Why are you here?

This is a question you must ask yourself. Many people here will ask so many questions; "This girl said ______ what should I say?", "When do you go for the kiss?", "How do I approach?", but they rarely question themselves.

Finding answers from others is easy, finding answers from yourself is a much deeper inquiry.

So I beg you, ask yourself why, day after day, you come here looking for the latest advice, tips, tricks, books, and mentors for lessons on wooing women. Really ask yourself: Why are you here?

So you're here because you want to have a lot of sex. Is it because you love sharing one of the most intimate moments two people can share? Is it because you love it when you're with a woman, she's disrobes and your eyes can't get off her body, enamored with the beauty that is her? Because in the moments you take her in your arms, embrace her, and take her in your bed, you feel a closer connection than you could with years of sharing banal conversation and quirky jokes? Is it because the heat your bodies exchange when held closely in equal rhythm is warmer than a sandy beach on a warm summers day? Do you want more of that?

Or is it because you feel that the number of women you have sex with in your lifetime is a measure of your manhood and you don't feel like much of a man at all?

So you're here to find a girlfriend. Is it because you live a full life, full of passions, interests, and hobbies that you want to share with someone special? Because you feel that by bringing someone else into your life, you will not only enrich your life, but hers? Do you want someone to enjoy the highs and push through the lows with? Do you want that?

Or is it because you're lonely, cast out, and confused of what you want in life, and you feel a woman would fix you and give meaning to you?

So you're here because you simply want to get good with women? Is it because you really want to experience another human being? To talk to them, feel with them, connect on a deep level. To have them open up to their hopes, dreams, fears, and pasts to you? To have a woman so interested in you that she will tell you things that she hasn't even told her closest friends. To, in only an hour or so, open up on such a level that would take most people years upon years, shared experiences upon shared experiences? Do you want that?

Or is it because you've been scorned by women in the past, and wish to have the upper hand on them? To learn their tricks and minds in a way that gives you the advantage over them?

So you're here to improve yourself? Is it because you know life is short and that we are the only thing we have a slight amount of control over? That by not being the best you can be you're wasting the gift that was given to you the moment your eyes open to this world? That not fulfilling your potential as a human being is like setting a brand new Ferrari on fire? Do you want to be the best you can be? Is that what you want?

Or because you truly hate yourself and wish you could look in the mirror and see a completely different person staring back at you?

So you're here to get over your fear of approaching women? Is it because you know it's an irrational fear? That you know that women are just people like you and I and that they have no sort of venom or razor sharp teeth to instill such a deep, instinctual fear? Is it that you know, by being fearless, your life could be so much better?

Or because you see women as somehow different than you or I, and that approaching them face to face as a person does to another person is too intimidating?

So you're here because you're a virgin and wish to no longer be one? Is it just another experience you want to try? Do you look at another women across the street, make eye contact with her, and know you want to pull her by the waist into your bedroom and ravage her? Do you have a passion for women and sexuality you know is going unfulfilled? Do you want your life to be filled with women? Do you want to experience the one thing poets, authors, musicians, and playwrights have based their stories upon just as you would want to experience climbing Mt. Everest, jumping into the ocean from a cliff, or skydiving from thousands of feet up? Do you want that?

Or is it because you feel you're at an age where you believe you should have already had sex and feel unworthy because you haven't had sex, and that losing your virginity will be the one step finally be good with women?

This last one hits very close to home with me. I got into PUA stuff back before I went to college a good odd 10 years ago. I was a virgin and I felt completely inept going into college. It was a time of sexual exploration. Keg parties. Body shots. Drunken hookups. My only problem being the lack of funds to afford the condoms I would need on a daily basis. I was a scrub, inexperienced and not ready in the slightest. But I knew losing my virginity would do it! Once I fucked a girl, I would be finally ready to embrace my sexuality. I felt like a screenwriter waiting to sell my first big pilot before I could really break into the business.

And you know what happened when I finally got laid after a full year in college? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was the same point I started. Sure, now I could have sex, but it was with a woman I found boring and who didn't light the flame within me whose wick stayed just as dry and cold as ever. I couldn't connect with women I really liked, or even those I was somewhat interested in. I had the knowledge of what women liked in men, but I was an imitation like store brand cereal when the men who were the Frosted Flakes got all the attention. I knew how to open women, but had no idea how to make what came after meaningful. I knew how to touch women in a way so detailed it seemed more like an anatomy textbook than an actual skillset, but the touch had no spark, it felt contractual, a means to an end. I knew card tricks, when what I really needed was magic.

I looked back on myself. On why I came to the pick up community. Why I needed help. Why I wanted help. What I thought women were. What I thought I was. And the more I thought, and the more I applied my thoughts to real life, the more realizations I made. The more I realized that I was moving towards the wrong goals, set by people who had the same shortsighted, shallow goals I listed above. The more I realized, the more changes I made in how I interacted with others. The more I realized, the more I saw women as exactly the same as I would view myself, flaws and all

sonder. The realization that everyone has their own lives and dreams, their own story. That I wasn't living in a first person novel, but that a wide and vast collection of short stories from completely different authors was passing by my every minute of every day. That's what woke me up. What will wake you up? What will make you realize your own truth as I've realized mine? Just think. Just realize.

Realize sex isn't a litmus for worth, it is an experience between two people which brings them together physically and emotionally. Realize that a woman will never complete you unless you're 99% of the way there already. Realize that women are people, not objects, and that no amount of pushing evolutionary buttons and following rigid instructions will ever hold a candle to sitting down and talking to a woman for hours and hours about what amounts to nothing on your first date, letting yourself soar as open and vulnerable as a low flying B52 over enemy territory, and seeing that smile that says "I could see this being a usual thing". Realize that self improvement must be an island if it is to be both successful and long lasting, doing it for any other reason than "I am not as good as I could be" will result in eventual failure. Realize that the average women feels just as vulnerable, just as nervous, just as insecure as you are and that any defense they put up is to protect themselves, not to hurt you. Realize that sticking your dick in a vagina is meaningless, but that by really finding yourself and your self worth, that being to connect with women and enjoy sex with them will become second nature.

Now I did the work. I asked myself this same question. Now it's your turn.