What age gap is appropriate?

pretty_kill · 2021-06-28T20:30:04+00:00

I do five years younger or older at the most. Any more than that, pass. I’m interested in hearing others opinions, because I’ve never heard specific years, just that a large gap (usually 8-10 years or more) is bad. I think this varies if you’re really young. Like obviously a 20 year old shouldn’t date a 15 year old.

Feel free to disagree.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-06-28T21:33:31+00:00

Half your age plus 7 is not a good range. That would have you dating men from 21 to 42.

As others have said not making exceptions for your general standards is important. No excusing his beer belly because he's old or his shitty humour because he's young. And thinking through how life would progress, how old will he be when you have kids? Too young can be as much an issue as too old here. And how old will you be when he dies?

I'd say these men are on the edges of your actual range, with the younger being a potentially better match than the older, he'll be almost or past 40 by the time your relationship is ready for kids and while you clearly make a good salary yourself I'd be wildly suspicious of anyone making half a million+/year on a dating app, imbalances like this are further magnified by an age gap even though the gap itself becomes less of an imbalance as we all age.

EclecticBarbarella · 2021-06-29T02:39:34+00:00

As I've gotten older, I've realized how much change happens year after year. Maybe this isn't the case for people that had stable upbringings and were confident in who they were from a young age, but from 25-28 I changed DRASTICALLY, and from 28 on I feel like I'm coming more into my own and becoming more confident with every minute. I thought I knew what I wanted at 28 and five years later I realize I had no clue, but am aware moreso now of how little I actually know and how much I have to work on. I keep it to max three years now

basuragoddess · 2021-06-29T01:37:26+00:00

Personally, because age is such a fickle thing and looks differently on everyone, I would say 5 years +/- but I round up. So if I was 27, personally around 25 is the lowest I would go. On the other end, I’d round up to 35. This reasoning puts both of your guys out of luck, but at the end of the day I think the best thing to do is vet just with those cautionary limits in mind. For example, you met 36 on an app - pass. 24 works in your field - considerable. I think age can really only be a very rough guide when it comes to dating, aside from obviously not going way outside age limits that makes sense long term.

throwaway23004345 · 2021-06-28T20:34:50+00:00

I think as you get older age gap in terms of “manipulation” matters less but then you don’t wanna take care of a old hag either.. I’m 28 and my bro is 4 years old then me.. for me I think I would be able to take 5-8 years age difference at MOST

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-06-28T21:09:49+00:00

Personally I feel that the gap can widen as you age, within reason. A woman at 18 absolutely shouldn’t be looking at any guy over 20, because maturity levels can be strikingly different.

A woman at 28 could be looking at men from 25 up to 35 or so, depending on their positions in life. I’ve seen men at 25 have their independence and their lives together and I’ve seen men at 35 still living with their parents and struggling with a career. Same goes for looks, a frumpy, overweight, unhygienic guy at 25 is going to be a pass compared to a stylish, well put together healthy 35 year old.

So short answer is there’s no magic number, but don’t look too low (maturity) or too high (aging out of health, child care, etc).

flowerpower102938 · 2021-06-29T11:55:45+00:00

My opinion-

If below 21- Max 2 years

Below 30- Max 6

Above 30- Max 8 (you'll be able to spot manipulation)

Determinedblonde · 2021-06-29T13:13:56+00:00

The 36 year old is too old. Idc that he has a good job, because he needs more than that.

I’d consider the 24 year old guy from work, but would worry that he wouldn’t want a serious commitment for a few years. I’d give him a chance while looking for other options.

miloba_ · 2021-06-28T21:52:34+00:00

I tend to focus more on whether we are in the same point in our lives with our careers, savings/assets, maturity, etc. Also, hobbies/lifestyle preferences are important to align on. For me personally, that eliminates most men younger than me (I’ve made 6 figures since my mid 20s). I’d say my range, now that I’m in my late 20s, is 2 years younger and ~6 years older. I, of course, have gone beyond both ends of the spectrum, but it was not by more than 1-2 “stretch” years.

mashibeans · 2021-06-29T00:09:46+00:00

I used to be 5 year max give or take, but I lowered it down to 2-3 years. I think a slightly bigger gap is kind of OK if you are the older one and he's the younger one (no more than 5-6 though, a gap is still a gap). Not that it guarantees anything, but even in Western cultures there's power dynamics just due to being the older one. Not as strong as in some Asian countries, but enough for me to go "nah, sis" if he's the older one, because he will, in some way, see himself as superior and you as lesser.

So... fuck no on the 36yo old man. An 8 year gap is way too big. Hypothetically, if you were to stay together, when you're just 52 he'll be 60, and men age far worse than women. The odds are insanely high that he'll end up looking far older than he is, making the gap look even wider than it is between you two. (not to mention you'll be his nurse/caretaker)

No_Mistake_7720 · 2021-07-01T10:35:10+00:00

Every year a man has on you, is a year he has been able to learn how to manipulate you... One also needs to ask themselves WHY a 36 year old male want's to date a 27 year old, would you date an 18 year old? Because that is the age gap we are talking about here...

Why would he even have his age filters that low?! The only reason I could think of I'd date an 18-year-old, is because they would be super easy for me to mould and manipulate and will likely do what I want in bed. It's possible this is how he sees you. Another reason could be is that he is scared of dating women his own age, is because a lot of them are probably looking for a serious commitment at that age. A man who isn't ready to commit at 36, and is trying to avoid this by dating women in their 20's is not a man you should be looking to date, regardless of whether or not you yourself want marriage or a family.

Now older men CAN have used their years for good rather then evil, but in those instances you do have to ask yourself if you are really ready to have am old, retired husband when you are X years old. Or if you are ready to be with someone who is 50 when you are X years old and on top of your game.

Also, a man making good money is no reason to date him. How is his money benefiting you? Is he taking care of your bills so you can use your own money to further develop yourself and save and invest? Is he buying you a house or car in YOUR name? His money is 0 good to you unless he has invested it in you, no taking backsies. Going for an expensive meal sure is fun, but it will not do anything for your life.

Title	What age gap is appropriate?
Author	lovessourbeer
Upvotes	19
Comments	13
Date	June 28, 2021 8:16 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/o9sg5u/what_age_gap_is_appropriate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/what-age-gap-is-appropriate.791720 https://theredarchive.com/post/791720

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