The usual questions from newbies mostly sound something like "How do I act around the girl I like?". While the quest for knowledge is admirable, the answers are totally misleading sometimes.

And to better understand this, let's add the classic "Just be yourself!". As much as this is annoying to hear, it's a very good idea. So what's the deal?

You'll often read how you should act around a female of your interest. Someone says you should talk deeply and slowly, move in a certain way, laugh at jokes with a smirk and a challenging look under your brow, hold her hand in a certain way at a certain time... do this, do that...

But, why? Stop and think about it for a second. You're literally telling people how to act, as if they were a robot. You're not even considering the person itself.

It's understandable at first, an image of a very suave man is conjured in your mind. He looks like the hottest incarnation of James Bond, charms your pants off with a single line and in his smile, you see sarcasm and nonchalance entwined. It's all cool until you realise that not everyone can or should be like that. People are very different, and so are you. That is the universal thing about us. Therefore, don't think you can find a guide on how to behave 100% well. Sure, you might pull it off if you are not faking it. This is the biggest issue. Let's say you are the opposite of the gentleman described above - a bit childish, merry-go-round, happy fella. Laughing at everything and everyone, not even making an effort to contain your reactions. He acts, moves, talks completely different. What is the problem? What is exactly wrong with that, as long as you are not hurting the others while "being yourself"?

Or the silly advice like "What do I do when I have a chick over at my place" and then someone goes "dim the lights, bring the bottle of wine, put some music, scented candles..." which is absolutely hilarious to me. Do I really have to do that to ensure a girl sleeps with me? Why can't I bust out Monopoly or something totally stupid?

That's the catch - the "be yourself" thing is incredibly important to learn and live, or else - you're doing what others told you to do. If you try to incorporate characteristics that clearly aren't you, the whole thing is going to fall apart. Not a first time, I met a girl who thought I was something else - she told me she liked me because I was so "chill". I am not chill at all. I just acted like that at first because I was trying to accept someone else's idea of being attractive. The second date rolls around, I can't stand her. She's utterly unambitious, inert and lazy. Heaven knows I can be like that, but that's not what you should aspire to. I ended up desperately searching for fun activities just to entertain anyone, her or me. We realised we're totally different and parted ways after that. Waste of time. My fault.

You'll understand this with time - as you meet more and more women, you'll find they don't all like the same things. Some like James Bonds, some like free spirits, man-children, artists, bad boys, businessmen... it's not up to you to adjust, you dictate your presence. And from there, you pick.

The "be yourself" thing is disgustingly overused, but if you truly know who you are, you will be comfortable improvising and doing it all naturally. That's why 90% of this sub preaches self-care, self-love and inner game. Doing stuff by someone else's idea of "perfect behaviour" simply doesn't work in the long run. Whatever it may be, your horoscopes, chakras, upbringing, whatever - it's better for you to load up on general social skills knowledge and a sense of being comfortable in your own skin, not extremely specific tutorials on how to do this and that.