What is the difference between persistence and neediness?

joshsway · 2014-03-20T18:31:51+00:00

They are quite similar, and most people who are "persistent" are needy. Women do not like persistent men, they like persistent men who they are already into. Big difference. There are; however, some things you have to do that do appear needy (such as confirming dates, etc.) But you can do them in less needy ways. I wrote about that here: https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/how-to-do-needy-things-without-appearing-needy

bobjimbobjim · 2014-03-20T19:32:31+00:00

I would say it follows /u/ctranger 's post a bit (link):

It's perfectly ok for you think about her often. Embrace it, use it as a means to improve your relationship and what value you can offer her as a man. But ask yourself why you miss her, even though you see her so often..

There could be an insecurity there.

Are you afraid to lose her? Needy.

Afraid to be on your own? Afraid she might meet someone else? Needy.

Your emotional well-being depends on her attention, presence and availability? Needy.

You want her to check-in or keep you updated during the day. Needy.

You're not busy enough or don't have enough going on to keep yourself occupied. Needy.

VS

You speak your mind about things calmly and objectively. Emotionally Open.

You aren't afraid to express your view on things, and how you feel about them. Emotionally Open.

You address your emotional requirements for the relationship to work. Emotionally Open.

You don't expect these to be resolved over night, it's a process. Emotionally Open.

You think about her often, and you show it through your actions. Emotionally Open.

See the difference?

KnopflerisGod · 2014-03-20T22:05:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

amadeus_x · 2014-03-20T19:00:08+00:00

I guess the content is often the same, the main difference is how you formulate and convey it. E.g. when she is skeptical about a date, "Please, just give me a chance" vs. "Come on. It'll be fun.".

KennyFuckingPowers · 2014-03-20T21:36:15+00:00

About 5 unanswered text messages

RadiantShadow · 2014-03-20T20:34:30+00:00

I would think that neediness is persistence minus outcome independence. Be persistent, go out there and try, but don't be worried if you'll succeed/fail.

EndOfTheUniverse · 2014-03-20T21:41:57+00:00

It's the difference between giving value and taking value.

And the reason I left it vague is because it's hard to break it down.

ArtilleryCamel · 2014-03-21T01:45:15+00:00

Her reaction.

HappyJerk · 2014-03-20T19:49:08+00:00

Persistence is bullshit. It's a scam taught by shitheads who want to make money off of losers who can't get girls, and they want to entice them by saying "it's easy man, just try a little harder." As a man your goal is to be as upfront and honest as possible about your intentions. Once you've let her know what you want, its up to her to say yes or no. If she says no, you're a fucking moron if you hang around and still try to get her. Girls are human beings with brains and the idea that you should be "persistent" is rooted in this misogynistic belief that women don't know what they want, blah blah blah, etc...

Here is the only thing I will say in favor of persistence: when you get to a point of true confidence and don't give a fuckness, you will be able to read girls more clearly and tell when they are and are not interested in you. In that case, you will be able to tell when you should pursue a girl who seems distant or uninterested. For example, I dated a crazy bitch who suddenly started ignoring me for no reason. Normally if a girl is ignoring my texts I would just move on because she's clearly not interested, but I knew that this girl was just in a crazy time of her life, and she might be down to hang out again after her head cleared. So I gave her a few weeks and hit her up again and we went out and fucked. So it's possible, but for most AFCs you are just chasing somebody who doesn't want you.

Its_Not_My_Blood · 2014-03-20T23:52:35+00:00

I think they can basically be the same actions except with neediness a person conveys an emotional dependance on the situations outcome.

imstartingover · 2014-03-21T03:45:08+00:00

I think just the place it comes from inside you. Combined with the social awareness to know when no means no and you should move on.

time_and_again · 2014-03-21T08:40:11+00:00

A needy guy seeks her approval and bases his interactions in how it pleases her, rather than doing what he wants and inviting her in. Usually the needy guy is trying too hard and she can tell, like he's exaggerating his enthusiasm and waiting for her reaction.

A non-needy guy being persistent means he's not "next-ing" her just because she's not super responsive to his initial approach. He adjusts, tries again, keeps the energy up. He doesn't move on so quickly that it's like he's trying to protect his ego. If it still doesn't work, fine let her go, but you don't bail at the first sign of trouble.

2014-03-21T15:11:54+00:00

I like the way RSDJulien describes it: You want the girl, but you don't need the girl.

Apex_of_Attraction · 2014-03-21T20:53:30+00:00

Hey hertogetbetter,

Whether a guy is persistent or needy comes down to his intentions. His mindset will be sub-communicated to the girl and she will be able to tell the difference.

What communicates neediness? 1. Lack of purpose. You're intention can't be focused on hoping she like you, not wanting to get rejected, and hoping you don't run out of things to say all at once. If your intention is spread out it seems very uncertain. You should have one intent and be clear on it. 2. You also have to not need the girl of course. This is demonstrated by a willingness to walk away. Do short take-aways or brush offs if she does something you don't like. Make it clear to her that you are a man of standards and that she has to work to get your approval. 3. In any given social situation there is always one person reacting more to the other person, than the other person is reacting to them. Lead the direction of the conversation. Set the pace. Talk about what you want to talk about.

Darragh, Apex of Attraction http://apexofattraction.weebly.com/

Squand · 2014-03-20T20:52:50+00:00

Outcome independence. What is your internal motivation? Are you sending the message because you want to send the message, or are you sending it because you want a very specific response from the girl?

Send as many messages you want until rejection as long as you're outcome independent.

What most guys I know find, is that when they are truly outcome independent and when they understand abundance theory, they lose interest in persistence very early. They value a girl who is connected right away, and if the girl isn't feeling the chemistry to write/text/call back in a timely fashion, they lose interest.

I am not this way. If I find a girl where I feel chemistry, I will generally persist until makeoutclub or a hard rejection. I rarely give off needy vibe because my internal motivation isn't needy.

The act of the messaging should be the fulfilling action because that's what you have control over. If you are only fulfilled when the girl responds positively, then that's needy.

bonerfleximus · 2014-03-20T20:00:05+00:00

Externally they're very similar. Internally the difference with persistence is outcome independence.

Tombstone31 · 2014-03-20T19:38:51+00:00

The difference is that neediness consists of manipulative behavior, persistence does not. Do you try to guilt girls into doing something? Do you do things or buy things hoping that she'll "owe you"? Do you do or say something with the intent to "make her think" you have some quality or trait that you think she would find attractive? Do you try to control her in any way? All of that's needy. It's really that simple.

WillRedditForBitcoin · 2014-03-20T20:32:15+00:00

Who says you need to be persistent? Build attraction and show her you are interested in her sexually. Don't chase her. If she says no, make it seem like it's her loss and move on. If you succeeded with attraction part she will be in touch herself.

Title	What is the difference between persistence and neediness?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	66
Comments	32
Date	March 20, 2014 5:30 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/20x41t/what_is_the_difference_between_persistence_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-is-the-difference-between-persistence-and.1367839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1367839

Comments