Very basic question: How you flirt?

SnooHesitations4922 · 2025-01-23T18:33:02+00:00

It took me until my late 30s to realize that every girl I slept with or had a relationship with happened to be someone that I did not flirt with at all when first knowing them.

Ive been flirting by not flirting at the very start, I'm ok with giving a woman a normal greeting and having regular conversation; but the hotter the girl; the less logic I speak with. I see if the girl flirts first or initiates physical touch so I know she chose me, then I call her out on it while maintaining a neutral mood.

My current GF keeps reminding me of how I told her she needed to be written up for sexual harassment when she went to hold my hand when she gave me my change at Panera.

Set yourself a process and criteria for what you say, you don't want premeditated lines.

Regular greeting

Regular convo The hotter the girl he more logic is removed

Asses for i.o.i.s

Respond to IOIs with a neutral tone Accuse her of wishful thinking or getting her hopes up or getting ahead of herself Tell her to behave herself

Gradually transition from conversation to banter using the above.

Cut off the convo around 5 minutes, say a true time constraint, suggest to hang out sometime.

-MrsInterrupted- · 2025-01-23T18:05:06+00:00

One of the great pillars of flirting is teasing! I hesitate to use the word “mock” but when it’s done playfully, a little sarcasm can build an added element of back and forth to the conversation. Some light teasing can even make a girl feel noticed, especially if it’s eventually followed by a genuine compliment

DaygameCode · 2025-01-23T18:54:36+00:00

To flirt you need to learn that the difference between friend behavior and lover behavior lies in the sexual tension you create, and how you navigate it.

Friend behavior is comfortable, predictable, and often lacks the spark of flirtation or sensuality. It’s focused on support, shared interests, and a sense of security.

In contrast, lover behavior thrives on excitement, creating sexual tension, and romantic emotional depth. It involves:

Flirting and teasing: Lovers introduce playful tension through suggestive comments, confident eye contact, and physical proximity.

This is something that guys that stay as friends typically avoid because they don’t wanna make the girl uncomfortable or have her think they are being creepy.

Lovers don’t avoid making things tense, they understand that tension is a must, sometimes that tensión might be too much (coming in too strong) and more often than not it is too little.

Expressing desire: While friends may compliment each other, lovers show desire and how horny they make each other with an undertone of sexual attraction, like noticing how someone’s actions makes them feel in a sexual way . This doesn’t mean saying “you are giving me hardon” but soemthing like “yo girl, stop teasing me, you are too sexy when you smile at me like that” or “you are making my heart rate increase when you look at me like that”, or “i’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now”.

Physical escalation: Small, intentional touches—like holding and caressing her hands deliberately in an intimate obvious way, brushing against each other in a way that she knows it was deliberate, or biting your lips in a way that shows desire while looking into her lips woth a smile that generates tensión and makes her kinda nervous feeling “why is he looking at me like that”.

It’s about that, about building tension.

Instead, you are doing everything possible to make sure she is comfortable with you, avoiding tensión at all cost, always acting like a friend she can feel completely comfortable at all times. It’s not your job to be her emotional support guy, that’s for friends, not for lovers. You need to create sexual tension and you are not even trying at all to create it, which leads her to think of you in a platonic way.

One example to build the mood for flirting is Push and pull.

Push and pull is a flirting technique designed to create tension and intrigue in a flirty conversation, which involves alternating between showing interest (PULL) and playfully withdrawing interest or teasing the girl (PUSH) without insulting or making the woman have a lower self-esteem (That is another thing called negging which is outdated and counterproductive)

Push and pull example:

Her: “I am from Mali in Africa”

You: “Oh you should NOT have said that” (PUSH)

Her: Why?

You: “Because i always wanted to meet someone from Mali” (PULL)

Her: “Haha really?”

You: “Oh yeah, but I heard things about women from Mali that have me concerned about you” (PUSH)

Her: “What things?”

You: That you guys are heartbreakers, charming, and impossible to forget” (PULL)

Her: “Haha, the legends are true, so you better watch out”

You: “Yeah, I should probably get away from you (PUSH) but I think i’m already falling under your spell (PULL)

Her: Hahaha, you are funny 😂… blah blah blah…

As you can see in this basic example, it is a back and forth of push and pull where you constantly alternate between A) challenging her or hinting a push back in your interest, and B) appreciating her and showing interest. It mirrors the highs and lows of an emotional roller coaster 🎢.

I’m looking for people who struggle with approaching women in public, who suffer from social anxiety, who don’t know what to say to women they like, and who want to get more dates regularly. If that’s you, book a free coaching call with me by clicking here.

unevendopamine2 · 2025-01-23T18:25:43+00:00

You don’t need to flirt you know

I NEVER flirt.

All you have to do, is have a good date and invite them back to your place. On a date I give 1 compliment and that’s it. Everything else is a bit a protective body language, opening doors standing on the outside of the road and just normal conversations… oh and eye contact.

