When girls talk to you about her problems, how would you respond?

daddy01 · 2013-10-18T08:15:19+00:00

honestly it depends on the foundation of the relationship, and what the kind of girl she is.

If attraction has already been established, there is little harm in being her "shrink" or "feels-guy" since that's how intimacy is created. Typically, comfort is vital to seduction as most girls aren't going to jump on everything that has three legs unless they feel emotionally and physically safe. The level of comfort needed varies on a case-by-case, but usually its sufficient to say that most need some.

If you get the sense that you're just her emotional tampon, then you need to step back and reframe the relationship (if you want to salvage it) or extricate yourself for a while and then reengage. Reinforcing a emotional provider frame without sufficient attraction will just bucket you deeper into the "friendzone."

On a side-note, this can definitely happen to guys as well. You absolutely can be with a beautiful girl, but if she gives off a little sister/friend vibe and somehow that is the relationship you've established, it becomes very difficult to view her sexually despite her objective allure.

I personally reframe "heavy" situations I don't want to engage in by bringing in humor and diverting it to something lighter/more engaging. Do this strategically - if you're already deep in the 'zone, don't try to cold-turkey her. Reframing in these situations usually take time and consistent reinforcement, so you'll have to decide whether it is worthwhile.

Tenmagnet · 2013-10-18T03:28:24+00:00

The problem with women telling you their problems is this:

Would you tell a girl you liked your problems? Of course not, you'd try to impress her.

Honestly, when a girl starts telling me her problems, I just react as if she's making herself look bad (which she is, usually). So i'll usually just act pretty disinterested and say something slightly judgmental. So if she's complaining about guys I'll just roll my eyes and say "sounds like you date a lot of losers".

And that's true... that's what it does sound like when you complain about guys to me.

Edit - It sounds from the post below that this girl actually has a real problem that deserves compassion. If a girl comes with a real problem, by all means be nice. My advice above is for dealing with whining, such as "My BF is such a jerk, but I'm not going to break up with him ever, just complain endlessly".

HappyJerk · 2013-10-18T02:48:37+00:00

If a girl tells you about her problems, odds are you're considered friendzoned.

Not necessarily

However, what's the best way to react to prevent yourself from being turned into the guy she talks to about other guys? I've read about people simply ignoring these girls because they're "not worth your time" but I think surely there must be alternate options.

Ok, if she's talking about other guys, then yeah, you're in friendzone territory. Here are some good options:

1) Look her dead in the eyes and be like "I don't give a fuck about the guys you're dating."

2) When she says something about a guy, be like "Oh my god, I had the same thing happen to me with a girl I was dating" and then turn the conversation around and make it about how some girl was fucking with you and you kicked her to the curb because homey don't play that bullshit.

3) One approach is to take the boyfriend's side, so whatever the girl says, just be like "yeah I think your boyfriend's right, you guys should totally get back together, you're perfect for each other."

Pick your option. I personally like #1. I've done it before and it fucking works. Think about it this way: if you started talking about some girl you were banging/seeing, would she sit and listen? If not, then there is a power imbalance in the relationship and you need to fix it.

Jessie_James · 2013-10-18T13:00:04+00:00

I'm asking about how to act in situations where she talks about personal things that won't make me her shrink or goto feels guy.

Assuming this is a woman who you have known for a short period of time, this is a test.

If you play therapist, you fail the test and get friendzoned.

GingerSauce · 2013-10-18T19:26:45+00:00

This: http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/misc/storm%20trooper%20fuck.gif

2013-10-18T12:19:48+00:00

If I find the problems interesting, I'll listen to them. If I don't find them interesting, I'll just change the topic.

Gamma_Male_ · 2013-10-18T22:05:24+00:00

Listening to a girl's problem hoping she'd reward you by sleeping with you is damn wrong. She most likely will friend-zone you. If it's a genuine situation then you can do it just because it's a nice thing and that's it not as a part of your game.

rmbarnes · 2013-10-18T12:27:30+00:00

If its got to the point where she's doing that and you haven't already fucked her, it's probably too late. You should have made a move already.

If you don't want to fuck her but at the same time don't want to hear about her problems, just stop her and tell her you're not really a feelings / agony aunt type guy.

joshsway · 2013-10-18T19:19:14+00:00

There are not really many other options but ignoring or not engaging them when they try this shit.

recyclablebantha · 2013-10-20T04:36:29+00:00

If a girl tells you about her problems, odds are you're considered friendzoned. However, what's the best way to react to prevent yourself from being turned into the guy she talks to about other guys? I've read about people simply ignoring these girls because they're "not worth your time" but I think surely there must be alternate options.

It doesn't always mean you're friend-zoned. (Unless her guy problems are with a guy she's currently dating and clearly not giving up on?) I've got a regular thing with a girl now and when we first met, a LOT of our conversation revolved around this guy who was lying to her.

The mistakes guys commonly make with a girl like this, is to assume it means they're friend-zoned, to start acting like they've been neutered because of their assumptions, to make things weird with their investment in an outcome that has to happen before she's ready, and they take it personally when the girl isn't into them. The important things here to have the best chance possible:

Maintain a confident frame. It's actually possible to respectfully listen to someone's problems about another guy (and even give a little advice), while maintaining an "I'm not just a pansy yes-man here to offer free validation for you in your moment of weakness". It's possible to be throw in bits of kino here and there without stepping over the line. It's possible to do a million little things that show that you view the interaction as one between a man and a woman (for lack of a less cheesy phrase), without pushing her somewhere she isn't ready to go yet.
Outcome independence is also key. Because if she's working through shit, she may not really be available right away. The important thing is that you aren't hanging on her as if things need to happen right away. This is possibly not going to be a girl you can close right away, instead, she might be a girl that you set up for later.
Don't take it personally if it turns out that there isn't any chemistry, in the end. That's always a possibility when a girl starts talking about other guys with you.

mr_neck_beardson · 2013-10-18T04:42:53+00:00

just shut her out and stop listening

or

walk away

i.e. be a dick

cinonym · 2013-10-18T04:45:18+00:00

Woman here! I like when a guy is upfront and earnest and doesn't play games.

fancyfrog · 2013-10-18T04:48:05+00:00

Hmm... A lot of these answers seem kind of mean... If you are interested in a girl and she is telling you things other guys did to hurt her, turn it around to look good on you. Things like, "I would never do that to you" or "Anyone who treats a woman that way is not a real man"... etc. Make her feel protected. If she's coming to you in the first place that is probably what she's looking for. Don't just turn her away.

djack24 · 2013-10-18T04:03:00+00:00

maybe she just doesn't know what else to talk about and she wants an excuse to talk to you

rufusjonz · 2013-10-19T01:28:05+00:00

say "i charge $75 / hour for therapy ... or you can take it out in trade"

2013-10-18T04:05:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

crbiker · 2013-10-18T04:50:07+00:00

A real girl here. I just want a guy to have fun with and to forget my past with. Someone who thinks the worlds of me and we share our mutual feelings.

Title	When girls talk to you about her problems, how would you respond?
Author	Viend
Upvotes	16
Comments	30
Date	October 18, 2013 2:31 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ooun7/when_girls_talk_to_you_about_her_problems_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-girls-talk-to-you-about-her-problems-how.1360144 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360144

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