When does life get better?

goodlowdee · 2023-04-04T05:30:10+00:00

2 yrs out and still don’t have an answer to your question tbh. Lots of similarities in our stories. That being said, I made tons of terrible moves once she decided it was over. Focus on yourself and stay away from booze. My life has become a shit show because of my poor decisions after separation. You’re the master of your ship brother. You got this.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-04-04T10:46:06+00:00

> I hate seeing her going through this ordeal.

Stop being her white knight. That was a perk of marriage and that's over. She's a grown ass adult and can take care of herself.

> How long did it take for you to finally heal?

A year after the divorce was final. This was of tremendous help to me: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647

fireight · 2023-04-04T05:23:01+00:00

3 months and already not regretting her gone.

But our stories are different, I was betrayed, pick-me-danced for 6 months, I am on therapy and do quite a lot of gym. So in total, 9 months of katharsis, I went deep and did not soothe my emotions but opposite.

I have just started dating a bit (and I am 50).

Rportilla · 2023-04-04T05:41:53+00:00

Heard a dude say that it takes atleast half the time you we’re together with you partner to completely heal .So you have a long road ahead of you .Wish i can say something better but eventually you’ll be alright .I’ll try Changing the scenery or taking a completely different job and field .

No_Key_6276 · 2023-04-04T09:49:15+00:00

It’s been about 2 months since separation and I’ve made great strides. I initially had a very hard time after she left but she’s made it very easy for me to get over her. She’s not doing anything crazy but essentially started treating me like I had Covid. She ghosts me, gaslights conversations and just flat out ignores me. I initially wanted to keep working on it then it became me trying to keep a friendship going for our son’s sake but she’s put in no effort. Therapy has helped and just sitting there and thinking through everything that I didn’t like/made me feel uncomfortable about our marriage. She also hasn’t apologized for anything that went wrong in our relationship where I owned up to my mistakes. She’s acting like a teen and that’s on her. I’m sorry you’re going through this but keep going. It gets easier

CrazySanta7 · 2023-04-04T11:34:31+00:00

Think of it this way, if the shoe was on the other foot, she would not give a single f about your situation. Most of the 'support' you are trying to give sounds like people pleasing. Read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. Block her on all social media. Once she moves, then you can start your path. Seeing her now is like re'opening a wound. Also, learn all you can about females and relationships. Make your own decision, but it's been a massive help to me. I realized a woman is just a temporary part of your life. Good luck bro.

polarshred · 2023-04-04T13:11:39+00:00

Took my 12 weeks to start getting out of bed.

Things that helped: no porn, no alcohol.

When I stopped jerking off I started feeling better

rookiepatchaut · 2023-04-04T12:48:45+00:00

I’m 46m. It’s been over two years now, and I’m still processing the loss.

It was bad at first, but I was high on hopium of getting back together and had a lot of support.

But now that it’s been two years, it’s in some ways worse, since I’m embarrassed to tell friends I’m still not over her (we were married for 12 yrs). Maybe if I was 30 or even 35, this would be easier to process. But I feel like I gave my best years to her, and now that I’m past mid-life, dating is a lot tougher (and different these days with OLD), and so much of what I do and love reminds me of her (we were both passionate scuba divers, bowled regularly, loved sci-fi, enjoyed ice hockey). I just know I won’t meet someone like her again, and it’s hard for me to close that chapter of my life. I’m sure I’ll meet someone new, but I also know it will be someone completely different, since I’m not the same person I was when we first met in my late 20s, and I had to date around a hundred women before I met my ex who I instantly clicked with. I admit I don’t have the energy to date another hundred women before finding my next SO.

My only limited advice to you is to minimize how much time you spend thinking about her each day / week. I try to limit myself to 15 min a day, and it’s while I’m on the stationary bike or treadmill or in line for groceries. Easiest thing to do is stay busy, find a hobby that doesn’t remind you of her (tougher as you get older), and start dating when you’re emotionally ready.

Ok_Being9645 · 2023-04-04T14:23:52+00:00

Personally, my life got better literally the day after I moved out. Made sure to have the custody agreement in place first, of course. The last few years have been nothing but bliss!! I hope you heal, too! Disclaimer: I am the one that wanted out and filed for divorce, so my case have been a bit different from yours.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2023-04-04T15:13:54+00:00

I was married for 10 years with 2 kids. Took me 6 weeks to stop being sad about it

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-04-05T11:33:30+00:00

3 yrs out....my life not better by any means but not worst apart from being socially and emotionally isolated. At least its peaceful but honestly...it won't get better just back to the same old drill... Eat,work,shit,sleep and pay 12% of my income to EX.

Title	When does life get better?
Author	CloudyChaotic
Upvotes	13
Comments	42
Date	April 4, 2023 3:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12b7gcb/when_does_life_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-life-get-better.1213187 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213187

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