Eye contact works way better for me that flirting.

What I do is in my mind say “I really want to fuck you” but just in normal conversation… some how it translates

(Make sure it’s not “oh you’re so pretty” or anything like that… they can sense that too or it just comes off in your Body language)

Try it haha

Medical_Tutor_7749 · 2025-01-23T19:17:34+00:00

I think flirting is basically telling you are attracted to them without actually saying it. Eye contact is the most powerful technique.

NickTheGreek18 · 2025-01-24T03:02:43+00:00

After supper just whip it out dude…60% of the time, it works every time

NepaleseLouisianne · 2025-01-23T21:22:11+00:00

There’s a delicate balance between flirting and being cringe, and it most of the time leans toward flirting if you’ve got the looks to back it up. Eye contact is a very powerful tool—eyes can speak volumes, don't underestimate eye contact and body languages.

DIme_x · 2025-01-24T21:29:55+00:00

Flirting is displaying sexual intent in a playful manner… so do that.

epimpstyle · 2025-01-24T10:20:14+00:00

Flirting is simply talking to a girl in a playful and escalating manner and she likes to be part of the conversation.

If you make a joke, if you are playful with her, if you look at her and wink, if you touch her while talking... all these things mean that you are flirting. Without escalation, you are just a funny/friendly guy, but escalation shows that you want more than friendship, she will either stop you (when she is not interested in such a relationship) or will say nothing, and in this case you progressively test how far you can reach. Always take two steps forward - one step backward.... this is how you make progress.

Galad_Damodred · 2025-01-23T21:08:23+00:00

That's not something that can be taught. Especially it's not about "lines". You can use the same lines and be creepy and also gorgeous.

vladiVP · 2025-01-24T09:55:06+00:00

Maker her feel desired, tease her, make it interesting. Flirt with every girl lol, they love that

Khower · 2025-01-23T18:50:16+00:00

I tease women a lot, maybe a bit too much sometimes so I have to tone it down

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-23T21:23:21+00:00

Very good question actually! Not many people are brave enough to ask for help on this.

Flirting is a mix of playful confidence, humor with sexual or romantic innuendo, delivered in a light-hearted and slightly joking manner.

The only way that flirting works though, is if you flirt without any expectations for reciprocation or a specific outcome. Any flirting needs to be delivered without any attachment to the outcome, such as expecting or even feeling entitled to a similar response or flirtation from the other person.

There are different ways to flirt, but my favorite have to do with turning the table on women and accusing them of hitting on you; trying to seduce you or pursue you. But you can also be more direct and complimentary, but instead of saying something like: “Excuse me, you are really beautiful!” you can say something like “the second I saw you enter the place, the entire room just lit up!” or perhaps “you know something, you are making it really hard for me to concentrate right now with all that hotness going on. I need me a cold drink”

Be silly and ridiculous if you have to, remember, flirting is mean to be fun and playful, not serious and overly sexual/creepy.

amlextex · 2025-01-23T18:16:08+00:00

Todd V has great material on it on yt.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-01-24T02:27:38+00:00

Fliritng is just spiking her emotions up and down. I like this definition because it gives you an idea of what to do next.

man-o-action · 2025-01-26T07:54:45+00:00

I think it comes down to showing interest without giving your power away. Push and pull basicly. You are so hot, I wish you didnt have cock for example

quinnstorms · 2025-01-23T20:14:43+00:00

Greet her, draw an imaginary line on the ground tell her if she crosses it she's mine

Large-Annual1424 · 2025-01-25T07:40:15+00:00

I just stare, i purposely draw 2 small black dots at the corners of my eyes to draw attention and make people stare into them more. If thats someone im into then I will stare back and lock eyes. Then a smile :).

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-01-25T19:16:04+00:00

To flirting is about :

- being progressive

- tonality

- facial expression

Majestic_Ad6799 · 2025-01-23T19:03:35+00:00

Just don't. Be genuine

L_Piper · 2025-01-26T08:16:27+00:00

you have to keep their mind in suspense of what is next but in a sly way. you have to make it a game of how you want to bed them and what you'd do without outright fully revealing it. insteas of giving them the gift, the gift comes first not only in the box, but with tissue and tape that they have to slowly peel back to get to. make it a rollercoaster by always keeping them on their heels building up to the meet, then when shes at your house, you look her in the eye when you are both sitting beside each other, touching on her (obviously, make sure shes comfortable first but if shes back at your house after initially talking or meeting, she usually is wanting to slam) and telling her how bad you want her.

i think.

Majestic_Ad6799 · 2025-01-23T19:02:30+00:00

Just dont. Flirting is like manipulation

Title	Very basic question: How you flirt?
Author	No-Interest5076
Upvotes	94
Comments	53
Date	January 23, 2025 5:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1i89707/very_basic_question_how_you_flirt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/very-basic-question-how-you-flirt.1541953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541953

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