This is a comment on “nice guys finish last.” The idea that women don’t like guys that are too “good.” If you subscribe to this I’m going to show you why it’s self-sabotaging, delusional and fucking pathetic.

If a girl rejects you, it could be because: you have no sense of humor, you don’t get her sense of humor, you have no sex appeal, you don’t know what sex appeal is, you are tense, you aren’t confident around her, you are not present, you are a bad listener, you listen way too intensely, you have no fashion sense, you don’t have enough in common with her, you have too much in common with her. The list of possible reasons is long. But you have decided you are too good.

Really? You’ve rejected examining your own qualities honestly while boosting your ego with “I must be too good.” That’s fucking pathetic. It’s impossible to accurately know the reason she rejected you.

So why does it seem like “bad” guys get girls. Go read those qualities I wrote above. If a “bad” guy had all of them, why should she choose you? Because you’re nice? A quality which can’t be proven without consistency even years down the road. Nice doesn’t mean attractive. Also claiming you’re a good guy up front is like claiming you can fuck all night. You probably can’t and women know it. It’s weird. This doesn’t mean some women at some times don’t appreciate thoughtfulness, kindness, emotional support and loyalty. You are just oversimplifying what dateable is.

You need to know how nice and good can push people away. The Shins have a song called “caring is creepy.” I hated this title because when I was in highschool all I knew to attract women was to be good. I knew a few trash men and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t like them. But under that was a lack of confidence, unhappiness and frustration with dating. “Nice” just makes this combo worse. Nice can be super creepy if many other qualities aren’t present. Nice many times is a sign someone wants something from you.

Stop whining about how “good” you are and be honest with yourself. You don’t need to stop being good. Try to understand what can make you more dateable.