I am near a 100% failure rate for first dates. Luckily, I'm able to turn the anxiety off during dates. I often hear from other people that I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's very difficult to hear that from people who don't fail as much as me. Is there anyone who has actually been in the same position as I've been (almost 50 first dates, almost 0 second dates) but turned it around?

Also, has anyone had experience with SSRIs? I'm wondering if that will help me achieve the zen-like "outcome independence" state that people keep talking about instead of crashing out every time I get the "no romantic compatibility" text. It's one thing if there's the occasional success, but quite literally I have had next to no second dates. It's getting to the point where I have destructive breakdowns every time a date doesn't go my way.

EDIT: Since many are asking for the rundown, here it is:

Date on Hinge. Did the right things to set it up. Logistically close, evening, sat next to each other, bar, not too loud. Ran the date pretty well (man to woman frame, evaluation, deep conversation topics, good physical escalation) At the end of it, invited her over to my apartment complex’s lounge area for more wine and food, to which she agrees very willingly. In doing so, she briefly ends up in my room to pick up the stuff from my fridge (a strategy from Todd’s ODA)

Something to note is that on the way out of my room, she turns around and insists on picking up all of her stuff, like her jacket and bag. I don’t know how the conversation ended up this way, but it ended up with it going: “you’ll be back in my room”, “um no, I won’t”, “you won’t help me put this back in my room?”, “oh yeah I’ll help you clean up”, “i know what you’re thinking lol, I’m not planning on sleeping with you tonight” (the I’m not sleeping with you tonight line is another ODA tip)

The indoor lounges were full so I had to take us to the rooftop terrace, where it was freezing. But we still ended up hanging out, talking, and physically contacting for another hour or so. Until I legitimately couldn’t take the cold, and just recommended that we finish the food in my place. So that’s how it ended up with me and the girl sat next to each other on my bed. Some more conversation, and then we kissed. All of the physical escalation, up to and including the kiss, she was receptive to. Then the kiss got really deep, and we ended up laying down while kissing for a bit.

I feel like this is where she got scared, and hit me with the “I should go.” I then said “yeah sure, I’ll let you go once we schedule the second date.” After that we talked some more about where we wanted to go. She had me type in my phone number, she made a google calendar event (though the way she did it seemed a little sus to me, and I sort of had to tell her which day seemed to work for her) and I walked her out to her uber. She gave me a big hug before parting, saying how much fun she had, though it did seem like she was hurrying out (the reason she gave me was “I don’t want to keep the driver waiting”) If there was a problem, I think it was in this final sequence, though I can’t see this miscalibration as a catastrophic mistake.