trusting them more brings imbalance to the interaction. They're doing you a favor by not staying, they'll keep leaving until you learn this or you run into a narcissistic woman who decides to abuse it.

That's another point here, if you're quick to get attached and commit you're really putting yourself at risk of becoming victim to the mind games of crazy women. Also, if you're that naive, how can she be sure others won't take advantage of you when you're together, which by extension could hurt her as well.

You can be open and all that, BUT you will then also have to show strong boundaries and a willingness to walk if she isn't acting right. She'll have to qualify herself to you and when she does the reward is that you'll trust her more and commit more, she has to earn it and feel like she has worked to earn it.

Most likely the mistake you're making is that you just freely give it to them without them doing anything to earn it. This does in fact lower your perceived value, it's a lot more satisfying to get someone who's not easy to get, eventually.

sh4ka_br4h · 2024-10-25T06:25:15+00:00

There’s a huge fear of abandonment in many young women.

Altruistic_Aerie4758 · 2024-10-25T06:50:23+00:00

You aren't wrong.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-10-25T07:04:36+00:00

the more I care about her and invest my energy into the relationship

If you really think about it, it makes sense. It's the 'type' of energy you're investing into the relationship, your energy isn't going into 'hyping things up', making things fun, cool, exciting, intriguing, etc. You're investing more energy and effort but that effort is 'trying to buy favour' and not showing her a good time.

Women want what women want. They want you to appeal to them through 'vibe'. I understand that's vague and no one knows what that actually means but I have many other posts talking about that. Point is, the same thing that attracts the girl in the first place is the same thing that maintains the girl; you don't make more effort doing different shit that's ineffective, that doesn't make any sense.

New-Temperature-4067 · 2024-10-25T09:18:58+00:00

You're wrong

About what?

Dandys3107 · 2024-10-25T09:41:40+00:00

Equal commitment to relationship is just some sweet dream. You just need to realise that girls are different and they simply don't desire being showered with love and attention too much. If you really have big feelings for her, you should provide her with what she wants, not what you want. There is no problem with expressing your love to the fullest, but you should also give her some space for her to process her feelings and give in her fair share to the relation.

CurvyAngel55 · 2024-10-25T13:48:25+00:00

Finding that balance is such a tricky thing, especially in today’s dating world. It does feel like emotional availability is hard to come by, and maybe that’s why we end up holding back a little. It’s like we can’t invest fully unless there’s something solid, like exclusivity. Just staying a bit grounded while things develop could be the way to go, even if it feels a bit like "playing the game."

Danielle8976u · 2024-10-25T16:32:18+00:00

You def not wrong...

punktfan1 · 2024-10-25T20:34:46+00:00

You’re wrong! (Hope I did a good job, hehe 🙃)

LovelyRoseBoop · 2024-10-25T21:39:21+00:00

There's something about you she/they doesn't/don't like, and it might even be that you're too selfless, boring, slow or lack intriguing interests. Nobody wants 100% of your attention.

In early dating, don't show your needy emotions, show your workplace-acceptable ones. Once she's your girlfirend, cry and be insecure.

Ok-Class-1451 · 2024-10-25T22:47:17+00:00

You’re wrong.

Fantastic-Willow-754 · 2024-10-25T23:09:26+00:00

This is what I realized too. You are completely right. You can never be all-open. Despite how frustrating it is, I am trying to learn to live accordingly.

Minimum-Web-4508 · 2024-10-25T23:25:28+00:00

I’d say your wrong. I hate when men play games and do the hot and cold, you’re just an option to me thing. If I chase them after that it’s because they’ve triggered insecurity not because I like them. Most women want a guy that’s into them and just them but it depends on how you show them that

Title	Tell me I’m wrong
Author	UDAMAN123
Upvotes	69
Comments	32
Date	October 25, 2024 2:18 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gbjs2c/tell_me_im_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/tell-me-im-wrong.1533415 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533415

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