*I'm not sure if I should post this in AskSeddit or here (since here there seems to be a more experienced readership). Maybe I should crosspost as I'm sure this will help a couple guys out there. I'm gonna apologize beforehand for the lengthy post. *

So, I'll start from the very beginning. Round about November 2010 I was introduced to this great girl. A nice, intelligent HB9 we'll call Sarah. I was still sorting out my game, coming out of my shell back then and during that first night I just #-closed. We met a couple more times, used to spend a lot of time talking, we got close fast and I fell for her but I never really closed. One night, it was a Wednesday, I decided that it was either now or never. I go for the kiss and she rejects me nicely and says "umm m4nti I started dating [Bob] yesterday." And just like that I missed my chance.

Now, if I'd posted this on Seddit someone with a couple thousand upvotes would have been yelling "Move on!" and he would have been right. Unfortunately, I'm an idiot. Instead of moving on, I accepted the little time I was getting with her and my feelings grew. It hurt to see her with him. It killed me inside. We kept doing the whole close friends thing for a month or two and then she decided that it would be best (knowing how I felt about her) to cut contact and vanish for a couple months.

Fast forward to beginning May 2011. I've got most of my game sorted out, I've dated quite a few HP8s and 9s and I've forgotten all about Sarah. I'm great. I'm awesome. Suddenly she pops back into my life in the form of a sad puppy who's relationship is going down the drain. Now, seeing as how we were very close friends before I decide to stay and listen and help her the best I can. We start meeting up and she starts getting close to me.

Now I never was a big believer in the friend zone (broke out of too many to hold me back) but I know the difference between being friends and being flirty - and this was definitely not being friends. After about 2 weeks of meeting up behind her bf's back, we end up in a situation where everytime we're meeting she's squeezing my thigh, playing with my hair, scratching my back, teasing me and I'm doing it back to her and she loves it. One night she brings her face an inch from mine and I do what anyone would do and go for the kiss.

She pushes me away and tells me she's in love with me, that she wants to be with me, but she doesn't want to cheat, that I should give her time to break up with her bf. I agree, then drive home fast, and down a bottle of whiskey. She breaks up with her bf for two days to decide who she wants, then decides to go back with him because he needs her more. She pities him. This was two weeks ago.

I just spent the past two weeks talking to her, telling her how I feel about her and trying to drink my pain away every night. I'm literally drunk every single night of the week. Sometimes, even day. I stopped trying to game other girls for the past month. I've been told by girls that they like me, literally came up to me and told me, and I shot them down because of Sarah. I've been told by others that they never made a move on me because they thought I was dating Sarah. Last night, I met up with her to drink wine in my car in front of the beach. My heart fucking hurt. I know she wants me, I know I want her, but I know I can't have her. Her bf called and told her he's coming to pick her up so I drop her off to this place and I drive home.

Then this song comes on the radio. It destroys me. I park my car, take out a liter bottle of Jack Daniels from the boot, and spend an hour drinking it and crying alone in my car. When I'm done, I try driving home. I'm drunk as hell, my eyes are teary, I don't realize how fast I'm going, and some dude just decides to cross the road. I break hard, my car skids on the slippery road, I miss the dude by inches, I'm spinning out of control, there's a cliff on one side of the road, and I decide I'm done for. Right there, I'd just given up on my life (quite literally) because of a girl. I stop one foot away from the barrier separating the cliff from the road. I don't even realize what's happened, I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I went home and decided to change my life around. I'm done. I'm moving on. Just like that. I'm tired of destroying my life for someone. I almost died for her and for what? She's made her choice. I've done the best I can; it just didn't work out the way I wanted it. I should have moved on months ago. It almost killed me ffs!

Maybe this will be a lesson to others; this is what can happen when you just don't move on when you've missed your chance with someone... I ended up in a downward spiral I couldn't get out of. I got lucky. I never really understood the "Move on!" preaching around here. What could possibly go wrong? Now, I know.

Don't let this happen to you.

TL;DR: Move the fuck on! It literally, almost killed me.

Thanks for listening Seddit and keep up the good work you're all doing.